Reverse
by RamaLlama
Summary: Roxas just wanted a sea-salt ice cream. He didn't plan on dying. And he definitely didn't plan on having his life rewinded like a cassette tape. AkuRoku
1. In The End

**Reverse**

Written by RamaLlama

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter One: In The End**

As the creeping darkness slowly clouded his eyes and invaded his senses, Roxas had only one coherent thought: _'This is all Axel's fault.'_

If Axel hadn't come over to his house today, he wouldn't have found Roxas's stash of sea-salt ice cream.

If he hadn't found his stash, he wouldn't have eaten the last popsicle.

If he hadn't eaten the last popsicle, Roxas wouldn't have bothered to skate to the store to get some more.

If he hadn't bothered to skate to the store, _and _if he wasn't so pissed off at _somebody_ for taking the last sea-salt ice cream without even _asking first_, he probably would've seen that car coming.

If he saw that car coming, it probably wouldn't have hit him.

If that car didn't hit him, then Roxas Benjamin Gainsborough Strife probably wouldn't have died on a sunny Saturday morning at 2:35 PM.

But Axel did come over today.

* * *

Roxas picked himself off of the sidewalk with a groan. There wasn't any, "Oh my goodness! What happened here?" or, "Gee, I wonder who that is lying on the street who looks so much like me."

Roxas wasn't stupid.

He knew right away that he was dead.

He must've looked like a double exposure, like a picture where someone forgot to advance the film. There he was, facedown and motionless on the sidewalk, with the blood slowly pooling around his sides. Yet at the same time, he was standing on the sidewalk several feet away, watching.

_"Roxas..."_

Somebody had apparently called the police, because when they arrived, their ear-piercing sirens wailed and screamed and everyone around became restless.

_"Roxas, whenever you cross the street, make sure an adult is with you..."_

A crowd had already started to gather around his body. People were screaming and pointing and gathering round, and _**'Oh, that poor child! What the hell happened here?'**_**.**

_"...look both ways before you do anything..."_

_**'There's blood everywhere!'**_

_"...and most importantly, hold on to someone's hand."_

Roxas just wanted the noise to stop. He knew that none of these people even knew who he was, and that by tomorrow they wouldn't give a damn. All they managed to do was give him a headache.

_"Just hold Mommy's hand and don't let go, Roxas."_

He used his ghost-like hands to cover his ears.

Sirens. Screaming. Panic. An _ache_.

An ache that pounded his thoughts and forced itself against his chest, making it difficult to breathe.

He just wanted the noise to stop.

_"Don't ever let go."_

Then, as quickly as the noise came, it stopped, and a strange calm washed over him.

Finally given some time to think, Roxas tried to analyze the situation. The scene before him had suddenly changed. The crowd had disappeared, and all he could see for miles and miles was the sky, which was as blue as a kid's crayon drawing. And yet, at the same time, he could sense the sweet scent of flowers in spring, and he could taste milk and honey on his tongue.

There were a lot of things Roxas wanted to, and felt he _should_, be right now: angry, sad, confused, or scared. But none of those things ever reached the front of his mind because the world was just so beautiful at the moment. It was as if all of the chaos from before had just melted away, along with everything else, leaving only the core of his being.

Then there was a Voice.

It was a nice Voice, calming and reassuring, and it seemed to come from all around him and from inside him.

"Hello Roxas." the Voice said, "Welcome Home."

Suddenly, a near-blinding light shone, causing him to instinctively shield his eyes. Only when it dimmed slightly, and he could open them again, did he see it.

The Gates of Heaven. Right in front of him and wide open.

A wide smile forced itself on his lips as happiness swelled up inside him. _'This is it!' _he thought, _'After everything that I've been through, I finally get what I deserve.' _It was all over now. There was nothing left for him to do. All he had to do was take a faithful step forward, _and...!_

...the Gates closed.

"What the hell?"

"I apologize." Roxas nearly jumped in shock. There was that damn Voice again. Its once soothing calmness now irritated the shit out of him. "However, I am afraid you may not enter...yet."

That got him nervous. "Wh-Why not?" he stuttered. He lived a good life, right? He helped people. He listened to his parents. He did...good stuff. Sometimes. But surely he never did anything bad enough to get sent _there_. Right?

Right?

"Do not worry, my child." Stupid calm, mind-reading Voice. "It is just that you are not yet _prepared _to enter...yet."

Roxas was about to ask just what the hell He meant, but when he tried to open his mouth, he couldn't. It was as if someone had zipped his mouth shut.

"Please let me finish explaining first," the Voice gently reprimanded. "You were not prepared to die when you did because you did not expect it to happen at that moment. It happens to a lot of young people your age. The not expecting part, I mean, not the dying part."

The Voice chuckled then, which seemed_ very _out of character.

"_Anyway_," the Voice continued, "in order to prepare you for the Afterlife, the Second Sphere- that's the governing order of angels..."

_'I know!'_ Roxas thought impatiently, even though he really had no idea what was going on.

"-and I have decided to sentence you to Reversal."

_'What?' _All of this just didn't make sense.

"In a nutshell, that means that you must now relive your entire life again, but backwards this time. By looking at your life with a fresh take, you will be able to see and realize everything that you missed the first time. This will be your Life Review."

_'...Wait, huh?'_

"Oh dear, it seems I have reached the time limit." The Voice was suddenly beginning to fade, getting harder and harder to hear. "Do not fret, though. I have assigned you a Guardian to explain the rest to you. Feel free to ask him anything you want."

It was very faint now. "I sincerely wish you the best of luck on your journey. Well, I'm off!"

Then it was gone.

"No, wait!" Roxas called out. He was able to open his mouth now. "What's going _on_?"

His eyes were frantically scanning the area, looking for something, _anything_, that would give him an answer, when a familiar mop of brown hair blocked his vision.

"Hey, Roxas!"

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes: **Woot! My first story on Fanfiction! I know this chapter was short, but I just posted this to see what people would think about it. It might change depending on what people say. So go ahead, give criticism. :)

Don't expect this to be updated quickly. Also, don't expect Axel and Roxas to sex each other up in the first few chapters. Or any chapter.

I got the inspiration for this story after reading Elsewhere, so I included some concepts from the story. If you read Elsewhere, please know that this won't be exactly the same.

Most of this plot is my own.

You know what? I think this author's note is longer than the chapter.


	2. I See Dead People

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Author's Notes #1: **Oh...wow. People actually _like_ this story. I swear to God I'm not being modest. I honestly thought it would take me _much_ longer to reach at least five reviews, especially since I'm just a new user and this is my first story. Thanks to all my reviewers! You really brightened my day. Now... on to the chapter!

**Chapter Two: I See Dead People**

_The Last Will and Testament of Roxas Strife_

_I, Roxas Strife, of Hollow Bastion, do hereby make, publish, and declare this to be my Last Will and Testament, hereby expressly revoking all wills and codicils heretofore made by me._

_Also, Axel Parr, if you're reading this, I hope you burn in hell._

_ARTICLE I_

_I direct my Executor-_

"Roxas!"

Roxas jumped back in shock, causing his right hand to twitch dramatically. There was now a long, black pen line crossing through all of the previous text on the paper.

"Dammit!"

"Roxas, how could you! Cursing?" a voice from behind him exclaimed in pretend shock. It wasn't THE Voice, however, much to Roxas's disappointment, since he still had a shitload of questions to ask. But the voice that called him _did_ sound a little familiar.

Roxas turned around.

_'Yep, definitely familiar.'_

Standing there, with a huge grin plastered on his face, was a young boy who looked to be around his age. His blue eyes sparkled in amusement as he tried to stifle a laugh. Tried.

On a completely random note, Roxas noticed that this guy's eyes looked a lot like his.

In fact... so did his nose.

And his general facial shape.

And his anatomy.

And...

Actually, the only real differences between them were their hair color and style and the fact that this other guy's skin was tanner.

Roxas immediately recognized him as the guy the Voice had assigned to be his "Guardian." Still... it felt like there was more to it.

Like they met each other before.

"Who-" How could he phrase this nicely? "Who _are_ you?"

The grin, if possible, grew even wider.

"Why Roxas, I'm ashamed! You can't even recognize your own _grandfather_?"

_'This must be a dream.'_

"You're kidding."

It wasn't possible. He _knew_ what his Grandpa looked like. Grandpa was _old_ and _wrinkly_. And most importantly, Grandpa was_dead_. He's _been_dead for two years. This young, perky, snickering teenager couldn'tbe Grandpa because Grandpa was rotting away in a coffin six feet under the ground.

This kid was lying. He had to be.

Then again... Grandma Kairi _had_ shown him black-and-white photographs of his grandfather as a child, and this guy _did _look a lot like that boy in the pictures.

_'This __must__ be a dream.'_

But Grandpa was dead.

_'Aren't you, too?'_

His eyes shot open.

Reality hit him, just like that car did.

_'Oh, God.'_

Oh God, he died. _Died. _He made the stupid, _stupid_ mistake of not looking both ways before crossing the street, a mistake most kids outgrew by the time they were _six_...

And now he was dead.

He would never graduate from high school, never get his driver's license, never go to college, never get married, never start a family...

_Family._

His stomach wrenched painfully. _God, _what were his parents thinking?

Or did they not know yet?

Who would tell them what happened? Nobody would know who he was. He wasn't carrying any I.D. or a name tag, or anything. Plus, he was pretty withdrawn with people around the neighborhood. He could very well be on his way to the morgue. And what about that half-assed will he had written earlier? Who would read it?

He backed up slowly, trying to make sense of it all. There were so many questions. _'What happens now?'_

Did anything happen at all?

"**Hey, watch it!**"

He turned around sharply, shocked to hear that voice _now_ of all times. He couldn't believe who it was. Could this get _any_ stranger?

Standing there, in _person_, and with a playful smirk on his face, was a person everyone in Roxas's generation knew the name of. It was screamed out countless times on TV and in many, many concerts by obsessive fangirls.

It was all Roxas's female classmates could talk about.

Demyx Loreone, famous teen singing sensation.

_'Yup. Definitely dreaming.' _

* * *

"I have _so_ many questions I want to ask, it's not even funny."

His alleged grandfather smiled. "Ask away."

Roxas took in a deep breath. "_What_..." It was imperative that he phrase this carefully. "...was the name of my pet goldfish?"

"Little Roxas." He didn't even skip a beat.

Roxas felt a shiver run up his spine. So it was true. This kid _was_ Grandpa Sora. He was the only one who could've possibly known the answer to that question.

You see, when Roxas was four, he and his grandfather went to a trip to the carnival. Just the two of them. After endless carnival games and over 100,000 munny later, Grandpa finally managed to win at the "Guess Your Age" booth.

Grandpa Sora was _very_ young-looking for his age.

The prize for winning was a small goldfish in a plastic bag. Roxas carried it around with a bounce in his step, excited to have finally won something.

"Too bad that fish didn't last five minutes during the car ride home," Grandpa's voice interrupted, "Gwampaw! Gwampaw! Wittle Woxas s'not moving!" He mimicked Roxas's voice while flailing his arms around dramatically.

Roxas blushed. "Sh-Shut up! I didn't sound like that!"

"Yes, you did. And then we never spoke of Little Roxas ever again."

"_Anyway_," Roxas seethed, embarrassed, "back to _serious_ matters."

"Hey, you're the one who brought it up," Grandpa chuckled, now looking younger than Roxas had ever remembered seeing him before.

Which brought up this next question: "Is everyone fifteen in heaven?" He just really wanted to know.

"Nah, only if you want to be. In heaven, you can be whatever age you want. I just picked this one because I thought it would be easier for you to talk to."

'"Oh."

_'Well, __that__ was a pretty pointless question,' _Roxas thought. But then he thought about the answer he was given._ '...Easier for me to talk to?'_

"Oh yeah!" He just remembered something. "What's a 'Guardian'?"

The smile on Grandpa's face dropped. Roxas could feel the mood darken as he suddenly got serious. "Roxas," There was a hint of sadness in his voice. "You're _**dead**_."

No need to relive _that _again. "Yeah, I know. I kind of figured it out when I saw my own corpse."

"Roxas," Sad voice again. "You don't seriously believe that you could handle all this by yourself, do you? You nearly fainted when I told you I was your grandpa."

Roxas wanted to object to that, but decided against it. He wanted to know more about this afterlife stuff. So instead he started, "So Grandpa..."

"Call me Sora. It makes me feel like I actually match my age."

"Okay, _Sora_...your job is to help me...die?"

"Basically."

He sighed. "So what's all this 'Reversal' crap? I don't seriously have to do everything all over again, do I?" Weren't you supposed to enter Paradise and all that after you died? Why did he have to go through life _again_? It was bad enough doing it the first time.

"Roxas, you have _really_ got to stop cursing. It's not helping you much in the whole 'getting into heaven' thing. And besides, I honestly thought Cloud would have raised you better..."

"_ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!_"It came out louder than Roxas wanted it to.

Sora immediately became silent. He sort of had this "deer-in-headlights" look on his face, which Roxas was sure he would feel terrible about later, but at the moment, he didn't care. He _had_ to know what was going on. One of the things Roxas hated most was not having any control over anything.

Once he saw that Sora wasn't going to say anything more, he continued shouting. "It's not fair! I never did anything wrong!" He didn't care about how whiny he sounded. _Whiny_ was one of Roxas's many characteristics, according to his parents.

"I shouldn't have to put up with all of this." There was no stopping the words now. "I didn't deserve to die! If anyone should have died, it should have been that goddamned _Axel_-"

"Roxas, stop."

Sora finally spoke up. Shoulders tensed, Roxas was still breathing heavily and grinding his teeth together, but he calmed down and listened.

"The point of the Reversal," Sora explained calmly, "is to teach you a lesson. About life. About yourself. As you already know, you have to relive your life backwards, from the day you died to the day you were born. Don't ask me why it's like that, because I don't know."

It was like he read his mind. Or maybe Roxas was just predictable.

"Once you've learned your lesson, you get sent back here, and your fate in the Afterlife will be decided according to your performance. That's called a Life Review."

"So...I'll never get my old life back?" It wasn't like he didn't _want_ to get his life back. His life was pretty okay. He just didn't want to _redo _everything he already did.

"Well..."

"SO I'LL NEVER GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, OR GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE, OR GO TO COLLEGE, OR GET MARRIED, OR START A FAMILY?"

Sora covered his ears. All this yelling was going to make him deaf. "Not unless you become some sort of child prodigy."

Hardy har har.

"Fu..." he started. Then he remembered Sora. "...udge cake. This is gonna take forever. It'll be just like watching a bunch of old reruns on TV..." He groaned at the thought.

Sora tried to comfort him. "Well, it's not like this is going to take _years _or anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean...it skips, y'know? I mean it only makes you relive the most important days of your life. One moment you're fifteen, the next, you could be five."

That was certainly a huge relief. It was good to know that this whole thing could only take a few days as opposed to fifteen years.

"Well, in that case, I guess it won't be _too_ bad. This 'Reversal' thing, I mean." He managed to grin slightly. _'After all,' _Roxas thought, _'how bad could it be?'_

Sora gave the biggest smile he'd ever seen. "Oh, Roxas! You're gonna do a _great_ job on this, I'm sure of it!" He hugged Roxas tightly. "Just keep telling yourself, 'Why waste time asking yourself _What If? _when you can ask yourself _Why not?_'" At that, he threw his arms up in the air, like a cheerleader.

That was, _by far_, the _corniest_ thing his grandpa ever said.

But it did lighten the mood.

"Oh, by the way!" Roxas said. He wanted to ask this while he still remembered. "What was Demyx Loreone doing here earlier?"

Sora shrugged. "Same reason you're here, I guess. He died. Poor thing. He died around the same time you did."

Roxas thought about the last Demyx Loreone concert he went to. He didn't seem to be sick or anything.

"How did he die?"

"Don't know. Why don't you ask him yourself?"

_Talk_ to Demyx Loreone_ in person_? Do you _know_ how many girls would just _die _to be in his shoes right now?

_Die. _Hah.

That was funny.

* * *

A week had passed on Earth while Roxas was in heaven. Today was the day of his funeral.

Sora gave him a special pair of binoculars to help him see into the living world. He said they were called "Earth-iscopes," though Roxas doubted that was the actual name.

His funeral was a pretty ordinary one. It took place in a church, everyone was dressed in black from head to toe, and there were flowers _everywhere_. His mother had always loved flowers, so, of course, she would overdo it a little. He saw his body lying in a black coffin, which was placed in the front of the room. There was a pretty decent picture of him smiling in a beautiful metal frame hanging up on the wall behind it. All in all, nothing_ too _unusual.

There _were_ a few surprises, however.

For example, a lot of kids from school and a few of his teachers had attended, and not one of them had a dry eye. He thought he even saw Principal Ansem shedding a few tears. Namine, his girlfriend, delivered a sincerely moving and touching speech about how much Roxas had affected all of their lives.

He didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

But most surprising of all, even more surprising than the fact that his classmates managed to stay awake during the mass, was who _didn't _attend the funeral.

Axel.

His best friend.

The reason for his death in the first place.

Roxas refused to believe it at first. He searched every room of the church at least a hundred times, looking for him. He liked to think that if you killed somebody, especially somebody you were supposed to be _best friends _with, the least you could do was drag yourself to their funeral.

_'Axel, I swear, you'd better have a damn good reason for this.' _

He tore away from the binoculars, disgusted. He couldn't _wait _to give Axel a piece of his mind.

"Hey, Sora?"

"Yeah?"

He smiled evilly. "I think I want to start my Reversal now."

(..._END OF CHAPTER_...)

**Author's Notes #2: **Yay, Sora!

Besides explaining to Roxas-and the readers-how Reversal works, Sora's main role in this story is to provide comic relief to what would otherwise be chapters upon chapters of endless angst. He _does_ have his serious moments, though, as you can tell.

Before you say anything, I will say this: It is absolutely necessary to the plot line to have Axel not attend Roxas's funeral. Trust me. The reason why will become clearer later on. Sorry.

Now that I feel that I have justified myself... on to work on the next chapter!


	3. The First Day

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Three: The First Day**

_Rock-a-bye, baby in the treetop_

_When the wind blows, the cradle will rock_

_When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall_

_And down will go baby..._

"Goddammit, Sora, quit singing that song! God knows you suck at singing."

"_Language_, Roxas. And I'm just trying to help you fall asleep!"

"How can I sleep when I have to listen to that crap?"

"Well, if you're not going to listen to the lullaby, at least hug your blankie."

"Aargh!"

... It seems an explanation is needed. The Gospel According to Sora dictates that in order for a person to begin their Reversal, they must first fall into a deep sleep. When they wake up, they will find themselves back in their own bed on Earth.

Take it from Roxas: Falling asleep after you die is harder than it sounds.

Sora sighed deeply. "Well, Roxas, I didn't want to have to do this, but..."

He pulled out a familiar object from behind his back.

Roxas's mouth dropped open. "How did you get that?"

"You can get anything you want in Heaven," Sora said with a smirk, "Think fast!"

At that, he threw the bar of sea-salt ice cream over the edge of the cloud.

"_NOOOOOOOOO...!_"

* * *

"_NOOOOOOOOO...!_"

Roxas woke up with a jolt. He was drenched in a cold sweat and his heart was pounding furiously.

_'Was that all just... a dream?'_

He was in his bedroom. Not outside of Heaven's Gates or facedown on the street. There wasn't a single scratch on him.

He touched the sheets on his bed. Nope, not a ghost, either.

The car. The Voice. Heaven. Grandpa. Did any of that really happen?

He stretched his arms and yawned. _'You're just nervous about that Algebra exam next week, that's all. Your dreams are getting more and more messed up. No use getting so shaken.'_

Still, he could've _sworn_ it was real. ...Ah, whatever.

"Roxas!" he heard his mother call out, "Breakfast time!"

"I'll be right right there, Mom!"

He hadn't noticed how hungry he was. It felt as though he hadn't eaten anything in a week. As he hurriedly rushed towards his bedroom door, however, he found himself tasting the carpet as he tripped on something and fell flat on his ass.

_'Weird. Why did that seem so familiar?'_

"What the _hell_ is my skateboard doing here?" he yelled angrily, picking himself off the floor. Actually, Roxas was quite relieved to see his skateboard in one piece. In the dream, it had been completely destroyed by that car.

"I put it there because you left it in the garage again." His father was leaning against the doorway with an irritated look on his face. "Now you know what can happen if someone were to accidentally step on it."

Yep, he'd definitely heard this speech somewhere before. The same went for hearing his mother calling him down for breakfast and tripping on his skateboard.

_'Like watching reruns on TV.'_

Suddenly, Roxas figured out why everything seemed so familiar.

"You'd better hurry downstairs," his father continued, opening a newspaper, "Your mother is making-"

"Blueberry pancakes?" Roxas finished for him.

_'It's so obvious. The reason this all sounds familiar...'_

His father looked at him, confused. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

Roxas looked around for a calendar.

"Lucky guess."

_'...is because...'_

"Hey Dad," he asked on his way down the stairs, "What date is it today?"

The older Strife shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. The 3rd, I think. Why?"

_'...is because all of this happened yesterday.'_

"No reason."

It wasn't a dream.

* * *

It's a strange sensation, you know, having to go through something twice.

In the exact same way.

At the exact same time.

In the exact same place.

Roxas was just about ready to stab himself with his fork as he listened to his father rant at the breakfast table. He went on and on about how he had beaten some upperclassman he was rivals with in high school in a fistfight. Roxas didn't even have to actually_ listen _to his father to know what he was talking about.

He had heard it all already.

Roxas shivered as the poked his pancake with his fork. It really _was_ like watching a bunch of reruns. Well, except in reruns, you knew how the episode ended.

He knew that he wouldn't be able to escape the ever-growing feeling of surrealism. He felt incredibly out of place sitting at the table with his parents. This warm, calm Saturday morning was like a lie to him, knowing that later on he was going to get hit by a car and then die. He never got to see how the day would've ended otherwise.

He supposed it was more like a broken cassette tape. Just as it nears the end, it stops, and your only option is to rewind it back and listen to everything from the beginning, hoping it works this time.

Or maybe...

Maybe he didn't have to listen to it at all. Maybe there was a way to prevent it from ever being broken.

If he just stayed away from all potential danger for the entire day, then he would've never died, which meant he could avoid all that complicated business in the afterlife.

He took another bite of his blueberry pancake. All this thinking was making him hungry.

"But honey, it's such a beautiful day outside! You can't just stay locked up in your room!"

"Just watch me, Mom!" Roxas plopped back down on his bed.

This was his grand master plan for the day. Staying in his room alone with the door and windows locked and all of the curtains closed. Let's see Death try to get to him now.

_What's that? Homework? Who gives a damn?_

_Namine's on the phone? Tell her that I'm too busy to talk right now._

_Axel? He can take as much ice cream as he damn well pleases. Just don't let him talk to me._

_Life? Thank you, I needed one._

As he laid on his bed, he thought about a lot of things. More specifically, what he would miss the most from Earth after this was all over.

He decided to make a list. Grabbing a pencil and a piece of paper, he wrote down:

_"10 Things I Miss Most From Earth" _

_By Roxas Strife_

He wasn't really thinking while he was writing down his ten things. They weren't listed in any specific order, and he didn't elaborate that much on why he missed them. He just wrote down the words that popped into his head.

Obviously, he listed things like _Parents _and _Friends _and even _School_. But surprisingly, he wrote down _Axel_.

It was actually kind of pointless to have written that. After all, he had already written down _Friends_ and Axel counted as a friend. Even _if _he was the one responsible for his death in the first place.

_'I guess Axel just stands out from my other friends. That's all.'_

But even_ more _surprising to Roxas than including Axel in his list was including Twilight.

Twilight was a small specialty store in Hollow Bastion that was fairly close to his house. They always had such interesting stuff there. In fact, Twilight was where he was headed on the day he died. It was the only store in Hollow Bastion that sold sea-salt ice cream.

Another thing they sold there were these plushies of strange creatures they called "Heartless" and "Nobodies." He thought they were kind of cute, so he bought Namine a Nobody one named Dusk.

Once, they even had these keys with many different intricate shapes and designs. Even though they were very expensive, almost 5000 munny apiece, he bought two that were called "Oathkeeper" and "Oblivion" using all of his allowance money from the past year. They were worth it in his opinion.

Most of his freshman and sophomore years were spent in Twilight. Not just because of the stuff, but also because whenever Roxas went inside, he always seemed to be the only one in there, besides the girl at the counter. It was a great place for Roxas to come and sort out his thoughts.

_'But...why am I only thinking about this now...?'_

The sky noticeably darkened after the sun had set. It was nighttime.

Roxas felt as though he deserved a gold medal of some sort. He had made it through the entire day without leaving his room and still managed to retain his sanity. Surely lesser men would have died of boredom by now.

I mean, his room didn't even have a TV or anything.

_'Maybe it's safe now.'_

Maybe he could finally get up from his bed. Even though he didn't know the exact time that car hit him, he knew that it was sometime in the afternoon. Plus, it wasn't like the car was _chasing_ him or anything.

He stood up and made his way over to his window. Pulling aside the curtains, he opened up the window as much as possible. He needed as much fresh air as he could get.

_'Take that, Death,' _he thought with a smirk. _'Looks like there won't be any stupid Reversal for me.'_

As soon as he thought that, he noticed something glimmer in the sky.

_'A star? In Hollow Bastion?'_

He leaned his head further in to get a better look. The light seemed to be getting closer and closer to the Earth. It was probably a falling star.

He closed his eyes to make a wish. His parents once said that when you make a wish upon a falling star, it'll come true.

_'I wish I knew why Axel didn't go to my funeral.'_

They snapped open, however, when he felt it getting much, much warmer in his room. That couldn't be right. It was the beginning of January. Just then, he realized, _'That's no falling star.'_

It was a meteor.

And it was headed straight for him.

"_AAAAAHHHHHH!_"

* * *

Roxas woke up screaming. _'It was just a dream,'_ he thought nervously. _'I'm still safe and sound in my bedroom.'_

Except he wasn't. Instead he was greeted with the lovely sight of his teenage grandfather laughing his ass off.

He managed to choke out, "Yo-You should've seen your face!" Then he went on to continue laughing, wiping away tears from his eyes.

Roxas didn't think it was funny. "I-I can't believe it. Even after all that, I _still_ managed to die."

"Well, _duh_!" Sora managed to tone down his roaring laughter to a slight chuckle. "Did you honestly think that you could _cheat_ Fate?"

"What?"

"Face it, Roxas, you were _destined_ to die at that time. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, your destiny always manages to slap you in the face."

"You think you could've told me this _earlier_," Roxas seethed, "and maybe I could've actually done something _productive _for that day?" It was boring as hell in that room.

Well, at least until the meteor part.

Sora explained matter-of-factly, "No can do, Roxy. It's all a part of the learning process."

"Well... still, a _meteor_? Of all the things to kill me with, you chose a _meteor_?"

"What were we supposed to do, give you a lethal papercut from that list you wrote?"

"But won't scientists or meteorologists or whatever have a field day with this?" Picture _that_ headline in the paper.

"Nope!" Sora said with a wide smile, like he knew some big secret, "Because it didn't happen!"

_'What?'_

"What?"

"I told you, you can't change Fate. Whatever happened in your life happened, and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. As soon you as you finish a day in your Reversal, everything automatically reverts back to the way it was before. It's as if whatever you did the second time around never happened."

"So...no matter what I do, nothing's gonna change?"

"Yep!"

"Then what the _**hell **_is the freakin' point?" he screamed. _Why_ was he doing all of this again?

"The 'freakin' point,' as you so eloquently put it, is to teach you a lesson. _Just_ you. Nobody else."

Roxas sighed. "So... what happens now?"

"What _happens_ is that you have to get ready for your next day." Sora tugged on his arm. "C'mon, let's go get your blankie!" He turned his heel and quickly ran towards the opposite direction.

"Aargh!"

Roxas mentally slapped himself.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes: **A rather uneventful chapter. Axel shows up in the next one, I promise.

Just so you know, Demyx _does_ play a part in all this. I don't kill characters just for humor. That's not my style.

The part where Roxas falls off the edge of the cloud was inspired by that scene in KHII where Olette pulls out sea-salt ice cream, and _for some reason_, Roxas stands up and falls off the clock tower. I like including elements from the actual game into fanfiction.

Review, please!


	4. Happy Freakin' Birthday!

**Author's Notes #1: **I know this is probably none of your business, but it seems a little insensitive if I just pretend nothing's wrong. One of the teachers in my school died in her sleep last night. I didn't even find out until a few minutes ago. I wasn't close to her, but some of my friends were, and they're _**devastated**_. She wasn't old, either. (40 years old) Like I said, this is probably none of your business, but could you just pray for her, or something? That is, if you pray. This is kind of a big deal to me so I hope you understand.

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Four: Happy Freakin' Birthday!**

There were many, many things that Roxas knew about his best friend, Axel.

He knew that Axel would describe anything on fire as "kickass."

He knew that Axel _sucked_ at tact.

He knew that Axel will _always_ remind him of Christmas whenever he wore green.

He knew that Axel was an over-confident, cocky, son of a bitch.

But most importantly, he knew that Axel was a man of dignity. Roxas knew that whenever it came to his masculine pride, he was always ready to bitch-slap anyone who offended him in the least.

So when he opened his front door only to see Axel still in his pajamas, waving a piece of paper around like a mad man, Roxas had to wonder what the hell he was on.

_'__Why__ didn't I wait until later to start my Reversal?"_

Earlier that morning, Roxas checked the calendar to see what date it was.

December 1st.

Axel's 18th birthday.

When he tried to remember how this day was supposed to start out, he knew that something like this was going to happen. However, he did not remember it looking quite this ridiculous.

It felt a little strange, though, to see Axel again. The last time he saw him was before he left his house on the day he died. At that time, Axel was already one month into his 18th year. He had already grown used to being "legal" by then.

Today, he _just_ turned 18.

It was going to take some time before Roxas got used to the idea of everybody getting younger as he went along, as opposed to getting older.

_'Oh, wait, Axel's talking. Have to pretend I'm listening. What the hell was this about again? Something about his mom, I think."_

"..._The Islands Hotel. _She signed for reservations to the freakin' Islands Hotel! For _Chrissake_, I'm not a _girl_, goddammit!"

"I agree completely."

"I mean, I _told_ her that I didn't want to have a goddamn party, but she's such a stubborn _bitch _that she didn't listen!"

"Oh, what a shame."

"And just_ look _at this invitation! It has _silk ribbons _on it. Silk. could've _told _me about this before she sent them out! I'm not gonna be able to walk out my _front door _without being called a fa-"

"Axel, did you just come over to bitch at me?" Roxas interrupted. He didn't need any of his nonsense right now. He was still a little pissed about the whole "killed him and didn't go to his funeral" thing.

Axel sighed. "_No. _I came over 'cause I needed someone to back me up on this. Even though it's probably going to suck, are you still gonna come to the party? You could be damage control."

At first, Roxas was going to say yes. After all, he had agreed to come the first time, and the party didn't suck too badly. It was actually kind of fun. Anyway, like Sora said, you can't change Fate, so there would be no point in not going.

But then he realized what an amazing opportunity he was being presented with. This was his chance to show Axel exactly how it felt to have someone you cared about not show up at an important event. His chance to show what it was like to feel like someone didn't care. He was going to give Axel a taste of his own medicine.

Besides, by tomorrow, Axel wouldn't remember it anyway.

Faking the best smile he could, he answered, "Sure! Can't wait."

* * *

The Islands Hotel was the fanciest- and most expensive- hotel in all of Hollow Bastion. Teenage girls from every district and town _dream _about having their 18th birthday party spent there. However, because of the hefty price and the fact that it was almost always completely booked, very few have ever had the chance. Mrs. Parr was lucky enough to have_ her _18th birthday spent there.

And her son only deserved the best.

"Oh, you look so _darling _in that tuxedo!" she squealed as she adjusted the bow tie on Axel's suit. "Y'know, this suit was passed down to your father from his father, and now he's passing it on to you!"

"Really? 'Cause it sure smells like it."

"Pardon, honey? I couldn't hear you."

_'Of course you didn't. How could you hear anything under all that annoying squealing of yours?' _

"Oh, nothing, Mother."

She frowned at that response. She _hated_ it whenever her son tried to dismiss things like this. Ever since what happened last year...

_'Lying. Teasing. Crying. Destruction of property.'_

"By the way," she cooed, "you know that little friend of yours... Rucksack was it?"

Luckily for her, she had the attention span of a rodent, enabling her to forget things easily.

"It's_ Roxas_, Mom. And what _about_ him?" Axel didn't like the sound of this. His mom was the biggest gossiper in town.

"Well, I heard that he and that girlfriend of his, Namine," Noticed how she got _her_ name right? "are getting a little _serious_."

"And where did you hear that? Was it written on the wall of the girls' restroom?"

She huffed angrily. "_For your information_, young man, I got it from a _very_ reliable source."

In other words, yes, she _did _get it from the restroom. "Oh, they make such a _cy-ute _couple! He's _definitely_ bringing her to the party tonight. Ooh! I can take pictures!" She squealed at this prospect.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so nonchalant if I were you, honey," she said in a sly tone of voice, "They might get _so_ serious that they're going to be spending_ all _their time together. Soon, Ronald might not want to talk to you anymore. He'll be too busy with his new honey-bunny."

Axel probably took that more seriously than he was supposed to. He knew his mom was just kidding around, but...

But Roxas and Namine _have _been hanging out a lot. Everyone at school noticed it. That's why his classmates were always teasing him about it. They kept calling him a "third-wheel" in their relationship. They said that he was the only reason Roxas and Namine haven't done it yet.

This morning, when he came over to Roxas's house, was another example. Roxas didn't seem to be paying attention to him at all. Instead, his mind was on other things.

But he was his _best friend_. He wouldn't ditch him for some girl, right?

"Axel, why don't you get a girlfriend of your own?" he heard his mother's voice call out, "That girl at the train station was _definitely_ flirting with you."

_'Oh God, I think I'm going to throw up.'_

* * *

"Roxas? What are you doing here? You're gonna be late for Axel's party."

Namine was wearing an intricately designed white dress, and her hair was tied up in a low ponytail. She had matching white high-heeled shoes, and she was even wearing a bit of makeup. Several diamond necklaces adorned her neck.

Usually, when a girl is dressed in this way, it would imply that she was about to go to a special occasion. Indeed, the 18th birthday party of one of her best friends was a _very _special occasion to her.

So it would be completely understandable that she would be confused at the sight of her date to said special occasion dressed in a hoodie and jeans and leaning against her doorway _minutes_ away from the party.

"I just wanted to see you," Roxas answered, "I missed you." And it was true. He thought that he was never going to see her again.

Namine blushed. "Well, as flattering as that is..."

"Those sure are strange clothes to wear to the park."

She blinked. "Wh- What?"

Roxas smirked. "Y'know? The park. The place with the trees?"

"B-B-But the p-p-party..."

"Ah, who _needs_ to go to that party? It's going to be lame, anyway. Axel said so himself. He wouldn't care if we don't show up." He leaned in closer to her. "Wouldn't you much rather go on a date with me to the park?"

"But Roxas!" Namine pleaded to him, "He's your_ best friend_! You can't just not go! What if he _does_ care? What if..." He covered her mouth with his hand.

"Namine, sometimes you have stop asking yourself '_What if?' _and just ask '_Why the __**hell **__not?'._"

At that, he took his hand off of her mouth and ran in the direction of the park. She felt compelled to follow him.

_'Oh, Roxas... Why are you being like this?'_

* * *

"Hey Axel! Whassuuuuup, dude?"

"Hey, Xigbar."

Axel was standing at the door to the ballroom where his party was taking place. His mother forced him to stand at the door and greet the guests so he could show off his tuxedo. At the back of his mind, he wondered how the hotel's security could've allowed Xigbar to enter. The man just _screamed_ trouble.

No seriously. He was_ literally _screaming. He must've been drinking.

"Friggin' sweet party you got here, dude. A bit too classy for my taste, though. Plus, you look like an idiot in that monkey suit."

"I know. My mom forced me. She said it was a family heirloom or something."

"No shit? Your mom followed you all the way to college? That's harsh, dude."

"Xigbar, I'm still in high school, remember?"

"_Riiight. Riiight_." He pulled out a can of beer. "So, 18, huh? Sweet. You're finally old enough for booze."

"Xigbar, the drinking age is 21," a new, female voice interrupted. Axel looked at the newcomer.

"Seriously, dudette? Aw...Aw shit. I snuck an entire case of beer in here."

"You could still give me a can, y'know," said Larxene, smirking. "There's no need to tone things down for the _children_." She opened a can and took a sip.

"Whoa! Look who's here! Everyone's favorite bitch!" Axel exclaimed. "I thought for sure you weren't coming since you're attached to your ass of a boyfriend like a leech. And by the way, you're still younger than I am, so I don't think you should be calling me a kid."

Larxene scowled. "Marluxia's busy writing up a paper. For _college_. 'Cause he can _go_ to college, Axel. 'Cause he's not some dumbass who has to get left back in school like a retard."

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Larxene! Everyone knows Pinky came pretty damn close to failing last year. The only reason he _didn't _was because he had the money to pay for _private_ _tutors_ and crap like that."

"So what? The more money, the better. People respect you more. But I guess you wouldn't know about that, now would you? Because you've never had the respect of one damn person in your entire life! You're just some lazy ass punk who always manages to piss everyone off!"

"Aw... I didn't know I pissed you off, Larxy. And all this time I thought we were friends."

Larxene smirked. "Of course you did. 'Cause you're just desperate for friends, aren't you? Poor lonely soul. Nobody likes little Axel Parr."

"That's not true!" Axel yelled angrily, "I have friends!"

"Really? Who? That punk kid? He's just as much of a sorry loser as you are."

Axel was furious now. He strongly punched the wall beside him. "How _dare_you talk about Roxas like that! At least he's a better friend than your pansy boy toy could ever be!"

"Oh?" Larxene was absolutely enjoying herself. She loved to get a rise out of people. "Then where is he? If he's such a perfect little angel, then why isn't he here sharing this special occasion with you and your loved ones?"

Axel's face instantly dropped. "He-He's just late. He'll be here soon."

"You so sure about that?"

"Y-Yeah. Of course. Of course he'll be here."

_'He has to be here. He's just taking his time getting ready is all. He wouldn't miss it. He said so this morning. Like I said, Roxas is a good friend. He wouldn't miss it.' _

Still...

"Well, we'll see." Larxene threw the empty beer can on the floor before squashing it flat with her foot. "Oh by the way...Happy Birthday, Axel." She turned and left.

"He'll be here," Axel whispered.

* * *

Roxas was sitting on a bench at the park with his head leaning against the backrest.

_Alone._

Namine had left a while ago to go to Axel's party. She couldn't _bear_ to miss out on it. He tried convincing her that she was wasting her energy, seeing as how the party would have ended about an hour ago, but she left anyway.

_'Come to think of it, why am __**I**__ still here?'_

He decided that he just liked the scenery. The park was very quiet and peaceful at night, save for the crickets' chirping, and with the streetlamps lit up like fireflies, it felt just like camping in the woods.

_'Maybe my heaven will look like this. Not a single other person in sight.'_

Just then, he heard a rustling of leaves.

_'Looks like I spoke too soon.'_

He got up from the bench to investigate. If it _was _another person, it was probably somebody dangerous, and he could still have time to run. However, if it _wasn't_, and it was just a stray cat or a squirrel or something, he didn't want to appear like an idiot who ran in fear at the sight of small animals.

He was near the bushes when he suddenly felt a hand tightly grip his shoulder.

"Where the _hell_ do you think you're going?"

Roxas froze.

_'Oh God, Oh God, Oh God...A crazy man's got me. I'm gonna get stabbed. Oh God, Oh God, I'm gonna get__** stabbed**__.'_

He panicked as he tried to remember every self defense tactic he knew. He could use his palm to push the attacker's nose up. That would cause the bone to pierce their brain, instantly killing them. If that didn't work, he could always try the classic knee to the groin strike, then run like hell.

_'Wait a minute...' _he thought suddenly, _'I __know__ that voice.'_

He looked behind him.

"A- Axel?"

Sure enough, Axel was standing there, his face frozen in sheer anger. His eyes had the iciest glare he had ever seen. You might think it was strange to describe the eyes of the usual hot-head as icy, but Roxas could feel himself shivering.

As if on cue, it started to snow.

"Is _this_ where you were?" His voice felt like icicles. "Did you forget? I made _sure_ to give you an invitation. Can't you read?"

Roxas didn't say anything. He couldn't. Axel had never seemed so scary in his entire life.

"Do you know how _stupid_ I looked waiting around for you? I kept trying to convince everybody that you were gonna come. Hell, I kept trying to think of excuses _for_ you. For _Chrissakes_, I couldn't even enjoy my own party!"

Roxas grew indignant. "_You _didn't even wanna go! You said it was going to suck, remember?"

"That doesn't mean you don't go!" Axel was yelling now. "You know better than to listen to me by now! If you went, we could've joked around about it. We could have freakin' _joked _about the hotel, or the invitations, or the tuxedo, or _whatever_! 'Cause that's what best friends _do_!"

He was breathing heavily, his body trembling with every intake of air, and his nostrils flaring. His eyes lost their icy glare for a while to be replaced with burning rage.

That is, until...

"This is about _her_, isn't it?"

Confused, Roxas asked, "Who?" What was Axel talking about _now_?

Axel growled. "That bitch girlfriend of yours."

Roxas couldn't believe it. "_Namine_? What does _Namine_ have to do with any of this?"

"You think you're pretty damn special now, don't you?" The words came out in an angry hiss. "Roxas Strife is too_ good _to hang out with losers like Axel Parr, now that he's got a girlfriend to drag around, is that it? _Huh?_"

"You have no idea what you're talking about! I _care_about Namine! You can say whatever the hell you want about me, but just don't drag _her_ into it."

"Then _what_? Or do you really just not care? Do you really think that I'm just not worth your time? Do you really think that promises to me don't matter anymore? Do you really..."

He was almost out of breath now, and his voice was reduced to a low and sad whisper.

"Don't I mean _anything_ to you anymore?"

"A-Axel..."

_'...do you really think that?'_

Then Axel did something completely unexpected.

_'Or are you just trying to make me feel guilty?'_

He kissed him.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **Cliffhanger!

Finally, AkuRoku in an AkuRoku story.

No, this story is not going too fast. Remember, everything is going backwards.

Things have gotten really busy lately, so it might be a while before the next chapter comes up. Sorry! :(

Maybe _**more reviews **_will make me type faster. (God, I'm practically begging.)

In other news, Xigbar totally pwns in this chapter.


	5. Demyx

**Disclaimer: **Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Author's Notes #1: **Update! See, that wasn't too long, now was it? Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Also, thank you to those who expressed your concern about the whole situation with my teacher. Her funeral was last Saturday, in case you're wondering. Things got really quiet around school for a while, but we're okay now.

This chapter contains a healthy dose of Demyx! (Part of a balanced breakfast!)

**Chapter Five: Demyx**

It was sad.

That's what Roxas was thinking the entire time Axel was kissing him.

—_"You have to believe me..."—_

Surprisingly, the kiss didn't feel rough or forceful, like he had expected it to feel. Instead it felt very desperate. And very, very _**sad.**_

—_"Mom, Dad, you have to believe me."—_

The sadness traveled from the kiss and wormed its way inside of him. It swelled up and grew larger and larger until it finally got a hold of his heart. Then it squeezed it and made it ache more and more as each second was passing by. Was Axel feeling this, too? Was that why his eyes were shut tightly with tears gathering at the corners?

—_"I didn't do it!"—_

So why wasn't he pulling away?

—_"I __swear__ I didn't do it!"— _

That was it. Roxas couldn't take this anymore. It was too much for him.

He took his arms and pushed against Axel's chest. Hard.

"WHAT THE _**HELL**_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he shouted angrily.

—_"Believe me."—_

Axel didn't say anything. His eyes were wide open and he was just staring straight ahead in silence. The fury from earlier had seemed to die out. Roxas thought he saw a bit of fear in those eyes. What could he possibly be afraid of?

Rejection?

—_"Sorry, honey, but..."—_

Roxas didn't want to wait for an answer. He didn't want to say anything, either. He just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

—_"__I can't.__"__—_

And so Roxas just left Axel standing there, alone in the snow.

But the feeling stayed with him the entire night.

* * *

Roxas heard a voice from above him call out enthusiastically, "Rise and shine, Sleepy!"

He groaned. "Ugh... Mom?" He blinked away the blinding sunshine from his eyes.

He didn't feel like getting up right now. It would be too confusing trying to figure out what date it was when everything was going backwards. Plus, it would feel awkward to face Axel, especially since he wouldn't remember anything that had happened.

"Just give me five more minutes, Mom!" he said sleepily.

"Roxas, if you don't wake up now, I'm going to push you off this cloud," he heard the voice say. But that wasn't his mom's voice.

His eyes snapped open.

"S- Sora!"

Sure enough, the brunet was standing there, smiling at him, acting as if absolutely nothing was wrong.

"Don't tell me I died again," Roxas said, exasperated, "How many times do I have to end up in this place?"

"Don't worry, you didn't die. But you'll have to come back here many, many more times."

"Dare I ask why?"

Sora explained, "Every time you go to sleep at the end of a day in your Reversal, at the exact stroke of midnight, your body needs to transcend space and time in order for it to time travel backwards to your next day. Unfortunately, the body takes longer to move backwards than the soul does, so instead of having your body and soul be in two different time periods, your soul hangs out here for a while."

Roxas grew interested. "So what exactly does this all look like? Y'know, having your soul separated from your body." Was it like some of the horror movies he'd seen, with the body convulsing on the floor and foaming at the mouth and everything?

Sora shrugged. "To everyone on Earth, it just looks like you're having a bad dream."

Those horror movies were very misleading.

_'__Speaking__ of horror...' _Roxas thought angrily.

"The_nerve _of that Axel," he growled, "First, he overreacts because I didn't go to his goddamn party..." Sora then made a comment about cursing, but Roxas ignored it. "...even though he didn't even come to my _funeral_, then he thinks he can mess around with me by making me feel like an asshole, and then he confuses the shit out of me by...by..."

—_"Never again..."—_

He took a deep breath. "Kissing me." The sad feeling from earlier suddenly came rushing back to him. Only it felt worse this time. It made his heart feel like it weighed a thousand tons and that it was about to rip through his chest. Why was Axel leaving such an impression on him?

—_"You have to believe me!"—_

All of a sudden, a bad thought occurred to him.

Nervously, he asked Sora, "Is that kind of stuff...okay, though? You know..." He didn't to say it.

"What, homosexuality?" Sora asked. Roxas blushed, embarrassed. "Sure. As long as they have lived a good, helpful life, anyone is allowed into Heaven." Sora chuckled weakly then. "I was very relieved when they told me. That meant that I could see Riku again."

The heavy sadness Roxas was feeling was momentarily replaced with shock. "No way!" he exclaimed, "Riku?" Riku was one of Sora's childhood friends. Since he and Sora were very close, Roxas saw him a lot. "I had no idea. When did he... y'know... 'come out'?"

"He didn't. He never told anyone."

"Then how do you know?"

Sora sighed. "I just kind of... found out. I found out when we were in college. One day, for no real reason, I just noticed something in the way that he was looking at me. I recognized it. It was the same look I gave to Kairi whenever we were together, and I wondered why I'd never noticed it before. Suddenly, in a flash, everything about him made sense to me! The way his voice became gentler whenever he talked to me, his overprotectiveness, everything! The world finally made sense."

_'But you still married Kairi,' _Roxas thought.

"But did you ever feel that way for him, even for just a moment?" he asked. It didn't seem fair if Riku liked Sora that way, and Sora completely disregarded it.

Sora looked down. "I don't know," he said quietly, "I really don't know."

* * *

Roxas decided to walk around outside Heaven's gates before starting his next day. He needed some time to clear his head.

Truth be told, it was actually quite boring. That was because anything that was even mildly interesting was inside Heaven itself. Outside the Gates were just miles and miles of cloud, light, and sky.

And water, apparently.

"What the...?"

After an hour or so of aimless walking, Roxas found himself staring out and standing at the edge of a large lake. Which was odd, seeing as how since they were suspended thousands of miles in the sky on a cloud, the water was actually floating in midair.

Just as he was beginning to wonder the use of a lake outside of the Gates, he heard a voice say, "That was a bit harsh, don't you think? You should give that guy a chance. If there's one thing you can always count on people to do, it's change."

"Excuse me?"

Looking up and out across the lake, he saw a figure sitting on the opposite end with a fishing pole in his hands. Looking harder, he could see that see that it was none other than Demyx Loreone.

"You were eavesdropping on my conservation with Sora?" he asked. It was actually sort of creepy to think that a famous celebrity like Demyx would be interested in the conversations of an ordinary high school student.

"Kid, you screech like a banshee. I'd have to be deaf not to hear you." While saying that, Demyx was smiling his signature playful smile which made him so popular among the girls.

_'Hmph. Show-off. And who does he think he is calling me a kid? He's not that much older than me. He's kind of Axel's age."_

"Looks like the fish aren't biting today," he heard Demyx remark, staring at his fishing pole sadly. "Maybe I'll have better luck tomorrow."

"You come here everyday?"

In reply, Demyx just turned his head towards Roxas and smirked. "Don't you have better questions to ask me? You _are _talking to a celebrity."

Roxas couldn't help but notice how hard it was to take Demyx seriously whenever he smirked. It just didn't suit child-like demeanor. Smirks looked much better when they were on Axel's face.

"Actually, I _just_ remembered that there was something I was curious about."

"Well...?" Demyx urged.

Roxas hesitated for a while. Should he really be asking this? It was kind of a sensitive subject. He didn't want to accidentally offend him or anything.

But if he didn't ask, the curiosity would eat away at him. Demyx didn't really seem to mind, anyway.

Mustering all of his courage, he finally managed to ask timidly, "How did you die?"

Demyx smiled. He knew Roxas was going to ask that. "Apparent drug overdose."

"Apparent?"

"That's what it said in the obituary."

Drug overdose? Demyx never seemed like the type for drugs.

"You did drugs?"

Demyx seemed insulted by that. "I was confused and stupid. My mind wasn't working properly."

"If you were so _confused_, then why are you sitting here, fishing, instead of doing Reversal like I am?" Some things just weren't fair.

Demyx didn't answer right away. He was thinking about it.

"I guess it was..." he finally said, "I guess it was because I've been slowly killing myself for years."

What a change in mood. "What do you mean?" Roxas was curious. Demyx had suddenly gotten so serious.

"When I was young," he started, "I was always being picked on in school. Kids hated to have me on their teams whenever we had Gym because I sucked at sports. Teachers didn't like me because I wasn't very bright, and I never paid attention in class. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in, and it was so damn _lonely_!"

He was killing himself because he was unpopular? It didn't seem like a very sensible thing in Roxas's opinion.

Demyx continued, "The way I saw it, I was good in two things: swimming and music. I eventually left one for the other. Even today, I'm not so sure that was the best choice. But back then, I didn't care. I told myself that I was going to become famous someday. That I was going to prove to all of them that I was someone worthwhile."

His voice started to crack. "And I did it! Lucky me. However, it wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be...People were always telling me that they loved me, that they were my biggest fans, but they never got close to me. To them, I was from an entirely different world. It made me feel like a museum exhibit on display behind glass, meant to be admired and talked about, but not touched. I didn't even feel human."

Roxas was surprised. This didn't sound anything like Demyx Loreone. It actually sounded... deep. And depressing.

Demyx apparently noticed. "You look so surprised. Why? Is it because I'm not being upbeat or happy-go-lucky like I usually am? Well, I guess I just didn't feel like being 'me' today."

He was crazy. He really was.

Demyx continued to talk. Once he started talking, he couldn't stop. "It was as if...as if there was an invisible wall between me and the rest of the world. It was up to me to break down that wall, but I didn't know how. It was exactly the same as when I was a kid. Only difference was, instead of being outside looking in, I was inside looking out." He sounded close to tears by now. "But it felt just as lonely. It felt just as lonely."

A pause. Then...

"It felt like no matter what I did, I was always going to end up alone."

Demyx cleared his throat. When he spoke again, his voice sounded less shaky.

"I didn't know what I was looking for in the drugs, but whatever it was, I couldn't get enough of it. I wanted to see myself the way everyone else did. Someone with talent. Someone worthwhile. The drugs made me feel like that, even for a short moment. I knew from the beginning how messed up I was. And it scared me."

He stared down into the lake at his reflection.

"It was like I was trying to consume myself."

He suddenly turned his attention to Roxas. "You feel it, too, don't you? Like you can't come near me. Like you can't even associate with me. 'Cause I'm just a voice on a CD, right? I don't have any real problems, right?"

"Actually...I _don't_." This must have been one of Heaven's phenomena, Roxas decided. The moment you started talking to one of Heaven's residents, it was like you'd known them for years. No one felt like a stranger.

Demyx seemed confused. "Really, you don't?" Then he gave a weak chuckle. "I guess this really is Heaven."

"B-b-but it was worth it, right? Being a singer, I mean." _Something_ good must've come out of it. "Your music really made a lot of people happy."

Demyx thought about it for a while. Then he said, "Let's look at it this way. If I had another chance, another chance to maybe do something else, maybe spend more time with my family, I would take it. And not necessarily for anyone else's sake but my own." He smiled sadly. "Call me selfish."

Turning to Roxas, he asked, "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you here?"

Roxas nodded shakily. "Y-yeah. Sure." Actually, his mind was still trying to catch up. This Demyx was way too out of character for him. The things he just talked about seemed more like the kind of stuff he'd find in a poetry book. Roxas was never good at deciphering poetry.

Demyx stared at him for a while.

"Good."

* * *

Roxas was resting his head on a surprisingly comfortable cloud. He had grown tired of walking around some while ago, and he decided to rest a bit. As he rested, he began to think about what had happened with Axel earlier.

—_"I'm tired."—_

How **dare** he.

—_"I'm tired. I'm not in the mood to study for that damn Chemistry test tomorrow."—_

How dare he... he... _use_ him to vent his anger out like out.

—_"Don't you sit next to Strife in that class?"—_

To _use_him like an item...

—_"Yeah, why?" —_

What, did he think he could just fool around with his emotions like that? He tells him that he cared about his girlfriend, and in return, he gets a kiss just to spite him.

—_"Just make him let you copy his answers. He'll do anything you ask him as long as you pretend to be his friend."—_

He tries to make him doubt and feel uncomfortable about the one relationship he was finally happy with. Axel always knew exactly how to piss him off.

—_"Hah-hah, too right!"—_

That _bastard_...

—_"__**Just leave him alone!**__"__—_

Roxas's eyes widened as the memory of Axel's voice rang through his head.

And for a moment, for just a _short_, _tiny_ moment, Roxas thought that maybe Axel had actually meant it.

—_"Never again..."—_

Maybe Axel had actually been wanting to kiss him for a long time, and he just couldn't wait any longer.

—_"Never again am I going to take shit from anybody."—_

Maybe Axel knew his chance was slipping when Roxas stood up for Namine, and he decided to seize the chance, while it still existed.

—_"Because if I do..."—_

Maybe Axel had actually_ liked _him in that way.

—_"If I open my heart to kindness only to find out it's not genuine..."—_

Maybe Axel had actually _cared_ for him.

—_"__...I'll be ruined.__"__ —_

Ridiculous, right?

* * *

A couple of hours later, Roxas looked around for Sora. He wanted to ask if it was okay if he told him the date of his next day ahead of time.

"Sure, it's okay," Sora replied, "But why would you want to know?"

"I just want to know what to expect," Roxas explained, "So what's the date?"

Sora pulled a calendar out from nowhere.

_"You can get anything you want in heaven."_ Roxas remembered.

Damn, that was cool.

Sora then proceeded to point to a circled date on the page.

October 13th of last year.

The worst day of his life.

—_"I can't."—_

This should be fun.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2:** Sorry, but **R**oxas isn't quite in lov**E** with Axel...yet. But he_ is _starting to weaken his defenses.

Some things in this chapter_ may _confuse some people. More specifically, the quotes. Let's just say they ha**V**e something to do with the worst day of Roxas's l**I**fe, which will be explained in the n**E**xt chapter. (Hint: It has something to do with Axel.)

There won't be any RikuSora in this story. It's mostly just implied and one-sided. Sorry again! It would be really hard to **W**rite though, with Sora being dead and all.

...What subliminal messaging?


	6. Soliloquy

**Author's Notes #1: **You may notice a slight difference between this chapter and the other ones. I'm most likely not going to be doing this for any other chapter, seeing as how I'm not into frequently changing point of view. The reason I did this for this chapter is because I thought it would be more meaningful if I made it seem like Roxas was talking to Axel.

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Six: Soliloquy**

_Do you remember the worst day of my life, Axel? Because I sure as hell do._

_Well, I guess now it's the second worst day since I count the day that damn car ran me over as my worst now._

_What's that? You have no idea what I'm talking about?_

_Well, let me refresh your memory. _

_That day started out just like any other. You and I were acting like complete idiots in order to live up to our promise to make my freshman year as kickass as possible. _

_Please tell me you at least remember our promise. It meant so much to us. To me. We always seemed to be having such a good time because of that promise._

_**Seemed. **__Then I found out about the smoking._

_You probably thought I was never going to find out. You tried really hard to keep it a secret from me. I could tell. Well, guess what?_

_You __**suck **__at keeping secrets._

_I mean, it was pretty damn obvious. Your breath smelled worse than usual. _

_I can remember that I started to yell some crap at you. Something like, " If the teachers find out, I'm going to get in so much trouble," or " You're just asking to get expelled, aren't you?" _

_But you didn't care. You didn't give a damn if I got in trouble or if you got in trouble or if either one of us got expelled. It just wasn't that big of a deal to you._

_It might not be that big of a deal to you __**now**__, actually. 'So __**what**__ if I started smoking? So __**what**__ if I accidentally left that cigarette in his room? So __**what**__ if his parents found it and accused him of being a smoker? So __**what**__ about the rumors at school? They're just __**words**__. Words don't mean anything.'_

_And maybe you're right. Maybe the rumors didn't mean anything. _

_But the thing is, Axel, is that it didn't just stop at the rumors. It was kind of like the snowball effect. Like a huge ball of snow rolling down a hill and getting larger and larger._

_Or maybe a more appropriate way to explain it would be the ripple effect. Like a rock being thrown into a smooth lake and causing ripples to form, each ripple larger than the last. _

_I knew right away that you threw that rock when my parents found the cigarette. But how could I have known that that rock would be chained to my ankle? And that it would just drag me lower and lower below that lake?_

_Roxas Strife wasn't just an underage smoker. After everyone had a twisted image of me after news got out, they probably thought I had a lot more secrets to hide. For all they knew, I could've been a drinker. Or a drug addict. Or violent. Or mentally unstable. Or __**whatever**__. Kids' imaginations can really go places._

_Did you know, Axel? Did you know that I've slept with everyone in school at least once? It was written on the wall of the boy's restroom. _

_I know, I know. Those were just supposed to be jokes. Bad jokes, sure, but jokes. They weren't making me out to be a terrible person. They were just trying to make me a laughing stock. But the scary thing is, after a while, I think they started to believe them. _

_My parents didn't give me a break, either. Keeping something like this from them can do __**wonders**__ for a parent's trust. When I tried to tell them that it wasn't me, they wouldn't listen. Nothing I could do, no matter how hard I tried, could change their minds._

_I'm not saying __**everyone**__ in school believed the rumors. Some actually knew the truth. What __**really **__happened. But that turned out to be much, much worse. The fact that I was letting you use me as a scapegoat made me seem like I just let people walk all over me. I spent a lot of time convincing people that I wasn't going to take shit from anybody. _

_Also, it made it seem like I didn't care about the well-being of my best friend, since I didn't tell anybody the truth. So I was also a pushover and a jerk on top of everything else. _

_In other words, that day pretty much ruined my entire freshman year. _

_But here's where the __**real**__ kicker comes in._

_About a week before people found out about the cigarette thing, it was discovered that someone, possibly someone with a death wish, had completely vandalized Mr. Saix's front yard. Broken windows and everything. You remember when they told us about that, right? After all, you're the one who made the death wish comment._

_The person who did it left only one piece of damning evidence. And what was it?_

_A burnt out cigarette._

_Who else could people blame but the proven smoker? Especially if that smoker happened to be failing Saix's class miserably._

_Let me tell you something, Axel. Saix has given me a hell of a hard time in school ever since. _

_Everyone wondered what was wrong with me. Why would such a good boy like Roxas Strife do something so violent, so __**wrong**__, just because he was failing a class? _

_No one treated me like I was "such a good boy" anymore. No teacher ever gave me a smile for getting an A on a test or participating in class. No parent wanted their kid to hang out with me anymore. Even your mom didn't want you to be friends with me for a while. _

_You know teachers. They always have to analyze the shit out of everything. So they analyzed my situation like this: I was a troublemaker who went to drastic measures to get revenge because I just couldn't handle failure. I couldn't even admit my own crime. I always had to be perfect. To them, at least. And once again, there was nothing I could do to change their minds._

_It was out of my control. And I hated it._

_I hated the whispers and the glares and losing the trust of everyone, but most of all, I hated the silence. I hated __**your**__ silence._

_If it didn't matter to you so much, if you didn't __**care**__, why on __**Earth **__wouldn't you tell anybody the truth? Tell them that I tried to stop you, but you just wouldn't listen. Tell them that I cared about you._

_Because I really did. Care, I mean. Not __**once**__ did I think that you were the one who destroyed Saix's front yard. Even when they found the cigarette. Because deep down, I knew you wouldn't do something like that. _

_You wouldn't do something like __**this**__ either, though. You wouldn't get your best friend into trouble, and then not fix it. To me, you were just being an asshole._

_That's why I hated you so much then. That's why I hold so much resentment for you __**now**__. Not necessarily for whatever stupid thing you did, but because it seemed like you always managed to get me into trouble. Time and time again, it seemed like destiny didn't want us to be friends. But __**I**__ did._

_More than I hated you, I was hurt. I was hurt by the thought that my friend, my __**best **__friend, didn't even try to stop any of this from happening. That you would let me suffer while you got away with it. I was hurt by the thought that maybe we shouldn't even have been friends in the first place._

_That, more than anything, __**hurt**__._

_I guess I can't blame you entirely, Axel, because you __**did**__ eventually tell everyone the truth. Something I said must've finally gotten to you._

_I can remember very clearly the day you told the truth. I remember you bursting into the principal's office and telling everything. I remember you yelling at everyone at school to just leave me the hell alone. You told them that I didn't deserve it._

_Even though I've been waiting for you say that ever since this all started, and even though I should've been very happy to hear it, it was __**painful **__for me to hear. Do you want to know why? _

_It was mostly because of your voice. That wasn't __**your **__voice. It wasn't your cocky, arrogant voice. It was the voice of someone giving up. To this day, I'm still not entirely sure what you were giving up, but you just sounded so __**broken.**_

_You were always my hero. Did you know that? You were __**always **__my childhood hero. Not my mom. Not my dad. __**You.**_

_I remember how much I've always wanted to be like you. I've always wanted to be strong, independent, and confident like you. You were always so mature. _

_Well... not really. But back then, I thought you were the most mature kid in the world._

_I remember building up your image in my mind like a marble statue._

_I remember how that all came crumbling down. _

_It came down when you collapsed on the floor, and you- __**you!**__ - just started to cry your eyes out. You just broke down all of a sudden and started to cry. You were mumbling some things that I couldn't understand, and your body was shaking. _

_Didn't you know? You weren't just being strong for yourself. You had to be strong for the naive, little kid who wanted to be like you someday. You had to be that kid's role model._

_And yet here you were now, sobbing and broken on the floor, like a sad, scared child. After taking away my good reputation, you also had to take away my role model._

_God, Axel. Did you just want me to hate you more?_

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2:** Wow. This chapter was amazingly short. But it _did _contain a lot of information, so I guess that makes up for the shortness. Even if technically nothing happened.

Things got really busy again, and I'm finding the next chapter difficult to write, so it'll probably be a while until the next chapter comes up. I _am guessing_ maybe two weeks. The author's note from the 4th chapter still applies here: More reviews and I'll probably type faster! (In other words, _please_ review!) :D

Roxas's worst day may not seem like that bad of a day for some of you, (Ooh, Axel is smoking! Quick, run from the secondhand smoke!) but it's not really the _day _that's supposed to be terrible. It's the feelings of embarrassment and betrayal that came with it.

Remember kids, just say no to underage smoking! XD


	7. Smoke and Mirrors

**Author's Notes #1: **Here's Chapter Seven! Hope I didn't keep you waiting _**too**_ long. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! This is the longest chapter I've written yet, so I hope you like it!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Claimer:** Lyrics for _Dormant_ are the property of RamaLlama.

**Chapter Seven: Smoke and Mirrors**

Roxas heard a voice from above him call out enthusiastically, "Rise and shine, Sleepy!"

He groaned. "Ugh... Mom?" He blinked away the blinding sunshine from his eyes. "Just give me five more minutes, Mom!"

_'...Wait a minute. Didn't this happen with Sora and me?'_

His eyes snapped open.

_'Oh God. Oh God. I've somehow managed to end up in some sort of never-ending time loop. I'm never going to be able to finish my Reversal. I'll be stuck outside the Gates forever. Oh...Oh shit. Oh fu-' _

"Honey! Honey, time to get up. You're going to be late for school."

_'School?'_

He looked up. Never before had he been so relieved to see his mother's face.

"Oh, thank _God_!" he exclaimed. A time loop was the last thing he needed with everything else that was going on with him.

Aerith laughed. "_Wow. _I've never seen you so excited to go to school before! Is anything special going to happen today?"

"Special?"

October 13th. He remembered what would happen later today.

_'If you call completely losing the trust of you and Dad, and regaining it only after a year of humiliation 'special,' then, yeah, today is going to be just fine.'_

"You... could call it that."

His mother smiled. "Well, hurry up and get dressed. I'll have breakfast waiting for you downstairs." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left to go downstairs.

Roxas didn't immediately rush to get his clothes for school, as he usually would. Instead, he just sat on his bed and thought about things for a while.

_'What should I do?'_

What was he going to do about the situation with Axel?

Completely avoiding it would be impossible. He learned that the hard way with the meteor. Sooner or later, he's going to have to confront him. But what should he do then? If he had to be around Axel, either the kiss or the cigarette was going to be stuck in his mind. He didn't dare to mention either to him.

He couldn't get even with Axel for either of them, either. He had learned from his previous day that Axel doesn't react well whenever Roxas tries to get some sort of revenge. Roxas couldn't risk Axel doing anything drastic. He had a lot against Axel on his mind already, and one mistake could completely sever his relationship with him. He was pretty sure that wasn't the lesson he was supposed to be learning from all this.

Should he just... let today happen the way it was supposed to?

_'I guess I'll just have to learn to deal with it.'_

He had lasted an entire semester filled with rumors and ruined reputations. He could live through one bad day.

Getting up off his bed, he started to pick out clothes from the closet. With all the time he wasted thinking, he really _was_ going to be late for school. Not that it would've mattered, given the circumstances, but Roxas was never one to be tardy. As he started to change, he looked into his bedroom mirror and noticed that something was slightly off. His reflection looked different. His face had gotten slightly rounder, his eyes slightly bigger, and he wasn't as tall anymore. He looked different enough to throw him off guard but not enough to be unfamiliar. He realized that the Roxas he saw in the mirror wasn't the same Roxas who fell asleep on December 1st almost a year later. He had changed.

He was 14. Axel was 16.

Sure, the changes were subtle, and the person he saw in the mirror was still him. There was no good reason for him to think of his reflection as a completely different person. But it was a different him. A younger him. It felt like an entire year of his life had just been erased, wiped from existence, and he would just keep losing more until he ran out. He knew that wasn't the case, however. He knew all those years would still be there, along with all the events and smiles and feelings that came with them, even after Reversal ended. He just wouldn't be alive to experience them anymore. Not the 15-year-old version of him, anyway. He kept changing, and the rest of his world changed to match him.

It was funny. Fourteen didn't feel this young a year ago.

* * *

School was never a friend of Roxas's. It wasn't that he was_bad _at it or anything. He was actually quite a good student before the whole cigarette thing. However, he _did _have one subject that he did poorly in.

Enter History. The instructor of this fine subject? Mr. Saix.

"...and so, in order to repair the massive damages made after the war, the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee was formed. It consisted of..."

Roxas yawned. Honestly, this lecture was boring enough the first time. It didn't get any more interesting a second time. Looking to the side of his desk, he saw Axel slumped in his chair, struggling to keep his eyes open. Obviously, he was just as bored as he was.

He had always hated History. Besides the fact that the class was boring and Saix creeped him out, it was because he found it very difficult to associate himself with the past. He simply couldn't get himself interested in the events that surrounded the lives of people who lived in a different generation. Those people had died long ago. You couldn't ask them any questions about who they really were, and no one alive would be able to answer them. Everything you could ever know about them was written in a textbook, and half the stuff there was memorizing dates. Those people always seemed to be boring people with perfect lives.

In a strange, sort of ironic way, wasn't that really what Reversal was? The point was to learn more about your own life, or at least that's how Roxas understood it. It was the life of a person who had lived in the past.

The life of a person who had died.

Hunh. Maybe that was why he hated it so much.

_Buzzzzz...Buzzzzz..._

_'The hell?'_

Perfect. Not only did he have to sit through the torture that was History, but he had to do it with a goddamn bee buzzing around his face.

_'Hold your temper. The bee will eventually go away. Just be patient.'_

_Buzzzzz...Buzzzzz..._

_'Stay calm. If you make any sudden movements, it will sting you. Just... stay... calm...'_

_Buzzzzz...Buzzzzz..._

_'Goddammit! Why isn't this bee going away?'_

_Buzzzzz...Buzzzzz..._

Roxas then did something incredibly stupid and immature, which, looking back at it, he will wonder what began to possess him.

In irritation, he picked up his eraser and threw it in the direction of the bee, hoping to knock it out. The bee, however, too smart even for Roxas, skillfully dodged the oncoming projectile and fled out the open classroom window.

The eraser, while not striking its intended target, did manage to hit Mr. Saix square in the head.

You have never seen fury until you've met Mr. Saix.

"Who threw that?" he asked coolly, in a manner that reminded Roxas very much of the calm before the storm.

_'Yep, I'm going to die again. I'm going to die for a third time at the hands of a heartless teacher. I think I'd prefer the meteor.'_

Bracing himself for the inevitable pain, he heard someone call out, "I did."

He turned to Axel in shock.

Saix seemed surprised as well, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. "Really, now?"

Axel nodded his head.

"Well then," said Mr. Saix, returning to his usual, composed manner, "Mr. Parr, I don't know _why_ I should've been surprised. You're always stirring up some sort of trouble. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear at least one complaint from the other teachers about your disruptive behavior." Mr. Saix eyed him suspiciously. "Which is why, even with all that, it's a wonder you always manage pass my class."

"Mr. Saix, I _certainly_ hope you're not implying that I would ever _cheat_," Axel stated, pretending to be insulted, "What can I say? I'm good with numbers. It helps me memorize dates better. Maybe I'm not so good with words, which is why I'm failing all those other classes, but when it comes to History, all those years get stuck in my head like I'm some sort of numerical genius."

"Then would you care to explain why you're failing Algebra?"

"Formulas make my head hurt."

Mr. Saix rolled his eyes in irritation.

Axel noticed. "What, you don't believe me? It's true! You know those 'Guess how many gumballs are in the jar' things or some other crap? I won at that before. I could prove it, too." He held up his hand. "Here, watch me count to three," he said, smirking.

Mr. Saix watched patiently to see what he would do next. He had already thrown an eraser, disrupted class, mocked the teacher, and spoke out of turn. How much more trouble could he get himself into?

"One," Axel counted, sticking out his thumb as he did so.

"Two." He stuck out his index finger.

"Three."

The middle finger.

The entire class started to snicker. Mr. Saix, however, was not amused. He silently made his way over to his desk and started to write something down. Ripping it out, he handed it over to Axel.

Axel just stared at the pink detention paper.

So did Roxas. Even though he was glad it wasn't him instead, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for getting Axel into trouble. Axel was never on Saix's good terms, even though he was one of his best students, and now, he probably made it even worse.

"All right, class is dismissed," said Mr. Saix loudly. "Now get out of here."

He started to pick up his books when he heard Mr. Saix say, "Except for you, Mr. Strife. I need to have a word with you."

_'Crap.'_

Roxas nervously made his way to the front of the room. "Yes, Mr. Saix? What did you want to see me for?"

"Don't even think you can fool me for a second."

"Huh?"

"I knew you were the one who threw the eraser," Mr. Saix accused, "That's why I was surprised to see Mr. Parr taking the blame instead. I never took him as the hero type."

"B-but if you knew, then how come..."

"I didn't give you a detention because it would defeat the purpose of his sticking up for you. You need to encourage these types of things, unfortunately. I gave _him_ one because I don't take very well to being made a fool of." Mr. Saix eyed Roxas disapprovingly, "Don't think he's always going to be there to save your ass. In the future, try not to let something as small as a bee get the better of you."

Wow. Mr. Saix must've had _some_ peripheral vision. "Is that all, sir?" Roxas asked.

"Yes. You may leave now."

As Roxas was halfway out the classroom door, he heard Mr. Saix call out, "I hope you realize what a good friend you have there, Mr. Strife." There was a smile in his voice.

Maybe he had a heart after all.

* * *

"Hey, Namine, do you want to walk with me to lunch?"

Roxas and Namine were the only ones left in the halls. Everyone else was already downstairs for lunch. Roxas usually liked to wait until the hallways cleared out so that it wouldn't be so crowded on the way to the lunchroom. He didn't have to worry about being first in line because he always brought his own food from home.

_'Why am I asking? I already know what she's going to say.'_

"Sorry Roxas, but I'm not eating lunch downstairs today," Namine said apologetically, "I'm helping Ms. Tifa clean up the Biology lab. It's been a complete mess ever since the frog dissection."

Roxas sighed dejectedly. Even_ if _he expected the answer, it felt bad to be turned down. Especially if the person who turned you down preferred to spend lunch period with dead frogs rather than you. "That's okay. I'll just walk there by myself."

"JUST GET OUT THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU DAMN ASS PUNK!"

Roxas stared at Namine in sheer horror. "_Excuse me?_"

She looked equally as frightened. "That wasn't me."

"GODDAMN IT!" They realized that the yelling was coming from the Biology lab. "WHY DIDN'T I TAKE THAT OFFER TO BECOME A WAITRESS AT THAT GODFORSAKEN DINER?"

"Is that _Ms. Tifa_?" Namine asked in disbelief. Roxas slowly nodded his head.

Axel came running out of the lab snickering hysterically and with a bleeding lip. Of course. Of course this had something to do with Axel.

"What did you do this time?" Roxas asked him accusingly.

Axel looked surprised to see him and Namine still in the halls. Then he started to laugh wildly. "I don't even _know_!" Axel choked out, hardly able to breathe. "But that was _hilarious_!_ Jesus_! You drop a few F-bombs in class, and she acts like you've brought on the Black Plague!" Suddenly, he let out a sharp hiss of pain. "Damn, that woman punches hard," he said, rubbing his cheek. "I swear, she's a real bitch when she's PMS-ing."

"Why don't you get that checked by the school nurse?" Namine asked.

_'Namine, why did you have to open your mouth?' _Roxas thought. He knew what was coming next.

"Oh,_ hell_, no!" Axel exclaimed. "That bastard Xaldin creeps the shit out of me. It's like he has_ man _PMS." He let out another hiss of pain. "Isn't it against the teacher code or something to physically harm a student? I'm gonna sue this place for all it's worth."

"Yeah. All fifteen munny worth," Roxas joked. Namine stepped on his foot.

"I'm_ serious_, guys! That could get dangerously infected! You should walk yourself over to the nurse _right now_, Axel!"

"I'm not going there alone!"

Namine turned to Roxas, her eyes silently pleading, _'Please walk this poor idiot downstairs for me.'_

Why not? He had nothing better to do.

"Come on, Axel," Roxas said, tugging on his arm. "I'll walk you downstairs."

"Yeah, and I'd better start helping out at the lab," Namine spoke up, gesturing over to the room where Ms. Tifa was punching the walls angrily.

Roxas leaned over to her and whispered, _"Good luck with that." _

_"Good luck with __**that**__," _she whispered back, pointing to the still complaining Axel.

The two of them sighed in defeat. Namine reluctantly dragged her feet towards the direction of the lab.

"Hey Roxas, what's taking so long? Are we going or what?" Axel called out once she was out of earshot. He ran towards the other end of the hall. Roxas looked at him strangely.

_'That's weird. He seems pretty eager to go to the nurse.' _Then it dawned on him.

"You're not really hurt, are you?"

Axel smirked. So he figured it out, huh? "Nope."

"And were not really walking to the nurse's office, are we?"

"Nope."

"Then where, pray tell, are we going?"

"We are going to..." Axel stopped in his tracks and turned to face him. "...talk."

"Fine. But you can walk and talk at the same time, can't you?"

Axel scowled. "What's with you lately? You've been acting bitchy all day."

Roxas sighed. "I'm just...I just have a headache today, that's all. I stayed up all night trying to finish my homework."

Axel seemed to accept this answer and continued to walk down the hall.

"That was pretty funny earlier. Y'know, when you hit Saix in the head with that eraser. Did you mean to do that, or was it an accident?"

"Accident."

Axel chuckled. "Hah. Figured as much. Lucky I was there to take the blame. You owe me lunch for the next six months."

"Yeah, right. Helping a friend should be its own reward. Besides, you_ know _I can't afford to get on Saix's bad side. At least you're passing his class with flying colors."

"That doesn't mean I have to _like_ it. I _hate_ History. Do you want to know why?"

"Not really." He had expected Axel to explain it to him anyway, but for the next few minutes, he didn't say anything.

He figured Axel grew tired of talking, and Roxas was prepared to walk the rest of the way in silence. Then Axel started, "The thing is..."

For a person who said they weren't very good with words, he sure had a lot of them to say.

"The thing is...you can't really tell what a person was like just by looking at a bunch of their stuff," Axel continued, "Or by listening to a bunch of people who knew them. Sometimes people say wrongs things about a person, you know?"

Roxas winced. He, more than anybody else in school, should know what that was like.

"The only way you could _really_ know a person, like, their personality or whatever, is by actually meeting them, face to face." Roxas could see Axel struggling to think of a way to explain what he meant. "Like, let's say that in the future, humanity is completely wiped out or something. And a bunch of scientist alien people come to Earth and examine all of our bones and everything. They may know what we _looked _like, but they'll never know the real difference between one set of bones and another." Axel pauses for a moment, and Roxas almost _swore _he saw him blush, but he knows he must've imagined it because Axel is too _manly_ for that.

"They'll never know exactly how much one set of bones meant to another set."

Roxas didn't know what to think of that. He knew what Axel was talking about, of course, but what struck Roxas as odd was how similar Axel's feelings about History were to his own. Granted, he may have worded it a bit differently, but underneath, it was the same idea:

_You'll never get to know a person until you really get to know them._

That was one thing he and Axel had in common.

"Axel..." Roxas said after a long moment of silence, "You make the shittiest analogies."

Axel smirked.

The bell rang. School was dismissed.

Some kids were already running fast as hell, eager to get as far away from the school as possible. However, others, despite the clearly displayed NO LOITERING sign, decided to hang around for a while. Roxas was among the latter.

"Hey, Roxas! My car broke down! Can I walk home with you?"

Scratch that. He was just heading home.

"Bye, Namine," Roxas said to his girlfriend. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He kissed her on the cheek and ran towards the sidewalk.

"Hey, wait!" Axel called out.

Roxas ran even faster. "Sorry, headache!" he yelled, pointing to his forehead. "Gotta go take care of it!"

"Roxas! Stop running!"

"Wh-"

Suddenly, his face came into contact with a hard, brick wall. He could feel one of the scratches on his face start to bleed.

Axel tried hard to stifle a laugh. "Told you to stop."

Roxas groaned irritably. "Bastard."

That, of course, only made Axel laugh more. "C'mon, let's walk over to your house. I could treat that with some bandages." He noticed Roxas eyeing him wearily. "Well, at least I could_ try_."

Roxas froze. Him. Axel. His house. A pack of cigarettes hidden in Axel's back pocket.

He wasn't ready for a repeat.

"N-no. No." He shook his head. "No."

He picked himself up off the ground. "I-I can fix it by myself. I don't need your help. Just...stay here, okay?"

Axel watched him run away, concerned.

Something was wrong with Roxas.

* * *

Roxas soon found himself at his front door. _'What am I doing?'_

Damn it, Axel would know that something was up. He should've tried to act less conspicuous.

He took out his set of keys and opened the door. His mother, who was sitting on the couch folding the laundry, greeted him. "Roxas! You're home early." _She_ was home rather early, as well. Maybe the flower shop closed early?

She then went on to ask him the same old questions of "How was school?" or "You're staying out of trouble, right?" Roxas answered them without really listening. His mind was on other things.

"Um, Mom? Can I ask you a hypothetical question?"

"Sure!" she replied, folding the last of the large pile of clothing.

"If, hypothetically, everyone thought I did something really bad, and I_ swore _to you I didn't, would you believe me? I know it seems really weird to ask, but..."

_'Please say no. I would rather hear you say that than have you lie to me.'_

His mother smiled sweetly. "Of course we would, honey. We know we can always trust you."

_'Liar,' _Roxas thought, and he felt terrible for thinking so.

"Why are you asking?" his mother asked, concerned, "Is someone spreading rumors about you in school?"

"No, don't worry. I was just curious. Thanks, Mom. You guys are such great parents." He forced a smile onto his face. "I'm gonna go upstairs."

He struggled carrying his heavy backpack to his room. Couldn't he just burn the damn thing? He wasn't planning on doing any of his homework, anyway. Though he had to make it look like he _was_, lest his mother suspect anything was wrong. He had a strategy to tackling the rest of this day: Act as normal as possible. He was reminded of those comic book superheroes that had to act as regular citizens to protect their secret identities. Roxas felt far from a superhero, however.

His cell phone started to ring, snapping him out of his thoughts and back to reality. His ringtone, _Dormant _by Demyx Loreone, started to play. Roxas soon found himself listening to the melancholy tunes of a dead man.

_It's a whisper-thin wall_

_That is threatnin' to break_

_You long to feel_

_You whine and yearn_

Growing extremely uncomfortable at the thought of listening to a song sung by a person who died at the same time he did, Roxas quickly answered his phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Roxas, it's me."

Axel.

It would have been much more comfortable if he had just listened to the entire song.

"Oh, hi, Axel. What is it?" he asked, trying to make his voice sound casual. It would be better if he just pretended this was a normal conversation on the phone.

"You seemed a little off today after school," Axel said, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Y-You were worried about me?" Roxas was pleasantly surprised, and, though he would never admit it, a little flattered. Neither Namine nor his mother was able to tell that anything was wrong with him. Axel even cared enough to call.

"Yeah. I mean, if_ I _don't watch out for you, who will?"

Axel chuckled and so did Roxas. And for a while, any hard feelings Roxas had against Axel melted away.

Then he remembered the detention paper.

"Listen, Axel, I'm fine. You don't have to worry," Roxas said, "But about what happened this morning... with Saix? I'm really sorry. Really, I didn't mean to get you into trouble."

"Ah, it doesn't matter," Axel said passively, "I'm used to it anyway. Glad to hear you're fine, though! I guess I'll see you tomorrow in school, then. Okay, bye!" He could picture Axel's finger ready to press the End Call button.

_'That's it?'_

"That's it? I've been treating you like absolute crap the entire day, and you don't mind?" Roxas asked, incredulously. If it were any other person, normally, Axel would've gotten pissed and given them hell for it. Earlier, Axel had even told him he was acting bitchy. And yet he just forgives him in a matter of seconds?

_'This isn't like you.'_

"Of course I mind," Though Roxas could only hear Axel's voice through the phone, he knew he was smirking. "I was serious about you treating me to lunch."

"That's not what I meant! You... you should hate me right now. You shouldn't have called to ask me if I was okay. You should be trying to make me feel worse. You should be trying to make me feel terrible for-"

_'-not going to your birthday party.' _

"-not admitting that I was the one who really threw that eraser at Saix-"

_'-like I hated you for not admitting that you were the one who was smoking.'_

"-like the twisted, cocky bastard you always are."

Axel was confused. "You _want_ me to hate you?"

"Yes! It-"

_'-gives me a reason to hate you back.'_

"-makes things fair!"

"Fair?" Axel started to grow concerned. "Roxas, what are you talking about? You don't hate me... do you?"

_'Yes.'_

"..."

Roxas didn't want to say anything. He didn't want to talk to this person. This... this _**stranger**_. Whoever they were, he knew for sure it wasn't Axel. Axel was _never_ this forgiving or friendly or kind. He had liked the other Axel better, the troublemaker. _That_ was the person he had wanted to make friends with all those years ago. He already had a girlfriend, Namine, who had more kindness and mercy in her than the rest of the student population combined.

"Axel?" Roxas finally said, "Just... just stay away from me for the rest of the day, okay? I don't feel like talking to you right now."

"Why?" Axel asked, sounding angry. But he wasn't asking it as a question. It was a challenge. Axel wasn't going to let Roxas weasel his way out of this one so easily.

_'Fine,' _Roxas thought, _'You want a battle? I'll give you a war.'_

Too late did Roxas realize how far the conversation had drifted from a normal conversation on the phone.

"Axel," he said, making his voice as cold as he could make it. "You're better off just hanging up and leaving me the hell alone. Trust me. Just get on with your own life."

"_Why?_"

"You don't get it, do you? I hate you! I don't want to see you! I don't _ever_ want to see you." Roxas bit his lip. The words... weren't coming out right. There were real, true emotions behind them, but not quite the anger and fury that he wanted. Instead his words were filled with utter desperation.

_'Please.'_

"I wish we had never met in the first place."

There was a moment of silence. Roxas thought that maybe Axel had actually fallen for that little performance. Then he heard laughter.

"You're lying," Axel said, "You don't really mean any of that."

"Y-Yes I do!"

Did he really? When he was alive, Roxas would have never said any of those words. He couldn't bring himself to truly mean them. He would never want to stop being friends with Axel. Whether he liked to admit it or not, deep down, he still thought of him as his childhood hero.

"Yes you are, I can tell," Axel said, "Face it, Roxas, you were never meant to be an actor. Something's bothering you, and you're being too stubborn to talk about it. C'mon, just tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help."

"No! I told you, just stay away from me!"

"Is it about me?"

"No!"

"It is, isn't it? What did I do this time?"

"EVERYTHING!" Roxas blurted out, and he instantly wished he didn't. Too late, though. He started this. He had to finish it.

"Wh-Why are you being so nice to me?" he managed to ask. "Even though...Even though I..." He felt like an absolute ass. Axel was being so compassionate and concerned, and Roxas still hated him. It would have been so much easier if Axel had hated him back.

"Because we're best friends. That's why."

_'This isn't like you.'_

He understood what Axel was saying. He was saying that since he and Roxas were friends, he gets special treatment. But he didn't want to be special. He wanted Axel to treat him the same way he treated everybody else. That would make him feel a little more justified in his hatred and a little less guilty.

_'You're making it very hard for me to hate you.'_

If he didn't _hate_ Axel, then how did he feel about him?

How was he supposed to feel about everything that had happened? Because if he didn't _know_, if he didn't have a concrete emotion to hang on to, before he knew it, all of the emotions inside of him would just collide with one another, until it became difficult to tell them apart. He wouldn't be able to handle it if everything was so jumbled. He needed something tangible, something easy to identify.

In a strange, sort of ironic way, only in that exact moment was he able to identify the emotion that has been there since the very beginning. The emotion that has stayed with him and weighed down his soul ever since he died.

It wasn't hatred.

He was just confused.

"I'm coming over Roxas. I'm coming over to see what's the hell is wrong with you."

_'No.' _

"NO!"

"You can't stop me. I'm already putting my shoes on."

_'No. If you keep insisting that everything's okay...'_

"Axel, I swear you'd better not leave that house, or I swear I'll-"

"You'll what? You can't do shit to me and you know it. You're so eager to have me to hate you? Fine. Try to mess with me, and I'll beat the crap out of you. But I'm not going to sit down while you obviously need help." Then a voice, softer and quieter. "'Cause that's what best friends are for." Roxas heard a door opening on the other line. "Bye."

"No, Axel, no!"

The line went dead.

Roxas just stood there, frozen in place. He couldn't do anything about it anymore. All he could do was wait for Axel to show up. Everything was going to play out exactly like the last time, and he was powerless to change it.

_**'Both of us are gonna get hurt.'**_

He slumped back, defeated, onto his bedroom floor.

He had lost the battle.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **I have to confess. The finger-counting scene with Axel and Saix and the middle finger was taken from an old movie called _Stand and Deliver_. I thought it was appropriate.

The next chapter is _**ANGSTY**_. So you can look forward to that. Unfortunately, the next chapter may end up taking longer than a week to get here, too. (It's a very emotional chapter!)

Review, please! Reviews make me happy.


	8. Never Happened

**Author's Notes #1: **Sorry for the long wait! I got writer's block for some time. Reading your reviews helped with that. So thanks to everyone who helped get this chapter out at the time it did! Unfortunately, I think my new update schedule is going to be once every two weeks. (Subject to change.) On the plus side, these chapters are longer! (Sorry!) WARNING: Angst. I warned you!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Eight: Never Happened**

_Inside every heart, there's a light that never goes out._

Roxas can remember Sora's words clearly in his head. His grandfather always used to say sentimental crap like that when they were both still alive. Roxas used to think that he owned one of those motivational line-a-day desk calendars and carried it around with him everywhere, just so that he could recite them to random people on street. But Sora always said, "Nope! They come from here," Then he would point to the side of his head. "...and here." His heart. Of course, that was exactly the type of thing that would be found in a motivational line-a-day desk calendar, but he decided not to press the subject any further.

For some reason, that one particular statement about the light in people's hearts always stayed in his head. He never really understood what it meant. Sure, he had an idea, but Sora always said it with such conviction and enthusiasm that Roxas thought there must've been much more, a deeper meaning behind it.

Still, in this very moment, Roxas didn't understand what it meant, and neither was he interested in finding out since all he could concentrate on was the beating of his own heart as he waited for Axel to arrive.

_Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

_Ding-dong!_

The doorbell was followed by several loud knocks and then by more impatient ringing. "I'll get it!" he heard his mother call out cheerfully. He didn't bother to stop her.

_Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

"Oh, Axel! It's so nice to see you! What brings you over here?" That was the first time Roxas heard his mother say that in a long time. She never said that to Axel anymore after she found the cigarette.

"Thank you, Mrs. Strife." Axel spoke with a fake, yet convincing, politeness. "I just need to talk to Roxas for a bit."

"Oh, sure! He's upstairs in his room. Would you like me to get him for you?"

_Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

"Sur-"

Roxas stepped out of his room. "N-no need!" he called out to the first floor. "I'll be right down!" He ran down the stairs as quickly as he could, trying not to trip over his own feet. "Let's talk at the door, Axel!" he said, looking him straight in the eye.

_'Where there will be __**witnessess**__ if you strangle me at any point.'_

Axel shot him a dirty look. "Sure."

Aerith, unaware of the conflict between the two boys, simply nodded and smiled. "Well, I'll leave you two to talk things over." She turned to leave. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."

"Sure, Mom." Roxas said, still not breaking eye contact. He and Axel were momentarily locked in a hostile staring contest until he spat out bitterly, "I thought I told you not to come here."

"I thought I told you I'd beat the crap out of you if you got in my way."

Roxas growled irritably, which pissed Axel off even more. "Just _what_ is your deal? I didn't even _do _anything to you! Do get some sort of kick from blaming other people for stuff they didn't even do?"

_'No, that would be you, Axel.'_

"All you're doing is causing more problems for yourself! Jesus! I even walked all the way over here to try to help you, and you give me that crappy attitude!" Axel was almost yelling, which Roxas should've been worried about, seeing as how his mother was in the next room, but instead, he grew offended.

"_I'm_ the one causing the problems?" he seethed. "I DIDN'T INVITE YOU OVER HERE, YOU ASS!"

"Roxas! Is something wrong?" Aerith's concerned voice echoed throughout the house. "I hear yelling!"

"It's nothing, Mom!" Roxas called back. He faced Axel angrily. "Can you keep your voice _down_?"

"What! That was _you_ she was just talking about back there!" Axel was hissing quietly, trying not to attract any more attention. "See what I mean about blaming people? You never want to blame yourself! You always have to be perfect, don't you?"

Roxas's body tensed. That line. _Why_ did he have to say that line? He might've been okay if he just stopped at the second sentence, but _had _to add more to it, didn't he?

Memories came rushing back to him.

_"Mr. Strife, this could go a lot easier and quicker if you just admit to the truth."_

_"I __**am **__telling the truth! I didn't do it!"_

_A sigh. "I'm very disappointed in you, Mr. Strife. Lying can do you no good. You always have to be perfect, don't you?"_

Roxas spoke quietly. "Axel, I think you're starting to turn into a teacher."

"What?"

"If you're just here to scold me like a child, then you can just leave. Trust me, I've heard enough of it in my lifetime."

Axel only stepped closer. Too close for Roxas's liking. "You _are_ a child. And I'm not taking orders from you."

Did you hear a sound like a twig snapping? That was Roxas's patience.

He yelled as loud as he could. "**GET OUT OF MY HOUSE**!"

"Roxas! I heard yelling again! If you need help-"

"I ALREADY SAID I DIDN'T NEED YOUR HELP, YOU DUMB BITCH!"

Whoops.

"What did you say!"

Axel looked both amused and digusted. "Nice job, dipshit. Now you pissed her off." He gestured towards the front yard. "Wanna talk outside?"

Roxas reluctantly agreed, stepping outside and closing the front door.

"...You can drop the act now."

"I wish you would stop being all vague and shit."

Roxas sighed. "You can drop the nice guy act now. Y'know, being nice to me all day, coming over here, pretending to care about me..."

_'If it's going to happen, let it happen already. If Axel's going to ruin my life today, let it happen already. Because I'm starting to hate him less and less.'_

"Pretend? Do you think I don't care about you for some reason? Is that why you're so mad at me? Well...I do. So can we just be friends now?"

"Hah, _that's_ a joke. Care about me? You don't even care about yourself."

"What do you mean?"

Roxas gritted his teeth. "I mean that you don't give a damn about what happens to you. That's why you keep pissing those teachers off. Because you don't care. Because if you did, if you really cared about yourself, then...then...then..."

_'Screw trying to keep it a secret.'_

_"__**Then**_ _**why are you smoking!**_"

Axel froze in shock. "How...how did you-"

"That doesn't matter! All that matters is _why_!"

Axel sighed. "Look, hear me out, okay? Things...haven't been easy lately. My mom just got fired from her job, and we're tight on money right now. It's really tough. Xigbar said that this was a great way for me to relieve stress and forget about things."

"I hardly doubt killing yourself is worth it! What wrong with you? The Axel I knew wouldn't just run away from his problems like that! He wasn't a coward!"

"Killing myself?"

"Have you been living under a rock? Every breath you take out of that cancer stick shortens your life span! Do you want that? _Huh_? Do you want to die early? It's disgusting and I hate it!"

Roxas finally realized the real reason he was so angry at Axel for smokng in his other lifetime. It wasn't because of all that bull he said about getting in trouble. He was worried about Axel. He didn't want him to hurt himself like that. Which made him wonder, if he had just said that in the first place, would things have turned out differently?

"And...as corny as it sounds, I want you to be around for as long as possible." He blushed when he heard himself say that. Now wasn't the time for useless sentiments!

Axel suddenly spoke. "Okay."

Roxas looked up at Axel with wide eyes.

"Okay," Axel repeated. "If you don't want me to smoke anymore..." He took the cigarrette out of his mouth and threw it onto the ground. "...then I quit. Forever."

Roxas didn't believe him. It was almost impossible to quit smoking cold turkey. In his other lifetime, it had taken Axel several months to quit the habit. But there was just something about the way Axel had said it that seemed so...adamant.

Axel continued, "If that's what's making you act like this, then I don't want to upset you any further."

_'This __**really**__ isn't like you.'_

Axel then moved closer to Roxas. Once again too close for Roxas's liking, but right now, he didn't care. Axel was being so _nice! _On one hand, Roxas didn't like it because it just _wasn't Axel_, but on the other hand, it was...nice. It was nice to have someone to worry about him, other than his parents. It was nice to have his friend back. Maybe Axel really _could_ be a decent person if he wanted to.

For some reason, the thought didn't sit well with Roxas.

_'To think, my worst day could've been avoided if I had just told Axel the truth.'_

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Axel's hot breath on his face. Their faces were almost touching each other. He quickly realized the position he was in. Why was Axel was so _close_? Images of the kiss came flooding back to his mind.

_'Oh God, not that again! Don't tell me he's going to-!'_

In the park, he had some room to run away, had he been able to. Now, Axel had him backed up against a wall. No! That can't happen again! He didn't want the awkwardness. He didn't want the mysterious sad and desperate feeling that came over him the last time. He just wanted everything to go back to mormal.

_'Axel. I think...'_

He pushed against Axel's chest as hard as he could, then ran, trying to get as far away from him as possible. He attempted to run across the street, but...

_'...I think I...'_

He should've known better than to run out into the middle of a busy street, given the cause of his death. But he acted on impulse. He wasn't thinking. If he was, he would've expected what happened next.

_'...I forgive you.'_

The series of events that followed were entirely up to Fate and completely out of Roxas's hands. But... looking back at it, he couldn't help but think that everything that had happened was all his fault.

If he had just decided to listen to all of _Dormant _instead of answering his cell phone, Axel would've never found out that anything was wrong with him.

If Axel had never figured out that anything was wrong, he wouldn't have bothered coming over to Roxas's house to find out the problem.

If he hadn't bothered to come over, they would've never had that argument and Roxas would've never ran out into the middle of the street.

If Roxas hadn't run out into the middle of the street, _**and **_if his mind was working properly and _**not**_ a confused and jumbled mess, he probably would've seen that car coming.

If he saw that car coming...

...Does this sound familiar to anyone?

"**ROXAS! **_**WATCH OUT! **_"

Roxas turned to see a pair of glowing, yellow headlights.

It all happened so quickly.

_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH...!_

A terrible, metallic, inhuman sound tore through the air, bursting through the eardrums of everyone within earshot. For a split second, everything had turned to black as a strong, forceful impact suddenly hit the side of Roxas's body. Unbearable pain immediately shot through him, and he fell on his side onto the rough asphalt of the road. Glass broke, and the sound of a crash filled his ears. And just like that, it was over.

It hurt.

It felt like Hell.

But...he wasn't dead.

He was slightly bruised from falling onto the road, but other than that, he was perfectly fine. He wasn't even bleeding. It was a miracle! The car didn't hit him, and he didn't die!

Then...what was that crash?

The relieved smile instantly dropped off his face as the smell of blood reached his nostrils. It wasn't his blood. It wasn't the driver's, either. Realization found its way inside him and slowly morphed itself into dread. The impact he had felt wasn't from the car. It was hands, pushing him out of the way.

In front of him laid Axel, mangled and broken.

_Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

_**Thump.**_

"_N-no..._" This couldn't be happening. "No..." This just couldn't be happening! "No! **NO!**" There was no way...There...was...no...

"_**Nooooooooooooooooooo...! **_"

...way.

_'How could this have happened?'_

"**NO! NO! NO! NO!**" Roxas pounded the asphalt as hard as he could, trying to get the image out of his mind. There was no way. He must've imagined it. He must've! This was all just a dream. It was all some horrible dream that God was giving him to torture him with. It couldn't be real. There was no way Axel would...Tears pricked at Roxas's eyes. No! Don't believe it! It wasn't real! It can't be...

A pained and tortured cry filled his ears, snapping him out of his thoughts. It was coming from Axel's body.

"**AAAAAHHHHHHHH! **"

Alive. Alive. Alive...! He was alive!

Roxas quickly rushed over to his side, ignoring the pain in his stomach. He felt like he was about to burst, feeling both extremely happy and horrified at the same time.

"R-rox...a...s," Axel choked out, his voice distorted by the blood in his mouth. "It hurts."

Roxas touched one of the wounds on his stomach, trying to see how much damage there was and if it could be treated. His mother could fix this! She could heal the wounds, and everything would be just fine! He winced, however, as soon as he felt red liquid stain his hand.

Yes, Axel was alive, but this wasn't a dream. The blood was real. This was real.

"Wh-_why?_" Roxas sobbed. The tears were flowing freely now. There was so much blood. It filled the air with a horrible, metallic scent and painted the road a dark red. It pooled around the sides of Axel's body and stained his clothes. Roxas just knew that no matter how many times you could wash them, the stains were _never_ coming out. Just like his hands. There will _always_ be blood on his hands.

Axel started to cough violently. It sounded horrible. Everything about this was horrible. "Aw, c'mon, Roxas," he said, a disturbing smile on his face. Why was he smiling? Didn't he know what was going on? "Don't cry. I _know_ I didn't make friends with some crybaby." He used his finger to wipe some tears off Roxas's cheek. The gesture was so gentle and so soothing that his tears were soon replaced with fresh, new ones.

"Everything's gonna be fine."

Even as Axel said it, Roxas knew it wasn't true. If Axel kept on bleeding the way he was, he wouldn't have any blood left. No one could treat the wounds fast enough. It was too late. Axel was going to die soon.

_How? _How could this have happened? It didn't happen the last time he lived through this day! Why did this happen?

Then, suddenly, with all the force of a car crash, Roxas realized that it was the same. The last time, he had been miserable. Now, he was miserable. It was the same for both days. Nothing had changed.

He felt himself lifting his hand high up in the air.

_Slap!_

The force of his hand coming in contact with Axel's cheek left a mark almost as red as the blood. Axel did what any good person would. He turned the other cheek. Roxas cried even harder.

What was he expecting when he slapped him like that? Was he expecting a mask to fall off, revealing the face of an imposter? Maybe. Unfortunately for Roxas, there was never any mask, and he was forced to stare at the _real_ Axel's face, cut up and bruised, still smiling as if he expected all of this to happen. If the scene of his own death had looked anything like this, he truly pitied anyone who had to see it.

At that thought, he suddenly became aware of the rest of the world. Police with wailing sirens and paramedics came rushing in, and the people who lived on his street were standing outside now, screaming at the sight. Official looking men were surrounding the both of them, yelling at Roxas to leave the body alone. They thought Axel was already dead. They didn't know. They didn't know how much pain the two of them were in right now. He held onto Axel tighter, trying not to hurt him. He just wanted the noise to stop.

"_Why_?" he asked him, his voice dripping with gulit and sadness. "_Why_ would you..." He stopped. He couldn't finish it. Axel's heartbeat was gradually growing weaker, and now it was almost gone. It was almost over. This was the end.

Axel gave one last smile, and to Roxas, it felt like the end of the world. "Because I care about you..." Axel said, his eyes slowly closing, hoping that these were worthy last words. "...more than you'll ever know."

He coughed, and his eyes fluttered closed.

There were plenty of things that had happened soon afterwards that would've left Roxas equally as distressed and disturbed. It could've been the paramedics, who roughly pushed past him, trying to take the body away. He refused to leave, however, no matter how much they yelled. He ended up going to the hospital with them. It could've been the way Roxas saw his mother's face in the crowd of people watching them, shocked to tears and wondering how this all happened. It could've been the way people were staring at him, as if he was the one responsible for the death. Of course, he agreed with them.

But all Roxas could think about were his grandfather's words about the light in people's hearts.

And... that the moment Axel had closed his eyes, one of the streetlamps towering above them flickered out.

Axel died on the way to hospital. Roxas watched it happen.

None of the nurses or doctors bothered to pull him away from the corpse. They didn't reprimand him for screaming at anyone who had tried to comfort him. They didn't even let his parents disturb him. All they did was let him cry bitter, broken tears.

Tears for a death that never happened.

* * *

Roxas fell asleep that night on the hospital floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head buried in folded arms. He woke up in Heaven the same way.

Sora didn't greet him cheerfully this time. He looked as if all of the pain and sadness Roxas was feeling was his own.

"_Oh, Roxas. I'm so sorry._" He said it so quietly, it was almost a whisper. "If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly how you feel."

Roxas had to laugh at that. Really. He just threw his head back and laughed so hard his throat hurt. "No. No, you don't. How would you know? How the _hell_ would you know what it's like to lose somebody like that?"

Sora looked down. Roxas thought he got him there, but he answered, "When I died... I had to leave everyone I cared about behind. Including you."

If anyone besides Axel could make Roxas feel like an asshole, it was Sora.

"You have no idea how much I hate myself right now. So stop trying to cheer me up." He eyed Sora with half-hearted displeasure. "...because I hate you, too."

Sora looked surprised but strangely, not offended. "Me? What could I have ever done to make you hate _me_?"

Roxas wasn't so sure himself. The words just spilled out of his mouth. "...You died. Four years ago." He brushed some hair out of his eyes. They were starting to water again. "How could you, Grandpa? How could you just leave me here? Who am I supposed to be now?"

Why was he saying all of this? He didn't hate Sora at all. Far from it, actually. But for a while, his emotions overpowered his brain and did the talking for him. He needed to talk. He needed to get his feelings out. He had been holding them in for too long. "Mom and Dad always said nice things about you. I can remember being four years old and hearing them say that they hoped I would grow up to be just like you someday." He looked at Sora's face, observing his features. "They said I even looked exactly like you when you were my age. I wanted Mom and Dad to say nice things about me, too. So I thought...if I just copied everything that you did, they'd like me."

Sora sat down next to his grandson. "Do you want to tell me the rest of the story?"

Roxas, ignoring the question and Sora altogether, continued. "The problem with that is... if you don't teach a kid how to be their own person or whatever back when they're still four, they'll never be their own person. So when you died, it wasn't just you lying in that coffin. It was me, too. It was my entire childhood."

He paused, scared to utter the next words in Sora's presence, but feeling obliged to do so.

"All those tears I cried at your funeral? They were just as much for me as they were for you."

Roxas adjusted himself, sitting upright.

"I had spent my entire life up to eleven just copying someone else's life. With that someone gone, I had no one to be anymore. I didn't know how to behave, I didn't know how to talk, I didn't know when to forgive someone or not, I didn't know _anything_!"

It was remarkable, really, how a child could be born into this world with no personality of their own.

"I couldn't handle that. Not by myself. I needed a friend's help. A _best_ friend's help. So I ran out in the middle of the funeral and went over to Axel's house. Can you believe that? I bothered him in the middle of the night just to get my tears on his carpet. Seriously. All I did was sit on his bedroom floor and cry my eyes out."

Crying was a sign of weakness. Roxas never wanted to appear weak, especially not in front of Axel, the human embodiment of strength in his eyes.

"At one point, I glanced over to where Axel was sitting on his bed. It suprised me how... unaffected he was by all of it. Though it really shouldn't have. After all, he didn't care when his own father died a few years ago. Why should he care now? The entire night, he didn't talk to me or comfort me or anything. He just sat and stared and waited until I went home. That was it. He acted like I wasn't even there."

Sora was listening intently. "I'm sure he had a good reason," he commented, but Roxas seemed to be too wrapped up in his own emotions to hear him.

"At that moment -and it just came to me out of nowhere- all I wanted so desperately was to be that cold. That uncaring. Because I didn't want your death to bother me as much as it did. It was too painful and pathetic to think that I had nothing left. I wanted nothing in the world to bother me anymore. I would be untouchable. Invincible."

That night, he discovered the true meaning of loneliness hidden somewhere in Axel's carpet. He knew. Loneliness was realizing that Roxas Benjamin Gainsborough Strife no longer existed, and that his best friend didn't even care.

"I have to admit, Axel Parr is never who comes to mind when you think of a role model. Nevertheless, I copied him. All of his strengths and shortcomings. Tried to, at least. The only person who could completely pull off being Axel is Axel."

He smiled sadly.

"It must've worked, because I feel like a real bastard right now." Sora was so absorbed in what Roxas was saying that he didn't even comment on the cursing.

"Part of copying Axel is occasionally being mean to other people. If that included being mean to Axel himself, I was willing to do it. Willing to give him a small portion of the cruelty he gave to others. Besides... back then, I used to think Axel was made out of stone or something. That no matter how much you pushed him, he wouldn't break. He'll just push you right back. I admired him for that.

"So...even though I was upset about Axel not saying anything about the cigarette thing, it didn't really surprise me. I was hurt, but not surprised." Roxas started to laugh. "Isn't it ironic? That the person I admired more than anybody would destroy me in the end?"

_'Nope. The ultimate irony would be hating Axel for getting you into a car accident, then inadvertently getting him into a car accident yourself.' _Sora didn't have to say it. He knew Roxas was already beating himself up for it.

"But as soon as it happened, a thought came to my mind."

"Uh-oh. I know where this going."

Roxas spoke the next words with a small twinge of regret. "The bar had been raised."

_'So that was it, huh? You thought you'd give him as much cruelty as he had given you in an attempt to be more like him?' _Sora was beginning to understand his grandson better. It was kind of sad that he was only learning this about him _now_, after the two of them were dead.

He asked, "So... you started to hate him... because you respected him?"

Roxas chuckled slightly. "You make it sound weird."

"It _is_ weird."

He shrugged. "Well, it made sense to me at the time. They say imitation is the best form of flattery. Anyway..." He lowered his head and shut his eyes tightly, as if trying to forget a bad dream. "...to spend all that time turning yourself into a monster...only to find out that the person you were doing it all for wasn't made of stone...that he had _feelings_... how could I have done that to him? How could I have..." Roxas felt the familiar sensation of tears pricking at his eyes. Damn it, stop crying!

"Seeing him like that, it reminded me of the day of your funeral, when I ran to Axel for help. I hated myself for crying like that, and I hated Axel for reminding me of it. I had realized what I'd become. And I didn't like it. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to realize that. That I had hurt the person I cared about like that. If there was a way for me to forget -for me to pretend it never happened- I continued to run away from it."

A coward, that's what he was. _That_ was his personality. A selfish coward who would rather make others miserable than take responsibility for his actions. All those teachers were right about him. Now his tear-covered face finally matched his character.

"I convinced myself that _I_ was the victim here. That_ I _was the one who deserved all the pity. Not Axel. My death just gave me more reason to believe that. I took every opportunity and every excuse to hate Axel. I buried myself under walls of self-pity and hollow hatred, trying to forget."

Surrounding yourself with harmful distractions in order to run away from something? It sounded so familiar.

"...As if... trying to consume myself."

Demyx Loreone. Roxas finally found himself able to relate with the fallen celebrity. But he wouldn't end up like that. He wouldn't end up destroying himself.

"Before long, I had turned it into a game of_ 'Who's the bigger monster?' _"The tears came back full force. "But I never wanted to _win_!"

He broke down. For the next few minutes, all he did was cry and sob, just like on the day of his grandfather's funeral. _'Stop crying!' _he kept thinking, but his eyes refused to listen. It felt terrible. The guilt and grief overcame the embarrassment. Unlike the day of his grandfather's funeral, however, someone decided to speak up.

"Roxas." Sora said. "Can I just tell you one thing? Offer you a little insight? I _am_ your Guardian after all." At the nod of his grandson's head, he continued, "I don't think it was ever a question of_ 'Who's the bigger monster?' _I think it was more of _'Who's more miserable?' _"

Roxas couldn't believe it. Sora had actually said something that made sense.

"I'm not mad at Axel for not going to my funeral anymore," he said, crying still. "I mean, if I were him, I wouldn't even have wanted to get up off the floor."

"Is that it, then? You're just going to sit here for eternity?"

Sora received a sob as an answer. Turning to his side, he was surprised to see tears freely streaming down Roxas's face. He wasn't even trying to hold them in anymore. "I-I'm not ready," he said in-between sobs. "I can't see him right now, Grandpa. It's too much. I-I can't. I-"

Sora nodded his head in understanding. He would let Roxas take his time. But sooner or later, he was going to have to get over it. They all did.

"I...I don't think I hate him anymore, Grandpa."

"I don't think you need to state the obvious."

Roxas grew irritated at Sora's backhanded comment. "He _died _for me, Grandpa. _Died. _Even though I treated him like that. Do you have any idea what that means?"

He didn't wait for an answer. "It means that I'm human trash." He didn't know why it took him so long to figure out that Axel was, quite literally, his life.

Sora gasped, horrified. "That's not true!" he exclaimed, gripping Roxas's shoulders tightly and shaking him, trying to get some sense into his head. "Don't you dare say that about yourself! You were just confused, that's all! That's _normal_, Roxas. Perfectly normal. You still had a lot of lessons to learn, and you still do. That's why you're doing this."

Letting go of Roxas, he sighed sadly. "And it looks like you've just learned another valuable lesson."

"And what would that be?"

"That sometimes... losing someone you care about is more painful than dying."

The both of them grew silent at that. Sora broke the silence.

"Let me tell you something, Roxas. I'm really not allowed to tell you this, and you might not want to hear it, but I think you need to." Roxas could tell that Sora wasn't too eager to tell him whatever he was thinking about. He looked like he was having an inner battle with himself.

"What?" Roxas asked, not eager himself to find out. Nonetheless, if Sora thought it was important, he was willing to listen.

Sora didn't answer for a while, clearly uncomfortable with the information he had. Roxas almost felt like cutting the suspense with a knife. _'Just say it already!' _he thought impatiently.

Sora did.

"Axel... attempted suicide. Sometime after you died."

If Roxas had a heart, it would've stopped.

_'W-what...?'_

"What! When?"

Sora leaned in and whispered with all the seriousness of Death, _"Your funeral."_

It took some time for this information to sink in. When it did, Roxas gripped his head tightly and shut his eyes, wanting to forget everything, as always. The tears came back, more bitter than ever.

_'No...Don't do that to yourself, Axel. Don't do that just because of me. I'm not worth it. I can't stand it if I have to see you die again...'_

Sora continued to speak, "He stopped himself at the last minute. Something must've come over him. I wonder what that is..." Roxas wasn't listening. He was still recovering from the shock of the news.

"Just tell me exactly how much I've hurt him, Grandpa," he choked out. "How much have I tortured him? How much have I done to make him want to do that to himself? I might as well have run over him with the car myself." He wiped some tears from his eyes. "I don't know why I can't stop crying. Even though I know nothing really happened. The next time I see him, he won't even know what happened, right?"

Still...he could still feel Axel's blood on his hands.

_'It's the gesture,' _he thought to himself, _'If Axel had been there when I died, would he have done the same?' _

"And how do you _feel _about that?" Sora suddenly drawled, mimicking a bad therapist. He laughed slightly while saying it.

Roxas could only stare at him. "Was that supposed to be a joke?"

Sora stopped his laughter, but he didn't look apologetic. "Reversal." he commented. "It's better than therapy. When it comes to dealing with feelings and stuff." He looked up. "I think Axel had the right idea. Maybe he didn't try to comfort you on the day of my funeral because he knew that you could handle it yourself. That you were strong enough."

"I find it truly incredible," Roxas hissed. "...that you could stare right in the face of Death, and it wouldn't dampen your _youthful spirit _at all."

Sora widened his eyes but still no apology. "But...what can you...? You can't _do_ anything about it, Roxas. It already happened. I mean, I'm not saying I don't care, because I do, but you can't _do_ anything about it. Wouldn't you rather accept things and try to fix them rather than mope about them?" He looked up and smiled._ Smiled_, for God's sake. "It's nice to be concerned about things, but every one in a while, you just have to let life take control and not try so hard."

Don't... try so hard? The concept was so foreign and unfamiliar to him that he thought that it would be impossible to accomplish.

"You're going to have to," Sora said, as if reading his thoughts. "...if you want to finish this thing with your sanity intact."

He said it in such a way that Roxas wasn't sure whether he should take it seriously or as a joke.

"...Leave me alone. I need some time to myself." Sora wasn't at all surprised or offended by this. He simply nodded and picked himself up. He was about to stride away when he heard Roxas call out, "Hey, Sora! If you happen to find my sanity lying around anywhere, make sure to tell me, okay?"

* * *

Sora looked over his sobbing grandson with concern. He started to regret telling him about the suicide attempt. Now he was more miserable than ever. Besides, Roxas was supposed to figure these things out on his own. But he had always spoiled Roxas rotten as a child. Who said he couldn't give him a little push in the right direction?

He glanced down at the bottle in his hands. This, however, was another story. The bottle was found floating around in the lake outside the Gates earlier. The lake was a meeting point between the living world and Heaven, so anything that was lost in the ocean down on Earth was transported there. Sora never really understood why nobody did anything about that. Objects from Earth were forbidden here.

There was a rolled up piece of paper marked _Roxas_ inside the bottle. A message in a bottle. That was new. The stuff that was usually in the lake was old boots and broken fishing poles. You could bet that he was going to read it later. It was part of his job as a Guardian. The question was whether or not to show it to Roxas. If Roxas found out about it, he'll want to know what's inside. Was it worth breaking one of Heaven's most sacred rules?

_'I guess it depends on what's in it.' _he thought, pulling the cork out.

Even though the sender's name wasn't on it, he _knew_ that this was Axel's doing. Call it a grandfather's intuition.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: "**OMFG, she killed Axel!"

This may be some of your reactions right now. Or maybe not. I don't know, I can't see you through the computer screen. I realize that a chapter like this usually signifies the end of a story, but seeing as how this story messes with the time line, it's far from over.

I also realize that these chapters seem to be nothing but angst, but there_ are _cute/fluffy chapters in this story. I made sure of it.

Second confession time: Y'know the scene when Roxas is telling Axel why he hates smoking? That was inspired by a scene in The Way to Your Heart, a webcomic. Read it if you want! You can find it at emi - art . com (Remove spaces.)

Review, please! They mean a lot to me and really do make a difference on my writing skills. Really! See how these chapters are gradually getting longer? :D


	9. Message in a Bottle

**Author's Notes #1: **First of all, I would like to apologize for the overall bad quality of this chapter. I'll try to do better on the next one, I promise!

Second, Namine's part in the message in the bottle (You'll know what I'm talking about.) is taken directly from _Elsewhere. _I just thought that part was kind of cute.

Thank you to all of those who review(ed) in the past, now, and/or in the future! (Awkward sentence structure.) You guys are what fuel my typing!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Nine: Message In A Bottle**

Glass bottles, as we all know, only break when they hit hard surfaces. A cloud is certainly not a hard surface. So when Sora threw a bottle at Roxas's feet, it didn't shatter, crack, or even make a sound. It just sort of laid there, motionless. He half expected it to sink through and fall to the Earth, having learned in school that clouds were only made out of water vapor. After his experience here though, he supposed that his textbook was lying. He was learning all sorts of new things today, wasn't he?

No, the bottle itself wasn't the thing that caught his attention. What _did _catch his attention was the complete randomness of the action.

"What's that?" he asked, his throat feeling rough after being unused for so long. He could still feel the dried up tears on his cheeks. He had stopped crying some time ago and had started to sit and think about things.

Sora glanced at him, his expression unreadable. This bothered him. Shouldn't Sora be trying to cheer him up, or something?

"A message in a bottle."

"Wh-"

"You can open it if you want to."

Roxas blinked, having just been abruptly interrupted. "Huh?"

He was confused. This was the first time Sora had spoken to him in hours. Or what felt like hours. He wasn't sure how quickly time passed after you died or even if it passed at all. All he knew was that for a while, everything was dead silent. All of Heaven seemed to have come to a decision to leave him alone while he sorted the thoughts in his head. It was like everyone in Heaven knew what had just happened to him. It was like everyone was singling him out as the sole object of pity there. For most of his life, Roxas had been singling himself out for pity. How come he had never noticed that it felt this lonely before? Sora finally speaking to him again and breaking the silence of the area reminded him just how good human contact felt.

Sora sighed and turned to face Roxas. He looked like he was struggling with something. Roxas knew this couldn't be good. "I am letting you open the bottle and read the message inside." He emphasized every word, which made Roxas want to listen closely. "But only if you want to. Just so you know, I already read it."

Roxas blinked a second time. Okay... So Sora was giving him something to read? So far, everything Sora had given or told him was of some sort of great importance. He _was_ his Guardian after all. That meant he_ had _to read the message, right? And that Sora was using reverse psychology?

Reverse. He had just unintentionally made a pun.

He leaned forward and outstretched his arm, reaching for the bottle. He flinched when Sora suddenly shouted, "B-But I'm warning you! You might regret it!"

Roxas withdrew his hand, irritated. "I don't get it. First, you give me permission to open the bottle. Then you tell me I can't."

"I'm not saying you _can't_. I'm just advising you against it. You have a choice here."

Wait... Did that mean reading whatever was in the bottle was a_ bad _thing? Then why the _hell _was Sora giving it to him to read?

"What's in the bottle?"

Sora pursed his lips together. "Can't tell you."

Dammit. He was being more confusing than he usually was. All of this trouble for a message in a bottle? It must be pretty important, then. Which brought him back to the conclusion that he _had_ to read the message. Sure, he'd be blatantly ignoring Sora's warning, but if Sora really didn't want him to read it, he wouldn't even have wasted his time. He was still an emotional wreck, and now wasn't a good time to bother him with useless things. Besides, he had blatantly ignored basic traffic rules on the day he died. Blatantly ignoring things seemed to be his destiny.

He asked him, "Where did that thing even come from?" He knew that in Heaven you could summon things to you at will, but it didn't make sense that Sora would summon something that he didn't want.

"Would you believe me if I told you it came from a magical floating lake?" Sora replied sheepishly.

Magical... floating... lake?

"Demyx!" he whispered. Did Demyx find it in the lake and force Sora to give it to him? But that didn't make any sense, either. And how long had Sora been aware of the lake and not tell him about it? That lake had a creepy, otherworldly air about it, leading him to believe that there was more than just water in there.

"What was that?" Sora asked, referring to his sudden outburst.

"Nothing, nothing," he answered quickly. "And what about this lake?"

"Well, you see... there's this lake somewhere up here-I don't think I've shown it to you yet-and whenever something in the living world gets lost at sea, it gets sent there. For reasons I don't know, in case you're gonna ask."

"Interesting..." Now why would Demyx want to hang around a lake like that?

Roxas picked up the bottle.

"CAREFUL!"

He dropped it in shock. "Dammit, Sora! Make up your mind!"

The brunet blushed. "Sorry. Just...do whatever you want with it. I'll leave now."

"_Bye_, Sora!" he called out as Sora began to walk away. In the distance, he thought he saw Sora waving his arms around wildly, yelling something about the "consequences of his actions". But he could've just imagined that.

In any case, his frantic grandfather didn't have to worry him opening the bottle anytime soon. He sat back down on the ground and placed the cork back in.

He'll read it later. Right now he would do what he always did in times of distress.

He would sit and think.

When you're bored out of your mind after a long while of crying your eyes out and you've got a glass bottle in your hands with no one around to watch, _what _are you going to do to pass the time?

Spin it on the ground repeatedly to see how fast it could go, of course. Maybe not the most productive thing to do, but it worked.

_'I feel like I'm forgetting something.'_

He didn't actually forget. He was just pushing it to the back of his mind to stall. He was not thrilled at the prospect of opening and looking through the questionable contents of a bottle that came from a magical floating lake. Especially one that came with a warning.

_'This would seem incredibly random to anyone who didn't know what was going on.'_

He kept trying to think of different and pointless things to do in order to keep him occupied. He didn't feel like just thinking anymore. His thoughts were too depressing to pay attention to. Usually, in times like these, he would be in his bedroom with the music turned all the way up, overpowering all the noise in his head. But now, it was completely silent again, and there was nothing to distract him from himself. Nevertheless, he did whatever he could to think of something.

As he stared at the spinning bottle, trying to judge the exact speeds at which it was moving, Roxas noticed something that should've caught his attention earlier.

_'Hey, that's Axel's handwriting.'_

_Roxas_ was written on the piece of paper inside the bottle. Axel had sent it to him._ Axel _had sent it to him. Images of the car crash came rushing into his mind as he quickly grabbed for the bottle. He _had_ to open it now. He _needed_ to know what it was that Axel wanted to say to him. He needed to know what was running through his mind that would make him want to go ahead and _die_ for him. After all of what happened, he felt like he didn't know his best friend at all anymore. All of his previous views on him were changed dramatically. Axel was a stranger, and he didn't want the two of them to drift any further apart.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing himself. In this bottle, there were answers to his unanswered questions. He was sure of it. Exactly how much it revealed, though, he wasn't sure. But it was _something_. Exactly how ready for it he was, he wasn't sure about either. But didn't someone say that knowledge was power?

Uncorking it and pulling the letter out, he found that the letter was actually two sheets of paper stapled together.

_'A two-page message in a bottle?' _Roxas thought, amused. _'Either he writes big, or he's more articulate than he gives himself credit for.'_

The first page, he found out, was only a greeting for the actual message. He could tell that Namine was the one who wrote this page because of the neat, curly handwriting and the intricate flower border drawn around it.

_Roxas Benjamin Gainsborough Strife_

_Heaven or_

_The Undiscovered Country or_

_The Shadowlands or_

_The Big Sleep or_

_The Great Unknown or_

_The Great Beyond or_

_Elysian Fields or_

_Valhalla or_

_Fortunate Isles or_

_Isle of the Blessed or_

_The Kingdom of Joy and Light or_

_Paradise or_

_Eden or_

_The Firmament or_

_The Sky or_

_Wherever you are, whatever it's called_

The second page was definitely Axel's work. Messy handwriting was scrawled all over it and the none of the lines were straight. There were a lot of things crossed out and erased, giving the entire page a chicken scratch feel that would've made any teacher cringe. Nevertheless, whether it was because of his eagerness to read whatever his best friend had written for him or another one of Heaven's phenomena, Roxas found it easy to read as if it had been penned in beautiful calligraphy.

_Dear Roxas, _

_To be honest, I'm not even sure why Im writing this. _

Wonderful way to start a letter.

_Namine says it'll help me vent my feelings about your death or some other crap like that. Not that you'll ever actually read this so its more like a shitty diary._

The thought of the usually timid Namine forcing the usually tough Axel to write about his personal feelings was funny. The thought of Axel actually agreeing to go along with this was even funnier. Roxas could just picture Axel grumbling at his desk, angrily scribbling down whatever came to his mind.

_I don't think I relly have any feelings about tis though. I don't think it really sunk in yet. I kind of went into denial after they told me what hapened. I keep expecting you to pop up somewhere and yell out "Got ya!" and I'll find out this was all just a joke. It feels weird knowing I won't see you tomorow, or any day._

Axel was right. This _did_ feel like reading someone's diary. Guilt took over him as he began to think about his choice. He didn't have a right to know Axel's personal thoughts. He wasn't alive. It was none of his business anymore. Although, Roxas still had to wonder. If he truly thought that doing this was a waste of time, then why bother sending this out? Unless Namine talked him into doing that, too.

_I think the reson I'm in denial is because I want to be. I like thinking you're stilll hear somehow. I miss you. Its sappy and its corny but its true. I miss you and if I keep telling myself your still here I wouldn't miss you as much. But lets face it I'm here and your not and I relly need to get on with things but I don't want to forget about you. God, I'm such a girl._

He shouldn't be reading this. It was too personal. Axel never meant for him to actually read this. To make things worse, _Sora_ read it. Even if neither of them could spread this to anyone on Earth, it still didn't make it right. There were other ways of getting to know him better.

But were there, really? He'd see Axel again when he started his next day, but it wouldn't be the one who had taken his sea-salt ice cream. He wouldn't be the one who had made Roxas skate to the store. He wouldn't be the one that didn't go to Roxas's funeral. He'd be someone different. A memory.

Then he remembered what Sora had told him earlier. That he might regret it. Did Axel say something bad about him in here? Or did he write about a deep, dark secret? Why did he send this out? He could've ripped it up as soon as he was done with it, no matter what Namine said. Did that mean that he really _wanted_ him to read what he had to say?

_If you really are reading this, and you're up there in Heaven or wherever, watching over us, you're probly pissed of that I didn't go to you're funeral 2 days ago. You're rite to be. Id probly be pretty pissed off too. _

Two days ago? It took some time for Roxas to remember that this had been written by the eighteen-year-old Axel, not the sixteen-year-old one. That meant that he's been dead for nine days. He shuddered, thinking of all the worms that could've eaten their way through his coffin by now. And that was _him_ thinking of_ himself_. Imagine what Axel must be thinking.

_Truth is, I can't stand funerals. Like my dad's funeral, people were just crying and throwing flowers all over his goddamn casket and the priest didn't know what the hell he was taking about. It's like they keep trying to remind us that your dead and I just can't take that kind of shit, not about you. Truth is, all the tears, all the flowers, and all the words in the world can't bring you back to life. _

A thought occurred to Roxas. Why put himself through all of this? Why doesn't he just rip the letter up himself? He had a choice. He didn't have to read any more of this. He could just go on with the rest of his death and forget about this letter. There was a time when he would've wanted-no, _demanded_-to know how Axel felt about all this, but now, reading it made him ache with all the satisfaction of winning a hollow victory. Okay, so Axel was miserable without him. How was that supposed to make him feel better?

He almost did it. His hands were at the edges of the paper and he almost ripped it in half. But then he remembered. He remembered why he wasn't able to stop himself from reading it before.

Because it was _Axel's_ words. The _real _Axel. The person who wrote this letter was the same person he had grown up with all these years and not just a living memory. It felt like Axel was_ talking _to him, face to face. It was something he never thought he'd get to do anymore. It was someone he thought he'd never hear from again. He can't get rid of that. He can't rip that apart.

_I almost made a huge mistake that night. If there really is a heaven you probly know about it alredy. I don't know it just felt like something I had to do but then I-_

The rest of the sentence and a few lines after that were crossed out violently, making it impossible to read. He skipped over to the next legible line.

_-again. I don't know wat I can say anymore. If there really is a heaven and your watching us-_

Crossed out.

_-your okay-_

Crossed out.

_-feel crappy-_

Crossed out.

_-days feel longer-_

Crossed out.

_-sorry-_

Crossed out.

_I miss you and rest in peace._

_Axel_

There was a postscript scrawled at the bottom of the letter. Its hurried appearance made Roxas believe that it was just added at the last minute as an afterthought. He didn't need to read it. He already knew what it was going to say.

_P.S.- I love you. I dont know for how long. I think I always have but I didn't relize it till the 8th grade. _

Roxas read over the entire letter, imagining Axel's voice saying the words.

_I love you and I'm sorry. _

* * *

The reason Axel ever fell in love with someone like Roxas Strife is something he doesn't quite understand himself. If you really want to know the story, you'll have to go as far back as his mother and father's wedding day. They didn't love each other, and the both of them knew it. However, they managed to produce and raise a child in a loving and stable relationship.

Not to sound too cocky, but Axel always thought that it was because of him that his parents were able to stay together for so long. He gave them a reason not to split up, because what kind of parent wants their child to see Mommy and Daddy fighting? It was him who held together their happy little family, and he liked to keep it that way. They remained the very definition of an ordinary family in young Axel's mind: one naive child simply enjoying the pleasures of life and two parents who would stay together until the end of time. Love had nothing to do with it.

In other words, his parents_ needed _him.

One day, when Axel was fourteen, his foolish father decided to step in front of an oncoming train. It was no accident. He ended up dead and his body was hopelessly wrecked, which was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to make his suicide a show, something that would end up on the news. His father was so dramatic, and so was his mother, who cried a waterfall of tears upon hearing what happened. Even while having that in common, they were unhappy together. Love was so confusing.

It was the slightest slip, really! Axel didn't mean for that comment to throw everything into such disarray! How could he have been so foolish as to offer both his parents a bar of candy, knowing that his father hated that brand while his mother absolutely adored it? That careless comment caused his father to realize the vast differences between the two of them, leading him to suicide. Sure, it might sound ridiculous to you _now_, but to Axel, it made perfect sense. He had always maintained a certain amount of control over his parents, going by a certain plan, and one mistake in the plan was enough to lose that control. Despite how slow he seemed on the outside, Axel was quite the calculating young man.

He attended his father's funeral, as was custom. He wore black and cried at all the right times, because that was the normal thing to do at funerals. However, he froze when he peered into the coffin.

For the first time in his life, Axel decided he didn't like being normal.

There, in the coffin meant for his father, was a mannequin.

It was obviously a mannequin. Who did they think they were fooling? His father's body was _destroyed _by that train. He saw it on the news. He used the picture to scare the other kids in his class. Yet, the person in the coffin was perfect. There wasn't a single mark on him and his face looked like he was only sleeping. His father was never that calm. It was dressed in his father's finest suit, not the bloody clothes that he had died in.

The serene, peaceful look on his face implied that his entire life had been perfect, with no flaws whatsoever. What a joke. His life hadn't been perfect. His life had been normal. And that was only because Axel wanted it to be. In retrospect, he really didn't have a life at all. The body should've been broken beyond repair. Only a mannequin could look so perfect.

His mother tried to convince him that it really was Daddy in the coffin. He listened to her, humoring her.

To prove herself, his mother introduced him to the lady who fixed Daddy up. She was a funeral director. She told him that she used makeup to hide the wounds. Well, the makeup must've been magic, because it didn't look a thing like his father. He had to wonder how she did it, though. How you could take something so broken and fix it to look perfect. Why wasn't she around when his father was still alive?

He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. If you were going to make your suicide so dramatic and gruesome, if you were going to throw your son's life completely out of balance like that, you should at least have something to show for it.

The Funeral Lady didn't have any of that horrible makeup on. She smiled fake smiles and pretended to comfort his family. Everything was all so fake. It was all a show. Nothing was real. The body wasn't real, the tears weren't real, and the Funeral Lady's smiles weren't real. He was a young boy who had just lost his father! They should be upset! Even if he wasn't!

Fine. People weren't upset? He would make them upset. Starting with the Funeral Lady.

He did something that Mommy didn't like. He took one of the flickering candles near the altar and lit the Funeral Lady's hair on fire.

Something in him snapped that day as he watched the fire consume everything it touched. He had never seen fire burn before. It was beautiful. The way it destroyed anything that came near it? The way it burned away his perfect little life? Beautiful.

He was punished after the funeral. His mother made him stay in his room with all the lights off and curtains closed and didn't let him leave until a week later. He never left. Not for food, not for school, not for anything.

He didn't mind the punishment. He was proud of what he did. But he'll never forget the day his mother peeked her fake smiling face in through the open door, letting all the light blind his eyes, and softly said,

_"Honey, I love you."_

After that, she showered him with gifts and all sorts of extravagant things, trying to buy his love back. Acting like she was sorry for what she did. He never really ate much anyway, so by the end of his punishment week, you could see his bones sticking out. To make up for that, she bought him a huge cake with blue icing, his favorite color. Not that he ever finished it, but he fooled her into thinking he did. Every one of his birthday parties had a cake like that from then on. Every one of his birthday parties was expensive and incredible. His mother started to be extra _**extra**_ kind to him.

_"Only the best for my boy."_

He could understand that, though. Daddy was gone. Who did she have now? All she had was a son she never really wanted. She might as well act like she did. It wasn't just him, either. She started sticking her nose in other people's business and made herself the biggest gossiper in town. She was lonely. She needed other people. She needed Axel.

But what really disgusted him the most was all the things that she was giving him. Things you could only dream about. To make him think that _he_ needed _her_.

He wouldn't be buried when he died. He would be cremated, and his ashes would go straight in the garbage. No funeral, no tears, no love. Perhaps everyone should die like that.

And yet...

And yet, he couldn't imagine it happening to Roxas. It just didn't seem to suit him. He couldn't imagine Roxas's dead body being burned to a crisp, as if by the fires of Hell itself. He didn't want to see his bright blond hair or his clear blue eyes turn into nothing but ashes. It was strange. He could imagine it happening to anybody else but him.

He didn't want his body to be buried, either. He wouldn't want to see him, as still as a mannequin and as perfect as a porcelain doll. Because Roxas wasn't perfect. And he was fine with that. Axel absolutely hated perfect.

He deserved to be remembered for everything that he was and nothing less. He wasn't just a body in a casket. He deserved to be remembered for all his faults and strengths. Everyone had a right to know what you went through in life. Everyone had a right to know that you had actually _lived_.

He didn't want him to be cremated, and he didn't want him buried. He would prefer it if Roxas simply never died at all.

Was this what love felt like?

He didn't know. But he did know one thing.

He needed to be needed. He always did, ever since he was born.

Perhaps it was that need that compelled the eight-year-old Axel to befriend a lonely, blond, five-year-old boy whose only other two friends were his grandfather and a dead goldfish.

* * *

"I read the message."

Sora looked up to see Roxas standing there, both message and bottle in hand. "Really?" At Roxas's nod, he chuckled slightly. "I'm surprised. I was expecting more waterworks."

Roxas smiled sadly. "Nah. I got tired of that a while ago." He spoke the next words with emphasis, as if trying to remind Sora of something important. "I read it even though you told me not to."

Sora, understanding what Roxas meant, grinned. "Yeah, I'm kinda glad you did. This is the kind of stuff you really need to find out about for yourself. Plus, I can't get blamed completely for it since I _did _'warn you' and 'tried to stop you.' Note the air quotations. Though I just have one question."

"Shoot."

"Why is it in a _bottle_?" he asked, staring at the glass object in Roxas's hand strangely, "It's not like he _knew_ that items lost at sea get sent here. Most people would tape a note to a balloon or something."

"It's something we used to do when we were younger," Roxas answered, the glass bottle starting to feel familiar in his hands, having held many like it before. "We'd litter the ocean with dozens of these, hoping they'd reach someone far away." He smiled softly at the memory. "It was a childish habit of ours. I never thought they'd really go anywhere, though. Did any of them ever end up here?"

Sora thought about it. "Nope. That means someone somewhere on Earth must've found them, then."

Roxas grew silent, his memories being brought back to a time when he used to think that the ocean hid the edges of the world and that there wasn't much of anything to be found beyond that. Little did he know that he'd one day touch the sky. There were a lot of things that he didn't know back then.

"...That's... that's nice to know."

Sora wrapped his arm around Roxas's neck. "So, Roxy...not to ruin the sentimental mood and all, but what'd you think of that little confession in there? Hmmm...?" His voice was playful and teasing, which, for now, annoyed Roxas greatly.

Roxas roughly pushed his arm off. "That's kind of a sensitive subject for me." Sora smiled.

"Haha. I get it, I get it. Sorry. It's just that, despite my devilishly sexy young looks, I'm still Grandpa, and I need to meddle in your love life. At least a little. It's a requirement. However, there's a problem."

A frown presented itself on Sora's face, and he stared at Roxas intently. "I don't approve of cheating on innocent teenage girls."

Something in Roxas's mind clicked. _'Right! Namine! How could I forget?' _

"Oh!...Yeah..."

There most certainly was a problem.

"'Yeah' is right. What're you gonna do now, Casanova?"

He hadn't thought about it. He was just hoping that he and Axel could be friends again. "Well...I don't know...I don't really quite know how I feel about him just yet." he stuttered. "I-I mean...can't I just think about this later? I just recovered from a very emotionally distressing situation and I'm in no condition to make this sort of decision."

_'Still...'_

"Anyway, I don't think Axel did this because he wanted to." Roxas commented, holding up the bottle. "Namine put him up to it. It even says so in there."

_'Still...'_

"But even so..."

_'...it's been a long time since anyone told me they loved me.'_

"... it's... nice."

Sora asked, "Does that mean...?"

Roxas looked down. Down at the entire world and down where, at another point in time, his sleeping body lay.

"Yeah. I'm ready. I want to start my next day now."

* * *

The sun shone so brightly through his curtains that it nearly blinded him. Birds sang, children played, and Roxas just wished that when he closed his eyes, the entire world would go dark along with his vision. The image of this beautiful, sunny day collided and contrasted greatly with the fresh memory of Axel's death. It felt disgustingly happy in comparison.

The world should've been mourning with him. It should've been completely silent and bleak, like it was up in Heaven. As much as he disliked that, at least it was appropriate. Instead, the world was mocking him, trying to cheer him up when it knew that it was impossible. Why does the world continue to go on, no matter what happens to anyone on it? Why did it insist that today was just like every other day? This question bothered Roxas for most of the morning.

The fact that a couple of blocks away, in a different house, Axel was sleeping alive and unharmed, unaware of what had happened to him in a different lifetime, also bothered him.

But he was getting too ahead of himself. He needed to bring himself back to 6:00 A.M.

"Roxas! Roxas! Wake up!"

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes.

Aerith sighed in relief. "Thanks goodness, honey. You looked like you were having a really bad dream."

Roxas didn't answer her. Instead, he glanced at the wall of his bedroom, searching for a calendar. He had forgotten to ask Sora the date.

"What date is it today?"

She looked thrown off for a moment. "Huh? Oh... it's the 6th. Why?"

The 6th? One week before Axel died.

He murmured something unintelligible.

"It _really_ looked like a terrible dream you had there." his mother said, looking down at him worriedly. "You were even crying."

He yawned, sat up, and made his way towards the bathroom. "You don't have to worry about me, Mom." he said, voice muffled by the wall. She heard him turn on the shower.

"It was only a dream."

When Roxas met Namine at the front of the school, they held hands, as always, talked to each other, as always, and walked together, as always. And as always, Axel wasn't there to join them, being late as usual.

What was different this morning was the pang of sadness Roxas felt after realizing this fact. It was the way Roxas had expected Namine to draw her hand back in disgust at any moment, realizing that he had touched a corpse. It was the sheer awkwardness of just being _around_ Namine, remembering what Axel had told him in his letter.

_"I love you."_

No, this morning was not, by any means, an ordinary morning.

"Roxas, is something wrong?"

He glanced over to where Namine was, forcing a smile onto his face. "N-no. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just that your hands feel really bloody today."

"What!"

She looked at him curiously, surprised by his sudden outburst. "I just said that your hands felt really sweaty today. Gee, Roxas, you sure are jumpy today." She started to laugh lightly, and Roxas nervously joined in.

"Haha. Y-Yeah. That's what I thought you said."

In the midst of all this merry laughter, he didn't even notice the dark figure creeping up behind him. He was only made aware of this dark figure's presence when he felt strong hands wrap themselves tightly around his neck, nearly choking him.

"_HOLY CRAP!_"

This eloquent exclamation of shock was followed by loud laughter and a very wary stare from Namine.

"Uh...Roxas?" she said, looking at him as if he had another head growing out of his ass.

Taking the hint, he turned around to see Axel standing behind him, wearing a black sweater with the hood up and hands still outstretched. "Man, I can't believe you're still falling for that," he said, amusement ringing in his voice. "I thought you'd learn after last night."

"..."

"You know, last night? The scary movie? It scared you shitless, and I kept teasing you about it? Remember?"

"..."

Axel waved his hand in front of Roxas's face. "Hello? Roxas? Did I really scare you that much?"

Roxas wasn't listening to anything he was saying. He was just staring in shock at Axel's face. He couldn't believe it. It was like he had come back from the dead. He resisted to urge to run up to him and hug him tightly, saying that he was happy that he was alive but angry that he would do something so stupid. At the back of his mind, he knew that this was a different Axel, and that Axel had never actually died, but try explaining that to his current thought processes.

_'I really wish he would stop moving his mouth.'_

Every time Axel started talking to him, trying to snap him out his daze, all he could hear out him saying were the same words over and over.

_"I love you."_

"Roxas? Roxas! Snap out of it!"

_"I love you."_

He only broke out of his thoughts when he heard Namine say to him, concerned, "Roxas? I'm starting to worry about you." His entire body tensed when he felt her hand rejoin with his. "You're not acting like yourself today."

Man, he never noticed it before, but were he and Namine always this couple-y? Couldn't she tell that he needed his personal space right now?

_'Maybe she's just worried because you haven't spoken or moved in the past six minutes, genius.'_

"I'm...fine."

Both Axel and Namine breathed out a sigh of relief. "Amazing! It speaks!" Axel cried out jokingly. Namine giggled at the outburst.

Roxas looked around the halls. Why were people staring at them? Was it him and Namine? Were they not accustomed to seeing a couple hold hands? Was it so strange that they were dating? Yes, they were dating! Of course! The fact that he just spent the past six minutes staring at another guy without breathing doesn't change a thing!

"Class is almost starting," she said, squeezing his hand lightly. "We should get going."

And _why _did it feel so awkward to be around her! She was his _girlfriend_, for Christ's sake! A love confession from his best friend shouldn't mean anything to him! He was a normal high school boy for the time being. Everything should've been just as it was the first time around in terms of relationships. Back then, they were all fine. They were all happy with the way things were. Why did it have to change?

_"I love you."_

_"I LOVE YOU."_

_"__**I LOVE YOU.**__"_

Why did it feel like he was cheating on Axel for thinking about Namine like that instead of the other way around?

_'We need to end this.'_

"Um...I need to have a word with Namine," he said to whoever was listening. Seeing that Axel was still standing there, grinning like an idiot, he added, "**Alone.**"

"Oh..." Axel looked disappointed. "Okay. Sure. Whatever." Upon hearing this answer, Roxas walked Namine over to a corner of the hall, not catching the look of jealousy that crossed Axel's face.

"Why do we have to be alone?" Namine asked Roxas once everyone else around them seemed to be paying attention to other things. He sighed deeply and looked intently into her confused, wide blue eyes.

"Because..."

He considered doing something he never thought he would.

Breaking up with Namine.

"We need to talk."

Just then, the bell rang, and the halls became crowded with hundreds of students.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **Nothing much to say here. Except...

...there's drama ahead!

Yeah!

As always, remember to review! There's a nifty little button at the bottom of this page that says "Go". Click it!

Also, Axel's favorite color is blue. Can you guess why? :)


	10. Words of Encouragement

**Author's Notes #1: **Surprise! I updated early!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! (Could I ever give you enough thanks?) Hope you like this chapter!

How I wish I had a better title for this chapter!

**Chapter Ten: Words of Encouragement**

Encouragement Day.

Quite possibly the most tooth-achingly sweet "holiday" Roxas's school ever conceived.

On Encouragement Day, students would anonymously give each other notes of encouragement, about anything at all, whether it be a test, a family situation, or the death of a loved one. Sometimes, students would give each other gifts instead of notes, and most of the time, they weren't anonymous. In some people's eyes, including Roxas's, that ruined what little spirit the "holiday" had. It was fun to try to figure out who had been kind enough to send you a note, as if that person was some mysterious guardian angel watching over you. It was fine to give each other gifts. Just don't show off and blab about it.

The "holiday" was invented by some student council of the distant past out of necessity. Two of the students had gotten into an argument and, before they knew it, it turned into a bloody fistfight, greatly upsetting the parents of both kids. They thought that by having the students give each other words of encouragement, they would keep the peace and prevent any future fights.

Strangely, one of those kids' names happened to be Cloud Strife. Roxas's father told this story to him every morning at the breakfast table.

His school celebrated Encouragement Day every year on October 6th.

When Roxas had lived through Encouragement Day in his freshman year, he was feeling exhausted from lack of sleep and did not think much of the small Post-it note he found stuck to his locker or the brand-new skateboard that appeared at his doorstep.

_'Good luck in History!' _the small note said, followed by what_ looked like _an attempt at a smiley face, but ended up looking more like a misshapen oval with lines. It was left anonymous, the way it was meant. He simply dismissed it as an extra act of kindness from his girlfriend.

If he only knew.

* * *

_Brrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnng...!_

Roxas heard the bell and cursed it for its terrible timing.

"Huh?' Namine looked around at the rush of students. "Oh, class is starting. Sorry, Roxas, can we talk about this later? We're gonna be late."

"B-but..." What? Later? No! He needed to talk about this _now_!

She turned, away from him, and ran into a nearby classroom, books in hand. "Tell me later!" she called out. He could've chased after her, but she soon became lost in the sea of students. Goddamn it, people! Find your classrooms!

Roxas sighed in defeat. It looked like it would have to wait. Now he had to deal with Mr. Saix and History. Not a good time to break up with your girlfriend of two years. Or rather, one month, in this case.

"C'mon Axel, let's go." he called.

There was no response.

"...Axel?" he asked again. Roxas looked around the now empty halls. Where was he?

It turned out the halls were not so empty. There was a single student, running as fast as he could -in other words, not very fast- trying not to be even later than he already was.

"Hey, you!" Roxas called out to him. "Do you know where Axel Parr went?"

"I have a _name_." The boy said defiantly. "It's Hayner."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever- Where'd he go?"

"Last I heard, he went to the principal's office."

"Got in trouble again?"

"Guess so. Listen," he said, irritated. "I have to get to class. Don't you have to get to yours?"

"Yes, Mr. Strife, don't you?"

The cold voice of Mr. Saix interrupted the two boys' conversation. Roxas felt a hand grip his shoulder so tightly, it hurt.

_'Crap.'_

"Crap!" Hayner shrieked. "I-I've got to get going now!" He promptly ran away screaming, leaving Roxas under the teacher's cold stare.

_'Thanks a lot, Hay-freakin'-ner.'_

"I'll get to class now," he murmured timidly, slowly trudging into the classroom and taking his seat.

"Class, I apologize for the interruption." Mr. Saix announced once he returned to his rightful place at the front of the room. "It seems that some of us would rather talk to our friends than attend class."

Roxas sank lower into his seat.

"As I was saying, some of you may have heard the news about my front yard. Let me tell you that it will take _thousands_ of munny to pay for the damage done. Therefore, I am in a bad mood today, so if _any..._" He made eye contact with every student in the class. "...of you little pissants get on my nerves today, you'll be spending the rest of your school life here rotting in detention. But rest assured, when I find the person responsible, they will suffer a far worse fate."

_**Damn**_, Mr. Saix was scary. However, this was pre-cigarette, so Mr. Saix wasn't angry at him in particular. That was good. That was a good thing.

He looked to his side to see if Axel was just as freaked out as he was, then he remembered Axel wasn't there. It hurt a lot more than he expected it to.

He tried to listen to Mr. Saix. He actually tried to pay attention to whatever he was saying, because it had been a _long _time since he wasn't singled out as his object of torture. Unfortunately for him, he thought more about what he would have to do later. How Namine would react. And the more he thought about it, the more he felt bad. And the more he felt bad, the more he thought maybe he shouldn't go through with it after all.

That was bad. Roxas rarely did anything this bold. He needed to do it while he was still up for it, or else he wouldn't be able to do it. He needed to break up with her as soon as possible.

An easy way of dealing with it would be to send her the infamous "text message breakup." Namine didn't check her messages until after school hours because of the rules, and by then, he would be at home, locked up in his room and away from any bitter feelings she may have about it. But he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't run away. He would break up with her with dignity. With _class_.

He would pass her a note.

Get it over with as soon as possible, right? No one else would know, and it wasn't like she could react to it too much in class, right? He would explain it to her later.

"Hey," he whispered to the girl sitting in front of him. She yawned and slightly turned her head. "Could you pass this to Namine?" He could only hope that she wouldn't open it up and read it.

She scoffed, taking it. "Whatever. I don't want to get in the way of your lovey-dovey romance or whatever." She tiredly held it out in front of her.

_'Yes!'_

"Passing notes in class, are we, Mr. Strife?" the stern voice of Mr. Saix interrupted. Somehow, he had managed to teleport from the front of the classroom to beside his desk without him noticing.

_'No!'_

"I'll take that." He snatched it away from the girl's hand. He did it quite easily, too, since she was too tired to get a good grip on it. "Let's see what's so important." Roxas could only watch in horror as he unfolded it and cleared his throat.

"Uhh, I don't think you want to do that!" he said frantically. Okay, he could understand confiscating it, but reading it aloud to the class?

"_Namine,_" Mr. Saix began to read. "_I'm sorry to break it to you like this, but..._"

No! Namine wasn't supposed to hear it like this! Now, everyone would know! Oh, this was such a bad idea! What was he thinking? He had to stop him. "No, don't read it! It's stupid anywa-"

"..._I want to break up. I'll explain later. -Roxas_"

"It's a lie! I didn't write that!" Too late.

Everything became eerily quiet. Roxas could only hope that no one was paying attention and that Mr. Saix wouldn't continue to talk about this. No one was saying or doing anything. He was sweating in his seat wishing that _something_ would happen to distract him from this suspense.

Then he heard the whispers. Whispers from all around the classroom. He could hear some of them quite clearly. Some people were shocked that he would break up with her after the two of them looked so happy together. Others thought he was an ass.

_"Breaking up? On Encouragement Day?"_

_"I know! The nerve!"_

The point was, everyone in the classroom had heard it. Even the students who never paid attention in class heard it.

Even Namine heard it.

_**CRASH!**_

Roxas could only see books and papers fly and scatter as a desk was violently flipped over. The lights dimmed, the Earth stopped moving, Hell froze over, and in the middle of it all, Namine, eyes ablaze and teeth clenched, growled out with all the fury of a woman scorned,

_**"WHAAAAAT?"**_

Oh wait, no. That was just Roxas's imagination. Thank god. What really happened was…

"Roxas?"

Namine's voice sounded weak and hurt. She was looking at him disbelievingly, searching his face for something that said he was just kidding, that it was just a joke. She didn't find anything but shock and horror.

"Namine, let me explain!"

She shook her head. She didn't want to hear it. "You think this is _stupid_?" she whispered. He opened his mouth to tell her that wasn't what he meant, but she already shot out of her seat and ran out of the classroom, head down and eyes wet.

He stood up to chase after her, ignoring the whispers. He needed to explain.

_"Look at him. That's so pathetic."_

_"-made her cry. Then he has the nerve to-"_

_"Can you believe it?"_

The whispers faded out when he reached a certain hallway. He leaned against a locker, trying to catch his breath. He didn't know Namine could run that fast. He had lost sight of her, and now he didn't have a clue where she was. He considered walking back to History. Mr. Saix was going to have his hide for running out of class like that.

Suddenly, he heard a voice. A girl's voice. He peeked around the corner, hoping it was Namine, but to his disappointment and disgust, he instead found Marluxia and Larxene passionately kissing each other against the lockers. Weren't they supposed to be in their classes?

He couldn't help but smile a little, though. When the two of them announced they were a couple, no one thought it would last more than an hour. Two years later, even at the time he died, they were still going out. The fact was made even more surprising when you thought about how the two of them were fine examples of the worst people you could ever meet.

"_Get a room you two, would you?_" He whispered under his breath. Honestly, they were going to disturb some of the classes with their moaning.

"That's not funny."

Roxas stiffened when he heard Marluxia's stern voice. He was afraid to turn around, expecting to see him standing there, furious at him for eavesdropping.

_'I'm sorrysorrysorry! I didn't mean it!'_

But he soon realized that the upperclassman was talking to Larxene. The two of them must've stopped for air and were now arguing about who-knows-what. Wow, he sure sounded angry. Sure, he'd seen Marluxia get angry at Larxene before, but this time, he even sounded a little hurt. Looks like he and Namine weren't the only couple in the school who had problems today.

"It's true." Larxene's smug voice said. "If it's any consolation, I heard Parr's failing every other class. He could keep you company next year."

His ears perked up when he heard "Parr." Axel? Why were they talking about Axel? What did he have to do with this?

Marluxia mumbled the next part, and he couldn't make it out, but soon he heard him, voice raised to an angry growl, "-_xtra help_. You're right. Saix has it in for me. It's not fair! It's not my fault he's a crappy teacher! I _**hate**_ him. I hate him for failing me. Me! The president! I'm better than the other trash in this school!"

Roxas thought over those words. He had noticed the tensity between Mr. Saix and Marluxia, but he didn't know it bothered him this much. He really seemed to hate him. What if he...

Roxas froze, a thought creeping itself into his skull. It was possible. It was definitely possible. What if he... No, he wouldn't. He knew Marluxia was a bastard, but he was also the school president. Parents and teachers trusted him. He had morals. He had integrity. He had-

Then he heard it.

"He deserved to have his goddamn yard destroyed, the _**bastard!**_"

Marluxia's voice, ringing through the halls, confirmed all of Roxas's fears. It was _one_ sentence. It was just one little outburst. But it was enough. It was enough proof for him.

_'He __**did**__.'_

He grew angry. Both at Marluxia and himself. Of course. Why didn't he see it before? If he had known- if he had been smart enough to figure it out the first time- it could've been avoided. He wouldn't have wasted time. It all could've been avoided.

He knew Marluxia was failing, but...

"You did it, didn't you?"

* * *

Marluxia Finch was not having a good day.

First, his alarm clock broke, making him get up late. Then, all of the hot water in his shower decided it hated him this morning, and he came out feeling like an icicle. Finally, he had gotten back the grade for his History test last week, his worst subject. He failed it, which meant he had to work harder than he already was to bring up his grade.

Today was being a bitch.

But somehow, after looking into Larxene's electric blue eyes, all of his frustrations and worries were chased away, far away from him and his girlfriend. For a while, he forgot about all his problems and could only focus on her. She was twisted. She was beautiful. She was perfect for him. It was unbelievable what just her eyes could do to him.

The intense making out helped a bit, too.

"Mmm... Marluxia," Larxene moaned. "Why is your skin so cold today?" Kiss. Kiss.

"Don't want to talk about it."

The story of how they got together was not nearly as romantic or as complicated as you might imagine.

They had the same last name. That was it. Marluxia and Larxene Finch.

It was purely by coincidence. They were not siblings, though a lot of people tended to think that they were. Everyone in school was pairing them together already, so it was only a matter of time before they became an item. Everyone was appalled to say the least that the alleged siblings were now engaged in an incestuous relationship, but they eventually stopped caring. He didn't care much, either. He'd do her sexy body even if they _were _related.

Not that he ever _did_. Secretly, the two of them were still virgins in almost every sense of the word. They've never even French kissed. It was always mouths closed. Larxene had a lot more class and dignity than one would expect, and unfortunately, he did, too. The fact that their pickiness regarding sexual activity was most likely the cause of their staying together for so long both annoyed him and restored his faith in humanity.

That didn't mean either of them had to be proud of it, though. Larxene was always making herself out to be some sort of whore, saying that she'd done it with guys much better looking than Marluxia.

Better looking and packing more meat.

"Y'know, Smith says he's running for school president this year." Larxene managed to get out in-between kisses.

"Yeah?" Kiss. "So?"

"Well..." Kiss. Kiss. "I think I'm going to vote for him this time. I bet he'd do a better job at it than the crappy performance you've been doing." Kiss. "He's larger, too. I know. I've seen it."

God, he hated the damn bitch.

"Whore."

"Bastard."

She broke the kiss and slapped his cheek as hard as she could before pressing her lips back against his.

He hated her.

But her kisses were amazing.

After a couple of minutes, they had to stop for air.

"You disappeared after the party this weekend." Larxene mentioned as they stood alone in the halls. "What happened?"

Marluxia paused a bit, trying to think of a good excuse. "I went home early. I had to study. There was a History test today, and I'm failing." He didn't bother to mention that he had failed the test anyway.

Larxene laughed. "You were so drunk. And you live, like, twenty miles from here. How the hell did you manage to drive home?"

He shrugged. "Luck?"

"Pfft. Whatever. Anyway, you could study all you want, Saix is gonna fail you, anyway. He hates you. He hates any student that has power in this hellhole. You're gonna have to get left back and repeat senior year all over again." She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Not that it'll do you any good."

"That's not funny."

"It's true. If it's any consolation, I heard Parr's failing every other class. He could keep you company next year."

Marluxia scoffed and looked at a locker. At a wall. At a water fountain. Anywhere but her eyes. "I'm getting a tutor." he murmured. "A private one. My mom's making me." He growled. "It's so embarrassing! I feel retarded for needing_ 'extra help'_. You're right. Saix has it in for me." His hands were clenched so tightly, they bled. "It's not fair! It's not my fault he's a crappy teacher! I _**hate**_ him. I hate him for failing me. Me! The president! I'm better than the other trash in this school!"

He shouted the next part so that it echoed through the halls. "He deserved to have his goddamn yard destroyed, the _**bastard!**_"

He shut his mouth immediately after saying that, realizing his mistake. He shouldn't have said that. She would figure it out now. She would know that he...

No. She wouldn't. On some occasions, Larxene could be as dumb as a post. She wouldn't figure it out.

But what if she did? Larxene would tell others, if she thought it would benefit her in some way. That bitch. What if she...

Then, out of a hidden corner of the hall, he heard it. A voice, confirming all of his fears.

"You did it, didn't you?"

He slowly turned his head to see the punk who said that. Some blond kid was walking out from behind a corner of the wall. He was eavesdropping on them! Marluxia would've beaten the crap out of him if he wasn't scared stiff right now. Who was this kid, anyway? He looked a little familiar...

_'Hey, isn't that that kid who hangs out with Parr? Aw, shit. I'm screwed.'_

Larxene spoke up. "Did_ what_? What are you talking about, Strife?"

"I think your boyfriend knows," the blond kid answered.

She turned to face Marluxia, confused. "What is he-"

"Shut up, Larxene."

She stopped mid-sentence, having just been rudely interrupted by her boyfriend. She looked pissed. "_What?_"

Marluxia returned the look. "I _**said**_, 'Shut the _fuck_ up, Larxene!'"

At first, she looked shocked. Then, she looked furious. "You know what? _Screw. You! _I'm out of here. I don't need to take this shit." Before leaving in a huff, she promptly flipped him the bird.

"She does this every day," Marluxia said to Roxas, rolling his eyes. "And..." He stared at him intently. "What makes you say that?"

Roxas scoffed. "I'm pretty sure people in _Atlantica_ heard your little outburst."

Marluxia growled. "So you're a smart-ass, huh? What's it to you, anyway? It doesn't even concern you."

"So you _did_ do it! You and Larxene! You two vandalized Saix's yard!"

The upperclassman laughed, considerably confusing Roxas. "Larxene? She had nothing to do with it. She doesn't even know about it!"

"You didn't even tell your own girlfriend?"

"Tch. Larxene is stupid. If I told her, she would go blabbing about it to everyone. Especially Parr. She'd try to confuse him by giving him clues, but he'd figure it out eventually."

"How'd you even know where he lived?"

Marluxia's laughter at that could be likened to that of a hyena. "That's the beauty of it! I didn't! I was drunk!" He laughed so roaringly Roxas thought that he might actually laugh his head off.

Roxas was getting nervous. Marluxia was scaring him now.

"You see, I was at a party this weekend. I had a couple of drinks. I didn't think it was that much, but apparently, it was enough to deem me unfit to drive. So I had to _walk _home. While I was walking, I wasn't paying attention and tripped over a crack in the road. I landed on someone's grass, but it still hurt like a bitch. Plus, I was just so pissed that they wouldn't let me take my own car home that I just started tearing the grass apart. As a nice addition, I kicked the mailbox a couple of times, too."

He said it as if underage drinking was a good excuse for what he did.

"Then, I saw name on the mailbox, and through my drunken fervor all I could think was, _'That's the bastard who keeps failing me.' _It all took off from there. I guess I got a little carried away, though."

He wanted to punch him. He wanted to punch him so badly. He wanted to make him pay for putting him through all that crap a year later. What's worse, he did it with such indifference. Such arrogance. And he had the nerve to say this didn't concern him.

"You don't smoke." There was a cigarette at the scene of the crime. One that caused him more problems than it should've.

Marluxia gave a sly smile. "You're right, I don't. But Parr does."

"W-What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"Surprised your little friendly there is a smoker?"

Roxas was speechless. Not by the fact that Axel was a smoker- which he had figured out a long time ago, anyway- but by how much of a bastard Marluxia really was. Vandalizing Mr. Saix's yard was one thing. He hated the teacher as much as the next guy. But framing someone else for it was another thing entirely. And he had voted for him for president, dammit!

"Sure, not everyone knows that Parr smokes," Marluxia went on to say. "But they have to figure it out soon enough."

Roxas slowly backed away from the upperclassman. Marluxia stared at him.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you."

The upperclassman furrowed his eyebrows together. "Are you going to tell someone?" he asked. "Do you think they'll believe you? The only evidence you have is your word. I have a cigarette, and I'm pretty sure Parr's got a pack at home to match."

Roxas clenched his teeth, realizing the situation. Marluxia was right. It would be pointless to tell anyone. Even if they believed him, what would it do? Get Marluxia a couple weeks detention that nobody would even remember the next day. If he had known about it the first time, it would've had a more lasting effect, but this information was useless now.

He had to know. "What did Axel ever do to you?"

Marluxia smiled. He really _was_ dealing with a little kid here. "Nothing. It's just that I knew a little secret of his and used it to my advantage." He gripped Roxas's collar and pushed him into the lockers. "And there's nothing a little kid like you can do about it."

"Marluxia, I swear I-"

"What are the two of you doing?"

Both turned to see Axel standing there. He did not look happy.

Marluxia immediately let go of Roxas's collar and smiled. "Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"Nothing, really? Because it looked like a fight just now."

"Not really. We were just having a spirited debate. It's character building. Right, Roxas?" He wrapped his arm around Roxas, meant to look like a friendly gesture, but instead made Marluxia look like a sexual predator.

"Bullshit," Axel spat out. "I'm not as stupid as you think I am, Marluxia. I can't be controlled by you, and neither can Roxas."

Barely contained laughter suddenly erupted out of Marluxia's throat. He laughed as if Axel's comment was the funniest joke he had ever heard. It reminded Roxas of the evil laughter they often had villains in cartoons do, if any of those villains had bright pink hair.

"That cracks me up. It really does. 'Can't be controlled.' Ha!"

This time, he took all of his attention off from Roxas and focused it solely on Axel. "You really think you've got me cornered, don't you? You've got me figured out? You really think you're more cunning than anyone else, right? You_ hate _everyone, don't you?"

Axel's response was a cold glare, amusing Marluxia all the more. "You could go ahead, Axel. You could go ahead, pulling out as many tricks from up your sleeve as you want. Go ahead thinking you're one step ahead of the game. Go ahead thinking you're in control- that you're running the show. It will make it all the more rewarding when you finally get crushed. When you finally accept that you can't pull the strings of Fate, no matter how much you think the world needs you."

"Go to hell."

"Gladly. I'll meet you there."

Marluxia roughly pushed Axel out of the way, walked to the end of the hall and turned a corner. He carried himself with pride and confidence as he looked for Larxene, so that they could kiss and make up like they always did whenever they fought. Which was everyday.

"You okay?" Axel asked Roxas once he was gone.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He looked down, blushing once he realized that Axel had saved him from a potential beating. "Thanks."

"I heard about what happened in History," Axel said, changing the subject. "Guess bad news travels fast, huh? What happened between the two of you?"

"Nothing much, yet. I'm still trying to look for her."

"No, I mean, why are you two breaking up?"

Roxas paused. "It's... complicated."

"I got time."

"Trust me, you don't."

Axel, knowing at this point that the only thing that could get through to Roxas's head was a brick, said, "Well, you better have a good explanation for Saix later. I know you're not doing well in his class, and skipping out like this isn't gonna help."

"Thanks." He left, and, against Axel's advice, did not go back to class but instead went to go look for Namine.

"Good luck!" he heard Axel call out when he was nearly out of earshot. Roxas stopped in his tracks.

There was no way.

_'Good luck in History!'_

"_It was you._" he whispered to himself. It was one discovery after another, wasn't it? He turned around. "Axel, wait!" Axel was already halfway down the hall.

"The note. The skateboard. That was you, wasn't it?" His skateboard. The one he died on while skating to Twilight. Axel gave it to him. How ironic.

Axel's eyes widened and his face turned as red as his hair. "I-I have no idea what you're talking about!" Axel was stuttering. This once in a lifetime moment should have been recorded for future generations.

"You know your smiley faces really suck, right?"

"I-I-"

Anything he said after that was drowned out by the sound of an annoying, upbeat, polyphonic ring tone. Axel growled in irritation and suddenly produced a cell phone from his pocket.

"Piece of shit!"

Axel obviously had little technological experience, Roxas observed, as he randomly pressed buttons on the number pad. After realizing that no matter what he did, he couldn't get it to stop ringing, he let Roxas turn off the phone.

"I don't know why my mom keeps getting me these pricey things!" he shouted once it got quiet again. "They're complicated as hell and it's not like I need them anyway. She should spend her money on more important things."

Roxas remembered something.

_"My mom just got fired from her job, and we're tight on money right now. It's really tough." _

Axel had said that that was the reason he had taken up smoking.

"Why? Because she got fired?"

Axel shot him a look that said, _'Are you psychic or something?' _"How did you know about that?"

Roxas paled. Ah! He had forgotten that Axel hadn't told him yet! Stupidstupidstupid! How is he supposed to explain this?

"Uh... I just guessed. B-Because when you get fired... uh... y-you don't get money."

_'When you get fired, you don't get money? Is that really all I can think of?'_

Axel seemed wary about it at first, but after concluding that there was no way he could've known, he chuckled. "Well, in that case, I'm screwed, aren't I? 'Cause I just told you."

Axel glanced at the now silent phone in his hand with a mixture of disgust and regret.

"I just wish she'd take better care of herself."

Roxas couldn't help it. "_Aww_," he said. "You actually _care_ about her." At this moment, Axel reminded him of a little kid who overreacted every time his mommy got a cold. It was a rare, innocent, almost child-like side of Axel's personality. Aww-ing, however, did not fit in with Roxas's image, and he hoped Axel would perceive it as teasing.

Luckily, he did. "Shut it! It's just so _I_ don't have to! I'd appreciate a simpler cell phone, anyway. Even better if it's not new and it's been used by someone who doesn't want it anymore. That way it wouldn't be so expensive. All it would ever do is call and take calls, not play music or surf the internet or shit. And it would be easy to understand and use. Even for an idiot like me. She never gets me things I _want_."

All Roxas could say was, "You're not an idiot."

"I am, but thanks."

Axel had given him encouragement when he was the one who needed encouragement the most. He had worried about his poor grades in History even though he had a much more serious problem in his own family. Nobody gave _him _encouragement. He had bought him a skateboard- a _good_ skateboard- even though they were low on money.

Roxas thought about his 18th birthday party. His mother had thrown him an expensive birthday party even though they were low on money. He must've thought it was stupid to spend all that money on him and that was why he hated it so much. Silk ribbons may have had something to do with it, but he was pretty sure it was mostly about the money.

A wide smile grew on his face. "Axel," he half said, half sighed. Axel was a lot nicer than he had originally thought. Wouldn't it make sense that he started being nicer to him? He took a step towards the now confused older boy and wrapped his arms around his waist. Axel felt warm, like warming your hands near a fire. He leaned his head against his chest, suddenly noticing how much taller Axel was than him.

The entire upper portion of Axel's body flushed red. His mind was a complete mess. The hell? What was with Roxas randomly hugging him? Was this his way of thanking him for the gift?

"Roxas? Wha-"

"I'm _really_ glad we're friends." he said, listening to Axel's heartbeat, which was beating a million times an hour by now. "Promise me you won't ever do anything stupid with your life. Promise me you'll _try _to pass high school and go to college." It would be enough. It would be enough knowing Axel, even for just the couple of hours left in this day, had tried his best.

"Promise me that no matter what happens, you'll keep living life."

_'Promise me you won't throw your life away.'_

Axel had managed to stutter a few words incomprehensibly before pulling himself away from Roxas. As much as he liked the close contact—not that he'll ever admit it out loud—he still had a tough-guy reputation to uphold.

When Roxas watched Axel walk away, he was a little glad he didn't give him an answer.

At least he didn't lie.

* * *

Every girl wished her boyfriend were more like a chivalrous knight from the Middle Ages. Even if she disagreed with this on the surface, deep down, she knew she did. What wasn't to like? If her boyfriend were a knight, he would never let her feet touch mud, call her "milady" all the time, and save her from fire-breathing dragons. Most of all, he'd never make her cry. He would be more likely to beat up the guy who harmed even the ends of her hair.

Namine was not an exception to the rule. She had seen Roxas follow her. Why was it taking him so long to get here? Knights did _not _wait an hour to save their damsel in distress.

She did not normally think of herself of a princess. That would be conceited, and Namine was not conceited. However, she couldn't help but feel like one held captive in a tall tower surrounded by a moat of tears, waiting for someone to save her.

"_Someday, my prince will come,_" she whispered to himself, fingering a small flower she had picked from the ground.

"Namine?"

She looked up and saw Roxas there, looking tired and worn. He had looked all over the school for her and found her in the oddest of places. Near the dumpsters, where the smell could peel the paint off a door. After thinking about it, though, it was actually quite appropriate. She was, after all, feeling down in the dumps.

"Namine! I've been looking all over for you! I-"

"So the hero finally comes to save the damsel in distress." She interrupted him with a calm smile on her face. She didn't look angry at him at all, and she wasn't. She was just… disappointed. "Too bad, huh? That he was the one causing the distress."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but if you let me explain—"

"That was really embarrassing, you know, what you did to me back there. And on Encouragement Day?"

"Sorry, sorry, but—"

"Sorry isn't going to help, Roxas!" To Roxas's horror, he saw a single tear stream down her face. She was crying. Damn it, why did they always have to cry? "I don't want an apology! I want to know _why_!"

"Look. I'm sorry you were hurt. Really, I am. But if you just let me explain and not get so mad-"

"I'm not mad at you, Roxas," she sighed, rubbing her forehead. "And I don't want to argue about this. I just want an explanation. I mean, it just seemed so sudden. Why are you doing this?"

He knew the answer. He had thought about it all the time he was looking for her. Because, he too, when he pictured her reaction, pictured the tears and the hurt look on her face, and pictured the constant question of _why_, had wondered.

Why was he doing this?

Because he'd never know any other way. If Axel really loved him, if he was telling the truth, then this was an opportunity to see a completely different side to Axel than what he was used to. It was an opportunity to see what it felt like to be loved by someone other than family. It was opportunity he had missed out on before, and he greatly regretted it. And if Axel didn't really love him, or they weren't meant for each other, then so be it. At least he got to try it out. He should give Axel a chance. He owed him that much.

Experimentation was what it was, really. How often did he get an opportunity like this? To test out a relationship with someone without the fear of ruining your friendship? If it didn't work out, neither Namine nor Axel would remember a thing.

If that was the case, then why do this? Why break it to her like this if she wouldn't remember anyway?

Because he owed her that much. He couldn't think of anything that would hurt a person more than seeing the person they thought cared about them cheat on them with someone else. She didn't deserve to be cheated on, even if it meant breaking up with her like this. He believed that she would be much more hurt if she saw him and Axel together while she and he were still going out. Even if she wouldn't remember being cheated on anyway, it wouldn't feel right.

He knew exactly what to say. But he couldn't say it.

"I… think we need to see other people."

"_Why?_" Namine sobbed, crushing the flower in her hand. "Is it me? Did I do something wrong?"

"No! No, it has nothing to do with you. It's about me. This is mostly for me."

"_You?_" she asked incredulously. "You think you're the only one being affected here?"

That was when Roxas realized his mistake. He had been thinking of reasons solely for himself. He hadn't thought about how Namine would feel about it. She didn't know the entire situation. Of course she'd be confused. Now he pitied her for having to deal with him. How utterly _selfish _and _thoughtless _of him. Maybe she'd be better off without him after all.

"I thought we were happy together." She pulled a petal from the crushed flower she held.

"We _were_!" he said desperately. How was he supposed to explain to her that this was only for her own good?

"I was hoping we would stay together forever." She said it so softly, daydreaming about their potential future, as she often did.

"I was always kind of hoping that we would be one of those couples who had something special." She pulled the second petal off. "One of those couples where you can tell your kids that you met each other in high school and stayed together ever since."

She daydreamed about it a lot. They would've made a great married couple. She thought she found her niche, a place she was comfortable in. She thought she was lucky to find it so early in her life. But maybe she _wasn't _one of those lucky little girls in fairytales.

"But now, you're just ending it?" The third petal was gone. "Without even asking me how I feel about it? You... You... _**bastard!**_"

Namine never cursed.

It would've been better if they had just argued with each other. If both of them had wounded the other in some way. Because this—him trying to explain why he did what he did without revealing too much and her listening to it all but not understanding any of it—made him the bad guy.

"I don't love you!"

Namine widened her eyes and placed her hands over her mouth. She didn't mean to get so angry at Roxas. She just wanted a proper explanation. She didn't mean to call him that. B-But why would he say something like that? And so spitefully! She pulled the fourth petal.

Where did they go wrong?

Roxas, realizing the effect of his words on her, immediately took it back.

"I-I mean... I'm not even sure what love _is_. You're the first—and only—person I've ever dated. I've never been with anyone else."

"Neither have I!" She kept crying those bitter tears that streamed down her frowning face and stained her pretty white clothes. Roxas wiped them off her face. No matter how many times he wiped, however, they kept getting replaced. He wondered if that was how Namine felt right now. Replaced. But then again, how could she? He never said he was getting together with anyone else.

"If we just stay together forever," he asked her, "without ever seeing other people, how would we know for sure that we're the ones meant for each other?"

_'Come to think of it, how did Axel know?' _

He decided not to worry too much about it, and brought his mind back to the problem at hand. Namine had two years to be with him, and he enjoyed the time they spent together. He died as her boyfriend. It was too late to change that. He just wanted to see what it would be like to be with someone else. How things would be different. If anyone was going to get hurt in the long run, it was him.

_'__**Think**__ Namine. Think of how we got together in the first place.'_

When he and Namine had first met, they both found each other to be decent-looking people with decent personalities, and they had immediately befriended each other. One day, he asked her out, and she said yes. Why would they agree to go on a date? Because they were in love? Nope. Because they wanted to try it out. They wanted to see if it would work. Why couldn't Namine see that there were billions of people in the world, and any one of them could be your soul mate? You'll never be certain who that person was if you stayed put.

It was hard for Namine to accept that. You're only put on this Earth for one lifetime. You don't have time to look through the entire world. Why waste time looking for your soul mate when you're fine where you are? Why not settle for good enough?

She stopped herself, her thoughts catching up with her. What was she thinking? That's wasn't how fairytale romances were supposed to be. You weren't supposed to settle for anything less than the person you loved.

She pulled the last petal off the flower. _'He loves me not.'_

"So that's it, then?" she choked out. "We're going to see other people?"

He nodded solemnly.

"But what if we _are_ meant for each other? What if we never find someone else?"

He smiled at the possibility. He died dating the person he was meant for. "Good for us, then."

Even though she had to agree with him, tears wouldn't stop coming out from Namine's eyes. "As long as you're happy," she said.

Of course. Every fairy tale had to have an ending.

He held her like he would if they were still dating. "Don't cry, Namine." He soothed her, lightly rubbing her back.

Then, softly, too soft for her to hear, "Besides, by tomorrow, you won't remember any of this, anyway."

_

* * *

__'He's crazy. He's out of his shittin' mind.'_

Axel stood in front of his house, wondering what drugs Roxas was taking today. He was acting strange lately. First, he broke up with Namine. Then, he got all touchy-feely with him at school. And now he does something like this?

The question was innocent enough. The two of them were walking home from school. (Namine was nowhere to be found. She must've still been upset.) Roxas kept _smiling_ at him for some reason, which was a nice change in his usually grumpy personality, (Not that he didn't like grumpy Roxas. Whenever Roxas got mad or irritated, his face would turn reddish-pink and his hair would stick up more than it usually did. Was it weird that he noticed these things?) but it was oddly suspicious. He had to wonder what he was up to.

_"Hold on, I need to get something at the store." _he had said, running off in another direction. The store must've had a slow day today, because Roxas had managed to buy whatever he wanted to buy and get it to his door before he had.

How did he know? There were two wrapped gifts left at his door.

A Post-It note was attached. It read, _"Good luck with everything that you do! -Your best friend." _Next to it was a picture of a small cartoon fire with a smiley face. The message was typed, so you wouldn't be able to tell who sent the gifts by the handwriting.

So how did he know it was Roxas? Besides the best friend comment, (Which, as soon as he read it, gave Axel an unusual warm feeling at the pit of his stomach.) when he unwrapped the first box, he found it was a package of sea-salt ice cream. Only Roxas knew where to buy that flavor.

Only when he opened the second gift did he realize the true extent of his friend's craziness today.

It was a used cell phone. Simple and exactly the type he asked for.

_'He's crazy.'_

Why would he do this? Why would he do any of the things he did at school today? Breaking up with Namine? _Namine? _And hugging him, saying he was glad they were friends, making him promise-

_'-I won't kill myself.'_

Did Roxas _like _him or something? He blushed slightly at the thought.

Nah. Impossible.

Still, he should ask him about everything tomorrow. And thank him for the gift. It was way better than _his_ lame-ass gift. He had to thank him for that, even if he usually never thanked anybody for anything.

_'If I remember,' _he thought with a smirk as he opened the door to his house and walked inside.

Too bad he won't.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **Again, nothing much to say here. If _**you**_ have something to say about this chapter, then please review! Must I direct you to the "Go" button once again?

One thing I can say: This chapter is abnormally long. I did not count on this chapter being this long. Don't expect the next chapter to be this freakishly long. (If I get enough reviews, I may consider making a different chapter this long. )

(Oh, Hayner. How I wish I had given you, Pence, and Olette more of a role in this story.)


	11. Melting Ice

**Author's Notes #1: **Early again! I think updates are either going to be weekly or every two weeks now, depending on how difficult I find it is to write the chapter.

I come bearing good news! _Reverse _has reached at least 100 reviews! Yay! :D And it's all thanks to you reviewers! Give yourself a pat on the back! Come on! Do it!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin. Lyrics for _The Walk _belong to Imogen Heap.

**Chapter Eleven: Melting Ice**

To call or not to call. That was what it all boiled down to.

Somehow, he knew that this would happen. That he would begin to regret it. It hit him as soon as he walked through his front door. He had just dropped something off at Axel's house. He had been as nervous, excited even, as people get when they asked other people out on dates. Sitting there, with his finger hovering over the buttons, dialing the first few numbers, he had expected the feeling of guilt from dumping Namine to wash over him. He was hoping, however, that by the time he got to this point, he would've summoned up enough resistance and be able to go through with it.

But asking someone out right after breaking up with someone seemed cruel.

He kept telling himself that he _had_ to call him, whether he wanted to or not. He had spent an entire day in Reversal for this one moment, and he was going to go through with it, dammit!

How difficult could it be, really, to call someone you _knew_ had feelings for you and had been close friends with for several years, and say, _"Hey, I think I may possibly be interested in going on a date with you. Could you meet me somewhere sometime before midnight?"?_

Midnight was quickly approaching and no phone call had been made. It was too dark, too late now to go anywhere or do anything. He had missed his chance, and he knew it. He would have to do all of this again on his next day. But by simply holding onto his cell phone and dialing the first few digits of Axel's number over and over again, he was given a sort of false hope. That maybe it wasn't too late. There were a lot of places that stayed open this late at night, and Axel could still be awake.

To call or not to call. That was what it all boiled down to. Breaking up with Namine, chasing after her, confronting Marluxia, seeing her cry- it all ended up in this one moment, this one simple moment that he was finding increasingly difficult to go through with. He waited, one more hour, two more hours, five minutes more, expecting to find himself filled with a newfound initiative to dial the number. All the while, he couldn't stop thinking that maybe this was as far as his and Axel's "relationship" could go. It took all of that and... and...

And it all resulted in a closed cell phone clutched in Roxas's sleeping hand with an undialed number.

* * *

Roxas's eyes shot open.

He fell asleep!

He had something he _had_ to do, and he fell asleep! Where was his self control? Where was his competence?

Where the _hell _was his grandfather?

"Looking for me?"

As soon as he heard Sora's cheery voice, he had the brunet's shoulders in a death grip.

"Send me back." he demanded. "Send me back right now!"

Sora looked both confused and scared. "Woah, woah! Send you back where?"

Roxas took his hands off Sora's shoulders and pointed one finger downwards. "Down there! I was supposed to ask him out on a date, and I'm gonna do just that!"

Understanding flashed across Sora's face. "Ohhh... I get it. You're upset because you didn't get a chance to go out with Axel."

"Are you slow? Yes, dammit! Now put me back!"

"I can't!" Sora protested. "I don't have the power to do that! Why don't you just ask him tomorrow?"

Roxas emphasized every word. "I broke up with my girlfriend, bought him a gift, and had the phone open! _I was on a roll. _I_ hugged _him, for God's sake! _Hugged. _I was so close and had gone so far, and it's screwed up because of basic human needs I shouldn't even have anymore? That is so... ugh!" He pulled his hair in irritation.

"I was supposed to... I have to... I _have _to...!"

"That's a little... I mean, if you just view going on a date with someone as something you're forcing yourself to do, then you're not really being sincere, are you? Wait until you're ready, and then ask. Besides, why didn't you ask him when you had the phone open?"

"Because I'm the stupidest person in the world. Plus, I've never learned how to ask someone who's the same gender as you out. It's not exactly commonplace, and the stuff they say about picturing them in their underwear is completely inappropriate in this situation."

It should've been easy. It was a situation where you could ask whomever you wanted out, and no one would've remembered long enough to care. He was completely consequence-free in all his choices, and yet...

"I'm trapped."

Because there's no such thing as a consequence-free choice, is there? Even if you avoid everyone else, you can't run away from yourself.

"What'd you say? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"I'm trapped between my need to keep things normal and my want to move forward. It feels like I'm getting nothing accomplished here. How would I know if I'm not gonna do the exact same thing I did today? It would've been better if I had never known he felt that way about me in the first place! Then, I wouldn't be worrying about this!"

"But why are you worrying? You could just ignore the fact that he likes you. The fact that you care so much about the confession means that there's a part of you that's really, really happy you know. Maybe you're relieved? Because there's a part of you that feels that way about him?"

Roxas stared at him. "Sora, my best friend has been gay for me for years. Obviously, I care."

Sora shot him a look. "I know, but..." He took a deep breath. Roxas could tell that whatever he was going to say next, it was long. "Look at it this way. You know he likes you, but he doesn't know you know. Nobody knows you know. _I_ know you know, but I'm dead, so you don't have to worry about me blabbing anytime soon. If you had absolutely no interest in him, then you could go on the way things are, and nobody would think anything was wrong with it except you. Which means that any choice you make is based off your own thoughts and opinions and feelings, without the influence of others. And since you broke up with Namine, which was entirely your own doing, then that means that there are thoughts, opinions, and feelings in you that would cause you to do that under normal circumstances. Feelings like infatuation, perhaps?"

He stared at Sora. "...Did you spend all day on that?"

"Guardian. Job. It's not like there's anything better to do."

"Whatever. And it's not true that any choice I make is my own decision. It's his fault for telling me in the first place!"

"You'd be sad if he didn't."

Roxas reluctantly agreed to that.

"Admit it," Sora continued "After he died for you, it would've been a big disappointment if the P.S. said, _'By the way, Roxas, I think of you as nothing but a good friend. Ignore the fact that I attempted suicide after you died. My relationship with you is totally platonic.' _"

Roxas recoiled a bit when Sora mentioned the suicide. He knew he didn't mean to mention it so carelessly, but it still hurt nonetheless. Sora, in his usual oblivious manner, didn't seem to notice.

"And... you knew. You knew ever since Day Two, right?"

Day Two. When Axel kissed him. He guessed a part of him had figured it out before the rest of him did, but his brain misinterpreted it. He wasn't surprised when he read the postscript in that message, he knew that. But did he really already know back then? No, he couldn't have. Because then he wouldn't have misinterpreted it. If he knew, he would've considered going out with Axel sooner.

"I don't know, does this make me gay?"

No, right? He didn't really like Axel that way. He simply wanted to try something out. He had liked girls before all this happened. He _still_ liked girls. Plus, he had never shown any interest in any other male besides Axel.

Sora forgave Roxas for his sudden topic change. "Mmm... I wouldn't call you _gay_. I wouldn't even call you bi. You're more... bi-curious."

"Bi-curious?"

"Yeah. It means you're straight, but you show an interest in having a relationship with someone of the same gender. You're_ curious_."

"Are you... okay with that?"

"Roxas, I'd be okay with you, no matter _what_ you are. Hey, I'm okay with Riku, aren't I? And you're my own flesh and blood."

Curious, huh? That was a pretty accurate way to describe his current feelings towards Axel. Bi-curious sounded a little better than gay, but he still wouldn't want to picture everyone's reactions if they heard what he and Sora were talking about right now. Good thing any reactions they would have would only last a day.

He had to confess. It was true that there was a part of him that had felt overjoyed when he knew for sure that Axel liked him that way. But that was just human nature. You can't help but like someone that likes you.

Then that's not a real crush. If he only liked him because of human nature, then that was something he couldn't help. It wasn't his choice.

That settled it. Roxas Strife did not have a crush on Axel Parr. He felt relieved, knowing that at least one thing in his life stayed the same.

* * *

Axel and Demyx were opposites in nearly every conceivable way.

First and most obviously, Demyx was friendly and Axel was an asshole. This would bef a fair generalization to make, as Axel would probably agree to the fact that he was an asshole, and Demyx liked being called friendly.

Second, while Axel was a man of numbers, Demyx was a man of words. He wasn't a man of words in the sense that if you spoke with him, he would shock you with his flowery vocabulary. It was more in the sense that he and words had a good relationship. Words easily came to him whenever he wrote lyrics for his songs. In addition, most of Demyx's memories weren't remembered as actions, but rather as quotes. Most of what he could remember were the words that people had said, but he can't remember what those words really meant or why they were said.

Third, Demyx loved water. Swimming was his favorite sport, room temperature bottled water was his favorite drink, and even up here in Heaven, he spent all his time near the lake. Axel, on the other hand, had a strange fascination with fire. Just one step short of pyromania, Axel was that kid who always used a magnifying glass to set ants on fire.

This point was more of an elemental, symbolic thing than the others, but it was fitting personality-wise, too. Water and fire. One was both unpredictable at times and playful while the other was wild and destructive.

Finally, and this was what interested Roxas the most, Axel presumably loved him and Demyx seemed to hate the shit out of him.

Many would beg to differ. Demyx was too adorable and innocently sweet to hate anybody. But Roxas could smell bullshit from a mile away. Demyx just didn't let it show. He smiles and he laughs and he strikes up friendly conversations but underneath it all, he knew he hated him. Roxas could hear it in his voice the last time they spoke. He could see it in his eyes. They weren't smiling even though his lips were.

Okay, so hate may be too strong of a word, but Demyx certainly disliked him to some degree, and it wasn't the same "I'm so much better than you; I'm famous" kind of thing most celebrities had. Roxas wanted to know why.

The first step to finding out why was to find Demyx. And finding Demyx meant looking for the lake. This would appear to be an easy task, because since there wasn't anything up there to distract him other than clouds and light, a floating lake_ should _be able to stand out.

But do you want to know one great thing about clouds?

When you're standing on top of them, _they all look the same_.

Which meant that any sense of direction you had was lost up there. Roxas figured using the position of the Sun would help him a bit, but it didn't.

Tired and just about ready to give up on his curiosity, he suddenly heard faint guitar music in the distance. Demyx played the guitar in some of his songs, he remembered. Thinking that this was a surefire way to find the musician, he followed the sound.

Sure enough, he soon saw the edge of the lake. Demyx was there with his fishing pole as always. Only this time the fishing pole was put aside, and the guitar was in his hands instead. But now that he could hear it up close, it didn't really sound all that much like a guitar. What was that other instrument that generic teen magazine said Demyx could play? Oh yeah! The sitar!

Roxas cleared his throat and announced, "I have a theory."

Demyx jumped in surprise, dropping his sitar. The blond musician then turned around, smiling when he realized who it was.

"Oh! Hi, Roxas!"

"I have a theory about why you keep hanging around this lake."

Demyx tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You're always here! I_ know _you're not stuck doing Reversal like I am, so that's means you can waltz right into Heaven! Well, what are you waiting for? Eternal happiness in Paradise, and you'd rather spend your time near a lake? But I have a theory about that."

A playful smirk spread across Demyx's features. "Oh? And what's your theory?"

Roxas was confident. "I know this lake is connected to Earth." He leaned in closer. "You want to go back, don't you?"

Demyx smiled. "Wrong! The lake doesn't let souls pass through! Only inanimate objects!" He was doing a little victory dance in his head, complete with head bangs and pelvic thrusts.

"But you wish it did, don't you?"

The dance was abruptly ended.

"You wish you could drown yourself in that lake." Roxas accused. "You wish you could go back to Earth. You wish that getting your life back was as easy as jumping in water."

"That's not–"

"And I _know_ you do..." he interrupted,"...because I want to, too."

He wished he could go back. He wished he could go back and hug Axel and apologize for all the crap he ever put him through. Hell, he wished he could apologize to everyone, but Axel was first in his mind. He wished he could do back home and live _his_ life again, one where whatever you did wasn't erased by the end of the day, and you kept on moving forward instead of being dragged back. He wished, but even if he tossed a coin into the lake, it wouldn't come true.

Any traces of a smile were completely wiped away from Demyx's face, replaced with a serious expression. He remained completely silent. That was how Roxas knew he guessed right. The older blond looked down. But not at the lake. Whatever he was thinking of, he looked sad.

"…It's not because I want to come back from the dead." he said quietly. "It's because I'm looking for someone down there."

"Who?"

"None of your _business_!" Demyx whined childishly. Well, that serious moment lasted for all of about two seconds.

"It _is_ my business!" Roxas angrily shouted. "I have enough crap to deal with, with Reversal and all, and I don't need some bi-polar crack head screwing with my brain! Obviously, I did something to piss you off, and I want to know _what_!"

After that, it grew quiet. Roxas had expected that outburst to solicit _some_ sort of a response from the musician, such as an equally angry retort. He did not, however, expect him to smile at him brightly.

Another thing about water? Sometimes, it's ice cold.

He asked, "Why would you think I was angry at you? You have a lot of very redeeming qualities, and that makes you a _great _person. I can never hate a great person like you. And you know what's so great about you, Roxas? "

_'Dear Lord, don't tell me he's going to break into songs about friendship.'_

The bright smile Demyx had on suddenly seemed very, very menacing. "You seem to think you're the only one suffering. You seem to think your death only affected you."

"No! I thought about Axel, I thought about Namine, I thought about my parents, I thought about-"

Demyx smiled. "Okay, you thought about the people you cared about. That's great! But have you ever stopped to consider people you _don't _know? Have you ever stopped to think about what happened to the driver of the car?"

Roxas's eyes widened. "Y-You_ know_? You saw my death? That's impossible! You died around the same time I did!"

"It's not rocket science to ask some of the angels around here a person's cause of death. Besides, I told you min-"

"Are you a stalker? Why do you always know everything that's going on with me?"

Why _him_? Why did Demyx have such an interest in _him_? He'd never met him before in his life!

Demyx had a strange expression on his face. "I think that… the more I know about you, the more I'll be able to forgive you."

"Forgive… me?"

The smile returned, but only half as bright. "Nevermind! Anyway, let me tell you about what happened to a whole bunch of other people because of _you_. Yes, _you_." Demyx pointed at him, with an extremely odd look in his face all of a sudden, and Roxas shifted uncomfortably.

"They're strangers to you, but you should still listen. The driver of the car? He was paralyzed from the waist down. Now he'll never walk again. But he's more upset for you than himself. He spends all his time wishing he had been more careful, riddled with guilt. Spends all that time trapped in a wheelchair." Demyx shook his head.

"Why are you telling me this?" Was this why Demyx hated him? Because he ruined someone else's life? That would've made sense, as Roxas felt like hating himself. All this time, he had held a little grudge against the driver for messing everything up for him, but he hadn't thought about how that person would've felt about it.

But there was something else to Demyx's hatred. It seemed like Roxas had hurt Demyx personally.

"The woman who called the police? She stayed by the entire time, making sure you made it to the hospital okay. She had an important interview that day. It was her last chance at a good job. She missed it."

_'I didn't know. I didn't mean it. Why are you telling me this? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so selfish, but what do you expect me to do?'_

"All because you didn't look both ways before crossing the street."

"..."

As Roxas seemed to take in what he was saying to him, Demyx reverted back to the completely cheery, carefree teenager that all his fangirls loved. "I'm not trying to be mean to you. Really, I'm not. You're a good kid. Better than I thought you were gonna be. I just… I just thought you should know."

"I didn't _need_ to know."

"I know. I'm being selfish here, too. Don't riddle yourself with guilt like that driver. None of that was _entirely_ your fault, I guess. What's done is done." He turned to face him, an all-knowing look plastered on his face. "You hate that you're starting to feel sorry for those people don't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're gonna start thinking about them, and the only person you want to think about is _Axel_."

"It amazes me how much of a stalker you really are."

"No, _seriously!_" There went Demyx's whining again. "All you want to worry about, all you want to bring yourself to care about, all you think deserves your compassion is _him_. And don't even think about lying about it, because I saw that blush just now!"

Damn his cheeks for betraying him!

"You've been thinking about him ever since you found out he loved you! I'm not even sure if you heard anything I was saying earlier! All you probably heard was _'Axel, Axel, Axel, Axel, Axel, Axel, Axel'_!"

"Yeah, right! I just wanted to go out with him because I felt bad for him! I mean, if I loved someone–"

"Axel!"

"Shut up! If I loved someone, and they didn't even give me a chance, I'd feel bad!"

"I thought he wouldn't remember it anyway?" Demyx mockingly asked.

Roxas struggled, trying to think of more excuses. Because the thought of him actually _liking _Axel that way was ridiculous, right? It was just experimentation, right? Yeah, that was it! Experimentation!

"I just wanted to play around with the idea of having Axel as a..." He had to push himself to get the next word out. "...boyfriend."

"Denial! D-A-N-I-L-E, denial!"

"Shut. Up. Besides, how would I know if I liked him or not? I'm still worried about Namine! I think I'm starting to regret what I did to her."

"_Why? _It's not you two _actually_ broke up."

Roxas clenched his fists. "I know. It just hurts to know that, at one point, even if no one else remembers it, I hurt her like that. And for what?"

"For the power of true love!"

"...I'll ignore that. What if she's right? What if we don't work out? What if I'm just wasting time?"

"You're in Reversal and you still have the nerve to say things like 'wasting time'?"

Roxas ignored him. Happy Demyx was like having a second Sora around.

"But what if… I get hurt?"

"C'mon, you got to give him more credit than that."

"No, I mean… what if I actually _do_ like him back?"

"So you like him back."

"No. I said 'what if.' "

"So you like him back."

"I didn't say that."

"You'd be wasting time if you stayed with her." Demyx explained matter-of-factly. "You were with her for two years. You already know what it's like to be with her. You're too paranoid. It's not good to be scared of change. Change is good! Embrace it! Otherwise, you're just a sorry loser who does the same exact things day after day!"

"Loser? Like you're one to talk! All you do is sit by this damn lake all day, everyday, _fishing_! Like you're ever going to catch anything!"

"Ah, but I wasn't fishing today, was I?"

Roxas remembered the sitar. "Well, no, but..."

"So you agree I don't just fish everyday?"

"Yeah, but you don't _sing_, either! You're a singer! You're supposed to be singing! In front of people! Not wasting your time by a boring lake! Nothing ever happens here!_ I'm _the most interesting thing here, and you know it's bad when _I'm_ the most interesting thing!"

"I said I was looking for someone."

"That's not an excuse! If you're going to bitch to me about wasting my time with Namine, then I'm going to bitch to you about whoever it is down there! You should do something else once in a while! Change is good! Embrace it! Weren't those your words?"

"...At least I'm happy."

"_Happy?_ How could you be happy? How could you be happy wasting your talent like this? How could you be happy letting down all your fans by letting your voice slowly wither away? If you were a singer before, you should be a singer now! It's what you're good for!"

"You don't have to do exactly what you did before."

"You do if it's what you're meant to be doing! Why aren't you singing, Demyx? Why don't you sing something, _Demyx Loreone_?"

"…You're saying it wrong."

Roxas was taken back. "What?" Was he deaf? Did he not hear anything he just said?

"My last name. You're saying it wrong."

"Loreone?"

"Yeah. It's not 'Lor-ee-inn.' It's 'Lor-ee-awn.'"

"Oh. Well, everyone pronounces it 'Lor-ee-inn.'"

"Well, they're wrong, then. Stupid fans." Demyx pouted, sticking his lip out.

It was strange how they had shifted from a serious conversation to a friendly one to an angry one, then right back to a friendly one. Friendly conversations with Demyx didn't feel right. Axel and Demyx were opposites, and he found it much more comfortable to talk to Axel than Demyx. Axel didn't annoy him as much.

Wait. Yes, he did. But he annoyed him in more of a teasing, "I'm older, taller, and better-looking than you, so I'm going to bug the hell out of you" sort of way, rather than Demyx's "I have a split personality disorder, so I'm going to confuse you with my hyperactivity and unexplained hatred." That was just one of the many things he loved about Ax–

Wait. What the_ hell _was he just about to think?

"You_ like _him, don't you?" he heard Demyx say, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"No!"

"I understand. I know what it's like to miss someone badly. The person down there, he's an old friend of mine. I haven't talked to him in years."

"And you think you're gonna fish him out with your fishing pole?"

Demyx smirked one of those smirks that would've looked way better on Axe–

Argh!

"Maybe I will." Demyx said. He pointed away from the lake. "Shouldn't you get going now? You know, start your next day, tell Axel how you really feel about him?"

Roxas nodded, and was about to leave after smacking Demyx on the head for his comment about Axel, but then he remembered why he came to the lake in the first place.

"Hey! You haven't told me why you hated me yet!"

"Man! And here I was, hoping you'd forget."

"So you admit you hate me!"

"Man! I got owned two times in a row!"

Roxas plopped himself down next to him. "I'm just gonna make myself comfortable here."

He looked at Demyx, straight in the eye.

"Now talk, Mr. Bi-polar Pretty Boy."

* * *

When Demyx Loreone was born in the back seat of an old, run-down taxi, to a mother who was only fifteen, he didn't have a name. This was a fact that was often left out of every biography and article ever written about him.

Those biographies and articles often left out plenty of things about Demyx's childhood, upon the request of the subject. Like how his mother, who was smart enough to know that she couldn't take care of a baby at her age, and that her parents would be furious when they found out, dropped the baby off at a local orphanage where he was nurtured and loved...

...for a while. No, he wasn't abused. Sorry people, but there weren't many movie-worthy things about Demyx's childhood, unfortunately.

Soon afterwards, he was adopted by a charming and delightful family who already had seven children of their own but had somehow managed to make room for one more. He had broken their lucky number seven, which probably explained why he was always such a klutz. Nevertheless, they loved and accepted him anyway, just as he was.

He was given the name Myde Fisher.

Boring so far, huh? Where was all the _drama_?

Well, Myde's parents certainly knew how to love their son, but no one had ever bothered to teach him how to love himself. Unpopular and teased at school, he never got to see himself the way his parents saw him. Even so, he managed to keep an upbeat and cheery personality towards others, even those who made fun of him, because even if Myde didn't love himself, he certainly loved everything and everybody else.

Imagine his surprise–imagine how overjoyed he must have felt–when a group of kids at his high school invited him to their party. Finally, someone other than his family saw value in him. He didn't care one bit if those kids had a bad reputation at school.

But that night, for the first time _ever_, Myde felt like he was on top of the world. And it was all thanks to the snow. He didn't remember if he ever thanked those guys for introducing him to it.

The snow was incredible. It was amazing. It gave him a rush that not even the tallest roller coaster in the theme park could give him. No, it took him higher than any roller coaster in the world. Eventually, though, the snow wore off and he would fall from the top of that roller coaster, with no seat belt strapped in. He didn't like the fall nearly as much as he loved the high. He had to keep taking more snow.

For all of those confused, that was the night that Myde first got addicted to cocaine.

Over time, he got addicted to all sorts of different drugs, most of them at similar parties. The snow was always his favorite. But it was the snow and all those other drugs that landed him in a rehabilitation center at age seventeen, with his well-meaning, loving parents wondering where they went wrong.

The story wasn't boring anymore.

Unable to stand it anymore after just a month, he escaped, disheveled and confused, looking for a place to call home. His family wouldn't be where he left them, he knew. He broke down, wondering, just as his parents had a month ago, where it all went wrong.

And it was there, next to an old, run-down taxi by an old, run-down road that he met the person who would have the most impact on him in his entire life. He's was never mentioned in any of Demyx's autobiographies, so the name is probably unrecognizable. He wasn't the talent agent who discovered him, but he was responsible for making him famous. He was a local high school teacher.

His name was Zexion Loreone.

_"Did you know that if you pronounced your last name a little differently, it would rhyme with your first name?"_ Myde asked this to the older man, while he was sat in the back of this stranger's car, secretly wondering how crazy you would have to be to pick up such a hopeless wreck of a hitchhiker.

_"Yes, I do. Now tell me, where are you headed?"_

_"Home."_

_"And where is home?"_

_"...Where's your place?"_

_"Mind telling me your name first?"_

Myde wasn't sure why he lied to him. It wasn't like he needed an alias. He honestly believed that he would get caught by the rehab people, eventually. The fake name he offered was something he had found out sometime during his month in the rehab center out of pure boredom. He had written his name and then an X, to symbolize the family name that he had lost, that he didn't even deserve anymore. Staring at it for hours in despair, he found out that if he mixed up the letters of his name and added the X somewhere in there, he would get...

_"Demyx. My name's Demyx." _

Zexion wasn't thrilled at the idea of a young, homeless teenager staying with him at first. He wasn't going to let him stay for _free_, that was certain. Demyx didn't have any money with him, so he would have to get a job first. Incredibly, however, Demyx was fired from every and any job that Zexion had signed him up for. That was impossible. This kid could _not_ be that worthless.

_"Do you have any talents? Tell me, exactly what are you good for?"_

_"Oh! Uhhh...I...sing...sometimes."_

_"Really? Are you any good? Let me hear a song, then."_

When Demyx began to sing, Zexion was stunned silent. For a homeless brat clearly lacking the money necessary to pay for formal singing lessons, he was pretty good.

It was almost… professional.

_"That's... amazing."_

Even though Zexion thought Demyx's raw talent alone was good enough, he encouraged him to take lessons. He paid for every one, and seemed to completely forget about Demyx's requirement to pay for room and board. The lessons were increasingly difficult and taught by harsh teachers who never seemed to drink enough coffee in the morning. Demyx swore he felt a part of his soul die after just one lesson. He had nightmares about all cows eating grass and good boys who don't fight anyone for weeks.

But even after all the torture, he really _did _hear himself getting better. He could reach notes he hadn't been able to reach before and learned better breathing techniques. However, that wasn't the reason he had survived through those horrible, horrible teachers for so long.

Zexion was.

Zexion _believed_ in him. He was the first person who helped him to see the true value he had. He let him know that he was worth something. That he was worth all the munny paid for those ridiculously overpriced lessons. If a complete stranger thought he was worth that much, then maybe he wasn't that useless of a person after all. For once, he learned to love himself. For once, he thought of himself as unique. Special. Irreplaceable. Worthwhile.

For once, he could look at his reflection in the mirror.

_"You rock! Oh, thank you, Demyx! Don't mention it, Demyx!"_

_"Talking to yourself again?"_

_"Eep! Zexion! I was just...doing some voice exercises!"_

And smile.

The more Demyx learned to love himself, the more Zexion learned to love him as well. He was the reason that he didn't have to come home to an empty house after a long day of teaching. He kept the otherwise quiet days interesting and, though he hated to admit, fun. He started to view him as less of a nuisance and more of a companion.

However, the teen clearly had problems.

_"If there's ever something bothering you, you should come talk to me for help. I took courses in college for this sort of thing."_

Demyx stared at Zexion strangely. Had he ever said he had a problem? No, right? So there was no need to be having this conversation, and Zexion didn't like having needless conversations. Demyx was perfectly content with the way things were.

No... that wasn't true. Inwardly, he knew he still had all his old problems, buried deep inside. They were just numbed down, hardly felt anymore. He didn't know if he was strong enough. He wondered... if he was confronted with the snow again, would he be able to resist it? Rehab had done its job of getting him to stop using it... but what if, for whatever reason, he wanted to start again?

_"So, what are you, a therapist?"_

_"Only if you want me to be."_

He could've told him. He could've told Zexion everything about his past drug addictions. Zexion could help him get over it for good. He knew that, in his right state of mind, he would never make the same mistake again, but by telling someone else, they're sharing the hardship with you. Telling Zexion would make things easier. He should've told him. But instead, he said possibly the stupidest thing he could've said at that moment.

_"Hey, did you notice that when you break up the word 'therapist', you would get 'the rapist'? That is freaky! Did you ever notice that?"_

Zexion's concerned expression didn't change.

_"No, I didn't notice."_

Demyx was destined for greatness. Something bigger than the walls Zexion's house had to offer. Something bigger than the invisible borderlines of this town had to offer. Zexion knew it as soon as Demyx had so much as uttered a single note that first time he had asked him to sing for him. He knew Demyx wanted something more than this, too. He wanted fame, fortune, and glamour, like so many people did.

_"Demyx? Are you interested in having some of your songs available to the general public?"_

Zexion said he knew someone. A talent agent. Said that they used to be good friends. Demyx was excited when he heard this. He could be famous? _That _would get the kids in his old school to wish they had treated him better! Every night after that, he had dreams of singing songs he wrote in front of millions of people, all chanting his name.

_"How did you earn enough munny to know a famous talent agent personally? High school teacher doesn't pay much."_

A crooked smile, rarely seen on Zexion's face. _"You know that book, Kingdom Hearts?"_

_"You mean that best-selling novel that made like a billion munny in the first week? I never read it, why?"_

_"...Did I ever mention I was a part-time novelist?"_

The talent agent, Xemnas, came over to Zexion's house and listened to a CD of songs that Demyx had written–with a little of Zexion's help–that the two of them had made. He was signed and given a record deal almost immediately.

When Xemnas had heard Demyx didn't have a real home, he offered to have him live in his mansion until he made enough money to buy his own. Demyx couldn't believe anyone owned a bigger house than Zexion, but Zexion assured him that Xemnas's mansion was, in fact, bigger. A bigger house, money, and fame. Um... yes?

_"Demyx, if you become a famous singer someday, would you write a song for me?" _

He stopped in the middle of packing his clothes in his suitcase, getting ready to leave. It was so out of the blue and the last thing Demyx had expected Zexion to say.

_"Yeah, sure I will!"_

_"Promise?"_

_"Yeah, promise."_

That was the last time he ever saw Zexion again. He watched his house disappear from sight as his new manager's car pulled him further and further away. Feeling the gentle vibrations of the car as it drove over the rough road, Demyx began to worry about a lot of things.

His manager thought he was good enough, but what if the rest of the world didn't? What if he was just setting himself up for embarrassment and bad reviews? Or _worse_. What if he was going to end up like one of those one-hit wonders? And what if he ended up– I don't know–number nine or something on a list of the worst one-hit wonders of all time? He was going to be immortalized as the ninth worst one-hit wonder of all time! He'd never hear the end of it!

He didn't, however, worry about Zexion. Zexion would be where he always was. He knew it. In case he wasn't successful, in case his album didn't sell well, he knew he had a place to go back to. Zexion was grown up already. He didn't have any dreams that needed fulfilling like his did. After a while, he became so wrapped up in the glamour of stardom, he forgot all about Zexion.

There were a lot of things about stardom that Demyx didn't count on. Initially, he hadn't counted on having many fans. So learning that a lot of people, mostly girls, had liked his music was a pleasant surprise. He didn't count on the multiple interviews, photo shoots, and music videos that came with the job. Well, he _did_, but he didn't count on all of them being one right after another. He wasn't used to being so busy or being in the presence of so many people at once. He didn't count on how much emphasis was placed on how he looked, which meant makeup artists were constantly messing around with his face. His manager had convinced him to do a lot of crazy things, like wear pants that were so tight, they prevented proper blood circulation, but the strangest thing he had him do was change his hairstyle to some sort of mullet/Mohawk combination. Before, he thought it looked ridiculous, but now, he couldn't imagine his hair being any different.

Most of all, he didn't count on how lonely it all felt.

After he sang the last song at a concert, after he answered the last question in an interview, after he finished filming a music video, he came to the startling realization that no one would be there for him. Sure, he had millions of fans, but how often did he get to meet them personally? The times he _did_ meet them, there was a wall of security guards between them. Fans didn't comfort him on his worst days. Fans didn't talk to him when he was lonely. Fans changed every time he toured in a different city.

His manager saw him as something to be sold to the public, and really, so did his fans, and so did he.

He became depressed for a very long time.

He had tried to call Zexion millions of times, but no one had ever answered. He had snuck away from his manager and had driven over to Zexion's house, to see what was wrong, but when he got there, it had belonged to someone else entirely.

_'He... moved. Without telling me anything.'_

Then there was a party. He should've known better. He really should've. But he didn't.

Demyx Loreone allowed the snow to keep him company.

And it accompanied him all the way to the grave.

_'I miss you... Zexion.'_

* * *

"_He will be missed by millions. Tonight, Channel Six News tells the story of how this young and cheerful superstar rose to the top before his tragic death, in Demyx Loreone: Teen Idol. Let us rewind to the early days of his fame…" _

When it came time for Demyx to pick a stage name, he had assumed Zexion's last name in honor of the man who took care of him when no one else would. Only he made a change. Loreone was pronounced exactly so that it would rhyme with Zexion.

He didn't expect anyone to know the meaning of his name. But he kept hoping that Zexion would hear him on the radio, on the television, or wherever. He kept hoping that he would go to his official website, find out his tour schedule, and go to one of his shows. He kept hoping that Zexion would push his way to the front of the screaming crowd and let him know he was okay.

But in case he couldn't afford a ticket, he kept hoping that wherever Zexion was, he was listening to his singing, and that he was proud of him.

Before, when he wasn't doing a show, interview, or music video, one could sometimes catch him alone, pen and paper in hand, with his trusty sitar lying next to him.

_'Sorry, Zexion.'_

His hands would tremble above the blank sheet of paper.

_'I'm trying to write you a song.'_

His eyes would water.

_'But I just can't seem to stop crying.'_

* * *

"Now talk, Mr. Bi-polar Pretty Boy."

Demyx stared at Roxas, scared stiff. What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to tell someone why he disliked him! That would hurt his feelings! Oh no, oh no, oh no! And after looking this cool so far with his snappy comebacks and cool attitude! What should he do? Roxas could see him sweating!

Then he realized. Roxas was shorter than him.

He pushed his palm against Roxas's forehead. "No thank you! I'd prefer to keep my secrets to myself!"

"But you stalk me! You don't let me keep _my _secrets to myself!"

Demyx sighed. "Tell you what. Let me keep my secrets, and I'll stop stalking you. Although, it's not really stalking. It's more of a gathering of informatio-"

"Promise?"

"Yeah. I don't need to know any more about you. I forgive you."

"Forgive me for _what_?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out!"

Groaning, realizing that Demyx wasn't going to tell him, Roxas turned and started to leave. Talking to the musician for longer than a minute was enough to give anyone a migraine.

"Remember what I said, okay?" Demyx called as he left. "About doing what you did before? 'Cause if happiness isn't worth taking chances for, then what is?'"

Once Roxas was out of earshot, Demyx started to laugh, relieved he was able to chicken out of it, while at the same time, appearing mysterious and cool.

He has to admit that he hated the kid a little when they first met. But he couldn't hate anyone for long, especially someone like Roxas. It was for such a stupid reason, too. And he'll admit that it was no good reason, seeing as how Roxas wouldn't have been able to do anything about it anyway.

He was being selfish, and he knew it.

Zexion was the driver of the car.

* * *

Roxas was alone. It was times like these that he wished he was in his room with the music turned all the way up, drowning out all his thoughts. He didn't want to be alone with them. They were heading towards a direction he wasn't happy with.

_**"You like him, don't you?"**_

Roxas could hear Demyx's voice ringing through his head, mocking him. He remembered what Sora said about how all his choices were the result of his own thoughts and no one else's, but having a voice in his head other than his own made him think otherwise.

_'I settled this earlier. Human nature, remember?'_

_**"You like him, don't you?" **_Demyx's voice repeated. It decided it wasn't going to accept that excuse, so Roxas tried a different tactic.

_**'**__Like him? That's ridiculous. You don't start liking someone just because they like you back. You need other reasons.' _

_**"You like the way he teases you and the way he's cruel to you."**_

Anger and irritation started to swell up within him. He couldn't get the damn voice out of his head! It was definitely a_ persistent _voice. It looked like he was going to have a hard time convincing it that it was merely out of curiosity that he had romantic interest in Axel and nothing else.

Which was absolutely crazy. He was dealing with his own imagination! Shouldn't he be able to control his own thoughts?

_'I'm no masochist!' _he retaliated.

_**"You like it because it makes it all the more special when he's nice to you. Those rare little random acts of kindness. You love them, don't you?"**_

_'Shut up!'_

Roxas could remember his parents telling him that the best thing to do in an argument was to repeat your case over and over. The other person would be able to think of comebacks for all your excuses, and then you'll be cornered. He needed to stand by his case.

_**"You like the way he doesn't give those random acts of kindness to anyone else because it makes you feel like you're one of a kind. He makes you feel valuable."**_

He won't admit it. He won't admit that that was true. He won't admit that Axel had ever made him feel that way.

Roxas hated it. He hated the way that Demyx's voice in his head started to morph into his own. He hated the way that it was his voice he was hearing. He could hear himself saying these words and he hated the absolute certainty in them. He hated the way that even his own imagination was betraying him.

_**"You like the way the two of you argue about what you hate about each other because it's the only way you let the other know what you love about them."**_

_'That's corny!'_

Not to mention untrue. They argued because they were mad at each other. There was no underlying meaning behind it all.

But even if it wasn't intentional, you could still figure some things out. Like whenever he said he hated it when Axel stole things from him, he meant that he appreciated it whenever Axel asked for permission first. However, on some statements it wouldn't be as clear. There could be an infinite number of hidden meanings behind their words. They could rule out some, but they'd still have to go to the trouble of finding out the rest.

But with all the arguing they do, is finding out the rest really that difficult?

_**"You like the way he'd give you that sly little smile when you're done arguing to let you know he was just kidding. That he didn't really mean it."**_

_'Sometimes he does. Sometimes he means those things. I can tell. The smile means that I shouldn't take him seriously. Because he doesn't dwell on my shortcomings like I dwell on his.' _

_**"You like the way you're the only one who knows what that smile means."**_

_'What, you mean like a secret code? Didn't we outgrow those years ago?'_

Of course he was the only one who knew what it meant. He was the one who hung out with Axel the most. Even with all the time he spent with him, it was hard to figure it out. Axel was more cryptic than you would originally think. However, that didn't single him out. Anyone who spent as much time with Axel as him would've figured it out, too.

Then again, just the fact that he spent time with Axel at all singled him out.

_**"You like the way you always tell yourself he's going to screw something up because you're always pleasantly surprised when he doesn't."**_

_'Since when was having low expectations for someone a good thing?'_

He can't deny it, however. The pride he would feel whenever Axel exceeded those low, low expectations. Every moment after that, Roxas found his expectations steadily increasing. Low, but increasing. And Axel met them one out of three times, which admittedly, wasn't really that bad.

_**"You like the way he doesn't screw up sometimes because he always smiles like whatever he did was the best thing in the world. You love his smile, don't you?"**_

_'I wouldn't know. I don't stare at his face, hunting for smiles.'_

But sometimes, he does catch one. And when he does, he likes it because it makes Axel seem more human. When he was younger, he saw Axel as something larger than life because he was so much older than him. When Axel smiled, it reminded him of both sides of Axel. The arrogant side he often saw, and that nice side he hardly ever showed, out of some fear that people would think less of him. Love may have been too strong of a word, but it wasn't far from the truth.

_**"You love it because you know it's mostly aimed at you."**_

_'That's...' _

There were so many words for it: ridiculous, corny, something out of a crappy romance novel. But he had another word: true. He doubted Axel _never_ smiled at anyone else, but it was certainly very rare. He rarely smiled at Roxas, but it had happened twice or three times. Twice or three times for him was better than only once for everyone else.

_**"You like the way he screws up most of the time because you get to clean up the mess he made. You like the way he's hopeless without you. You like the way he needs you."**_

_'Cleaning isn't fun. Especially when you don't get any thanks. And Axel doesn't need me.'_

He needs him to get him out of trouble, that was true, but otherwise, he was disposable. But Axel hadn't disposed of him yet, so maybe he needed him more than he thought.

_**"You like the way you need him because he's always there when no one else is. You like the way he's like a bad, annoying cold that you just can't get rid of, the way he never lets you feel alone."**_

_'Annoying is right. He never leaves me alone, even when I want him to.'_

Before he realized it, Roxas was smiling, laughing even, at the memory of Axel annoying him when he was trying to study for a test. He was actually beginning to agree with this voice! Danger! Danger! Primary resistance at a critical low! Get ahold of yourself! Remember what your parents said! Stand by your case!

_**"You like the way he talks you down. You like the way he tries to make you think he's bigger and better than you. Because whenever he defends and protects you, whenever he lifts you up, you feel ten feet tall."**_

_'When has he ever defended or protected me?' _

He could remember many instances. Like that time with Marluxia. Even though that didn't really happen. But if it did, Axel would've helped him anyway. Axel felt... safe. Roxas was smart enough to know Axel could beat the crap out of anyone if he put his mind to it. He was also smart enough to know that sometimes, Axel can't. Those were the times he_ really _felt ten feet tall. The thought that Axel would risk so much for him-even if most of the time, Axel wasn't aware of it-felt safer than an entire hallway of bruised students would. Which, by the way, he had seen before on one of Axel's bad days.

(Danger! Danger!)

_**"You like him, don't you?"**_

_'That...That might be a little true, actually.'_

It was true. Every accusation the voice in his head made was true. And yet, they weren't. Because he would've noticed it earlier. He would've done something about them earlier. If he really felt like that about his relationship with Axel, he shouldn't need a voice in his head telling him so. He stood by his case.

But by now, he even had a hard time convincing _himself _it wasn't true.

(Danger! Danger! They're starting to win! Keep up your defenses!)

_**"You like the way he supports you and the way he drags you down. You love the way you hate him. Face it, there's nothing about him you don't like."**_

_'So what if there isn't?'_

It took some time for him to realize what he just thought. He had lost an argument against himself! Was there anything more pathetic?

_'Did I just admit that I liked Axel?'_

Butbutbut... What about physical attraction? While it was an extremely shallow part of having a crush on someone, it was still important in many cases. Sure, he'll admit to once thinking that Axel was attractive in an Axel-ish sort of way, but the thought that usually followed that was one of jealousy.

Butbutbut... He wasn't thinking that now, was he? He didn't have to worry about Axel getting more girls than him, did he?

_'I'll admit he's attractive.' _

Plus, if the only defense you have against liking someone is physical attraction, you're either really shallow or really in trouble.

(It's over. They beat us. We lost.)

_**"Well, what are you so scared of then? You already know what he feels about you, so it can't be rejection."**_

What was he so scared of?

_'...Because I'm gonna get hurt. If I really do, ugh... like him,' _He shuddered at the thought. _'I'm gonna start regretting not realizing it earlier. Not telling him earlier. And with all that regret, I'm gonna get hurt.'_

He couldn't believe it. Was he actually admitting he had a crush on Axel? He tried his hardest, summoning up every excuse he could, but he couldn't think of any. Oh God.

Oh God.

Oh _God__**.**_

Did he have a crush on him this entire time? When he hugged Axel, when he bought him his gift, when he broke up with Namine, was that all out of infatuation? He had a crush on him, and he wasn't even aware of it? Was that why he was so nervous when he wanted to ask him out? Because he really _did_ like him?

But that was... that was so... high school love story! He couldn't possibly be that easily swayed!

He said to himself. "Well, I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction of acting all love-struck around him, that's for sure."

_'Causing myself all this unnecessary pain...' _

_'Oh God, I really am a masochist, aren't I?'_

_**"Nah." **_his mind said. _**"You just don't want anyone else getting hurt anymore. But if you get over your fear, no one will get hurt."**_

"_Not even me._" he whispered. He had to agree with the voice in his head. After all, it _was_ his own thoughts. Those were his own words.

**(Give in.)**

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **Zexion! You could view his and Demyx's relationship however you want to. It doesn't have to be romantic if you don't like Zemyx. If you happen to love Zemyx, then make it as romantic as you want! XD It works either way.

_Primary resistance at a critical low! Get ahold of yourself! _

Yeah. I took those words from the lyrics for _The Walk_ by Imogen Heap. It seemed like the obvious choice at the time.

I don't know, this chapter just seems really boring to me, despite Roxas thinking about Axel. What do you think? (Don't worry, Roxas. You'll get your date soon!)

Please, please, pretty please review! Pleeease...! If you have this story in your favorites or alerts, you must have _something_ to say about it. Just one sentence would be enough to make me happy. Review! I'm begging you!

Oh, and in case you didn't know, snow is another term for cocaine. Just in case.


	12. I'd Like To Tell You

**Author's Notes #1: **_29_ new reviews! You reviewers are amazing! My goodness, 29. That's more than I would've ever expected to get! Thank you!

Here's a new chapter for you guys! It's fluffy! (Sort of.)

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Claimer:** Lyrics for _Dormant_ are the property of RamaLlama.

**Chapter Twelve: I'd Like To Tell You...**

The plan for the day was simple. Or, at least, it was supposed to be.

First, he had to break up with Namine.

Again.

Roxas searched his mind, trying to recall what he had said to her the other day. Even though she had ended up crying despite his efforts to prevent it, it went pretty smoothly.

Next, he had to grow a backbone. Or nerve. Whichever was easier to grow. He was going to need either one of them to ask Axel out on a date. He decided that he _definitely_ had to go through with it after that internal conversation he had. With luck, Axel would ask _him_ out instead, but he knew that there was a slim chance of that happening because in this timeline, Axel never told him he liked him.

Finally, assuming he had been able to survive asking Axel out, he had to go on the actual date. At the same time, he had to sort out his confusing and conflicting emotions and find out exactly how he had come to have a crush on Axel Parr, ass of the century.

Simple.

That is, until his mother woke him up.

Because when doing Reversal, such an uncomplicated plan as this could only exist in one's dreams.

"Wake up, honey!" she called out to his sleeping figure. He groaned irritably. "You wouldn't want to be late for your first day of high school!"

He stopped mid-groan.

He had forgotten to ask Sora the date again, so what his mother said struck him as unexpected news.

"F-First day?" He threw his covers off of him and bolted to the bathroom. But once he looked at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes widened.

"Oh no..."

Staring straight at him was Roxas Strife, new fresh meat in high school. And how did he know?

Because there weren't any bags under his eyes, which meant he had a good night's sleep.

A good night's sleep in high school. Hah hah. Good one.

Aerith was beaming with pride. "Look at my little man." she said, placing her arm on his shoulder. "Already starting high school. Before you know it, you'll be heading off to college."

_'You won't have to worry about that, Mom.'_

His freshman and sophmore years. Gone. Wiped clean. All that was left of them was this one day and the image of this young, new freshman. Reliving the first day of school was something he had nightmares about when he was still alive.

_'Wow. I'm just a little freshman now, aren't I? My entire high school life. Over and done with in four days.'_

Those were the quickest four days he ever experienced.

And this was the quickest car ride he ever experienced. A blink of the eyes, and his father was dropping him off already.

As he stood there, staring at it, the high school building had never seemed bigger than it did at this moment. He would walk through the halls as a completely new student, yet he had two years of experience there and already knew the hallways like the back of his hand.

"Looks scary, huh? Trust me, it'll pass after a couple of minutes."

Roxas jumped back as he looked to his side.

"A-Axel..."

And there he was, standing there, a smirk on his face, as usual.

"Freshman nerves?" he asked. Roxas could remember him saying the exact same thing the exact same way the last time.

But last time, the statement hadn't been this accurate.

"I don't know about this." Roxas said.

_**"You like him, don't you?"**_

_'This is your chance! He's right there! Tell him how you feel! Hurry!'_

"I-I have to tell you something." he stammered. He would do it this time! He wouldn't stall or chicken out like he did the other day! He'll go through with it! Just watch him!

Axel asked, "What?"

Oh, hell.

"N-Nevermind!" Roxas exclaimed, sweating like crazy all of a sudden. "Um...I'm gonna be late! See you later!" He quickly ran towards the school building, avoiding Axel's confused gaze.

_'What was __**that**__?' _his mind chastised. He chose to ignore it. He felt like running. He felt like removing himself from that uncomfortable situation, and couldn't keep his feet on the ground. _'Stallingstallingstalling' _his mind told him, but he chose to ignore it. He just felt like running.

He neared the front door when he felt someone bump into him.

"Oof!"

Not the best thing to say when you're running away from your problems.

Books and papers flew everywhere as the both of them tripped over each other. The other person must've been carrying them on their way to class. Intinctively, he began picking some things up and mumuring several apologies. He looked up to hand the other person their books.

It was a girl. Long blonde hair and white clothes. Her head was turned away from him as she held on to some of the papers that were starting to blow away. She seemed very shy.

"I-I'm sorry," she said.

Roxas instantly recognized the voice.

He nearly dropped her books and stumbled back down in surprise.

"You..." he choked out. Unfortunately, she mistook it as anger.

"S-Sorry! I'm really, really sorry! I-I didn't mean to bump into you! I'm...I'm r-really lost."

_"Do you need help?"_

That's what he should've said. In fact, that _was _what he said the first time he met her.

_"I'm new here, too, but I kinda know my way around 'cause my friend goes here."_

That's what he should've said. But he was caught off-guard. He was temporarily stunned. He couldn't move anything, let alone his mouth.

So he didn't say anything.

Still getting the impression that he was mad at her, she added, "I better get going now."

"Wait."

The girl stopped and waited for him to continue.

"I-It's nice to meet you. I'm Roxas."

The girl giggled. She was making friends already? She should bump into people more often!

"Hello, Roxas. I'm--"

"Namine."

She grew confused. "H-Huh? But how do you know my--?"

"Buddy! There you are!"

Axel always interrupts at the best times.

Roxas saw the taller boy walking towards them. "Why'd you run like that? C'mon, I gotta tell you something." He dragged him by the wrist, away from Namine. She smiled and waved at the two of them, then continued on her way, as if she had never seen them before in her life.

Because she hadn't.

"I've been waiting for years for you to get to high school. I've always wanted tell you about this since I first heard about it." Axel said once he had stopped dragging him. "There's this rumor that Principal Ansem is _really_ into sea-salt ice cream. So much that he keeps a huge supply of the stuff in a hidden refrigerated vault in his office. I know how much you like that flavor of ice cream, so I thought we could check to see if it was true. It'll be a great way to start off your first day here."

Roxas had to smile at that. He remembered this rumor from the last time he lived through his first day of school. It _still_ sounded like something out of the mind of a brain dead five-year-old child. "You don't really believe that rumor, do you?"

"Like shit I do! That means no, by the way. But it'll still be great to see the reaction on Ansem's face when his office gets trashed by two students searching for hidden ice cream. _Really_ great way to start the year."

"Why didn't you check it yourself?"

Axel stared at him and smilied.

"I told you already, I wanted you to be here."

For some reason, Roxas _really_ wanted to check it out. It sounded stupid and immature, but he didn't get to do it the last time. He was busy with...other things. He wondered if the other Axel had gone on without him when he hadn't shown up. He doubted it, though. Axel had said he had waited years for him to get to high school, which, once he thought about it, was actually really sweet.

He'd show up this time. He already missed Axel 18th birthday party in Reversal, but he wasn't going to miss this. Today, he was going to spend time with Axel and enjoy it.

But...something wouldn't stop nagging at him from the back of his mind.

"You know that girl we saw earlier?" he asked. "The blonde one?"

"Yeah. She seems kind of nice, why?"

He shouldn't be bringing this up.

"I know her."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "Really? How come you never told me about her?"

He mumbled, "Because she doesn't know_ me_."

He hoped Axel didn't hear him.

"I need to talk to her about something." he said. "It's important."

"Okay. And you're telling me this because...?"

"I need to talk to her about it _now_."

"But...ice cream..."

"Don't worry, okay?" Roxas assured him, "It's gonna be quick, I promise. We'll still have time to do that...vault thing."

He turned his back on Axel, so that he wouldn't have to see the disappointed expression on his face. So that Axel wouldn't see the disappointed expression on _his_ face.

It felt terrible to leave Axel behind again. He had his mind set on spending as much time with him as possible. Once he has his mind set on something, he'll seldom enjoy anything else. And maybe it was true that he...liked him? Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of not being around his...crush? Not that he'll ever freely admit either of those two. He had accepted the plausibilty of him liking Axel in a romantic fashion, but that didn't mean he had to go around _flaunting _it.

Anyway, terrible or not, he needed to talk with Namine. Absolutely _needed_ to.

He called out, "I'll meet you by the office when I'm done! It'll be a few minutes!" He winced when he realized how desperate to get away from Axel he sounded. The fact that happened to involve Namine made it worse. The last time, he wasn't able to do it with Axel because he had met Namine, and the two of them instantly became friends. He spent the entire day with her in order to find out more about her and figured he could hang out with Axel anytime anyway.

Wow, that seemed more a lot more asshole-ish now than it did back then.

He walked around, looking for any sign of the blonde-haired girl. With luck, she may still be near where he left her. While he was looking, he thought of how he could say what he wanted to say to her and still make it make sense.

All of the days were going backwards for him now, remember? So if today was the first time he met Namine, then that meant it would be the last time he ever saw her.

_'Okay, how about "I know everything that's going to happen up to one year in the future because I've lived at that time."? That'll get her attention.' _

He was planning on telling her everything about his death and Reversal. He had to tell _someone_. Keeping it a secret and holding it in from everyone was starting to get unbearable. He had so many conflicting feelings about everything, and nobody could sympathize with him because they wouldn't know shit about it. Talking to Sora or Demyx didn't count. And also, he just wanted to tell her. He couldn't just see her for the last time and keep a secret as big as this from her. He _couldn't. _

Roxas finally found her sitting under the shade of a tree with a sketchpad. He walked up to her with a friendly smile.

"Hi, it's me again!"

She looked up. "Oh, hi! Roxas, right?"

Roxas nodded.

"Yeah. Can I talk to you in private?"

_BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING...!_

Dammit!

"Huh?' Namine looked around at the rush of students. "Oh, class is starting. Sorry, Roxas, can we talk about this later? I don't want to be late for our first high school class. Want to start this year well, you know?"

That bell was seriously bent on keeping him away from Namine, wasn't it?

"Skip it."

"Excuse me?"

"Skip it. What I'm about to tell you is really, really important."

"I can't skip class! That's--"

"Namine." He stared at her with the most desperate look he could conjure up. "Please?"

Before she had a chance to answer, he dragged her behind the school building. Poor girl probably thought she was gonna get raped.

"I'm dead." Best to get the point across as soon as possible.

She blinked three times before comprehending what Roxas just said. Looked like he just wanted to talk. She lowered her guard.

"Why?" she asked. "Did you get in trouble with someone?"

Roxas shook his head when he realized she thought he was using the expression.

"No. I mean I'm _literally_ dead. As in, I'm no longer among the living."

Blink. Blink. Blink.

"Are you one of those people who are really into roleplaying? Are you supposed to be a zombie? If you're asking for my opinion, I'm sorry, but your acting needs work."

He sighed heavily. What would make her understand? A picture of his lifeless corpse?

"Your favorite singer is Demyx Loreone, and in your opinion, his best song is _Rebellious Disposition_. Your dream is to become an internationally renowned artist when you get older, but your parents want to you pursue something else, more along the lines of a doctor or lawyer. You only eat vanilla ice cream, but you'll try other flavors if someone asked you to."

She could've scremed out loud if she wasn't afraid the entire school would hear her. What? How did he...How could he...

"...Have we met before?"

"Yes! I mean, no. I mean...you'll meet me in the future! I mean, now!"

Clearly Roxas was too worked up over tackling high school and being a freshman that he was starting to sprout out nonsense, Namine reasoned. He couldn't possibly be like this all the time. He was too cute to be crazy.

"Roxas, you seem like a really nice guy, but you're starting to scare me. How...How do you know all that stuff about me?"

"You're probably not going to believe me."

"It wouldn't be the first crazy thing that came out of your mouth."

He took in a deep breath, wondering if it was too late to drop this conversation without looking like a freak and go back to help Axel.

"About one year in the future, when we're both fifteen, I'm going to get into a car accident and **die**." He observed her facial expression. Did she think he was crazy yet? "By that time, you and I will have been close friends, and that's why I know the things I said earlier."

Her facial expression was hard to read. Half of it seemed to be a combination of disbelief and fear, and the other half looked like interest and curiosity. He took it as a sign to continue, suddenly feeling like a crazy old man telling a story to his grandchildren.

"But you see...I wasn't _ready_ to die then because I didn't expect it to happen. So this Voice comes out of nowhere and tells me that I have to do this thing called Reversal and that my Guardian is my grandfather who died four years ago. Well, it's three years now, I guess."

Her facial expression stayed the same. Why wasn't she saying anything?

"So Sora--that's my grandfather's name--tells me that Reversal is when you have to live your life backwards. But not every single day. Only a couple of days. But the point is, they're not in order. They're backwards."

Finally, she spoke up. "Are you saying that..."

"Yes." he answered. "This would be one of those days. Apparently the point of all this is to examine my life or something."

"So...is any of this even real? Am I real?"

"I would like to think so. Unless this is all one big dream. If it is, I will be _seriously _pissed." He noticed her lack of shock or panic.

"You know, you don't seem very surprised by all this."

"No, no. I'm...surprised. It's just...when I woke up this morning, I had a feeling. A feeling that...something special was supposed to happen today. Something out of the ordinary. I don't think you're lying about all this or making this up. Something keeps telling me you're not."

_Something out of the ordinary._

Namine had said the exact same thing the first time around. Back then, both she and Roxas thought she was referring to their meeting each other because they had instantly become close friends. None of them had any idea she meant this.

"But...isn't this the kind of thing you'd want to keep a secret?"

"Right!" Roxas exclaimed. "I almost forgot to mention it! By midnight tonight, you're gonna lose all your memories."

"What!"

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"No, no!" He reached his hands out towards her, trying to calm her down. "I didn't mean _all_ your memories! Just the ones of today! You're gonna forget I ever told you all of this."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "But...if I'm going to forget--"

"Then why I am telling you this?"

She nodded.

"I don't know, I just...I feel like I'm obligated to tell you. 'Cause today is the first time I meet you, right?"

"Right."

He bit his lip. It was hard, telling someone all this stuff and then saying you'll never meet each other again.

"Then it's also the last time I'll see you. Until you die, at least. Wait, umm...that didn't sound good. Sorry, let me start over--"

"It's okay. I know what you mean." She looked down at her hands. "The last time you'll see me, huh? Promise not to forget about me?"

He widened his eyes in surprise. "Are you crazy! Forget about you? Of course not!"

She smiled. "That's good."

They sat in awkward silence for a while. After staring at him for a couple of minutes, Namine finally spoke up.

"Umm...Roxas?"

"Hmm?"

"What am I to you? Besides a close friend. There's a reason you're telling me all this."

His face went red. He mumbled something incoherent.

"Excuse me?"

He shut his eyes tightly, trying to get rid of his embarrassment.

"We used to...date."

Her face immediately went just as red as his.

"O-Oh."

Once again, they sat in awkward silence and both of them began to twidle their thumbs. Roxas wondered if he should just leave and help Axel out with the...office thing.

"What was it like when we...dated? Did we ever..." She blushed. "...kiss?"

He smirked, suddenly feeling very masculine. "Sure did. And I was pretty damn good at it, too, if I do say so myself." She giggled and then Roxas remembered something very important.

The break up. She should know. He had told her everything else. She'd understand.

He hoped she would, at least.

"Listen." he said, all of a sudden looking very uncomfortable and very unmasculine. "On my last day, we kind of...broke up. I mean, I broke up with you."

"Why?" She seemed more curious than disappointed.

"I guess I was starting to have feelings for someone else." He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, blushing. "Starting to think we should see other people. And I guess I...still feel that way." He glanced at her. "Is that okay with you?"

She looked confused. "Is what okay with me?"

"Me going out with someone else. You won't feel cheated on or anything, right?"

Cheated on? She couldn't help it. She started to laugh at him for his stupidity.

"You're actually asking for my permission?" she asked in disbelief. "We're not dating_ now_, Roxas. If you want to be technical, we've really only met today."

"You were upset about it the first time."

"Excuse me for not remembering!" She laughed. "You think I'd feel cheated on if we're not even dating yet? Think logically here."

"Is that a 'yes'?"

"That's me telling you to do whatever you want with your life! Um...I mean, afterlife. Oh, that didn't sound good. Sorry! I mean..."

"It's okay," he chuckled. "I know what you mean. Thanks."

At that answer, Namine suddenly started to laugh energetically, brushing her hair out of her eyes. It was a nice sound. "_Wow!_" she breathed. "Wow. Today is so...surreal. I'm talking about kissing with a dead guy I only met today! I bet the other students' first day of school isn't anything like this!" Her laughter died down a bit, reduced to a light chuckle. "Other students..."

"You're the lucky girl for the day, I guess."

Namine looked her around her, at the other freshmen. "All of these people here. They're our classmates. They're going to be with us for four whole years. They're like our family." Her voice was laced with a twinge of regret. "All of us are going to graduate four years from now. Except you. You won't be a part of this class. You won't be in our graduation. And it's a shame." She looked up at him.

"_I'm so sorry, Roxas_." she whispered.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. And anyway, it kind of feels like I _am _graduating today. I'm not going to this school anymore, am I? I may never see these people again, right? Throw in a diploma, and I'm ready for college!"

The painful feelings churning around his stomach weren't freshman nerves. They were graduation nerves. Whenever he pictured gradutating and leaving his school, he had imagined his parents being there, at least. This would do, however. Axel and Namine. They were all he needed for this special day.

"Man, I never thought I'd _wish_ I could wear those cap and gowns."

Namine started to hum _Pomp and Circumstance _while holding an imaginary diploma. The action caused Roxas to start laughing, which, in turn, caused Namine to start laughing and pretty soon, both of them were rolling around on the grass, clutching their stomachs. It wasn't even that funny, and they couldn't care less. At that moment, despite just meeting each other, they seemed like friends who had known each other all their lives.

_'Friends. That's right. Namine is just a friend now.' _The thought didn't feel sad, like he had expected it to. Instead, it felt...hopeful. Like a life with only Axel was something he should look forward to with a smile on his face.

"We sure are laughing a lot." he observed once he calmed down. "Strange. The last time we'll ever see each other, and we're laughing."

Namine nodded her head in agreement. "Well, this is the way it should be, right? Graduation. It shouldn't be sad. It shouldn't be goodbyes. It should be 'see you laters.'"

He smiled sadly. She was right. They'd meet up again. Sometime. They had to.

"I'll see you later, Namine." he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek for the last time. She smiled brightly at the contact. Her high school years were going to be just fine.

"I'll see you later, Roxas. And good luck wherever Fate takes you."

They stared at each other, taking in the other's appearance, memorizing it, treasuring it, and then walked away. She walked away, out of his life for good. He walked away, out of the first relationship he ever had.

Both of them stopped in their tracks.

Roxas was the first to speak. "I...can't walk away." he said, voice strained. "I can't help but worry. What if something goes wrong? What if I mess something up? What if..."

Namine covered his mouth with her hands. "Roxas, sometimes you have to stop asking yourself _What if? _and just ask _Why not?._" She gasped in shock at the end of her sentence, taking her hands of her mouth to cover her own. The sentence said itself without any permission from her brain.

Roxas chuckled at her uncharacteristically enthusiastic outburst. "Where did_ that _come from?"

"I think..." She looked over at him, wonder in her eyes. "I think _you_ taught me that."

_'...in another lifetime...'_

He smilied.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Axel was waiting for Roxas. The blond had told him that he would meet up with him here, by the office, in a few minutes. It had been at least fifteen minutes, and he still hadn't shown up yet. Whatever he had to say to that girl must've been _very_ long.

It _better_ have been very long.

That girl. Why wouldn't Roxas introduce him to her? Maybe he was planning to later? He had never seen or heard of her before, and he spent a _lot_ of time with Roxas. He's been keeping her a secret from him for who-knows-how-long.

Maybe they were secretly _going out_?

He scoffed. Roxas couldn't get a girl if he tried. He'd scare her away with his temper and crazy hairstyle. Roxas with a girlfriend. Impossible!

Besides, why would he keep something like that a secret, anyway? They were probably pen pals or something. Yeah, pen pals or something.

Still, his mind played around with the idea of Roxas and whats-her-face going out and kissing and stuff, and he found himself getting _very_ jealous. No, not of Roxas. Of Namine.

Yes, the big, bad Axel was gay for Roxas. Quit laughing and get over it. He wasn't some goddamn schoolgirl with crushes that changed every time she sees some ass waving their weiner around. Roxas was far too good for that.

Yes, Axel could be sentimental. Spread the word and your tongue will be hanging from the flagpole on a string by tomorrow morning.

He also had a tendency to be violent whenever he was pissed. And possessive. Violently possessive, oh yes. He had stood by Roxas's side as his best friend for ten years and planned to stay there much longer. No one, especially some random girl was going to change that.

But Axel's a nice guy once you get to know him, honestly. And he's only pissed occasionally. Most of the time, he can keep his cool and choke people with his air of arrogance and pride.

However, this would be one of those times he was pissed. Where was he?

"Hey, Axel!"

Caught off guard, he looked and saw Roxas walking down the hall towards him. Axel smirked, which was his version of smiling happily. Roxas seemed equally as happy to see him.

That girl didn't stand a chance.

"Hey. I thought you weren't gonna show up."

"You thought I was going to miss out on it? Sea-salt ice cream! C'mon, you know me better!" Roxas punched his arm playfully. "So what's the plan?" he asked, genuinely interested.

Axel shrugged. "Walk into the office and look for it."

Yeah, that sounded like an Axel plan. It felt good being just the two of them again, having adventures of idiocy and assholery. "_That's_ the plan? You do realize I'm skipping class for this, right?"

Roxas received another shrug as his answer.

"How are you even going to open the door?" he asked.

"With...this!" Axel pulled something out of his pocket triumphantly. "It's a skeleton key."

Roxas looked at it, immediately recognizing it. It was one of those keys from Twilight! It was called something like, The Bond of Flames. He pictured Oathkeeper and Oblivion sitting in his room. They were skeleton keys? Were they allowed to freely sell things like that to the public?

And how did Axel get one of them? He didn't know anyone else besides him shopped at Twilight. The shop was always empty when he went there.

"Where did you get that?"

"This?" Axel asked. "There's a shop nearby called Twilight. They have pretty cool stuff there, and I buy sometimes. It's a wonder they're still in business. Whenever I'm in there, I'm like...the _only_ one in there. All the time."

Apparently, it worked that way for other people other than Roxas. And all this time he thought he was special.

"Yeah, I know. It's pretty creepy, right?"

"You've been there?"

"I didn't know _you've_ been there." Roxas mumbled. "It's funny how we always end up alone."

For all he knew, the shop could've had a million customers per day, and none of them would know because no two people ever went in at the same time. Twilight was the only shop he could think of that could pull something like that off. Sorcery must've been responsible. It was the only explanation!

"But now that we both know the other knows the place exists," Axel added. "we could go there together."

Roxas looked up at Axel, blushing slightly. He wasn't sure if even Axel understood the symbolism of what he was saying. Maybe he was looking too much into it, but Twilight could've represented their feelings for each other.

_'And now that we both know, we can meet each other halfway.'_

"And completely ruin it!" Axel suddenly exclaimed, breaking Roxas out of his symbolism moment. "C'mon, we could go activate all the sprinklers and get discounts on all the wet merchandise! We just need a matchbook."

Roxas wasn't surprised. This was Axel talking, after all.

"You're an idiot, you know that? And I don't think they give discounts to people who purposely damage the store."

"Yes they do! I tried it once!'

Roxas waited to see if Axel was kidding about that, but he wasn't. "No wonder no one except us shop at that store." he sighed. "You must go there pretty early, because everything's always dry by the time I get there."

He heard a door squeak. He looked over to see that Axel had opened the door. "You coming or what?"

Bastard, leaving him to talk to himself like that. He followed him in. Once inside, he looked around the small office. Could a vault even fit in there?

"What should I be looking for sepecifically?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"If you want to look carefully..." Axel knocked some important-looking papers laying on Ansem's desk to the ground. "...or quickly."

"Axel! If you make a mess, he'll know someone's been in here!"

"Relax. I've been in here plenty of times. You said it yourself, that rumor is bullshit. Wouldn't you rather be doing this for the adventure? The thrill?"

Nervously, Roxas picked a paperweight off the desk and softly threw it to the floor. It was a start. He stepped backwards, against the wall, seeing if he could kick it around.

"Hey."

Axel stopped his reign of destruction. "What?"

He lifted the large painting on the wall behind him up a bit and felt around under it. "There's something smooth and metallic behind this painting."

Axel walked over to have a closer look. "You're right. Okay, if this rumor is true, then our principal has more shit in the brains than I thought."

"Maybe you could take down the painting and see." Roxas suggested. Okay, now he was excited. He and Axel could be the first ones in the school to prove a ridiculous rumor correct! Even if it was only for a day!

In his excitement, he felt a hand grip his shoulder. Not a good sign. He turned around.

Ansem! Shit!

"Aha! Caught you two!" the principal exclaimed. He had a grip on Axel's shoulder, too. "I didn't believe that pink-haired senior when he told me two students were trying to sneak into my office."

Marluxia, you son of a bitch.

"We can explain this!" Roxas said nervously. "One of the teachers said it was okay to..." He stopped when he noticed Principal Ansem staring at him strangely.

"Your voice..."

Axel rudely interrupted. "Yeah, yeah, we all know he has a great voice. Now can we cut the crap and get on with this?"

Ansem sharply faced him. "_Your_ voice! It was you two!" He pointed an accusing finger at the two of them.

"What! What did we do?" Roxas asked.

"_You're_ the ones who have been prank calling the school faculty over summer vacation!""

Prank calling the faculty? Oh yeah! He remembered that. The two of them were bored over summer vaction and decided to screw around with the teachers at Axel's school! Good times. It was stupid and immature but good for a cheap laugh. He was young! He didn't know any better! And Axel made him do it!

"I had nothing to do with it!" Roxas protested. He pointed to Axel. "Ask Ms. Eileen Yulick over there!"

Axel looked insulted. "_Me? _What about _you_, Mr. Ben Dover?"

Principal Ansem roughly forced the two of them to take a seat in his now messy office. He pressed a phone to his ear. "Well, Mr. Dover and Ms. Yulick, I'm afraid I'm going to have to call your parents about this."

"Aw, c'mon!" Axel said. "Can't you teachers take a joke?"

"You destroyed my office! And you said I was shit-brained!"

"You heard that?"

Ansem dialed some numbers. "Stay put while I call your parents. Don't try anything funny. Hello? Mrs. Parr?"

"_This is such a crappy first day of school_." Roxas whispered. He didn't have to worry about Ansem hearing him because Axel's mom was screaming louder into that phone than he thought possible.

Axel leaned in closely to him and whispered hotly into his ear. "_Let's run away together_."

Roxas nearly soiled his pants. Woah. WOAH. When did Axel suddenly get so openly flirtatious? What he said combined with how he said it made it undeniably...sexy.

But then he had to remember that this was Axel talking. And they weren't in some movie. Instead, they were in a very untidy office while their principal called their parents for disobeying school rules. How romantic.

"_How are we gonna do that?_" he whispered back. "_We can't sneak out the door without being noticed_."

Axel quietly walked over and pulled the phone cord from the wall, sitting back down before Ansem could notice.

"Mrs. Parr, if you would just let me get a word in--Hello? Hello?" Ansem looked at the phone, confused, before placing it back on the base. "It seems there is something wrong with the phone. I'll try using the one downstairs. _Don't move_." He stood up and walked out the door, shutting it closed.

As soon as he heard the slam of the door, Axel shot out of his seat and opened one of the windows as far as it would go. "Maybe we can climb out this window."

As far as it would go wasn't very far for that particular window. "We're on the third floor!" Roxas protested. "And there's no way we could fit there!"

"Watch me."

Axel stuck his head out of the window and forced the rest of his body forward. He was able to go up to his waist, but for a moment, it looked like he was stuck. Cursing slightly, he moved around, struggling, before managing to loosen himself. He fell out the window with a yell.

"Axel!" Roxas worriedly rushed over and looked down out the window. "Are you okay?" he called out.

He heard pained groaning. "I'm fine." Axel's sarcastic voice replied. "The cement broke my fall." Roxas saw him pick himself up and wipe the dirt off his clothes. "Your turn."

Reluctantly and with a gulp, Roxas tried fitting himself through the opening like Axel did. It went smoothly until he found himself stuck midway. No matter how much he moved around, he wouldn't budge. Sucking in his stomach didn't help much.

"Stuck?" He growled at Axel's amused voice.

"Shut up! It's not my fault my waist isn't as thin as a toothpick like yours!"

"Try pushing yourself a little harder!"

When he tried it, he felt himself becoming more unstuck. He was about to push himself out all the way when his eyes looked down. He didn't know the third floor was this high up. And the cement didn't look too inviting, either. Images of him falling and cracking his skull open on the pavement rushed inside his head, and he felt his courage slowly receding.

"I--I can't do it! It's too high up! Just go without me!" He was getting nervous. He considered forcing himself back into the office and finding another way down. It was too risky. What if he broke something? He was so high up.

Axel tried encouraging him. "C'mon, you can do it! Roxas Strife isn't scared of heights!" Just hearing those words made him relax a little.

_**"...whenever he defends and protects you, whenever he lifts you up, you feel ten feet tall."**_

Roxas remembered the words clearly, and they made him gasp out loud.

_'Oh dear God.'_

He began to panic. His mouth started forming words when the rest of his body was frozen with fear. "Scared. I'm scared. I'm too scared to go down! I can't do it! I'm going back in the classroom!" He pushed himself back, but he wouldn't fit through anymore. There was no way out but down.

_'Oh no.'_

"Don't worry!" Axel called out. Roxas looked down, worrying his heart out. The older boy had his arms open and a determined smile on his face.

_'Oh...phrase to signify shock.' _

The next words he spoke chased away any and all of Roxas's fears, like magic words.

"I'll catch you."

And just like that, he knew.

_'I-I like him.'_

Closing his eyes with newfound bravery, he pushed himself off. Time seemed to stop and he felt himself falling.

_'I like him. I mean, I really __**do**__ like him.'_

He wanted to scream. He wanted to panic. He wanted to do anything and everything, but his soul was stuck in suspended animation. It felt suffocating and calming at the same time. He wasn't sure which one he should concentrate on.

He got his answer when he felt strong arms catch him and wrap themselves around him. He turned to look at Axel's smug face. Both of their heartbeats were racing. They stayed like that for a while, not saying anything. Axel was holding him bridal style, and Roxas still had shivers running up and down his spine from the fall.

Axel could've put Roxas down already, but he didn't want to. Roxas didn't want him to.

Roxas had never noticed how strong Axel was before. He never noticed how warm and comfortable he felt. He should've been burned like fire, but he wasn't.

And...he never noticed how Axel's pretty green eyes lit up whenever he smiled like that.

He wrapped his arms around his neck, and leaned his face in to get a better look. Axel's eyes were very nice and interesting to stare at. He felt like he could stare at them forever like this. Their noses were nearly touching each other and they could feel each other's breaths.

_'And you know what?'_

Then Axel did something completely expected.

_'It's not so bad...'_

He kissed him.

Only this time, Roxas kissed him back.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

The kiss felt like a first kiss.

It was awkward, sloppy, and uncomfortable and exactly how a first kiss should be. Both of them had kissed people before. Roxas had kissed Namine, and Axel had gone out on several dates. They weren't new to it, so why were why they so bad at it now? Bad or not, however, none of them wanted it to end.

It was nothing like the other time Axel had kissed him. Roxas wished that that moment had never happened, so that he could honestly say that this was their first kiss together. It had none of that sad feeling, and it felt rather nice. He had thought kissing another boy would feel weird, but it honestly didn't.

When they broke for air, both of them had the same look of surprise on their face. But for completely different reasons, Roxas bet.

"That...was..." It took every ounce of restraint he had not to say 'amazing.'

It looked like Axel was having the same problem. "Why--" he started.

"WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE TWO TROUBLEMAKERS GO?"

Axel heard Ansem's yell and smirked. "We got found out. Let's go." He started running, and Roxas realized he was still in his arms.

"Hold on! I am _not _letting you carry me there. I have legs, you know."

Axel suddenly realized as well and dropped him roughly. Way to be a gentleman, Axel.

"Of course."

The two of them ran as fast as they could until they couldn't see the school or hear Ansem's yelling, laughing all of the way. Even after that, they continued to run, but soon enough, they realized.

_'Where are we going?'_

They stopped almost simultaneously. Observing their surroundings, they found that they has gotten pretty far. It was a recognizable part of town, though, so they weren't exactly lost. Not that you could be lost when you don't have a destination.

"Where do we go now?" Roxas didn't remember if he or Axel asked that. For all he knew, he could've just imagined the question. The only thing he was sure of was the sound of his stomach grumbling.

"You hungry?" Axel asked.

They decided on eating at a small, nearby smoothie shop called Destiny Islands. It was popular as a hangout amongst the students at high school, but neither Roxas or Axel went there much. They had good smoothies, but sold other food, like sandwiches and salads. They were decent enough.

They had to share a sandwich because they didn't have enough money. It wasn't much of a problem, seeing as how none of them touched their food. Instead, they were talking and laughing together and goofing off, like they used to. It didn't feel like they had just cut school. They were having much too much fun for that. It felt like an honest-to-goodness _date_. And he didn't have to ask anything!

"They never have any good channels on the TVs here." Axel commented. Destiny Islands had small televisions attached to the wall for people to watch while they ate. It was as if they expected people to stay there the entire day. They had sofas and beanbag chairs, too. "All they ever show is music video crap."

Roxas watched one of the TVs with detached intrest. Axel was right. He hadn't noticed because he was too engrossed in their earlier conversations. He had forgotten how much fun talking could be. Familiar music began to play. Demyx Loreone's _Dormant_. It was a new song at this time, but old when he had it as his ringtone.

"Ugh. I hate this song so much." Axel said, digging his nails into his skull. "They overplay it on the radio."

Roxas laughed nervously. He used to share the same opinion as Axel, but got into Demyx Loreone when Namine lent him a CD, because she liked him. It wasn't that bad, actually, and he had grown to love the song. "He's okay."

The video for the song always seemed random to him. One moment, Demyx was standing in a glass room, playing his guitar, the next, he was in a thick forest. One moment, it would be sunny, then it would snow. Why was it snowing?

_It's a whisper-thin wall_

_That is threatnin' to break_

_You long to feel_

_You whine and yearn_

_But you mix up the lies_

_With the love and the hate_

_You'll never learn_

_You'll never learn_

_'Snow...' _It suddenly came to him. _'Snow! Oh my God. He was trying to tell us. He was trying to tell us there was something wrong with him.'_

He wrote the song about himself. He wrote it about his problems. Snow meant cocaine. No one got that. No one understood until it was too late. Thinking about that made Roxas depressed all of a sudden.

"Roxas, are you okay?" he heard Axel asked, concerned. "You don't look well." He touched his forehead, feeling his temperature. Roxas smiled at the contact. Axel made him feel better.

"I'm fine. Thanks for caring, though. I'm really happy we're friends."

_I'm really happy we're friends? _Roxas must've been sick, Axel thought. He never said stuff like that. It was nice to hear, though. "Well, I'm glad we're friends, too."

Roxas tried to change the subject. "So, what do you think of that new movie?" He really had no idea what movies were playing at this time, but it was a good conversation starter.

Axel opened his mouth to answer.

"There you two are! You thought you could run away?"

And shut it.

Xaldin was there, next to their table, looking very angry and tired. Xaldin was the school nurse, and Axel wasn't very fond of him in the way Roxas wasn't very fond of Saix. Ansem told him they ran away, huh? He gripped both of their shoulders. That seemed to be a popular technique among the teachers.

"Did you search the entire town, looking for us?" Axel asked disbelievingly.

"I come here every day after work!"

"Damn, is school over already?'

Xaldin sighed irritably. "I already called your parents. They said it was okay for you two to stay after school for detention. Detention on the first day of school. Kids these days, I swear..."

Roxas exclaimed, "But...But..I've never had a day of detention in my life!" He didn't care about how much of a nerd he sounded. The thought of detention scared the _crap _out of him. Punishment of any kind didn't sit well with him, and the first time Axel ever got a pink detention slip, he overexaggerated how horrible it was, just to tease the younger boy. However, his young mind took it seriously, even after Axel told him he was kidding, and he did whatever it took to stay out of detention ever since.

"There's a first time for everything."

Keeping a close eye and a tight grip on both of them, Xaldin walked them back to the school. Oh well, Roxas thought. At least it was fun while it lasted. He glanced at Axel to see what he thought about the situation. He looked very upset.

Maybe he was upset because their date had ended early. Although, could it really be called a date? Axel might've not completely understood that kiss earlier. He timidly asked, "Axel? About earlier..." Didn't he tell himself he wasn't going to give Axel the satisfaction of acting like a love-struck schoolgirl?

Axel wouldn't face him. "What_ about _earlier?" His voice was unnaturally cold. Roxas stared at him, trying to see if he was joking.

_'Oh, there's no way.'_

"Did something happen earlier with us?" Axel asked, voice still cold. "I can remember is sneaking out of school, but that's it."

_'There's no way you forgot.'_

Roxas stammered. "The...The ki--" He closed his mouth. Axel should remember. He shouldn't have to tell him.

He stared up at him with what he hoped would be a glare, but turned out to be a desperate and pleading look.

_'There's no way you'd ignore it.'_

Axel glanced back at him. His eyes were indifferent. "Don't look at me like that, Roxas." His words were laced with a hint of a threat. "Not here." He turned away, and Roxas couldn't find the strength to say anything.

_'Not when I'm involved.'_

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"And no talking!"

The loud voice of Xaldin rang through the classroom. Except for him, Roxas, and Axel, the room was empty. On the board was written DETENTION in large, white letters. Roxas and Axel were sitting down in desks, listening as Xaldin told them the rules of detention. Basically, they were 'Sit down and don't talk'.

_'So this is what detention looks like.' _Roxas thought. _'It's a lot less gruesome than what I imagined.'_

He looked over at Axel, and Axel looked over at him. Roxas opened his mouth to say something, but remembered that Xaldin was watching them. He could tell Axel had something he wanted to say to him, too, and that Xaldin's yelling was pissing him off.

"_**Shut up**_." he grumbled at Xaldin. Xaldin turned around from his place at the desk, furious.

"What was that, Mr. Parr?"

Axel spoke loudly and defiantly, "I said, '_**Shut up!**_'" He shot out of his seat, knocking the chair to the floor and slamming his hands on the desk.

"Stay in your seat." Xaldin warned him.

He slowly made his way over to the front desk.

"Sit _down_, Mr. Parr!" Xaldin growled. Axel didn't flinch. He formed his hand into a fist, and moved his arm back. What he did next made Roxas want to question his sanity.

He punched Xaldin, right in the jaw. The nurse fell over backwards from the contact and was instantly knocked unconsious. Axel smiled triumphantly. "There." he said. "Now we can talk."

He turned to Roxas, and the blond boy scowled. They glared at each other until Roxas yelled angrily, "You're an ass, you know that? I was having such a good time with you, too! What kind of bastard kisses someone and--"

"Xaldin was there!"

Roxas recoiled when Axel yelled at him. "What?"

"Xaldin! You know, our school nurse? Did you think it would be okay for him to hear us talking about that? Did you think it would be okay if _anybody_ heard us?"

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize--"

"The entire school faculty already hates me. And it's not like I wasn't causing trouble before today. Do I really need to add 'gay' to my list of reasons to hate me?"

Roxas didn't talk. He didn't know Axel cared about that sort of stuff. He didn't know Axel gave a damn about school. He hadn't been thinking when he asked earlier. He assumed none of them would care.

Axel softened his tone when he noticed Roxas was starting to get sad at what he said. "I'm sorry." he said gently. "I didn't mean it to come out the way it did. I know my senior year barely started, but I just...Roxas..." He looked at his desk. "I _really_ need to graduate. I need to pass school."

_'Should I tell him? Tell him he's going to get left back, no matter how hard he tried?'_

"All you need to do is try your best." Roxas said, unconsiously laying his hand on Axel's back, a comforting gesture. "You don't have to do this for anyone but yourself."

Axel murmured. "I'd like to think I'm doing it all for you."

"For me?" Roxas asked, confused.

"Yeah. You need someone to look up to. I worry about you sometimes. Your parents are barely home, and your grandfather died last year. You need someone you can lean on for support. What kind of role model would I be if I can't even graduate school?"

_'One who cares more about me than they should.'_

Roxas quietly answered, "I'd still like you. Even if you stay in high school forever. I'd still look up to you."

Axel frowned at his answer. Roxas wasn't being himself lately. "Roxas? What's wrong with you today? Why are you acting so weird? Why did you..." He bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something stupid. It didn't work. "Dammit, why did you kiss me?"

Roxas took a deep breath. He was fairly certain he had grown a backbone by now, but he still had his doubts. But Axel was expecting an answer. He should give him one, preferably the one he'd been practicing over and over again the other day.

"I think I may possibly be interested in going on a date with you."

Upon hearing that, Axel widened his eyes at Roxas. At first, he looked shocked. Then happy. Then excited. Then he smirked. "Well, I think I may possibly be interested in going on a date with you, too"

"Is that another way of telling me you're into me?"

"Depends. Were you being sincere when you said that, or was that just to tease me? If you're making fun of me, then that's reaching a new level of low. I don't need any of that homophobia shit."

"I was being sincere. I really want to go out with you."

"Prove it."

Roxas did. He wrapped his arms around Axel's neck and kissed him full on the lips. Axel was too shocked to move. When it was over--it was only for a couple of seconds, long enough for Roxas make his point--he wasn't sure if Axel was aware he was grinning like an idiot.

"You know what?" Axel said, still grinning. "Screw Xaldin and everyone else."

Roxas smiled. "I have to say that I'm very disappointed, Axel." He crossed his arms stubbornly and looked around the classroom.

"This is the most_ unromantic _dating location you could've picked. There's a bleeding man on the floor!"

Axel flushed. "I--!"

Roxas flashed him a smile. One of those special smiles that said he was just kidding. That he didn't really mean it. Axel caught his breath. Holy crap, Roxas should smile like that more often.

"You little dork."

Roxas suddenly heard a groan and glanced at the unconcious Xaldin. "We should leave before he wakes up."

Axel nodded in agreement and gestured his thumb towards the window. "Sneak out the window?" he asked.

Roxas smiled. "You better make sure you catch me."

"Don't worry, Roxy, I'll never let you fall."

"Jesus, you're so corny! I like you better when you're a asshole."

"In that case, maybe I _won't _catch you."

"Bastard."

Luckily for him, Axel _did_ catch him, and they began walking their merry way to wherever their feet took them. Who needed a destination, when they were both happy just walking side-by-side and temporarily not in trouble?

Roxas said, "Well, I think it's safe to say that that was the worst date I've ever been on."

"Like you've ever been on a date before!"

"I have! Remember Nami--" He stopped himself. Shit, he almost mentioned Namine.

"We'll make the next one better." Axel reassured him.

"Yeah." Roxas sighed sadly. "The next one."

If only he wouldn't forget. And if only he wasn't living life backwards. Then, maybe they could've had a next date.

_'Don't think like that. You're supposed to be happy. Forget about Reversal for just a few minutes.'_

"Looks like we couldn't find the vault." he said, changing the subject. "That rumor probably wasn't true anyway. Damn, now I'm in the mood for sea-salt ice cream."

"Why don't we just go buy some at Twilight?" Axel asked. "It's better than going home to our pissed off parents."

Roxas looked at him. "You know they have them there?"

"Of course."

"Then...why don't you ever buy them yourself? You always make _me _buy them."

"I like them a lot better if they're coming from you."

It wasn't supposed to be sentimental. He said it like it was no big deal. Carelessly. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal. Yet Roxas found it the most sentimental thing he could've said.

He smiled and leaned to give Axel a chaste kiss on the lips, which he happily responded to.

It was too short. The kiss. The "date." The entire day. It was much, much too short. He wished the day would last just a little bit longer than it had to, but the hours turned into seconds, and soon, the sun was setting. It was too short.

Their next day had to be perfect. To make up for lost time. He would make sure it was perfect.

But Roxas tried not to worry about it too much as they both walked into Twilight, hand in hand. An entire night of eating sea-salt ice cream awaited them.

And for the first time, they weren't going there alone.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **Eileen Yulick? Ben Dover? Get it? Do you get it? XD

So since this day was the first day Roxas met Namine, it's the last time he'll see her. (Yeah, I think I made that clear already.) Because of this, she won't be showing up anymore. She'll probably be mentioned in later chapters, but she won't actually _be_ there. Does that make any of you sad? The breakup should've been a major clue that she wasn't going to be around anymore, but it's still a little...sad.

The other part of this chapter is fluff! So that's good!

So...review please!


	13. First Date

**Author's Notes #1: **Here's Chapter 13! It's Roxas's chapter. Ironically, Axel's chapter, Chapter 8, is when he dies. It was a pure coincidence, trust me. (Roxas dies in Chapter 1 and 3. Hmm...)

Once again, thanks for all your reviews! Also, thanks to everyone who reads this story and continues to read it! :D This chapter also has fluff in it!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Thirteen: First Date**

"Welcome back, Roxas!"

Roxas gave a slight wave of his hand in Sora's direction as the cheery brunet greeted him. "Hey Sora. I'm going to go back to sleep now." He laid his head back on the comfortable, fluffy cloud he was standing on and quickly closed his eyes to sleep.

Sora watched him, amused. "Eager to start your next day?"

He received a sleepy yawn as an answer. "Yeah."

"Well, too bad. I want to talk to you for a while, so get your lazy butt up and talk." When Roxas refused to get up, Sora frowned before summoning a bucket of cold water and throwing it on his grandson's tired body.

"Ah!"

"Good, you're up. I watched what happened down there. Tough bacon, having to end a tooth-achingly sweet day like that, huh?"

"Sora, you always know exactly how to torture me."

"It's my job. Seriously, though, you did a pretty good job of explaining everything to Namine. It's might've helped that she knew something like that was going to happen, but..." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Wait. So you mean I was _supposed _to tell her everything?" Roxas asked, now fully awake and fully dry. Either Sora made it so he would be dry, or things dried really quickly in the afterlife.

"Not necessarily. But I knew you were going to._ I _would." He looked at Roxas to see if he was paying attention. "So you're aware that that was the last time you'll see Namine in this Reversal thing, right?"

Roxas felt a twinge of sadness at hearing him say that.

"Yeah, I knew."

"And you know that things like that are going to keep happening? You're going to keep reliving first encounters, only this time, they'll be last encounters."

Roxas began to get irritated. "Yes, I know! Why are you asking?"

"How did it feel when you left her?"

He remembered that Sora had to leave Kairi when he died. He didn't mean for the questions to be intrusive. "It didn't hurt as much as I expected it to."

Sora smiled brightly. "Things rarely do." He looked at Roxas with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." Roxas forced his lips to twitch upward to prove his point.

"Roxas," Sora asked, his voice sounding different. Not sad, exactly, but different. It caught Roxas's attention.

"Are you happy?"

"...Happy?"

_Was he happy_? What kind of a question was _that_? Sora was the type of person who could usually tell someone's emotions just by looking at them. Well, he knew he was _supposed_ to be happy. He was excited and looking forward to a day with Axel, that was for sure. Usually when he was excited, that meant he was happy. So...then that meant he was happy, right?

Right?

"Yeah, I guess so. I guess I'm happy."

Sora smiled again. "That's good. I'm glad you're happy. So I guess you want to get right into your next day. Man, I remember the days when you were still little, and all you wanted to do was spend time with me." He sighed dramatically. "Now, you can't wait to get away from me."

Roxas got scared. Oh no! Had he unintentionally hurt Sora? "That's not true! I'll talk to you if you want me to!"

Sora dropped the act. "Calm down, I was just being dramatic there. Go on. Go talk to your little friends. Besides, I'm used to it. I'm used to helping others and not getting much back." Roxas could feel the atmosphere getting more serious. He needed to lighten the mood. Sora was going all nostalgic on him.

"Hey, before I forget, what date is it tomorrow?"

"Three years in the past." Sora answered. "February 11th."

"Three years. Wow, that's one huge ass jump there." Roxas commented, slightly surprised. He knew it skipped, but...

Hearing that word uttered caused a frown on Sora's face. "Roxas! You know how much I hate cursing!" Something devious sparkled in his eyes. "And speaking of jumping..."

Before he could react, Sora pressed his hands to Roxas's back, pushed him off the cloud, and Roxas screamed.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_'There's the bus stop!'_

Twelve-year-old Roxas Strife ran towards the corner of the bus stop excitedly. This morning, as soon as he heard his mother utter a syllable to wake him up, he bolted out of bed straight to the bathroom. He had to do a double-take in the mirror to make sure that the person there was really him. It's strange to wake up in the morning and not recognize yourself.

He packed his books, put on his bookbag, and pretended he was going to school in front of his parents, but as soon as they dropped him off and drove away, he headed towards where he knew Axel was waiting to go to school. Before, he would have never considered playing hooky, but he figured he had to today since he and Axel no longer went to the same school.

He had difficulty finding the bus stop because, since he lived very close to the high school, he never had a need for it. Axel had even stopped using it once he was old enough to get his learner's permit. So when he finally found it, he excitedly called out, "Good morning, Axel!"

The fifteen-year-old Axel raised an eyebrow in confusion upon seeing the younger boy. "Roxas, why aren't you in school?"

"B-Because I..." He tried to think of a believable excuse. When he couldn't think of any, he reasoned that honesty was the best policy. "I skipped it."

Axel laughed. "_You _skipped school? That's something new." Leave it to Axel to not scold someone for playing hooky.

"It's not like you've never done it before." Roxas replied. "And you complain about school all the time, don't you? You don't want to go to school today, either, right?"

"Where are you going with this?"

Roxas gestured for Axel to lean in closer, so that the other students waiting wouldn't hear. He whispered in his ear, "_Let's run away together_!"

Axel tried his best not to turn red. "W-What?'"

"C'mon, let's just skip school today! We can go someplace fun and exciting!"

"Hey, I don't mind skipping school, but as far as I know,_ you _do. Is this an attempt to become more rebellious?"

Roxas didn't answer, but instead began running away from the bus stop. "C'mon let's go!"

"Go where?"

He turned around to face the older boy and smiled. "The amusement park!"

That only made Axel more confused. The amusement park? Did he plan the entire day out for them already? "Why the amusement park?"

"That's a fun and exciting place, isn't it? And it's only a train ride away!" He continued running towards what Axel presumed was the direction of the train station. Axel followed him, ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the other students. Hey, they should expect this sort of thing from him by now.

"I still can't get over the fact that _you're_ telling _me_ I should skip school."

Roxas smiled wider. He could already tell that today was going to be a great day. The smile stayed on his face until the moment they boarded the train.

It was a pleasant train ride, but he figured he should drop the smile when he noticed Axel was starting to get creeped out by his seemlessly unending happiness.

_"It's not that I don't like seeing you happy or anything like that." _he had said during the ride. _"But you never do these kinds of things, so it kind of freaks me out when you do."_

_"So you don't want to go to the park?" _Roxas asked innocently.

Axel smirked. _"I didn't say that."_

When they arrived at the amusement park, Axel paid for the tickets because he figured a kid like Roxas wouldn't have munny. Roxas angrily glared at him when he did because it wasn't like Axel was _that_ much older than him. Beisdes, on the inside, Roxas was the same age Axel currently was.

"Woah. There's, like, no lines here." he commented, seeing that there were a lot less people today than there usually were.

"I guess it's 'cause it's a school day." Axel said, also noticing the lack of people. "That means we can go on any ride we want more quickly." He pointed at a haunted house attraction. "Let's go there first."

"The House of Horrors?"

"Yeah. We'll plan our rides from least extreme to most extreme."

The House of Horrors was pitch black save for a couple of lit candles, and there were actors paid to jump out at people. Roxas clinged on to Axel's arm the entire time, which would've been slightly romantic if Axel hadn't laughed at and mocked every single actor that attempted to scare them. They were both kicked out of the house for harrassment.

Afterwards, they rode on several "moderately extreme" rides. Most of them involved spinning in a continuous circular motion, which, by the time they were done with fifth one, caused Roxas to throw up in a nearby garbage can.

"There goes my breakfast." he commented gravely, gripping his stomach.

"Are you okay?" Axel asked, sounding concerned.

Roxas wiped his mouth. "Yeah."

"Good! 'Cause we still have a lot more rides to go!" He headed towards a ride that he considered "quasi-extreme" but to Roxas, looked like the very definition of extreme.

"Watch." he mumbled to himself. "By the end of this next ride, I'll be starving."

The next ride was a roller coaster that was popular not because of its drop, but because of all its twists and turns. A large portion of the ride was spent riding upside down. It was also the type of roller coaster that took pictures at some points. Axel wanted to buy the picture, but Roxas refused because he decided he looked ridiculous in it. Plus, he wanted to save their munny because...

"Axel, I'm hungry."

Minutes later, both of them were sitting on a bench and eating the food they bought. They picked a bench with a trashcan nearby, just in case.

"Did you have to get the_ large _popcorn?" Axel asked the younger boy, staring at his almost empty wallet. "It's expensive, and there's no way you could fit all that down your throat."

Roxas shrugged. "You were the one who offered to pay. And it's worth it. Popcorn is the best food to eat at an amusement park. Besides sea-salt ice cream, but they don't sell that here."

Axel never missed a chance to start a pointless argument. "Hell no! Funnel cake kicks popcorn's ass!"

Roxas, getting the idea, argued back. "Funnel cake is messy. You get the sugar all over your clothes."

"What about popcorn? If you drop it, it'll get all over the place. At least with funnel cake, it'll stay as one complete mass."

"Funnel cake is only good if you're in the mood for something sweet."

"It's also deep-fried, so it's good if you're in the mood for something sweet _and_ unhealthy."

Roxas laughed. Axel could be so stupid sometimes. It was hilarious. "Talking to you is what's unhealthy."

Axel added childishly. "Eating all that popcorn is gonna make you _fat_."

Roxas smirked. "You're just upset because you were looking forward to sharing that funnel cake with me."

Axel blushed before growling out. "Shut up and eat your damn popcorn."

Roxas put on a pretend sad face. "Well, I got the large because I wanted to share with _you_." He took note of Axel's surprised reaction. "But you said you don't like popcorn so forget it!"

Axel sputtered incoherently, and Roxas started laughing. Who knew Axel was so easy to rile up? "You know what makes us go great together? We're both our own kind of stupid."

When he saw the older boy glaring at him, he added, "I love that."

Upon hearing that, Axel smiled. "Yeah, well, I love you, too." He suddenly realized what he just said, and quickly moved his arms up to cover his now-red face. "I mean, 'that'! I meant to say 'that'!"

Roxas took a bite of his popcorn. "Of course you did."

When they finished eating, they got rid of their trash and wandered around the park. Because they had just eaten, they decided not to go on any "extreme" rides for a while, lest they get a repeat of what happened earlier.

Roxas wanted to play a booth game. Wasn't that what people did when they were going out on dates in amusement parks? They play booth games? Even if they didn't, he still wanted to, because everytime they passed by one of them, he would see the person in charge of it just stand there, waiting for people to come, and he felt bad for them.

His eyes traveled to a nearby booth. On a small table were several cans. They were painted to look bullet-ridden. It looked like a pretty straightforward game, and admittedly, the bright colors drew him closer and closer to it until he pointed at it excitedly and yelled out, "Look, a shooting game!" He ran towards it, and Axel followed.

"See anything you like up there?" Axel asked, looking at the displayed prizes.

Roxas answered, "I'll know what I want when I win."

The man in charge of the booth turned to them and said monotonously, "Hello, there. Would you like to try your hand at shooting down one of these targets in order to win amazing prizes?" The way he said it implied that he had said it many times before. More times than he would like. "It's only 10 munny."

As Roxas handed him the payment, he noticed the man's nametag. "Squall Leonhart?" he read. "Hey, I know you!"

Squall sighed irritably, as if people had claimed to know him all the time. "No, you don't. And I would prefer it if you called me Leon."

"Yeah, you're the guy who used to go to highschool with my father! His name is Cloud Strife? You carried him to the nurse's office when he got beat up by some senior? Sephiroth, I think his name was? The two of you became friends? Remember?"

Leon eyed him suspiciously. "Wait, you're Cloud's kid?"

Roxas nodded.

The older man handed him his munny back. "I'm sorry, but this booth is closed for today. Sorry for any inconvenience." He raised his hand when the blond boy began to protest.

Axel, who was watching all this silently until now, shouted angrily, "Hey! If he wants to try to damn game, then let him!"

Leon raised an eyebrow. A sort of knowing smile creeped on his face. "Fine." He picked up a gun from the back of the booth somewhere. "Here's the rifle."

As he held it, Roxas asked nervously, "It's a real gun?"

"Psh. Of course not. It shoots darts. But otherwise, it's just like a real gun." Leon noticed Roxas's uneasy expression. "What's wrong, Blondie? Can't handle it?"

Axel growled and held his fist up threateningly to Leon's face. "_Nobody_ calls him Blondie except me!" Two angry outbursts in a row. And at such insignificant things. It was a little amusing. Leon could see through this guy like glass.

"Jealous boyfriends will get you a personal meeting with park security."

Axel blushed profusely and slowly lowered his fist.

"You get ten tries to shoot five cans." Leon said to a confused Roxas, smirking at the older teen's reaction. "After that, you get out and leave me alone."

_'What am I doing? I don't even know how I'm supposed to hold this thing!'_

After sheepishly asking Leon how you were supposed to use the thing, denying the help that Axel offered, he managed to clumsily shoot five times in the general direction of the cans. Every shot missed completely.

He was about to give up and tell Leon he could just keep the munny, when he felt two arms wrap themselves around his waist and rested on his hands. They lingered there for a moment before gripping the rifle.

"Can I have a shot at it?" he heard Axel ask.

By this time, a small audience gathered around the two of them. Even though there weren't many people in the park today, it was still more than Roxas would like staring at them. Nervously, he said, "Axel, you're attracting attention."

_"He won't get it."_

_"Look at him. He's too thin. He can't handle a gun."_

_"Wait. Are they a couple?"_

_"Shouldn't they be in school?"_

"Axel--"

"Shut up for a second, will you?" Axel aimed the gun at his intended target. It looked like he had experience with guns before. As much as that should've bothered him, all Roxas could think of was how manly Axel looked like that.

He pulled the trigger.

_BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!_

All five cans were hit and fell dramatically.

Axel smiled triumphantly and twirled the gun over his shoulder. "It's a good thing Xigbar taught me how to shoot."

There was a collective _"Wow!" _from the crowd watching. Even Leon looked mildly amazed for a second before returning to his apathetic expression. "Here's your prize." he said, handing them a plastic bag filled with water. "A fish."

Roxas stared at the little fish swimming around. "We don't get to pick the prize?"

"The fish is the best thing here. What more do you want?"

"Well, I assumed--"

"I'm sorry..." Leon interupted, snatching the rifle away from Axel's hands. "...but this booth is closed. Everyone_**leave**_!"

The small crowd that had gathered around them immediately left the area as quickly as possible. Axel and Roxas figured they should do the same.

"What an ass." Axel said, once they were far away enough. Roxas agreed and held his new fish up to the light.

The fish was a tropical one, but none of them knew the exact name. It was colored a bright red. "What should we name it?"

"It has to have a _name_?"

Roxas playfully punched Axel in the arm. "How about...Little Axel? It's red. It reminds me of your hair."

"Little Axel? Isn't that like Little Roxas?"

Yes, Axel knew the story of Little Roxas. Don't ask how. Let's just say it ended in a very angry Roxas clawing at the shirt of a very scared, still elderly, Sora.

"Maybe. Look, I'm not very good at coming up with names, okay?"

Axel just shook his head in disbelief. Roxas was being impossibly adorable today. "Fine. The fish is Little Axel now." He had a sudden realization. "Hey, you know what? I bet Little Axel is sad that Little Roxas died, huh?"

Roxas grew silent and looked down at the small fish. You could tell he was thinking about something.

"Yeah...I bet he is."

When Roxas got quiet, _everything _seemed to get quiet, so Axel decided to fill the silence with talk of amusement park rides. "Say, let's go on that ride next!" he said, pointing at a

rollercoaster in the distance.

Roxas looked up and followed the direction of Axel's finger. His vision was overcome with the image of a towering rollercoaster with neck-snapping twists and turns. He could hear the screams of the people on that ride even from where he was standing. The image was made even more menacing with the suspicious-looking clouds gathering above it.

He gulped nervously. "The Rib-Ripper?" he managed to choke out.

"Yeah!" Axel said loudly. "It looks like a real thrill ride!"

"But...But...But..." He would _not _say he was too scared to go on. "But what about Little Axel?"

Axel looked around for any sort of a fish daycare. "Hey you!" he called out to a random passerby. He took the bag from Roxas and gave it to the person. "Want to watch our fish for us?"

The random passerby tentively held the plastic bag. "Sure...?"

"Great! Make sure it doesn't die!" Axel grabbed Roxas's wrist and dragged him to the line for the ride.

"Axel!" Roxas yelled. "What did you just do?"

"Aw, that guy looked like he'd take care of it. Don't worry about it. Try to enjoy the ride."

Even without many people at the park, the line managed to be long. It looked like the Rib-Ripper was a popular ride at the park. Why did people find excitement in being dropped from large heights? He and Axel had been riding on similar rides all day, and all he got out of them was a stomachache.

Eventually, they reached the front of the line, and by that time, Roxas's hands were drenched in sweat. They were lining up for the car at the front and were the next ones to go on. The ride seemed to only last a few minutes, so it wouldn't be very long before their turn.

_'Hey! Maybe I won't reach the height requirement.'_

No such luck. Twelve wasn't as young as he had initially thought.

Both of them sat in the car and fastened their seat belts. There was no escaping now. Axel looked excited, though. That was good enough for Roxas.

Someone came by to make sure they were secured and spoke into a walkie talkie. "All clear."

An eeriely calm voice on the intercom announced,_ "Your ribs will be ripped in 3...2..."_

Someone in the back started screaming already. That did not comfort Roxas in the least.

_"...1."_

Immediately, with the force of a sonic boom, they were thrust forward at such high speeds, Roxas felt the skin on his face being pushed back. The ride barely started and they were already put through several gravity-defying twists. He was screaming bloody murder the entire time.

"AAHHH!"

"Oh my God, I love this ride!" Axel yelled. "Whoo hoo!"

They stopped abruptly and were being led up a tall hill. They were purposely making it unbearably slow, he knew it. His heart was pounding and his hands, which were gripping the bar as tightly as possible, were shaking. Axel noticed and started to get concerned.

"If you're scared of rollercoasters, then why did you want to get on the ride?" he asked. "If you spoke up, we would've stayed on the ground. I wouldn't mind."

Roxas looked offended at that. "I-I'm not _scared_! My hands always shake when we're going uphill. You're _supposed_ to get nervous! That's why the car always moves so slowly in the beginning."

"The car's going down."

"I'm gonna be sick."

They were shot down an impossibly tall hill, which made Roxas feel like his stomach was being ripped out of his chest. Just as he was convinced it couldn't get any worse, they entered a dark tunnel, _and_...

...stopped.

The ride wasn't moving anymore.

"What happened?" Axel shouted out.

Roxas answered, "I think the ride broke down."

"Damn, we're stuck, aren't we?"

The same voice on the intercom from earlier announced, _"I'm sorry, we seem to be facing technical difficulties. It will be a while before we can resolve the problem. We apologize for any inconvenience."_

"You suck!" someone called out. It was too dark to tell who. There was a strong possibility it was Axel.

"Crap, what are we supposed to do now?" Roxas said. He was actually beginning to like the ride a little. Well...not really, no. But Axel was certainly enjoying it. This was supposed to be their special day together! Why did something like this have to happen?

Axel suggested. "Wanna just talk?"

Roxas shrugged. "Sure. What do you think about that new movie that just came out?..."

They talked about a wide variety of subjects, which was nice, but it was the same thing as the smoothie shop thing they did the other day. He didn't want them just repeating the same things over and over.

He tried to shift to a different subject. "Why couldn't we get stuck on top of the hill?" he asked. "The view would've been much better."

"I thought you hated the hill." Axel said.

"I hate going _up_ the hill. But for the couple of seconds you're on top of the hill, it's nice. You could see the entire park that way. And it's better than the Ferris Wheel because there's always the excitement and anticipation that _something's_ going to happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is..." He blushed at this part. "...it would've been nice the see the view up there together."

Axel took note of the blush and blushed as well. "Hey, Roxas." he said, rubbing his hands together. "What _is _all of this? It's not my birthday or anything. So why are we here?"

Roxas suddenly smiled. This was his chance! He could tell Axel how he felt about him and stop all this awkwardness! Then they could do what people on dates normally did! Because he didn't have a clue about these things. It was a wonder Namine stayed with him for so long. He smiled slyly and leaned in closely. "Can't you recognize a date when you see one?"

Axel stuttered. "D-D-Date?"

Roxas said quietly, so other people wouldn't hear. "Axel, do you like me?"

"Of course I like you." he said, smiling. "You're my best friend."

He could've punched Axel if he wasn't scared other people would stare. _You're my best friend? _That pissed him off! For some reason, that _really_ pissed Roxas off. He finally summoned up the courage to say it, and he makes it difficult for him by being an idiot?

He nearly stood up from his seat. "You're so _stupid_, you know that?" he yelled, making it a point to yell directly in Axel's face. "So stupid! You never make things easy for me!"

"Roxas?"

"Really, it should be so simple! I'm trying to tell you that...that..." He growled. "...that I like you! I-in a romantic sort of way! I _like _like you!"

He breathed heavily when he was finished, chest heaving. Sure enough, people were staring. He suddenly became so embarrassed, he wanted to sink in the ground. He leaned back, face red, when he felt Axel's arms wrap themselves around him again, this time, as a hug.

"I like you, too, Roxas." he whispered, burying his nose in his hair. Roxas's face went even redder. "In fact, I think I more than like you. I think I lo--"

Roxas felt something moving. "Hey," he said to Axel, nudging him from the side. "The ride's working agai--" He saw them heading towards a drop. He pushed Axel off him to grip the bar. "AAHHH!"

"Hey, Roxas!" Axel yelled out. "This is a date, right?"

"Yeah!"

"We are _definitely_ buying the picture after this, then!"

The ride ended, and all the passengers left dizzy and confused. After the two of them threw up, they began to walk home. The sun was setting.

"Hey, Roxas." Axel said. "Don't you think it's weird for a highschool sophmore to be going out with a seventh grader?" He stopped, scared he offended him in some way. "I mean, _I _don't mind, of course, but I was just wondering if you..."

"Trust me. My mind is a couple years more mature than my body is."

A long, awkward silence filled the air after that. Roxas got to thinking. Today was actually fun. Their first, official date, and he had a great time! That seemed to make it even more official that he liked Axel. The thought didn't bother him anymore. In fact...

He tiptoed and gave Axel a small peck on the lips, too quick for him to react to. Axel smiled--one of those real smiles that said he was really happy and not a smirk--when he pulled back.

"We will be continuing these dating activities at my house." he said.

"Why your house?"

"Face it. After all that, are you really gonna be able to stay away from me?"

Roxas playfully punched him a second time.

"Y'know what?" Axel asked as they neared the park gates. "I really did have a great time today. I wish we could do this everyday. I wish...I wish we could just stay like this forever."

"Don't worry, Axel. I'm not gonna be dissected by alien scientist people anytime soon."

Axel looked at him strangely. "What are you talking about?"

Roxas's lips smiled, but his eyes didn't. "Nothing."

They didn't even realize they forgot all about Little Axel.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

After another train ride back and a long walk back to their neighborhood, they arrived at Axel's house. Roxas could recall being there only a few times before, because Axel hated to be near his mother. They usually hung out at Roxas's house.

Then Roxas remembered that this was only a year after Axel's father died. Maybe the mother and son were comforting each other in these hard times and were still in moderately good terms.

"I'm home, Mom." Axel called out, carelessly dropping his backpack on the floor. They had been wearing them when they were in the park. Come to think of it, they were home pretty late. Wasn't Axel's mother worried about him? Earlier, Roxas called his parents and told them he was going to be late for reasons he made up but couldn't remember.

"Roxas is here, too."

Axel's mother came rushing out of the kitchen, wearing cooking mitts. "Hello there, boys." she said, not nearly as cheery as Roxas remembered her being. "Ronald, would you like something to eat? It_ is _almost dinnertime and it looks like you hadn't gone home yet." She eyed his backpack.

"His name is_ Roxas_, Mom." Axel said irritably. "And he's not hungry. We ate already." He dragged Roxas upstairs to his room.

Peaceful terms, Roxas decided. They weren't all buddy-buddy, but they weren't at each other's throats, either.

"You should be nicer to her." he said to Axel. "She's trying really hard to make you happy."

"That bitch is useless. She can't get over my bastard of a dad."

_"I just wish she'd take better care of herself."_

"You don't mean that. I know you don't."

"Well, enough about her." Axel said. " Back to us." He opened a door. "Welcome to my room."

"What's that smell?"

"Depends on which smell you're talking about."

Axel's room looked like...crap. Roxas wished it didn't. He _wished _he could say it looked like a very clean, well-designed, romantic room that would match the mood he was hoping to have for the rest of the day, but it didn't. It looked like his closet threw up.

"Make yourself at home." Axel said, turning on the stereo. "Don't mind the music. I always have music on. It calms me down."

Calms him down? The music was loud enough to make a person deaf.

"Here you go." Axel said, tossing him something.

"What's this?" Roxas asked, picking it up. It was an envelope. He opened it.

"It's our picture from the roller coaster."

What! Axel must've bought it when he wasn't paying attention, the bastard! "Axel! I look terrible in this picture. My hair is all over my face."

"The part of your face that isn't covered by hair looks good."

"Jerk. And why does your hair look fine? It looks exactly the same as it always does."

"Because cameras love me and not you."

"You are honestly the worst date ever. How do you manage to get girlfriends?"

Axel's smile dropped at the word "date". His mouth was opening and closing, trying to form a sentence, until he finally got out, "Can I ask you a question?" He sat down on his bed. Roxas sat down as well. "Okay, I understand that today was a date. What I want to know is...why?"

"Why what?"

"Why was today a date?"

"I told you, I like you."

Axel blushed at that. "If you wanted to go on a date with me, you could've just asked."

"No. I honestly couldn't've."

Axel got quiet. The only thing Roxas could hear was the pulse-pounding music. When he spoke again, he asked, "Do you really mean it? Do you really like me that way? Because if this is a joke, it's not funny."

"It's not a joke, Axel. I have feelings for you."

Axel challenged, "For how long?"

"Just recently, I guess." Roxas shrugged. To try to prove it to him, Roxas grabbed his hand and smiled at him. Axel's heart skipped a beat. "You want proof? Today was proof. You told me you had a great time. I did, too. If you still don't believe me, I'll say it again." He tried to say what came next as honestly as possible. "I meant it. I really do like you. More than any sane person would."

Axel smiled. "I'll bet you a billion munny that you don't like me even a tenth as much as I like you."

"I won't argue against that. Though it would be nice if I had some proof."

"How's this?" He pressed his lips to his.

When Axel kissed him, Roxas felt...perfect. The kiss felt perfect. It had none of the clumsiness the one of the other day had, although he missed that a little. The two of them kissed each other like they had been preparing for it their entire lives. It was a little creepy once he thought about it some more, but he was too happy to let it ruin the moment. Roxas was used to controlling the kiss. All the times he kissed Namine, he was the one controlling it. He wasn't used to Axel doing it instead. It was nice, though, to know that things kept happening even if he stood still.

He didn't keep still. He couldn't.

Calming restlessness. Such a strange and beautiful oxymoron.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before they broke for air. Afterwards, they kissed some more. Restless as they were, something about it reeked of child-like innocence. Roxas loved it, and he could tell Axel could, too.

They stopped when Axel mumbled, "Roxas?" eyes aglow with excitement and some other emotion he couldn't identify.

"Hmm?"

"Does this mean that we're...a couple?"

Roxas paused and roughly pushed Axel off him, breaking the kiss.

A couple?

_'But couples...last more than a day. Couples remember their dates. Couples aren't...us.'_

A relationship in these circumstances wasn't good enough for Roxas. Because it wouldn't be a relationship. It would only be a bunch of first dates, over time growing more and more repetative. A day wasn't enough time for a relationship. Even if Roxas yelled out, "I have a thing for you!" the moment he saw Axel, it still wouldn't be enough time.

Besides, he wouldn't remember any of it anyway. They couldn't help but repeat the same things over and over, until they became dull and routine. Until they weren't special anymore.

Besides, he wasn't sure how much time he had left.

Roxas felt his eyes start to water. "We...can't be together, Axel. We can't be in any sort of long-term relationship."

Axel frowned. "You know, we can keep it a secret if you want. You don't have to be afraid of what people will think of you for dating another boy."

Roxas chuckled lightly. "That's not what I'm worried about _at all_, trust me."

"Then what?"

Roxas frowned. Should he tell him? After the great time they had today, he was going to ruin it like this?

"...S-Something bad's gonna happen to methree years from now, Axel." He gulped. "Something_ really _bad."

Not like this. He can't lie to him like this. He told Namine, he could tell him, too. But he can't ruin it. He can't ruin their perfect day. He should stop while he still had a chance. But he wanted to be honest. He didn't want to lie to him and tell him everything was okay when it wasn't. The more selfish side of him said, _"You'll be sad, too." _

But he cared about Axel much too much to keep secrets.

"I'm gonna die, Axel. I'm gonna die."

He paused to see his reaction.

Axel snorted. "We all die sometime, don't we? But it's not like we're gonna die anytime soon. Not on my watch." He took note of Roxas's serious expression. "Where did you get that?" he asked, worried. It looked like Roxas really meant what he said. "Some crackhead fortune telling site on the Internet? It's a load of bull, Roxas. You're not supposed to take that stuff seriously."

"No, you don't get it. It's true. I really am gonna die." It wasn't this hard when he told Namine, was it?

Axel grabbed the sides of Roxas's face. "Stop. Saying. That! I can't take it if I have to listen to you say that!" Die? What was Roxas getting at? Did he have a disease or something? No. No. That can't be true. Roxas can't die. He gripped his chest painfully. Roxas was just kidding him. He was just taking advantage of his feelings for him and teasing him. "Who told you that? I'll beat the _shit_ out of them!"

"_I'm_ saying it!" Roxas yelled. It hurt. It wasn't fair. It was hurting him, too. "Axel, I'm dead. Right now. I'm dead."

"What kind of sick joke is that, Roxas?

Roxas screamed in irritation. Luckily, the music was loud enough for Axel's mother not to hear. "_Listen_ to me, Axel. For once in your goddamn life, just sit down and _listen_ to me!"

Axel looked angry, but he didn't say anything.

"It's not real." Roxas said, voice strained. Why did it hurt so much? "None of this is real. None of this is really happening. And it _sucks _because I'm happy, you're happy, but none of it is real!"

To Axel's horror, he started crying. Tears were streaming down his face, and all Axel wanted to do was comfort him and tell him to stop spouting out all this crap about death. "It sucks so much!" he sobbed.

Axel couldn't help it. He held him. Roxas cried into his shirt. "_Stop_." Axel whispered. "If it hurts you this much, you don't have to say it. You're just getting upset over nothing. It's not true."

Roxas growled and pounded at his chest. "I told you before, I'm dead! My body--this body-- is alive, but my soul...My soul should be in Heaven right now. But it's not. It's here."

"Look." Axel said, trying to sound gentle but failing miserably. "If you're gonna joke about stuff like this, at least don't sound so serious. You're almost making me believe you."

Roxas gripped his hair. He wanted to pull it out. Axel wasn't listening! Why was he so desperate to tell him anyway? Why couldn't he just accept that Axel wouldn't ever believe him and drop it? Why did he insist on making them both miserable?

_'I can't lie to him. Not about something as big as this. Please just let him listen and comfort me. If it tears him up, it tears me up, too, so both of us can be torn. I just want to be on the same page. I don't want any secrets. Afterwards, we can joke and be happy.'_

"What do you want me to say? I've said too much to just drop it now. What the hell do you want me to say, Axel? I want to explain. I want to make you understand!"

_'I want him...to share my pain. Even if it hurts him, it's the truth.' _

"I can't believe this..." Axel muttered.

"_I'm sorry_." Roxas whispered. What was he apologizing for?

_'I'm sorry for telling you this. I'm sorry for disillusioning you.'_

"I can't believe I'm actually believing you..."

Roxas took that as a cue to begin explaining.

"I'm fifteen. I was fifteen when I died. You have to believe me. I'm not lying. A car hit me..." He didn't dare mention it was indirectly Axel's fault. It was hard enough already.

"...and I didn't survive. I wasn't ready to die."

Axel was starting to let what he was saying get to him. There was something about the way Roxas was talking that told him he was telling the truth, but he didn't want to believe it. Roxas...died? The thought was unbearable. Hearing it from Roxas himself added to the sting.

"This is a joke. You're joking. You're lying!"

"Axel!"

"You're lying! If that really happened, I would've been there to save you! I wouldn't have let it happen! I wouldn't let you die like that!"

He almost felt like crying.

Roxas's mouth became a grim line. "I don't care. I don't care if you don't believe it. I would prefer it if it wasn't true, like you said. But at least, listen to what I have to say. I couldn't bear it if I had to keep a secret like this from you."

Wouldn't Axel give him at least that?

"I wasn't ready to die. I was sentenced to this thing called 'Reversal.' I have to live my life backwards. From the day I died to the day I was born."

"Stop saying you're gonna die!"

"There are certain days, Axel! There are only certain days I have to relive! This is one of them! This didn't happen the last time! That means it's not real!"

"Shut up, Roxas!"

"At midnight--"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Axel was screaming as loudly as he could. He used his hands to block out the lies that Roxas was saying. Because they had to be lies. Things like that just didn't happen. Magic. The afterlife. None of those things existed. And Roxas wasn't going to die. He couldn't. He just couldn't. "You think I want to listen to you talk about yourself dying? Do you honestly think I'm going to be _okay_ with it? I'm not! I'm not okay with it!"

Roxas hugged him again. Axel needed more comforting than he did. "Like I said, I don't care if you don't believe it. I have nothing but my word."

Axel said quietly, "I believe you. I like you too much to think you'd lie to me like this. I just...it's so_ hard _to believe."

"At midnight..." Roxas continued. "You're going to forget everything about today. Everything will go back to the way it was before. You're going to forget."

"I can't believe this. Die? _How? _How could you be dead? How could something like this _happen_?"

"I don't know. Things just happen, I guess. That's what Sora told me."

"Sora?"

"He's my grandfather. You met him before."

"You_ met _him again? That's like...That's like some messed up shit there. Talking to someone who died years ago. How is he?"

"Young. He's fifteen up there. You can change your age up there."

"Fifteen...You died at fifteen. I can't even imagine...It's so weird. Yesterday you were just fine, and now, you're like...It's like you're not even the same person. I mean, you're like, the same age I am right now."

"You were eighteen when I died."

"Eighteen...I only have three years with you left. That's not nearly...enough time..." He looked at Roxas. "When you..." He grimaced. "..._died_, were we...you know..."

Roxas felt tears prick at his eyes again. It was so embarrassing. Crying in front of Axel. Axel was taking it hard, but he wasn't crying. He was so strong. "No. We weren't. That's why...we can never be in a relationship."

Axel gritted his teeth. This was all so unfair. Something like this shouldn't happen to people. To Roxas. "Since this_ 'never happened,'_" He could hear the distaste in his voice."I might as well make the most of it."

He pushed Roxas back so that his back was against the bed, and he was leaning over him. He said sincerely, honestly, with all the emotion he could muster, "I think I'm in love with you, Roxas."

Roxas widened his eyes. He couldn't believe how incredibly nice that was to hear. It made him feel...great. No, he wished he had a better word for it. However, he couldn't think of any. His mind was a clear slate. All he could feel was the happiness that swelled up within him. Sure, he knew already, but now he knew for sure.

"I...love you, too, Axel."

He clamped his hand over his mouth. The hell? Why did he say that? He didn't love Axel. He wasn't even sure what love _was_. He shouldn't blurt things out like that without thinking. Yet, just seeing Axel smile like that when he heard those words, made him happy he said it, even if it wasn't true. He was only wrapped up in the moment, he guessed. People tend to blurt things like that out in those situations.

"Seeing you like this..." Axel said, cupping his face. "...is real to me. It's so, so incredibly, impossibly hard to believe that this person in front of me isn't alive. There's no way."

Roxas said quietly. "Axel, when did you get so emotional? You hardly show this side of you. The Axel I know would rather dive in water than say something like that. What happened to him?"

"He's not here right now. Would you like to leave a message?"

"Yeah. Tell him to tone down on the romance. It's creeping me out."

Axel just laughed. They didn't move from their position.

"Hey, Roxas?"

"Hmm?"

"What happens to you at midnight?"

Roxas sighed impatiently. He didn't like talking about that stuff, and he knew Axel didn't like hearing it. "I told you, my soul gets seperated from my body, and--"

"No," he interrupted. "I mean what _exactly _happens to you? What would it feel like if you were awake when it was happening? Did your grandfather ever tell you?"

Roxas thought about it. Sora certainly told him a lot of things, but he didn't think he ever told him that.

"No, actually. I have no idea what happens."

"I see..." Axel looked deep in thought. Roxas was going to ask him what he was thinking about when Axel said, "Stay up with me 'till midnight."

"What? Why?"

"If I'm going to forget at the end of the day, then I want to remember this for as long as possible. I want us to be in a relationship for as long as possible. Even if it's not real, at _least_ for the time we have left, it'll be real to us. We'll find out what happens at midnight together."

Roxas smiled. He never thought of it that way. "I want a real answer this time. When did you get so emotional?"

"Eighth grade." answered Axel. "That was when I first realized I loved you. But it didn't really hit me 'till..." His expression darkened.

"What?"

"Nevermind. Anyway, will you?"

"I don't know. It seems a little risky. And my parents are going to be--"

"What are they gonna do? They're not going to remember."

Axel had a point. And he couldn't say he wasn't curious himself. "Okay. Okay, I'll stay up with you."

Axel smiled. Then, he didn't.

"Hey Roxas?" Roxas could hear something in his voice. Something sad.

"When you...died..." He still wasn't comfortable saying it. "...where was I? Why wasn't I there to help you?"

Roxas started to panic. Ah! He had to think of something! He had to think of something quick!

"You were...on a trip!" A trip. That was convincing, wasn't it? "On a trip with your mom. You weren't in Hollow Bastion."

Axel blinked. Why did Roxas seem so nervous? Maybe he was uncomfortable talking about his death? Ah! Of course! That must be it! As hard as it was for him, it must've been even harder on Roxas. How could he have asked something so carelessly? He needed to say something to get Roxas's mind off of it. "Damn Mom, always taking me expensive places. Were you upset that I wasn't there?" Idiot! Why did he have to ask that?

Roxas thought about it. He remembered how he had felt when he first died and how angry he had been. Then he remembered everything he had learned. "I was at first. But then I realized that sometimes, you just can't do anything about it."

"If I was there, I would've done something about it." Axel said.

"I know."

"Really. I might've even thrown myself in front of the car for you."

Silence.

"...I know."

Who can measure how long the two of them stayed like that, laying on top of each other on the bed? None of them thought of it as hours or minutes or even seconds passing. Time passed, that's all they knew. Words passed, as they spoke about stupid things that didn't really seem stupid to either of them. Axel asked Roxas questions about the future, and Roxas answered, both of their minds equally as old for once. They listened to the songs change, none of them romantic in the least, but figuring they didn't need romantic songs. They hugged and kissed occasionally, and feelings passed. They were finally together. They had to be happy. They were, for once.

"You know what I just realized?"

"What?"

"We forgot Little Axel at the park!"

Laughter passed between them.

Who can measure how long the two of them stayed like that, a couple lasting only a day? They made the best of every second and time moved both slowly and quickly, but by the time they glanced at the clock, they both agreed: Midnight came far too quickly.

He didn't want to blink. He didn't want to miss a moment.

11:59. One minute to midnight.

"Get ready." Axel said, trying to raise his courage. Roxas felt himself getting braver, just from hearing Axel say that. It was the same as when he jumped out that window.

50 seconds.

"Brace yourself."

40 seconds.

"Don't be scared. I'll be here if anything goes wrong."

30 seconds.

"Roxas, you know I..."

A blink of the eyes and he saw the clock count down from ten.

"...I really love you. More than anything."

5...4...3...2...

Roxas's body tensed, eyes shut and head down, waiting for time to collapse on itself.

It didn't happen.

Nevertheless, he kept his head down, in case it wanted to hit him by surprise.

Nothing happened.

He looked up. He was still in Axel's room. Yet, he wasn't in Axel's room. He was still sitting on Axel's bed. Yet, he wasn't sitting on Axel's bed. Everything felt normal and right. Yet, something felt...off.

_'Did...'_

He couldn't explain it. There was a little alarm going off in the back of his head saying that something was wrong, but as far as his eyes could tell, nothing had changed. But he sensed change. Subconsiously. Something was different. He couldn't see it or feel it, but it was definitely there. Or maybe the room hadn't changed at all. Maybe there was something different about him.

_'...you...'_

Then he felt it. The smallest hint of pain, like a pin poking through his skin. It was nearly too quick to feel. It kept pokepokepoking him, not in the same spot, but everywhere. At most, it felt uncomfortable.

_'...feel...'_

Then the pin became two pins.

Then four.

Then eight.

Then too many for his liking.

They prickprickpricked at his arm, at the back of his neck, at the part of his skin right over his heart. Prickingprickingpricking. He imagined it as static on a broken TV screen. He wasn't sure if he meant the pricking or his body itself.

_'...it?'_

His body was disappearing, bit by bit. It was like being on laughing gas. Numb, but aware of everything they're doing to you. It was in tiny, tiny parts, as big as a pin point. He was being ripped apart. Molecule by molecule, atom by atom.

Everything was twisted and warped and Axel wasn't anywhere.

Where was Axel?

Where was Roxas?

Axel Axel Axel could help. Axel could help him. Where was he? He wasn't there. He wasn't here. Wherever "here" was. Whether it was the room or not the room, he wasn't there. The loneliness prickprickpricked at him.

Axel would've helped him, but Axel wasn't there. Roxas found himself desperately reaching for something not there. Always close and always missing.

Everything went black.

_'Did you feel it?'_

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **So Roxas is twelve in this chapter. In Chapter 8, I changed a few sentences so that it would say that Sora died when Roxas was eleven instead of thirteen. Because I realized that if Roxas is twelve here, then that meant that Sora's alive in this chapter. That would _not_ work out. So I changed it.

_"Don't worry, Axel. I'm not gonna be dissected by alien scientist people anytime soon." _If you don't get it, reread Axel and Roxas's talk about History in Chapter 7.

I think that's it! Make sure to review! _Please_? Just tell me what you think!


	14. Whispers

**Author's Notes #1: **This chapter is a little shorter than usual. That's because I'm trying to pace this story as best as I can. I don't want too many things happening at once.

Thanks for the reviews! I know I say that every chapter, but I mean it every time. Also, thanks to **TheKabbageKat** for mentioning this story on her profile! I've always wanted that to happen! Hopefully, you'll enjoy this chapter, despite its slight shortness.

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Fourteen: Whispers**

He was sinking underwater.

He couldn't breathe, and all his movements were weighed down. He couldn't see the light that trickled down through the waves. He couldn't hear anything, not even his heartbeat. Did he even have a heartbeat anymore? Somewhere along the way, he had lost his body. All he had was his soul, and he couldn't keep his head above water.

He kept trying to swim upward, where he assumed the light would be, but something kept dragging him down. It kept dragging him farther and farther down, away from the surface, towards...something. But there was a flash at the bottom. Maybe he should go there, after all?

Something was mumbling. It reached his ears, and as he went further down, it became clearer and louder. He didn't know what it was. He didn't want to think anymore. He just wanted to know if Axel was okay.

"Roxas! Roxas! Roxas, wake up!"

_'A voice?'_

It was an alarm clock for his senses. It was right above him, close enough to touch. He opened his mouth, and he could breathe again. It was so fast, almost as fast as watching midnight approach. He spread his fingers, and he could feel something soft beneath them. What happened?

Was he back in Heaven? The thought made him cringe for a moment. The day was so short. Did his soul just automatically get transported there? Was Sora trying to wake him up? Was he in the Lake, surrounded by water? His clothes were dry, though. Sora...Sora...It didn't really sound like Sora.

"Wake up! Roxas, it's me, Axel. Roxas, nothing happened. You're still here."

He breathed in another, surprised, breath of air.

_'Axel!'_

Slowly, carefully, he opened his eyes to Axel's relieved face. The light of Heaven didn't blind him because he wasn't there. It was dark, but the light of the room enabled him to see. The room. He was inside a room. Axel was there. Axel's room.

That wasn't right.

"A-Axel?" he said, vocal chords still sore. "W-What...How? I'm still..."

"Here." Axel finished for him, smiling. It was as if nothing had gone wrong. "That's right. Are you okay? You blacked out for a second. You really scared me."

Roxas nodded, dazed. He looked around. Everything was the same as it had been before. The sky was still dark, and he was still in Axel's not warped, not twisted room. This wasn't Heaven or some day in the past. Confused, his mind not completely with him, he asked, "Do you...remember everything? Is today still February 11th?"

Axel smiled understandably. Of course Roxas was confused. "February 12th, actually. It's past midnight."

"Past midnight? Then it's tomorrow? That's not...possible...You still remember everything?" That wasn't right. He shouldn't be moving forward. Something must've went wrong. "Wait. What's going on? I should be talking to Sora right now, not you. It shouldn't be tomorrow!" He gripped the front of Axel's shirt and yelled worriedly, "I should...I shouldn't be here! What's going on!"

His mind completely broke out of the darkness and into someplace much more sinister. Had the forces responsible for managing his Reversal simply forgotten about him? Did they forget tomorrow shouldn't come for him anymore? Was he doomed to live the rest of his years until the car accident not really alive but not quite dead? Was it a minor slip-up, and Sora was fixing it right now? He couldn't shake the feeling that he had been abandoned by Heaven.

Did he break a rule by staying up like he did? Was it absolutely necessary that he slept before midnight arrived?

Did they give up on him?

Axel looked hurt by what he said and removed his hands from his shirt. "Is that it, huh?" he asked, anger evident in his voice. "You can't wait to get away from me? You can't stand being near me another moment? You thought you could screw with my feelings then leave without facing the consequences?"

Roxas widened his eyes. Axel said he could help him if anything went wrong, but how could he help him now? Axel should be more sympathetic and should've realized something wasn't right. He wasn't trying to sound eager to get away. He didn't mean it that way! Why did Axel look so angry at him? He stuttered, "No! I just...I didn't mean..."

Axel saw his scared expression and softened his eyes immediately. Good. He wasn't going anywhere. He apologized softly, "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. It's just the thought that you would want to leave me is unbearable."

"It's okay."

It wasn't okay. The situation by itself was confusing enough, and he didn't need Axel jumping from angry to kind in a matter of seconds. What he said wasn't very comforting, either. Axel was saying a lot of sappy stuff like that lately, but something about that last statement seemed...forced.

Roxas said, "I still don't understand why I'm here, though."

Axel looked thoughtful for a moment. _Just _thoughtful. He didn't look worried in the least bit and was, in fact, handling everything as sort of a minor problem. That bothered Roxas. Axel wasn't one to worry about...well, _anything_, but the least he could do was pretend. Then again, he could just be holding his worries in to comfort Roxas.

Suddenly, Axel exclaimed excitedly, "Hey! Maybe that was the end of your Reversal!"

"The end?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah! There was a point to your Reversal, wasn't there? Maybe the point was to discover one true love! Once you do, it ends! It might sound corny and cliche, but I don't see any other explanation."

"But...that doesn't make any sense. I wouldn't still be here. I'd be in Heaven."

_'And...I didn't mean it when I said I loved you.' _

Surely the greater forces would know if he was lying or not, right? Or...

Did he mean it without knowing he meant it? Did he really love...

"Maybe you were brought back from the dead. Maybe you have a second chance at life. A second chance to be with me."

"But why here? Why not where I left off?"

"It makes perfect sense. This is the day we confessed to each other, so our relationship can only continue from here. How many more doubts do you have?"

Roxas began to calm himself down. There was a possibilty that was true. He wasn't really familiar with how this afterlife stuff worked, so who was he to say that Axel was wrong? There wasn't any other explanation. He blushed. A second chance to be with Axel? Why didn't Sora tell him that could happen? "I guess..."

Something wasn't right.

Axel smirked and leaned in closer. "You're really cute when you blush like that." Something glazed over his eyes, and Roxas got nervous all of a sudden. "You know what? To celebrate, why don't we do something _fun_?" He roughly pushed Roxas to the floor and leaned over him.

This felt familiar. The park. The kiss. Roxas fell to the floor with a thud.

He got scared, backing away from the older boy. "Axel? What're you--"

He was interrupted when Axel forced his lips upon his. A sharp set of teeth bit down harshly on his bottom lip, causing him to gasp out in surprise. Axel smirked and forced his tongue inside, exploring the inside of his mouth.

Roxas tried to scream in protest against Axel's mouth. He pushed his hands against Axel's chest. That's strange. Axel wasn't listening to him.

After a while, Axel pulled away. "I'm sorry." he said. "I don't know what came over me."

Roxas listened to his voice and heard no sincerity, no honesty, and not a hint of regret. "No. You're not."

Axel smirked again, and it scared all the senses out of Roxas. "Lucky guess." He kissed him again, this time biting so hard, he bled. Roxas realized the position they were in. He was laying with his back against the carpet, and Axel was leaning over him, pinning him down. Axel's hands moved from his wrists to under his shirt and started to lift it up.

Uh-oh. Roxas knew what was going on. He wasn't naive. Axel was...He was really going to--!

"Axel, _stop_!" he screamed, panicked. This was a mistake. This was a minor slip-up. He just needed to explain to Axel that he wasn't ready for this, and he would understand. He wouldn't force it on him. It was criminal. It wasn't what people did to the person they loved. "_Stop_! I don't want this!"

Axel's hands froze, but he still had him pinned down. "_You died so soon, Roxas_." he whispered, leaning down with his lips so close to his ear, his hot breath on his face. "_That really opened my eyes. It told me that you only go around once, so why not get your kicks where you can_?"

"You're scaring me. Stop. You're scaring me."

"Tell me, Roxas. Did you feel it? When you were doing your Reversal? Did you feel yourself get detached? Did you finally realize you exist in a completely different reality than they do? That you'll _never _belong ever again?"

"You're not acting normal. Do you need me out of the room? Do you need time to calm down?"

He licked a wet trail up the side of Roxas's neck, and he shuddered in disgust. "If you stay here with me, you'll _always_ belong. I'm only asking for one thing..." His hand snaked into Roxas's pants.

Roxas gasped and used all of his strength to push him off. When Axel wouldn't budge, he screamed as loudly as he could and kept thrashing around.

"No, no, no! I don't want this! Let me go! Stop it! You're scaring me!" He was scared. He was trapped. That wasn't right. He shouldn't feel trapped. Not with Axel. "I'll call your mom, Axel! Let me go, or I'll call your mom!"

"_Why_?" Axel yelled at him. "Would you rather be with _her_? Why don't you want this? You're _mine_! I should have you! So shut up and let me finish this!"

"No!"

He growled. "What's your_ problem_? Don't tell me you don't want it, too."

"If you really cared about me, you'd stop!"

"Who said I cared about you?"

Roxas stopped screaming and widened his eyes in shock.

_'What?'_

"Do you think I _need _you?" Axel continued. "Do you think I even _like _you?"

"But..._but_...!"

"It's very easy to lie, Roxas." Axel said, smiling a sinister smile. "It's very easy to pretend you like someone. As long as you get what you want, it's all worth it in the end. Do you think you're special? Do you think you won't be thrown away as soon as I have my way with you?"

Axel...Something was wrong with Axel. He wasn't acting right. Even the times he acted like a complete ass, it wasn't anything like this. This was...cruel. Axel would never take advantage of him like this.

"You're such a whore, Roxas, squirming like that. You're such a bitch, you're such a slut, you're such a cute little toy. How much more do you want me to say before you can get it through your thick skull?'

Roxas shut his eyes. Something wasn't right. If Axel just wanted to have sex, he wouldn't be wasting time telling him all of this. He was torturing him.

"What wrong, Roxas?" Axel said with joy at Roxas's hurt face. "I thought we _loved _each other. Or were you _lying_ when you said that?" He stared straight into Roxas's guilty eyes. "Because if you were, then you really do deserve to go to Hell."

Something wasn't right.

"You don't have to feel guilty about lying." The smile never left his face. "Because I was lying, too. Haha! Look at your face! You look so shocked! Why? Did you honestly think I would fall for you?_ You _of all people?"

Roxas wanted to say something. But he couldn't. He was stunned silent.

"There's only one thing people want." Axel whispered. "And that's _pleasure_." He zipped his pants open.

Roxas screamed, and Axel cringed.

"Shut your damn mouth! Do you want me to knock your teeth out? Why don't you relax, and I'll give us both a good time?"

Self defense. Anything he did to hurt Axel after this would be self defense. But he didn't want to hurt him. Even if he was temporarily crazy, Axel was Axel. There was no way he was lying when he said he loved him. Gullible or not, he didn't think he lied. This was the same Axel that died for him. But he needed to do something. For just this moment, he needed to hate Axel enough to do something.

The classic knee to the groin strike. That was enough to make Axel keel over. Roxas quickly picked himself off of the floor and ran to the phone next to Axel's bed. The police. Always call the police in these situations. He stopped himself.

Axel. This was Axel. Axel, his best friend.

Still holding onto the phone, he ran to the door and tried to open it. Axel's mom. It wasn't jail. He couldn't send Axel to jail. Axel's mom might know how to calm him down.

He turned the knob when he felt a strong hand grab his ankle. Too late! He wailed in desperation as his body fell to the carpet, being dragged back, helpless. He needed to do something. Thinking fast, he took the phone that was in his hand and smashed it into Axel's skull repeatedly. He wasn't trying to kill him. He wanted to knock him unconsious. He needed to calm down.

Once he thought he dealt enough damage, he dropped the phone. Axel wasn't unconsious. He wasn't even bleeding. But he looked hurt in the worst possible way.

"Roxas..." he said sadly. "You...You really can't stand me that much?"

Roxas let his guard down. He immediately regretted doing what he did. He _hurt_ Axel. Self defense or not, he hurt him. Ridden with guilt, he tried to comfort him, "Axel...No, I..."

Axel smiled. "I understand."

Roxas smiled as well. Thank goodness. Axel was back to normal. When Axel hugged him all of a sudden, he relaxed in the embrace. "Thank goodness..."

Something wasn't right.

"Ack!"

Roxas gasped when he felt Axel's hands wrap themselves around his neck. They were getting tighter and tighter. He couldn't breathe. Axel was choking him! How could he have fallen for this?

Axel yelled, "If I can't have you, nobody can!" He pressed against his neck as much as he could.

He was going to suffocate. He couldn't get Axel's hands off of him. It hurt. He couldn't move, he couldn't scream, he couldn't even _breathe_. He was going to run out of air. He managed to get out a few strained words. "_Axel, stop...Why are you doing this_?"

"Why? _Why_?" He smiled and said with fake emotion. "Because I..._love_ you, Roxas."

Roxas looked up in horror. It all made sense. Those eyes. They weren't Axel eyes. He was sure of it. Those weren't Axel's eyes.

"_You_..." he choked out, "_You're not...Axel_..."

"Axel" smiled evilly. His next words was spoken with a voice like _poison_.

"You think you got me?" he asked, still smiling that horrible smile. "You think you're so damn _smart_ for figuring it out? You think you can beat me? You think you're so tough? Is that it? You think you're tough?" He suddenly drew his arm back and punched Roxas hard across the face.

"Nghh...!"

It left a mark. He punched him again and again until he started to bleed. "How about _now_, tough guy? You still think you can take me?" When Roxas didn't respond, he stood up and kicked his body. "Pathetic. You're pathetic. All talk and nothing to back it up. Someone like you should do us all a favor and shrivel up and _die_. Oh, my mistake. You already did!" Even his laugh was like poison.

Roxas wiped the blood off his mouth. "Why are you doing this? Who are you? What did you do to Axel!"

_"Axel"_ shook his head in shame. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Typical Roxas. Always making someone other than him out to be the bad guy. Who said I did anything to your precious _Axel_? Why don't you instead ask what _you_ did to _him_?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're so selfish. You never think of anyone but yourself. You even _killed _him in one of your days just so you wouldn't have to feel the pain of glass in your skin again." All of a sudden, Roxas felt somthing sting his arm. When he looked, to his horror, there were pieces of broken glass all over it, and they were embedded into his skin. It looked like half of his arm was glass.

_'Glass!'_

"What did you do!"

"You killed him." _"Axel"_ continued, and the glass stung. "But it's okay, because he killed you first. Axel's even more selfish than you. He's sick. He's twisted. Someone like that could only hate and deceive people. Someone like that could never love..."

"That's not true!" Roxas exclaimed. "Axel...loves me..."

"You think there's such a thing as love in this world?"

Roxas looked up at the person who had Axel's body and darkness but none of his heart. He was frowning, as if simply hearing the word "love" said like that was enough to make him cringe. The glass disappeared. "Do you honestly think so? But...it's a lie. Caring for someone else so unselfishly is impossible. Humans are selfish creatures, Roxas. It's their nature to think only of themselves. The more you hate, the more human you are. Don't you want to be human again?"

Roxas shook his head, and _"Axel"_ frowned even more. "Let me tell you something, Roxas. Do you know why Axel didn't confess right away when they found that cigarette?"

He looked up in surprise. "How do you--"

"Revenge." _"Axel" _continued. "On Encouragement Day, you didn't even _look_ at him even though he did such a nice thing for you. You were too busy with _Namine_. Do you know how that made him feel? How angry he got? It wasn't just that day, either. It was _everyday_. His feelings meant _nothing_ to you. Do you honestly think you could do that to a person and not have them hate you?"

"What?"

_"Axel"_ smirked. "That's right. Hate. He hated you, Roxas. He wanted to watch you suffer. He watched and he watched and he liked it. He couldn't get enough of it."

"But he told everybody the truth eventually!"

"He only cracked to get you to trust him again. To get you to lower your guard. Because you are just so _gullible_ that you would fall for anything. A few sweet words, a few kind gestures, and he's got you eating out of the palm of his hand. You little _whore_."

Roxas wished his ears would melt off from the Axel imposter's poisonous words. He didn't want to listen anymore. Axel loved him! He was sure of it!

"He's a sick person, Roxas. Yet you say you 'love' him?"

_'I don't love him. Not yet. But after some time...'_

"You killed him, and he killed you! And yet you try to tell me there's such a thing as love? That's not love! If that's love, then it's not worth the effort! How foolish could you be?"

"Shut up!" Roxas yelled out. He couldn't take it anymore. Who knew words could hurt so much?

_"Axel"_ spat out, "That sounds like an order." He drew his arm back. "You think you're so tough?"

Roxas waited for the pain to come.

**"This'll teach you to mess with my grandson!"**

_'What the...?'_

_"Axel"_ looked behind him in confusion. "What? Who said that?" Roxas was confused, too. Where did that voice come from? It sounded so familiar...

"_I_ did!" Out of nowhere, some old guy jumped out and landed on the back of the Axel imposter. He immediately let Roxas go. The old guy pounded his fists at the imposter's back, all the while yelling things like, "Take _this_! And _this_! And _this_!"

_"Axel"_ shook him off and growled angrily, "Who said you could interrupt, Strife?"

_'Strife?'_

Roxas stuttered out, "So-Sora?" Why did Sora look so old? He looked as old as he did when he died. And if Sora was here, that meant this couldn't be Axel's room. This couldn't be the living world. He was pretty sure it wasn't Heaven, either. Where were they, then?

Sora smiled, turned to him, and waved. "Hey, Roxas!"

"Grandpa, look out!"

_"Axel"_ sneaked up behind the now elderly Sora and looked like he was about to chop off his head with his...claws? And since when did Axel have fangs? Luckily, Sora reacted in time and skillfully rolled out of the way. Then, while still on the ground, he kicked his leg upward at _"Axel's"_ chest, making him temporarily lose his breath, and Sora used this time to pin him to one of the walls of the room with a punch aimed at his face.

Since when did Sora kick this much ass?

Roxas shook himself out of his temporary daze and told himself he should stop being a little damsel in distress and _do _something, but Sora seemed to be doing a pretty good job taking care of things.

Sora moved his arm to punch him, but ended up punching air. _"Axel" _reappeared behind him. Wasn't teleporting illegal or something? Sora had somehow found himself pinned to the wall instead, trapped.

_'Now would be a good time to spring into action.'_

_"Axel"_ smirked and did something Roxas didn't expect at all. He began to change his appearance, his spiky red hair turning a long silver, his skin getting paler, his entire body structure changing. The final result looked to be a young male, sixteen, perhaps? He was smiling tenderly at Sora and whispered in his ear, "_Sora, Sora, Sora...We could've gone so well together_."

Sora growled out angrily, "Don't think you can fool me with that Riku disguise."

Roxas thought he felt his brain explode. _Riku_? That was Riku? But...he looked so _young_! He knew that _"Riku"_ was trying to imitate him when he was younger, but it was still hard to believe. He was used to seeing the grumpy _elderly_ Riku. The one with gray hair instead of silver. And what did he mean, "We could've gone so well together."?

_"Riku"_ said with a sadness that was clearly fake, "Why did you marry Kairi when you knew how I felt? I used you think you were so kind, Sora, but you're so cold."

"It's too late to take me to Hell, you know. I've already been accepted in Heaven. I'm even a Guardian now."

Oh,_ right_...Riku had a thing for Sora.

Wait! _Hell_?

"Kiss me, Sora. _Please_." _"Riku"_ begged. "I've wanted you so badly my entire life. How could you do that to me? How could you leave me for _her_? So cold, you're so..." His eyes became sinister, and he gave a malicious smile. "..._cold_."

"Ah!"

Roxas watched as Sora's body began to be covered in ice. No, not covered in ice. He was _freezing_! Sora closed his eyes in pain as the fluid in them turned into ice.

_'Okay...Do something __**now**__!'_

Quietly, Roxas opened one of the cabinets beside him and looked through the things inside. If he knew Axel...

He smiled when he found a pack of matches. Looks like he _did_ know Axel. He broke off a match and lit the pack. _"Riku"_ turned around, hearing the noise, but it was too late. Roxas threw the pack onto his clothes and they were soon engulfed in fire. The ice on Sora melted from the burning body in front of him.

_"Riku's"_ face became something unidentifiable, as if his skin was made of molten plastic. His fangs and claws seemed to shine from the light of the fire. He didn't look like he was in pain, though. It was like he was used to everlasting fire.

"There will _always_ be darkness." he hissed, disintergrating. After a couple of seconds or so of vicious glaring, he was gone.

Sora called out to the space _"Riku"_ was standing before, "I may be _freezing cold_, but you're _burning hot_!" He laughed childishly at his own pun, then turned to look at Roxas. "Don't interpret that the wrong way. That expression didn't exist when I was younger."

That was easy to believe when Sora looked as old as he did. Roxas laughed sheepishly. Then, looking up, he realized the lack of logic in starting a fire in a room with very flammable things in it. Why would Axel of all people have flammable things?

"I think we should leave now."

"Nah. We should just let the fire burn us. We're dead, anyway." Sora took note of Roxas's horrified expression. "You saw what happened to that guy. When the fire burned him, he got sent back to where he came from. It's the same with us." Roxas still looked horrifed. "We'll get there before we feel any pain, don't worry. Besides, I have no power here."

Roxas sighed in relief at "before we feel any pain" and waited until he saw the familiar light of Heaven.

"Hah...It's a relief to be young again." Sora said, once they were back on the familiar cloud. He stretched his back. "Bet you never thought your grandpa had moves, huh?"

Roxas asked, "Why were you so _old_?"

Sora scoffed. "I wasn't_ that _old. I was still young enough to kick the stuffing out of that guy. And it was because we weren't in Heaven. I told you, I have no power there. Now on to important matters." He crossed his arms disapprovingly. "So you thought you'd stay up until midnight."

"Yeah. Why didn't you tell me all that would happen?"

"I didn't know it would happen, either. No one was ever stupid enough to try it before."

Roxas put on a troubled look, which made Sora worry. "I'm sorry! Is it because I called you stupid?"

"No, it's just..." He thought back to that Axel impostor and the things he said. "Who _was_ that?"

"Lucifer, Beelzebub, Satan..." Sora's face became angry. "...but you may know him better as the Devil."

Woah. Did he just witness a genuine Heaven vs. Hell conflict? And the Devil didn't look anything like the way people drew him. No red pajamas or pitchfork. "The Devil?" He touched the side of his neck. "I got licked by the Devil?" He had a feeling he should be a lot more creeped out by that than he was.

"Why was he there? Wherever we were?"

Sora sighed, always a sign that he was getting ready for an explanation. "Because you were alone, confused, and the perfect target for him. You're a soul who had not yet been sent to either Heaven or Hell. You're in the In-Between. Leave it to the Devil to try something as low as taking advantage of a lost soul. Just as it's my job as a Guardian to guide you to Heaven, it's his job to lead you to Hell."

It was so horrible in that room. Axel. He almost believed Axel would do those things to him. He almost believed Axel would hate him that much. "He tried to fool me into thinking he was Axel."

"He'll try things like that sometimes. He likes using illusions. In fact, that room we were just in was an illusion created by him."

"And...once, he transformed into someone else. You said he was...Riku?"

Sora gasped and stammered out, "The next date, you ask? Why, it's August 20th! Six years ago!"

Roxas would've normally commented on the unsubtle changing of subjects, but he was actually interested in what Sora was saying. "I'm gonna be_ nine_? And Axel's gonna be _eleven_?"

"Yep! I know, I know, 'What a jump.' but..." Sora widened his eyes. "...but..." He suddenly drifted off. It looked like he just had an important realization. He stopped speaking for moment, that last 'but' still hanging in the air.

Roxas snapped his fingers in his face. "Hey! Are you alright?"

Sora shook out of his daze. "...but what's important is that you value your_ friendship_." For some reason, he put strong emphasis on the word 'friendship.' "Because the two of you are such great_ friends_. And you should be happy that the two of you share that _friendship_."

Roxas smiled softly. "Yeah...I am." He thought back to the day he had with Axel before that whole mess with the Devil. He couldn't wait to make this next day just as great. It'll be hard, seeing as they're both gonna be so young, but he'll think of something appropriate. Maybe he shouldn't tell Axel about Reversal this time. He already got it off his chest.

Sora stared at him in disbelief. "You don't realize it, do you?"

"Realize what?"

Sora shook his head and smiled. "I'll let you figure it out on your own. Well, I bet you can't wait to get there, huh?"

"Yeah." Roxas smirked. "But you still haven't answered my question about Riku."

Sora groaned. "What's there to answer? He was my best friend who happened to like me. It's not that different from your story, actually. You know, except that I never told him that I knew about it and married Kairi."

"So that really was Riku? He really looked like that as a teenager?"

"Spitting image. Except for the unfortunate case of that version being pure evil, but otherwise, just like that. Minus claws and fangs."

Roxas tried to process all of this. "This stuff gets confusing sometimes. I spent an entire childhood with you while you and I were both alive, but I feel like I still don't really know anything about you. Seeing you like this, the same age as me, made me realize you actually had a _life _before I was even born."

Sora rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Gee, thanks. It must be such a surprise to know that old geezers like me did something besides sleep all day when we were kids. And you can ask me as many questions of my life story as you want when you get to Heaven. I'll be there, waiting for you, because I know you'll make it. It's your _friendship _with Axel I want you to be concerned about right now."

There was that emphasis again.

"I'm going to sleep now." Roxas announced, walking towards a comfortable-looking cloud. "I don't need anyone _pushing me this time_." He shot Sora a look, to which Sora grinned sheepishly.

Before Roxas left, he felt Sora grab his wrist. "Try not to get too disappointed." he said with a serious face. "He'll always care about you, no matter what. Remember that."

Roxas fell asleep wondering exactly what he meant.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

That morning, Roxas opened his eyes before his mother had a chance to wake him up, like she always did.

He should've taken it as an ill omen.

It was easy to see why he didn't, however. It was a beautiful summer morning. When his mother walked into his room, she was surprised to see he was awake already. She encouraged him to go back to sleep, as it was still early, and he didn't have school anyway. It was nearing the end of summer vacation. He should enjoy the rest of it, she said.

_'That's exactly what I plan to do.'_

She left to go make breakfast. Had he been awake even earlier, he would've noticed that when she woke up, she didn't come from her and his dad's room but instead, the couch downstairs. That was because they didn't have a guest room for any guests to stay in.

Guests were nowhere on his mind when he suddenly felt something very uncomfortable in his mouth. It pushed against his teeth and made it difficult to close his mouth properly. Curious, he ran a finger along the front of his teeth.

Crap. Braces.

He looked at the mirror in the bathroom to make sure. It was definitely braces. And he thought he was over and done with that nightmare. There goes peanut butter eating and gum chewing. He had forgotten how much they hurt.

"My teeeeth..." he moaned, rubbing the side of his face. "My _teeeeeth_..."

He licked at the braces to get them to hurt less. He didn't know why he thought that would help. Force of habit, maybe?

He went downstairs to eat. Hopefully, his mother made mushy food that he could sip through a straw. He didn't want to move his mouth more than what was necessary.

"_Mom_..." he moaned. "Can you put my pancakes through a blender?"

"Aw, honey, are your braces hurting?" she asked worriedly. "I can make oatmeal if you want." She took out a box of oatmeal mix from the cupboard.

"On second thought, I'll just drink orange juice." he said hurriedly, grabbing an empty glass and pouring juice in it. He drank it all in one big sip. "Mmm...tasty!"

Oatmeal? Not a chance.

"Well, I'm all refreshed and ready to go." he said, stretching. The light from the window shone on his face. "My golly gosh, it's such a nice day, so I think I'm going to go over to Axel's house!" He went over to the front door and unlocked the lock, hoping to get to Axel as soon as possible. He needed to get the image of the Devil-Axel out of his mind.

"Oh no, you don't!" his mother called out from the kitchen. "You're too young to be walking around the neighborhood by yourself!"

_'Too young?'_

"Mom, I'm a perfectly grown teenager! I think I'm perfectly capable of walking a couple blocks!"

"Teenager?"

He felt a pinch from his braces, like they were reminding him that he was _nine_ on this particular day. The pain faded, then they pinched again, as if to add an extra 'dipshit' to that earlier statement. He wished he could make up for it by saying he meant 'ten-ager', but he wasn't even that.

"Besides," Aerith said, "Axel's not home. He's on his way back from summer camp, remember?"

Axel wasn't home? That completely messed up his plans!

"Summer camp? But...but when is he coming home?"

"His mother said the bus'll arrive around twelve."

It was eight. Four whole hours of Axel not being here? Four whole boring, uneventful, lifeless hours?

Aerith sympathized with him. "I know you miss your friend. Why don't you spend time with Grandpa until then?"

He looked up. Grandpa? Why would she even mention him? She knew Sora was a touchy to him ever since he died. Did she really think talking to a grave would make him feel better? "Mom," he started. "Grandpa is dea--"

"What about Grandpa?" asked a familiar voice. Roxas slowly turned.

There, standing in the doorway, was Sora, alive and in the flesh. Sure, he looked as old as he did when he kicked the Devil's ass, but he was alive nonetheless. Though right now, he didn't look like he had enough strength to kick an _ant's_ ass.

"Sora!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" Was this another one of the Devil's illusions? Was he diguising as his mother this time? Was Sora here to save him again? Were the braces another instrument of torture?

Sora looked confused, and Aerith laughed. "You're forgetting a lot of things this morning!" she said. "Grandpa and Grandma are visiting. That why Dad and I are sleeping on the couch." She gave him a stern look. "And it's rude to call adults by their first name."

"Don't worry." Sora interrupted. "I kind of like it. It makes me feel younger."

Roxas sorted everything out. He got it. Sora died when he was eleven. He was nine right now, which meant Sora hadn't died yet. If Reversal could make you lose people you met, like what happened to Namine, then it could work the other way and make you meet people you lost.

_'Looks like I'm not the only "zombie" here anymore.'_

Sora said apologetically, "Sorry, Roxas. I can't hang out with you today. Grandma and I planned to go somewhere later."

"It's okay, Sor--Grandpa." He licked his braces nervously. "I want to spend the day with Axel, anyway."

"Wow. And you used to be so attached to me." He laughed. "I'm around for the morning, though, so if you need me for something--"

"Oh, I know!" Aerith said excitedly, pointing a finger in the air. You could almost see the little lightbulb floating above her head. "Why don't you let Grandpa help you finish your gift for Axel?"

Roxas got more nervous. What was she talking about? She was already suspicious with him forgetting things. "Uhh...Yeah! Sure! Of course you can help me paint my...whatever it is."

Sora said quietly to Aerith, "I _told _you nobody thought it looked like a heart. _He_ doesn't even think so!" Aerith shushed him, afraid Roxas's feelings would be hurt if he heard him.

He _did_, and his feelings weren't hurt. They were too shocked for that.

_'Oh, I did __**not**__.'_

A heart? He was starting to remember now. He made Axel a ceramic heart that looked more like a huge blob. What was he thinking? A heart? And he was planning to give it to _Axel_? He wouldn't appreciate that kind of thing!

"Was I really that stupid when I was nine?"

"Are you asking me or talking to yourself?"

Roxas jumped a bit in surprise, looked at Sora, and shook his head, like that was supposed to answer his question. Sora sighed, deciding to drop it.

He asked, "What should I paint?" holding a paintbrush. He and Roxas had walked upstairs to Roxas's room with a "painting room" of newspapers already set up. Roxas shrugged in reply.

"Whatever. Paint whatever you want. And it doesn't have to be all one color. Do little images and stuff."

"Okay."

The two of them painted in silence. It was maddening. Sora was such a chatterbox in Heaven! That shouldn't stop just because he was old! He'd have to start a conversation himself. He stared as Sora quietly moved the paintbrush up and down on the heart, smiling, before asking, "What's that?"

Sora snapped out of whatever thought process he was in and followed Roxas's gaze. He was looking at the little yellow star he painted. Roxas recognized it. Sora had painted it the last time, but he had never bothered to ask about it before.

"A paopu fruit. They say that if two people share one, they'll remain a part of each other's lives no matter what." Sora drew the leaf on. "Cool, huh?"

Roxas shrugged, not entirely sure what to think about it. "I guess. It looks nice." The silence returned, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Hey, Grandpa?"

Sora looked up at him, dulled blue colliding with a vibrant one. It occured to Roxas that Sora's eyes had once been the same shade as his. But now they faded. Because Sora was _old_. As old as leaves turned brown, as ice melted, as copper oxidized, as buildings crumbled...

Roxas looked away. What could he possibly say?

"You can stop now. I think it's finished."

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Roxas was waiting by the bus stop. It wasn't the same one, but it reminded him of Axel waiting by the bus stop the day before. He held the poorly made, not even wrapped, present in his hands, trying to remember Axel's reaction to it. He didn't see it around Axel's room anymore, so that was probably a bad sign. The trashcan beside him was very tempting.

He licked his braces.

His father was supposed to be with him as his adult supervision, but he was only there in spirit. His physical being was in a nearby convenience store, looking for sea-salt ice cream he was never going to find. Somehow, Roxas had convinced him that he would cry if he didn't get it for him. Did nine-year-olds cry a lot? Whether they do or not, it was enough to convince the barely paternal father. The only store that sold it was Twilight which hadn't been built yet, so good luck to him.

A bus pulled over. Axel's bus? He hoped so. His dad might figure out the lie soon. To his relief, Axel stepped out, a smile on his face and a backpack slung over his shoulders.

"Axel!" Roxas called out excitedly. He didn't run to him. The ceramic heart was stupid enough. "You're back!" Axel looked different as an eleven-almost-twelve-year-old. His hair was shorter, and it wasn't styled the way he was used to.

Axel looked excited to see him as well. "Roxas! I missed you, man!"

Roxas held open his arms, expecting Axel to give him a hug, but instead, the older boy gave him a slap on the hand. "Home, sweet home!"

That was odd. Axel didn't seem as happy to see Roxas as Roxas was to see him. And he had only been waiting four hours! Well, there was a bus full of kids right there. He probably trying to maintain his tough guy image.

Roxas lifted the gift up to Axel's eye level. "I made this for you. While you were gone."

"Really?" Picking it up, Axel said, "Wow. This is..." He looked over the painted blob. "...great."

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

"No, really!" He held it carefully, like it was a handful of precious gems. "It's great because you made it. That's good enough for me."

Roxas managed to prevent the blush creeping onto his face. Why wouldn't the bus just leave already? In order to hide his embarrassment, he asked, "So, how was camp?"

"Sucked." was the first word out of Axel's mouth. "I got one good thing out of it, though. Speaking of which, I've got a surprise for you, too!"

Axel got him a suprise? 'Yay!' was Roxas's initial thought, and he cursed his nine-year-old body for making him think so. What was the surprise? He couldn't remember from last time. Still, Axel got him a surprise!

Yay!

"What is it?"

His questioned was greeted with the sound of footsteps. Out of the bus came a blonde girl around Axel's age. She looked a little familiar. Her house must've been in their neighborhood, which was why she got off at this stop. That didn't explain why she was standing next to Axel, though. The bus drove away. But what about his--Oh! His surprise must be in Axel's backpack!

"Tah dah!" Axel said, gesturing to the blonde girl. She looked annoyed. Roxas tried to judge her age. Eleven, maybe? Ten, at the youngest. Why was he so interested?

Roxas said slowly, "Okay..." The girl was still standing there. Didn't she have a home to go to? "Where's my surprise?"

"Idiot. She _is_ the surprise!"

_'You got me a girl?'_

The girl looked equally displeased. "This is _him_?" she said diapprovingly. "Jeez, Axel. From the way you talk about him, I'd imagine he was older. I question your taste in friends."

_'Hello? I'm still here. Don't talk about me like I'm not.'_

The voice...Nah, he didn't recognize it. But the _attitude_!...There was no mistaking it. Her hair and voice may have been girlier, but inside, he was sure she was still the same female dog he and Axel have grown to loathe.

Larxene Finch. The leech usually attached to Marluxia's arm.

Axel started the introductions. "This is my new friend. I met her in camp. She's pretty cool. Her name is Finchy."

Finchy. That was Axel's old nickname for Larxene back when they were still friends. She hated it, which was why he used it. He stopped calling her that when they met Marluxia, because he had the same last name. By that time, Axel had already dumped her. Yes, dumped. Axel and Larxene used to go out. Which explains why she hated him so much, and he hated her. Same with Marluxia. He couldn't forgive any guy who hurt his girlfriend.

Roxas didn't mind when Axel and Larxene dated the first time around, but now...

"Axel, quit coming up with stupid names." She faced Roxas and bent down, as if he were a little kid. She held out her hand and asked irritably. "I'm Larxene. What's your name, squirt?" He never did like the way she acted.

Equally as irritably, he said, "Roxas."

She frowned. "Hunh, you got attitude." Then she smiled. "Well, aren't you a cute little baby." she said smugly, ruffling his hair. "Stay in school."

Obviously, there was nothing wrong between the two of them, so Axel continued, "Her family is moving to Hollow Bastion, so I thought we could give her a tour around town." He remembered Roxas's age and turned to him. "With your parent's permission, of course."

See, Larxene? He wasn't _that_ short. Axel didn't have to _kneel _to talk to him.

Larxene, sensing the mental knives Roxas was sending her, scoffed. She decided to focus her attention back to Axel. "Axel, you know you're holding a piece of garbage?" she asked rudely, noticing Roxas's present in his hands.

Roxas expected Axel to say something about how his gift _wasn't _garbage, but he didn't. Come on, Axel. You're not _that _stupid.

"Don't worry," Larxene said. "I'll get rid of it for you."

She stretched out her arm and, with a flick of her wrist, knocked the ceramic heart to the pavement, shattering it to pieces. "There." she said with a truly satisfied voice. "All gone."

Axel, finally realizing what she had meant and done, grew visibly furious with her. "Larxene," he said calmly, holding the rage in, "Roxas gave that to me."

She gave him a look that said, _"So what?"_

"Apologize to him." Axel said in a near-yell. "NOW!"

She glanced at Roxas's downcast look. Honestly, he didn't even mind that much, since all he did this time around was paint it, but it was the thought that counted, and Larxene still called it garbage. Larxene smirked.

"Aw, what's wrong?" she taunted. "Is the widdle baby gonna cry?"

Okay, that. That he minded.

"I'm not crying." he mumbled, trying not to say anything that would get him in trouble with his parents. He fifteen-year-old mind could only censor his vocabulary so much.

Axel got worried at his reaction, mistaking it for contained hurt rather than anger. "Roxas." he said, concerned. "Don't cry, okay?"

Roxas's face twitched. Fine, she can tease him, but to purposely embarrass him in front of Axel? For Christ's sake, he was nine, not two! He knew Axel was only trying to help, but he _really_ should keep his mouth shut for now.

"He is!" Larxene said, grinnning annoyingly. "He seriously is! I'm sowwy. Did I hurt your feelings?"

"I'M NOT CRYING, YOU _BITCH_!"

Fifteen-year-old vocabulary and nine-year-old body did not make a good combination.

Axel looked shocked. Larxene looked amused. Roxas was beating himself up for blurting that out.

Larxene exclaimed, "Woah, pottymouth! We should wash that out with some soap. Lucky Daddy wasn't here to hear that." She smiled and turned. "Come on, Axel! You said you'd show me around town! We don't need swears on this tour!" She skipped happily away.

Axel scowled at her and faced Roxas. "I'm sorry." he said, softly, looking down.

That made Roxas calm down. "What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm apologizing _for_ her, since she doesn't want to do it herself." Axel looked up desperately. "She was just kidding around. She's like that." Quietly, he added, "But that doesn't make it right." He looked up again. "She's really funny sometimes, though! You should try talking to her!"

He was just digging up nice things to say about her, wasn't he? Why wasn't he doing the same for him to her?

"_You _talk to her. I'm going to ask my parents if I can go with you."

Axel nodded and ran to meet up with Larxene. Roxas was left standing in the broken pieces of his heart. And he felt...alone.

After a truckload of explaining to his father on why he lied about the sea-salt ice cream thing and a phone call to his mom, he finally got permission to go with Axel without parental supervision. He told them Axel's parents would be there, which was, of course, a lie. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to go with Larxene there. It wasn't only because she was rude to him. It was because Axel was nice to her.

Axel was sure quick to forgive Larxene for what she did to him. He didn't forgive her that easily when he was eighteen. And he said she was funny. He'd never say that about her when he was eighteen. But then Roxas remembered Axel wasn't eighteen.

He looked at Axel and Larxene in the distance from the bus stop. The way they were going about, they could easily be mistaken for a couple. A couple! Them! Yeah, right! The boyfriend-girlfriend thing they had was a fluke. There were no real feelings behind it.

But...they _did _look like a couple.

They looked...like he and Axel looked for the past two days.

That look he was giving Larxene. That was the look he always gave _him_. Why was he giving it to _her_? And that smile! That was the smile he always gave _him_. Axel always acted that way towards _him_!

_P.S.- I love you. I dont know for how long. I think I always have but I didn't relize it till the 8th grade._

He remembered the message in a bottle.

He remembered what it said.

"Roxas, are you coming or what?" Axel called out to him. Larxene looked annoyed and impatient, like this was just the kind of thing she expected from a little twerp.

_I didn't relize it till the 8th grade._

The eighth grade.

Axel was entering the seventh grade.

"Okay, I'll be right there!" Roxas answered, in a voice that clearly said something was wrong with him. He ran to catch up with them.

_"Did you feel it?"_

None of them seemed to notice or even hear him. They were too busy talking to each other. Axel was laughing at some goddamn _joke _she made and not even bothering to slow down for him. He unknowingly let a jealous look show on his face.

_"Did you feel yourself get detached?"_

Larxene took a moment to stop talking to Axel and look back at the poor twerp. Look at him run! All of a sudden, she noticed that look he had and smirked. That bitch was _smirking _at him!

_"Did you finally realize you exist in a completely different reality than they do?"_

At that moment, he wished nothing more than for her to be hit by that lightning she was so fond of.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Larxene was not enjoying the tour. Not that there were a lot of things she _did_ enjoy.

First off, Hollow Bastion was a pretty boring town. It had almost _no_ crime rate, which got rid of _any_ chance she had of meeting a serial killer. (It was on her to-do list.) The shops and school were hopelessly average, and there wasn't a single crazy hobo in sight. It wasn't any different from any other town she'd been to. It was boring, and she dreaded having to spend the rest of her life there. She was_ so _moving once she graduated high school. Or run away. That was a definite choice.

Secondly, Axel was a _terrible _tour guide. He didn't know anything about the town that she couldn't tell from asking some random punk. He got lost _a lot _of times, and the places he managed to take her to sucked. He even stopped at some fast food place because that little blond brat had complained he was hungry. The brat probably knew more about the town than he did.

Third, she didn't like the brat. She didn't like him as soon as she saw him, getting off the bus. It wasn't because of anything he _did_ or _said_, but because of what he _was_. A little, pre-pubescent, nine-year-old boy. The fact that Axel included both him and her in his friend circle, meant he compared her to Rox-_ass_, and she wasn't fine with that. Axel should hang around better company. Company like her, for instance.

There were some things she enjoyed, however. Axel, for instance.

It wasn't that she was particularly _attracted_ to the boy in any way. He kept things interesting, and she liked being interested. Hanging around Axel was like playing with fire. Close enough to feel the heat but not enough to burn. She knew he was the kind of guy that got into trouble often, and that if you pushed the right buttons, he could end up on the eleven o'clock news. And pushing people's buttons was another thing she greatly enjoyed.

She enjoyed making people squirm. It was a pasttime for her.

Okay, more things she enjoyed...No, that was basically it. Those two things and lightning, that is. Back to things she hates, which was much more fun to talk about, anyway.

She could never like Axel enough to even honestly call him her _friend_. Troublemaker or not, he broke rules for reasons of pure idiocy, and she doesn't like hanging around things without a purpose for very long. He defied figures of authority just to piss them off, not to overthrow them. She likes the guy who kills the king to _become_ king, not the court jester with a fetish for murdering people.

She was sick and tired of guys letting her be the one in charge. You would figure she'd like it, seeing how bossy she is and all, but anyone man enough to be a leader to her follower would have her endless devotion, complete with sarcastic remarks and the occasional bitchiness.

Back then, she had no idea her "king" would come in the form of a flower-loving, pink-haired boy--the word 'boy' used loosely-- with the same last name as her, but she'll take what she gets.

Once the tour was finished (Finally! Not that she had to wait very long. It ended after an hour because that was the extent of Axel's talent as a tour guide.) she turned her attention to that little blond baby. Time for some button pushing. Don't think she hasn't been watching him the entire time, looking for blackmail material. Blackmailing a nine-year-old boy_ may _sound pathetic, but so did making a ceramic heart for a boy who obviously hated "best friends 4 eva!" things like that, bitches.

And blackmail material she got.

She waved at him. "Um, little boy!" He turned around, clearly annoyed.

Opportunity for blackmail came _especially_ whenever he was around Axel.

She picked a pink flower from the ground and placed it in his hair, like the little fruit he was.

"I want to have a word with you, fag boy."

Roxas choked.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **Don't hate me! Axel and Larxene won't get together or anything in this story, I promise! You can tell from Chapter Four that they hate each other.

Um...

Yay?

Please review! :D Reviewing is good!


	15. The Devil Made Me Do It

**Author's Notes #1: **Wow, a lot of you seem to dislike Larxene. Well, you're not going to like her any better in this chapter. And how would I know you dislike Larxene? Because I read your reviews! Thanks for reviewing, and keep them coming! :D

This chapter is also a little shorter than usual. Sorry!

**Disclaimer: **Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Fifteen: The Devil Made Me Do It**

One of the last things Roxas wanted was to appear younger to Larxene than he already did. To appear dumb and gullible enough to fall for whatever tricks she had rolled up her sleeve. However, he seemed to have forgotten this want of his once she caught him off-guard with her question.

"I want to have a word with you, fag boy."

He heard the words and choked.

He wished he could've said something better than what he said. That one word he uttered. It was barely _even_ a word. He could've just refused to talk to her. Then maybe things would've turned out a lot better. But again, he was just so temporarily stunned. That word he said made him sound so stupid, so naive, so _young_, so..

"Huh?"

Anything else. Could've said anything else.

"You heard me, cocksucker." she said smugly. "Hunh. I didn't know they had them this young."

"Huh?"

He had walked right into her trap, and only part of him was aware of it.

After a while, his mind began to understand what was going on. Larxene was...Larxene was calling him a fag! She had somehow figured out he liked Axel! _Shit! _Was he really that obvious? Did _everyone_ know now?

_Shit! _

Did Axel know?

A-And Larxene thought he was gay! That made him want to strangle her. No one had ever called him a fag before, on account of him not being into guys back then, so he wasn't sure on how to react to something like this. Would nailing her in the face be appropriate? He was pretty sure he was angry. And _embarrassed_ that_ Larxene _of all people was the one to find out. He was used to her teasing him, but not like this. Not on something this personal.

_'What is she up to?'_

"Don't act stupid! I _saw_ you!" Larxene screeched in response to his earlier confusion. She was quickly getting impatient. Did he _have_ to be such a baby? She was trying to get something accomplished here! "I saw the way you were looking at him! The way you act when he so much as _touches_ you! You were getting more touchy-feely than necessary at that fast food place a while back. You'd have to be brain-dead not to see it."

Larxene knew. Roxas began to panic. She _knew_! This was not good. Larxene knowing something like that about him was not good. She could do whatever she wanted with that information. She could tell anybody. Why did he have to be so damn obvious? It wasn't so obvious the other days! Why did he slip up in front of Larxene?

And could she keep her voice down? They were in a crowded part of the train station. Axel was in another part, waiting for the train back home.

In case he was still confused, Larxene leaned in close and said accusingly,

"You're a dirty little faggot, aren't you?"

Roxas had no response. Larxene didn't need one. She could see it on his face.

It was too easy! If she had any less pride, she would've danced in celebration. It was _never_ this easy to break someone before. Never this easy to get under their skin. Granted, the person in question was a nine-year-old boy, but she figured that by that time, a person should have the dignity to stick up for themselves. This Roxas kid must've been spineless. Usually, she didn't like it when it was this easy, but it was such a no-brainer that it was almost comical.

And, like one does when they find something is comical, she laughed. Hard.

"Ahaha! Wow! _Wow. _This is perfect! Just perfect! Axel's gonna _freak _when I tell him!"

Axel. She was going to tell Axel.

Axel was going to hear it from_ her_.

Roxas panicked.

"_NO_! Don't!"

Anybody. She could tell anybody. Anybody but Axel. Axel would hate him if he knew. Axel would think it was digusting because Larxene thought it was disgusting. She wouldn't explain it to him correctly. She'd make it sound much worse than it was. She'd make it sound creepy and make him look like a freak. Axel couldn't hate him. Not because of one tiny slip-up.

Larxene smirked when she heard his reaction. She had him now. "Okay, I_ won't _tell him..."

Roxas had a relieved look on his face.

"...if you do one little thing for me."

The look got wiped right off.

He asked darkly, "What do you want?"

"Hmmm..." She pretended to look thoughtful. To make it seem like whatever she was asking for was no big deal. Roxas could tell she already had something in mind. "Oh, I know! Just...Stay away from Axel. For..." The thoughtful look. "...ever would be nice."

Seriously, was it really bad for him to nail her?

"And how would I go about doing this?" he asked. "We're _best friends_, you know."

"Ooh, trying to act all grown-up, now are we?" He didn't know what to say. Why couldn't she just answer his question?

"Don't do that. It doesn't suit you. You're better off sucking your thumb and swooning over boys like a little faggot."

He gritted his teeth. "Answer the question...pwease?"

She smiled triumphantly. "There you go. Now for your little problem, just tell him you hate him. Tell him you _never_ want to talk to him again. Never want to _see _him again. To make it more convincing, throw in couple of those curse words that you apparently know. It convinced _Axel_ that you didn't like me very much."

Roxas tried to tell himself that Axel would never fall for something like that. Not for something that transparent. He trusted him more than that. Knew him better than that. But then he remembered the Devil. He remembered what the Devil said and did. And how easily he believed he was Axel. How easily he believed Axel hated him that much. People could be fooled.

He glared at her, realizing he was trapped. But he needed a reason.

"_Why?_"

"Because you're not the type of person Axel should be hanging around. You're dragging him down." she answered, stating it as pure, inarguable fact. Roxas got even angrier. How would she know? She just met them! She didn't know anything! "And..." she continued, smiling slyly. "I kinda want him all to myself."

He glared at her harder. "You don't even _like _him."

"True. But he likes _me_. Which is bad news for you, I guess. You can tell, can't you? He's _totally_ into me."

**LIE**.

That was a **lie**. That was a huge, big, fat lie. Sure he noticed the occasional looks and touches Axel gave her and the way his voice would change a little when he spoke to her--much like the way he used to talk to _him_, he thought jealously--and the fact that he thought she was funny and stuff, but all that obviously didn't mean anything. Because Axel liked _him_. Even if he didn't realize it, yet. Axel hated Larxene, and Larxene hated Axel. That was just the way things were.

"_Screw you_." Roxas said quietly. Larxene heard and frowned. She had a feeling he _wanted _her to hear.

"There's something not right with you, kid. Y'know, besides the obvious. You act...I don't want to say _older_, but you don't act like you're nine. It's almost like you're being serious. Like you actually _mean_ everything you say." She suddenly gasped in realization. She stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Wait. You _are_ serious, aren't you? You really have a true, genuine crush on him?"

Roxas didn't say anything. He didn't need to.

"_Eww!_" she exclaimed. Her face was scrunched up in disgust. She backed away from him. "That's so..._gross_! Ew, ew, ew! That's _disgusting_! God!"

It was like she was talking about an insect, which, to her, he probably was.

"He's _never_ gonna like you that way." she told him, once she calmed down a bit. "When he finds out what you are, he wouldn't even want to be near you. He's not_ like _you. I feel bad for you. You're stuck with a crush that'll never be returned." She sounded delighted by the prospect.

"I know..." he mumbled. That wasn't true. He still had a chance. Axel could realize it again. Things could be different on this day. He could make things different.

"Aww...What's wrong? It's not like you _love_ him or anything. You're a little kid! What would _you_ know about it? There's plenty of other gay little fish in the sea."

_'I know!'_

"Unless...you only like Axel? Like I said, you're a little kid. Unless you were _bred_ that way, how would you know for sure if you play for that team? I know _teenagers _who aren't entirely sure, yet. If that's the case, then you've_ really _got it bad! Get it in your head. He. Likes. Me."

_'I know!'_

"Who knows? Maybe after some time, I could like him like that, too. Then we could be boyfriend-girlfriend. And once we are, you could sit in your room _all day _and cry your queer little tears. Won't that be nice?"

_'I know!'_

"I know I may be coming across as harsh. But you need to get the idea that what you're feeling is wrong while you're still young. You know, before you actually start to get a mind of your own. I'm a nice person, really. I'm trying to help you here."

"Liar."

She smiled. "You might as well give up and stop trying."

He won't. She could spout off as much _shit_ and _crap _at him as she wanted to, but like hell he was giving up. She'll see. When Axel realizes what a bitch she is and starts liking him again, she'll see. She was wrong. Not him.

With authority far beyond his physical age, he growled out, "**Never.**"

He_ almost _hit her. He almost raised his fist and hit her. But he didn't. Because that would have been exactly what she wanted. She _wanted_ for him to lose his temper. It would give her more to tell Axel. So he held the anger in and walked away from her. He intended to end their conversation, once and for all.

Realizing where he was going, Larxene yelled after him. "If you even go near him, I'll tell him about you!" she threatened.

Roxas gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, and for a while, Larxene thought she had him. That thought was gone once he yelled back, "You can't tell him if I tell him myself!" His walk became a slight, determined run.

Larxene was in shock. Something wasn't right about that kid. "He's not serious." she said to herself, watching him walk away. She almost considered trying to stop him. He was crazy. This was stupid, even for someone his age.

Ultimately, she decided not to do anything. "Oh well." She smirked. "Let's sit back and watch the waterworks."

Roxas stomped his way through the train station, grumbling angrily the entire time. Try as he might, he couldn't get what Larxene said out of his mind. He growled. How _dare_ she! How dare she think she could just...do whatever she wanted! How dare she think she could just say that to him!

And how dare she try to convince him Axel didn't love him. He'd fallen for that already, and he didn't plan on falling for it again.

He groaned in irritation and kicked a wooden bench until his foot hurt.

This was supposed to be his and Axel's day! He wouldn't let her spoil it!

"Is something wrong?" a voice asked.

Roxas turned around to see Axel. He felt his mood lighten up. "Larxene...She...ugh!" He kicked the bench again. He calmed down a bit, though, knowing Axel was by his side. Axel could help him. Axel _always _helped him.

He sighed. "Did Larxene do something to you again? Is she being mean?"

Roxas froze. The way he was speaking to him. That annoying, mock-parental tone. The kind that said he was only _pretending _to care. Roxas started to panic.

"A-Axel?" he asked, afraid. Afraid of the way Axel thought of him. Why had it changed so quickly, so dramtically, so easily? "Wh-Why are you talking to me like that?"

Axel's voice didn't change. "Like what?"

The panic grew. "Like...Like I'm some little kid! I'm not a little kid, Axel! Don't talk to me like that! Please..."

_'Please stop listening to Larxene. Please stop looking at Larxene. Look at __**me**__ now, okay?'_

He knew Axel wasn't supposed to realize it until much later, but couldn't he realize it now? He said he _always _loved him. That meant he loved him right now. He just didn't know it.

"Was I? I didn't notice." Was he _trying _to notice? Did he even _care_? "Anyway, stop being mean to Larxene."

Roxas had to do a double-take. Did he hear right? Did Axel just ask _him_ to stop being mean to _her_?

"What?" he asked, disbelieving. His worst fears were realized. Axel was taking _her _side. To the point where he ignored any wrong thing she did and pointed out every wrong thing about Roxas. He was losing him. He was watching Axel like him less and less, and he refused to accept it.

Axel continued, "You cursed at her earlier, and you barely even knew her. I told you, that's just the way she is. Just give her a chance, Roxas." He sounded so annoyed.

_'Who __**are **__you?'_

Roxas yelled desperately, "I told you not to talk to me like that!"

_'I'm like you! I'm not someone different than you! I'm the same as you! I'm not __**detached**__! I don't exist in a different reality or anything!'_

So why did it feel like there was an invisible wall between him and Axel? Why did it feel like Axel was building the wall himself?

_'Don't be the Devil. Don't be the Devil.'_

"I'm sorry!" Axel said, putting his hands up. "I'm sorry. Just...just_ try _to be friends with her. _Try_ to get along with her. Becuase..." Axel blushed, and Roxas got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"...because I like her."

_'You've got to be kidding me.'_

No...He _can't. _He can't do this to him. He can't _like_ her. He can't _like_ anyone. That made it harder for him to realize his feelings. H-He had feelings for him, right? Yeah! He said so. So why did he have feelings for _her_ at the same time? Wasn't he supposed to hate her?

Don't be the Devil, Axel. Please don't be the Devil.

"I mean, I really, really like her. She's funny, pretty, cool...I just never felt this way about _anybody_ before."

Liar.

_C-Cra--_

"I don't know how I'm supposed to act. I needed to tell someone." Axel smiled brightly, but not for the reasons Roxas wanted. "I'm glad I could tell you. You're a great friend." He patted the younger boy's back and began to walk away, to continue waiting for the train.

_'What kind of a sick joke is that, Axel?'_

_C-Crac--_

_Friends_? No! She can't be right! Axel loved_ him_! That was the way things were. They were _more _than friends! Don't leave! Please don't leave! Don't leave him like that! There had to be more than that! He should have more to say!

"But...But! What about _me_?"

Axel glared at him and uttered that those words he hoped so desperately he wouldn't hear. He wished he could've said anything else. Or at least, he wished he didn't say them so coldly, so ready to abandon him.

"What _about_ you?"

_Cr-Crack_

_'I'm not laughing, Axel.'_

Roxas's legs gave in and he collapsed on the floor. His eyes and mouth were wide open, but he had nothing to say. He was speechless. He wouldn't scream. He _wouldn't _scream!

No...No! This wasn't happening to him! There was no way this was happening! There was no way! Couldn't Axel see it? See that he was supposed to_ feel for _him? What about him? _Everything _should be about him!

Roxas tried to stay reasonable, while at the same time, panicking. He understood. He understood why Axel kissed him on the second day. He understood how desperate he was. He understood how terrible it felt to see your chance slipping away. He was losing him. He was losing him and would never get him back if he didn't do something.

He thought of something. It was crazy, but if it was the only thing that would make Axel realize...He couldn't think of anything else! The panic cleared his mind of any reasonable thinking and...

"Axel! I...I love you!"

He yelled it as loudly as he could and with such honesty and feeling that he _had_ to have meant it.

A gasp. Axel stood completely still. Time stood completely still. Roxas waited for something to happen. Did it work? Please tell him it worked. It _had_ to work.

"I love you so much! Please..._Please_..."

_'What exactly am I asking him to do?'_

Axel reacted, knowing he heard correctly that time. He widened his eyes, and Roxas didn't see a single trace of disgust or hatred. He saw something much worse.

Fear.

"Roxas, I'm not..."

_Gay_.

"I don't..."

_Like you that way. _

"I can't..."

_I'm sorry._

And that was how Roxas's heart broke into a million pieces.

It took everything he had to keep himself up. Everything he had to keep himself breathing. The world could've exploded at that moment and he wouldn't have cared. All he cared about was the small little word of Roxas and Axel. But Axel was slowly walking away from that world, leaving him behind. He reached up desperately to keep him on and grabbed his sleeve.

Axel pulled away immediately. Was Roxas an insect to him, too? Axel shook his head fearfully, and, unable to stand that look on Roxas's face, ran away from him. He didn't look back.

The world of Roxas and Axel exploded, and he didn't care.

Roxas just bit his lip and nodded his head slowly, whispering sadly, "_I understand_."

In reality, he didn't understand, and all he wanted to do was chase after Axel and _make _him love him again. He wanted to grab the front of his shirt and kiss him and _make_ him love him. But he couldn't move. All he could do was bite his lip and nod his head.

He licked his braces.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

In the lifetime where Axel is eighteen and in love with Roxas, a woman stood on top of a bridge.

She had recently missed an important job interview looking over a teenage blond boy as he laid on the road, bleeding, waiting for the ambulance to arrive. She had learned later that he had died despite her efforts. She had also learned that at about the same time, an old classmate she had in swimmming class when she was younger had died as well. Drug overdose, they said. Hard to believe. She had spoken to him during the classes, finding out they both had an interest in singing in addition to swimming, and he didn't seem like the type. He had somehow managed to turn himself into a famous singer, which proved to her just about anything was possible.

Where was that philosophy now?

"_Ariel_," a voice like poison whispered, "_How will you make a living for yourself now? Why would Eric want to marry you now? Life has given up on you, so you should give up on it_."

Death was all around her, and it was her turn to join the club.

She jumped without making a sound.

After seeing her fall, the voice hissed happily, "_Let's see who's next on my list...Ooh!_"

It looked like he had another chance to drag the soul of that blond boy down to Hell. In fact...

That boy might just drag _himself_ down.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"Hey, Roxas. I was thinking about it, and...I really shouldn't've run off like that. I was a total jerk, I know, so if we could just talk about this...Roxas?"

Axel looked up at the empty space where Roxas used to be. He looked all around him. No sign of the younger boy. He sighed when he realized he'd been talking to himself for the past few minutes. He went back for a reason.

After a couple of seconds of running, guilt started to overtake him, and he decided he should go back. You shouldn't leave someone hanging like that. That was mean, even by his standards. Besides, he wanted to ask the younger boy a couple of questions.

Like, "Why did you say that?"

Like, "Why didn't you try to stop me?"

Like, "Did you really mean that?"

Or, "Why did my heart beat faster?"

He put his hand over his chest. His heart was racing. His skin was warm.

He asked the empty air, "Where did he go?"

Miles away, a boy ran on the sidewalk. He didn't want to wait for the train anymore. He wasn't sure if he was running toward or away from something. Wherever he was going, he needed to get there.

Roxas arrived at his front door, pressing the doorbell repeatedly. He needed to get in. Why wasn't anyone letting him in? Desperate, he pounded at the door. He threw rocks at the windows. He wanted to break something.

His mother answered, worried, and he ran past her without uttering any sort of explanation. He ran up the stairs, opened his bedroom door and ripped up the newspapers that made up his painting station. He needed to get rid of any trace of Axel. Axel didn't exist to him right now. It was the only way he could keep his sanity.

He took the leftover paint and splattered it across the walls. Not liking how it looked, he clawed at his wallpaper, tearing it off. He knocked over a bookcase and ripped up every picture of Axel that fell out. Soon, everything that could be ripped was ripped, and Roxas was in the middle of one big mess. It wasn't enough. He picked up a pair of scissors and cut up everything on his bed. The sheets, the pillow, everything. In the process, he accidently cut himself. He smeared the blood on the wall.

Exhausted, he fell on his bed, wondering what he should do next. Nothing came to mind. There was nothing to do anymore.

Roxas laid on his bed. He felt like crying. He _wanted_ to cry. But as much as he wanted them to, the tears wouldn't come. So he just laid on his bed, eyes dry, wishing the sunlight streaming through his window would melt his body into the air.

He wanted to disappear.

He wanted to rip his body apart and be fifteen again. He wanted Axel to love him again.

It was a bad feeling.

What was the point of anything anymore? Why was he stuck here, doing Reversal? Why couldn't he have just died when he died? He wasn't learning anything. What was he supposed to be learning anyway? He thought he knew. He thought he had this entire thing figured out while in Axel's warm embrace. Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. Now, he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing here. Every direction was blurred, and he wondered why he even bothered with it.

He had a million questions and no answers. Answers he wouldn't get until he was back up there with Sora. He was tired of waiting. He had waited so long, and for what?

The good part was over. He was happy. Axel loved him. He loved Axel. He smiled while thinking that. He loved Axel. He realized it the moment he lost him. How cruel of you, Heaven. How utterly cruel and...pointless. All that trouble with romance led him here, back to a platonic relationship.

When had the roles become reversed? When had _he_ become the one harboring an unrequited love for his best friend? Especially when Axel was better suited for that role. He didn't know how Axel did it. How he dealt with it. Roxas couldn't stand the thought of going back to friendship. Memories would get in the way. How cruel of you, Heaven. To have him so close yet so far from where he wanted to be.

The good part was over. Axel didn't love him anymore. Axel would never hold him lovingly again. Would never look at him like that again. Would never say those three magical words again. Roxas tried to get him to love him again. He even confessed, and Axel ran. There was nothing he could do. What was there to look forward to anymore, then?

Axel...Axel didn't...love him. Axel_ wouldn't _anymore. He'd eventually get too young to even get those feelings. He pulled his hair. The thought killed him. He tried to stop it from happening, but failed. No one would love him anymore. Namine was gone. Axel was gone. No one would love him ever again. Why should he continue, knowing that? Knowing he didn't mean anything to anyone anymore.

It reminded him of a play or movie where you're waiting for something amazing to happen but something never does. Such high expectations could only be met with disappointment. You feel like you've wasted your time and money. You can't get your money back, but you could've at least saved your time by leaving early.

That's it. Show's over. There's nothing to see here. You can all go home now.

Roxas shot up in bed. Go home. He could go home now.

He pushed the thought far away from his mind. No. That was wrong. He was wrong for even thinking it. Sora would be mad at him if he found out. Giving up was not an option.

But still...

He was going to go to Heaven at the end of all this. That was the goal. Sora said so. Why not speed up the process a bit? Why waste time living in the eyes of a person who'll never love you the way you love them?

_"And a life like that isn't worth living at all."_

Roxas stiffened. He recognized the voice. It dripped through his ears like poison. He knew he shouldn't listen to the voice. But it sounded so appealing. So inviting. Was it so harmful to listen to it for just a little while?

_"You don't see the point of all this, so therefore, there isn't one. This is all for __**you**__, isn't it? For __**your**__ benefit? Why put yourself through all that pointlessness when you could just end it now?_

_'Yeah!' _he thought in agreement._ 'Why __**should**__ I?'_

It was perfect! What better way to show you're ready for Death than by killing yourself? They would have to let him in the Gates if he caused it himself. It was all for _him_ anyway! There was no way he wouldn't be ready to die.

He wasn't crazy. He wasn't _depressed_. He was thinking this through logically.

_'But...what about my family?'_

The voice growled, _"They're not your family. They're only a memory. Your real family already knows you're dead. It wouldn't change a thing. It's all for you."_

He gripped the sheets of his bed, and screamed as loudly as he could. No one heard him. The voice of poison was right. His family wasn't helping him. The worst he ever felt, and his _family_ wasn't here for him? Did _anyone_ love him anymore?

End it. End everything. It's pointless. Roxas found himself being drawn from the idea of going home more and more. He'd expect it. He'd see it coming. It was his own doing. He was ready to die. Any quick pass to Heaven sounded good to him.

He wasn't like those kids you heard about on the news. He wasn't being a whiny little bitch. They didn't know what they were doing. They had no idea what Death was like. They had their whole lives in front of them. Him? His life was over. He had nothing to lose.

That made it okay, right?

Lies. It was all lies. Something was telling him everything in his head was a lie. But it didn't matter. Every lie made sense right now.

Pointless. It was pointless. No one loved him. He was unloved. For the rest of his Reversal, he would be unloved. No one would carecarecare about whatever happened to him. He was on his own.

_"Every man for himself. Who needs love?"_

A part of him told him to shut his ears. A part of him told him not to listen. A part of him told him he wasn't thinking clearly.

_'You're wrong. For the first time since I've died, I __**am**__ thinking clearly.'_

Then, he thought he saw someone. He thought he heard someone. Someone who cared. They were standing in his room. He didn't know how they got in, but maybe if they cared, well...then he didn't care.

_'Save me.'_

"Roxas?" the person asked in a truly concerned voice. They didn't seem to be dangerous, even in his chaotic room. They were pointing at him accusingly, so he was sure they were talking to him.

_'Help me, please. Whoever you may be.'_

"Roxas, are you thinking about killing yourself? Don't do that, Roxas. Please don't do that." They sounded so desperate, so sad.

Someone actually cared.

_'Can anyone hear me?'_

Oh wait, no.

_'Does anyone care?'_

That was just his reflection in the mirror.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_"Damn! Humans are so easy to play with! Looks like another suicide..."_

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Scissors on his desk.

Knives in the kitchen.

Pills in the medicine cabinet.

So many ways to die. So many ways to kill himself. So tempting. So...difficult to go through.

He couldn't keep a good grip on the scissors, knife, or pill bottle. His hands wouldn't let him. His mind and soul may had been convinced, but his body was fighting it. This younger body of his. This naive, didn't know any better body. But it wasn't just his body. A small, small part of him had told him it wasn't worth it.

Like hell it was going to let him go down without a fight.

One last chance. He would give it one last chance. This time, he was getting help. He was getting help because he couldn't possibly do it alone. The thought of being alone was what led him to consider the decision in the first place. He couldn't wait to ask for Sora's help. He had to find someone close by who would understand what he was going through.

He knocked on the door.

Only one person stood between him and the edge of the blade:

Riku.

Riku knew. Riku knew what it was like to not have your love returned. Riku was still alive despite that. There _must_ be a reason why. Riku could help. Riku was his last chance.

He knocked again.

An old man answered. Then, in Roxas's mind, he became not so old. Roxas tried to see him as the young, sixteen-year-old boy he saw the Devil transform into. Except, well, you know...nicer. It was easier talk to someone roughly his own age than an old person.

"Roxas?" the elderly (teenage) male asked, seeing the young (teenage) boy. "Why are you here? Is something wrong?" He sounded concerned. So far, so good.

"No, nothing in particular." Roxas answered. He licked his braces.

Riku stood there, waiting for an explanation. When he didn't get one, he said, "You're pretty far from home. Won't your parents worry?"

"My parents know I'm here." Roxas lied easily. "They dropped me off."

Riku raised an eyebrow. Obviously, he was lying, because if Cloud and Aerith knew, they would've called about it beforehand. Did he run away from home or something? For a while, he decided to play along and humor him.

"Why are you here?"

"My school is making us do an interview with someone who lived through the Restoration period." Roxas lifted up a notebook he was carrying as proof. "My Grandpa and Grandma aren't home today, so you're the only other choice."

"It's summer."

"My school doesn't want our little brains to rot."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Why today?"

Roxas shrugged. "I just had a sudden urge to learn."

Not wanting the poor kid to stay outside all day, even though he was a shameless liar, Riku opened the door wider. "Come inside."

Roxas stepped inside to a spacious, white, living room. Something about Riku's house always made him uncomfortable. It was one of those huge, fancy houses, and it stood on top of a large hill, away from everyone else. It had a great view of the ocean and that cliff next to it. The walls were white, along with pretty much everything else in the house. It made the building seem bigger than it really was, which wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't so devoid of human life.

"So will you do the interview?" Roxas asked.

Riku answered, "I still think you should ask Grandpa or Grandma for help, regardless of your thirst for knowledge. You know what 'regardless' means, right?"

"Yes." Roxas said irritably. "And I insist on asking _you_."

"Well, if you_ insist_." Riku mocked lightly. Roxas knew Riku never liked spending time with him. He was a constant reminder that Sora married Kairi. The older male hid it, because Sora would know something was up. "What's the first quest--"

"It must get lonely up here." Roxas interrupted, looking around the room. "One big house and only one person living in it."

Riku eyed him suspiciously. "Sora and Kairi come over sometimes."

Roxas smiled when he noticed Riku called them by their first names instead of Grandpa and Grandma. That meant he was getting into it. "But sometimes isn't enough for you, is it?"

"It _is_ lonely occasionally. What kind of interview did you say this was?"

"While we're on the topic of Sora and Kairi..." Roxas said quickly. "What do you think of them? Do you still have friendly feelings towards them, or have those faded over time? Maybe..." He looked him in the eye. "..._more_ than friendly feelings?"

"Where are you going with this?" Riku asked. "Is this an interview or an interregation on my personal life?"

"What _exactly_ do you think of Sora?"

"I'll ask again..." Riku narrowed his eyes. "Where are you going with this?"

Roxas, sounding confident said, "I know how you feel about Sora. I know the kind of love you have for him is more than a 'brotherly love.'"

Riku was surprised. "Aren't you a little young to be asking about this stuff?" he asked incredulously. How had he figured it out? Why would he even go looking for that kind of information in the first place? What kind of things were they teaching these kids these days? He _knew_ this wasn't any damn interview.

"Which makes me wonder..." Roxas said, ignoring him. "Why are you even still alive?"

The seriousness of the question surprised Riku even more. Something wasn't right about Sora's grandson.

"What do you mean?"

_'Also, are you sure you're nine?'_

"You love him, but he doesn't love you back. In fact, he even married someone else, and they're _very_ much in love." Was he _trying_ to make him feel bad? "I can't imagine anything hurting worse. So why haven't you..."

"Why haven't I killed myself?" Riku finished for him.

Roxas nodded.

"Aren't you a little young to be asking about this stuff?" Riku repeated. This kid just went from not right to suicidal. He was treading in dangerous waters. And Riku was not the right person to handle it _at all_.

Roxas grinned. "My mind is more mature than my body. I can handle it."

_'And, if you can explain it to me correctly, I can handle what I'm going through as well.'_

Riku, not entirely believing him, said, "I don't want you thinking about suicide. I can't encourage you in any way." Honestly kid, seek professional help! Or at least talk to your own parents. Running away from home will only cause you more problems! What kind of problems could a nine-year-old possibly get that would lead him to ask about suicide?

And most importantly, what made him think _Riku _was prone to suicide?

Roxas smiled, and it was then Riku concluded that he had completely snapped. "Then don't."

Riku stared at him, not knowing what to do. Should he call Cloud? This kid was thinking some _very _dangerous stuff. He was afraid that if he kicked him out of the house, he might get more unstable than he already was. That was some stellar parenting there, Cloud.

Roxas asked, "When your world was taken away from you, why didn't you take yourself away from the world?" Poetic. He never thought he'd say something like that. Well, his mind wasn't where it usually was lately.

Riku realized Roxas wasn't going to give this up, parents or not. Not without some sort of answer. He had his grandfather's determination, Riku thought, amused. But he wasn't sure what he should say. So he answered the best way he could.

"Let me tell you a story. I may be old, but this is one story about the past you'll _actually _be interested in."

A story. That figured. Roxas said, "I certainly hope so."

"First of all, you're right. I _do_ love Sora. I don't know how you know, but I have a feeling you're not going to tell me."

Riku would be correct.

"Once--We were adults by this time. Not_ too _old.--he told me he was starting a journal. Sora, I mean. I asked him why. He said he never got to write in one when we were kids. He said he was too busy living life to write about it."

Riku chuckled lightly at this point, remembering an old joke.

"Years later, he asked me if I wanted to see what he had written so far. I said yes. He showed me the book, and, flipping through it, all I could see was blank pages. When I looked up to ask him why, he was smiling so calmly. He told me his eyesight was getting really bad."

Roxas's eyebrow went up at this point. What? He paid closer attention.

"That wasn't right. It wasn't right that those beautiful, blue eyes wouldn't work anymore." Roxas could hear the love behind his voice. "It wasn't right that this kind, sweet person who helped so many people would have a life of blank pages. I wanted to wipe that smile off his face. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to yell, 'You could've told me! I would've written it down for you, yours and mine. We could've shared our lives, Sora! We could've shared them!'"

He actually yelled that part as he was saying it. Although now he yelled it weakly and half-heartedly. Sora wasn't there to listen.

"But I didn't say that. Instead, I stood there quietly and ripped out every blank page from that book. I kept ripping out pages, I kept holding the words in, and most foolishly of all, I kept hoping."

Riku looked to make sure Roxas was listening, and he was. It seemed like Riku was about to get to the point.

"That's why I'm still here, Roxas. That's the only reason I'm still alive." Roxas frowned, hearing that. No. That couldn't be it. "Because Sora taught me to have hope. Hope that he may one day recognize my feelings. Hope that he may one day return them. Hope that--And I know I'm gonna regret saying this.--he may leave Kairi's arms and walk into mine. Even if it takes the rest of our lives, as long as we're both still here, there's hope. And I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world."

Hope. That was it. Hope was what kept him alive. That alone. Roxas forced a smile on.

"That's beautiful." he said. "I really mean that."

Riku, not entirely believing him, said in reply, "Remember, suicide is never an option. Once you die, you can't change your mind anymore. You can't get another chance. That's it. There's always a better way to get past your problems."

"I understand. That's...that's all I need from you. For the interview. Thank you."

Riku nodded and offered to take him home, but Roxas refused, saying his parents would pick him up. Another lie. He should teach lessons.

As soon as Roxas left the house and Riku closed the door, the young boy collapsed on the pavement. He didn't bother getting up, even though the pain stung. Riku didn't see him. Riku wouldn't care. Nobody would care. The one person he thought would care forever and ever had let him down. His last chance at keeping him from making a mistake had let him down. Life, as a whole, had let him down.

He almost went back to apologize to Riku. Tell him that the story really was beautiful and touching, but it didn't help him. It didn't save him. He knew Riku was trying to save him. He knew Riku knew he wanted to kill himself. He knew Riku tried his best to help him.

But hope? He didn't have anything else for him besides that? Hope was something he didn't have anymore. There was nothing left to hope for. Even if he waited out the rest of his Reversal, Axel was never going to love him again. That meant he had nothing. That meant that being here was completely pointless.

Riku had said once you die, you don't get second chances. He didn't have anymore chances. He asked for help, and it didn't work. What else could he do?

_'If you had anything else going for you besides hope, you might've saved me. But you don't. So I'm sorry, Riku. I'm sorry I wasted your time.' _

He didn't care if doing this wouldn't work. He didn't care if it he just continued his Reversal, anyway, like when he got hit by that meteor. He didn't care if his logic was screwed up. He wanted to hurt himself. He wanted to hurt himself so much that for a while, he could forget about that other pain. At least he'd be hurting himself. For a while, he'd be in complete control of his own emotions, with no stupid romance or anything to mess it up. He'd kill himself over and over again if he had to.

He felt defeated, lonely, lost, confused. So many things he wanted to het rid of.

Scissors, knives, and pills wouldn't cut it, he decided. It needed to be big and dramatic. Because if he was going to mess things up this much, he might as well mess them up as much as possible. He looked at the nearby cliff and got an idea.

_'And, I'm sorry, Axel.'_

His mind was made up.

He took out his notebook and began to write.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_To whoever's reading this,_

_Don't ask any questions and don't try to stop me. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm getting myself into. I'm not too young to understand._

_I've gone to the cliff beside the ocean, in case any of you want to find my body after I've jumped. _

_Because you won't try to stop me._

_Because you can't._

_I'm sorry. _

_It's not anybody's fault. _

_Don't worry about me._

_No one would miss me, anyway._

_No one would care._

_I'm sorry._

_Goodbye._

_--Roxas_

Axel slowly crumpled up the letter in his hands. He had gone over to Roxas's house to try to talk to him about what happened earlier. When he rang the bell, no one answered, but he let himself in anyway since he knew where they kept their spare key. Instead of Roxas, however, he found an empty house and this letter on his dining room table.

After reading it, all of the fears, all the little worries he had about Roxas ever since earlier that he tried to push to the back of his head were realized. Acknowledged. And they slowly morphed themselves into a dread that grabbed hold of his heart and wouldn't let go.

He swore his heart stopped beating.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **So how'd you all like that chapter?

Don't trample me! Axel still loves Roxas! Really!

Really!

Expect a late update for the next chapter. Sorry! I'll try not to to make it _too_ late. I'll try even harder if you...

Review, please! They always put a smile on any author's face. (Especially me!)


	16. Let You Down

**Author's Notes # 1: **Wow. I got a lot of really good reviews that last chapter! Thank you! Thank you to **ScarlaBlack **for mentioning this story on her profile! Well, here's Chapter 16, which I hope you will also enjoy. By the way, that _was_ Ariel from Disney's The Little Mermaid in the last chapter.

Reverse has reached at least 200 reviews! Woo! I will celebrate by jumping up and down! Or by writing the next chapter. Whatever. (The next chapter will probably be a late update, too. Maybe, maybe not. Sorry again!)

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Sixteen: Let You Down**

_'Damn Axel, making me walk home alone.'_

Larxene grumbled, hands in pockets. Occasionally, she would mutter a curse, causing some of the older people she passed by to glare at her disapprovingly. Her feet hurt, and she still had quite a ways to go. She had asked some random punks for directions to her street, which proved that they really did know more about Hollow Bastion than Axel.

Apparently, the little brat had run away, so she and Axel rode the train back home alone. Geez, she didn't expect him to be_ that _upset when she was picking on him. Now, she had to suffer, too. The train ride wasn't much better than the walking. Something was obviously bothering the older boy, so it was a quiet and tense ride. As soon as the doors opened, he bolted out, heading wherever the hell he was heading and not even offering to take her home. It was a long walk, dammit, and the tour was his idea in the first place.

She glanced at buildings as she passed by them, looking for anything even remotely interesting to keep her mind off the crappy day she was having so far. It was official. Hollow Bastion was as interesting as watching paint dry. It was a boring place. Period.

_HONK!_

Slightly startled by the sudden noise, she looked to the side as a boy barely dodged a car heading his way.

The driver shouted, "Watch where you're going, idiot!"

She smirked. Ooh... conflict. Maybe it wasn't so boring here after all.

She laughed as the boy quickly ran past her in the opposite direction, muttering some gibberish. To top it all off, he was running on the_ road_. You know, the place where there are moving cars? Like a mad man. It was like he was being chased or something, looking all scared and shit.

She called out to him mockingly, "What's the matter, White Rabbit? Late for your appointment with the Queen?"

The mad man stopped in his tracks and turned to look back at her. "Larxene?"

Holy flippin' crap.

"_Axel_?"

That was how she learned that even in a town as boring as Hollow Bastion, you could meet some pretty interesting people on the street.

"Axel, what's wrong? You look like you're about to crap your pants."

He mumbled so that it was almost impossible to understand, "Roxas. Cliff. Note. Hurry."

It didn't take long for her to figure it out. When she did, she gasped and placed a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God." That kid must've been something out of a looney bin. "W-What about his parents?"

"They weren't home, but their car was there. They probably went shopping at a nearby store or something." He scoffed, clearly disgusted. Shaking his head to clear his head of it, as there were more important things to fill his head with, he said worriedly, "I have to hurry."

He faced the direction he was originally facing before Larxene interrupted him--the direction of the beach, she guessed--and continued to run. He had to hurry. He shouldn't have stopped for Larxene, he knew. He had only wasted more time. But he was surprised to see her there, so...

"Where do you think you're going!"

He shouldn't have stopped for Larxene. He knew that. Roxas was more important right now. But when he heard her yell that out, for some reason, he did. What did she mean?

"The cliff!" he yelled back. Wasn't it obvious? "I have to stop him!"

She screeched, "Are you _crazy_? The beach is_ miles _from here. You'll never make it in time!"

Don't get her wrong. She was worried. Not nearly as much as Axel, but worried. But she was having a hard enough time walking to her_ house_. Axel was heading towards the friggin'_ ocean_!

Axel knew Larxene had a point, but... "I have to try." He was determined. He wasn't going to give up. Roxas was too important. Much more important than distance. No way. No way was he going to sit down while Roxas was in any sort of potential danger.

"How do you even know he's serious? He's just a little kid, Axel! He's just being dramatic right now! What does he know about this stuff?"

She was worried. But not enough. She didn't_ really _believe that the thought would even cross the kid's mind. Come_ on_. Think about it. Axel was wasting his energy.

"Look, Larxene. Something happened earlier with me and him. I... I don't even want to talk about it. I have to hurry."

He ran again, and Larxene became angry.

He wasn't listening to her! He really believed that crap! What, the kid threatens death, and all of a sudden, she wasn't worth listening to? She wasn't going to let Axel do this crazy thing! She was involved now. She wasn't going to let that kid beat her! Everyone had problems, especially her! Why should _his _problems matter more than hers?

"Are you gonna chase after this kid, or think logically and listen to me?"

Axel didn't stop. She clenched her teeth and yelled, as loudly as she could, "Axel, if you go there, I'll never speak to you again!"

He wasn't more important than her. She wouldn't let him be.

Axel stared at her for a long time, not saying or doing anythinhg. And for all that time, Larxene thought she had him. She thought she had won. Then, Axel opened his mouth.

"You know what, Larxene? Screw you."

He continued running until he was out of sight, and Larxene just stood there, wondering what the hell had just happened.

She was shocked. She was offended. She was _so _gonna wring his neck the next time she saw him. And she was--as much as she hated to admit it--a little hurt. Who wouldn't be? But she decided that Larxene Finch didn't get_ hurt_. Larxene Finch didn't give a damn about anyone or anything. So she sucked it up and got over it.

Okay. She got it now. Axel really cared about that kid. Fine. Axel cared about him enough to run a couple of miles. Fine. He cared enough about him to pick him over her. Fine. What did it matter? Why should she care?

She bit her lip.

If that was the case, then... then... Jesus, this was hard. Then, she was... wrong... for trying to destroy that.

Somewhere, a group of pigs was taking off in flight.

"Larxene? I heard you yelling. Is something wrong?"

She picked up her head. Beside her, on the road, was a car with Roxas's parents and a bag of groceries. They must've been nearby when she was talking to Axel.

"Y-Yeah. Something is. It's... It's about your son."

She figured that, at least once--y'know, as an apology or something--she could've done at least one decent thing for Axel.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Roxas didn't know how he got up here. He didn't remember. All he knew was that he was here, and he had something to do here. And he _had_ to do it. He had already made up his mind. And it was damn near impossible to climb back down. Anyway you looked at it, he was trapped, whether by the water and the height or his doubts and frustrations.

But... no one said he had to do it as soon as he got up here. So he waited. He waited until he had the strength to push himself off. Because right now, he felt the weakest he ever did, almost (completely) dead.

Or perhaps, he was scared. The waves sounded violent and unforgiving.

Or, perhaps, he was waiting for someone to try and stop him. Because he was the type of idiot to wait for that.

Or, perhaps, he wasn't going first. He gave up already, yes, and he didn't have any hope, but he wasn't going first. He didn't care who. Someone else was going first. The world did this to him. The world was going first.

You know, in another situation, he might've enjoyed being up here. He could see all of the ocean until it touched the horizon. The sun was setting, and it gave the sky a glow the water imitated almost perfectly. Such a shame it wasn't real.

He stood on top of an imaginary world, born of his memories, and was about to jump off. It seemed so real. Like he was actually making a real mistake.

Roxas wanted to jump off, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop feeling trapped, like he was in a hostage situation. As if all this was a criminal he needed to get away from, and not something he wanted to do.

It wasn't real, he had to remind himself. All of this never really happned and wouldn't change anything. He wasn't really dying because he was already dead. He wasn't really commiting suicide. He wasn't doing anything wrong. He had_ never _done anything wrong. He deserved to get into Heaven.

The trap became a one-way sign in his mind. Only one way out. He took a deep breath and prepared himself. There was no going back. This was it.

It all seemed so real.

He took one step forward and...

--_heldhisbreath heartwentfaster handsweresweating eyeswereclosing everythingspinning theworldwasgettingdark lastminuteregret whyohwhydididothis?--_

...tripped. He fell and tripped and caught himself but didn't fall off, yet. He was a little embarrassed about it despite no one being around to see it. In trying to catch himself, he scraped the palm of his hand on the rough surface of the cliff. It stung.

He picked himself up and observed the damage. A single drop of blood fell, and he panicked.

Oh God.

It was **real**.

It was _real_ blood. He was _really_ bleeding. He was really hurt. He looked down at his feet. This was an _actual_ cliff that he was actually standing on. He was really doing this. He was really going to hurt himself.

Everything was real.

_"No. It's not." _a voice told him. Once he heard it, he shivered. _"It just __**seems **__real. But it's not. Just like you and Axel being together forever. You think it's real, but then you wake up and realize everything's just a lie. You can't handle it."_

Right. That was right. It wasn't real. He had nothing to worry about. He breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't real. He was worried for a minute. Not real. That was right. He breathed heavily, trying to calm his nerves. Shit. If he was nervous before, he was definitely nervous now. He'd have to be careful, or he might fall off by accident.

Wait. Wouldn't that be a good thing?

_"What are you waiting for? Get the job done."_

But... he hurt his hand. He should probably wait until it got better. His mother said he shouldn't move around if he ever got hurt. Memories of Mommy kissing his "boo-boos" better and putting ointment and bandages on them resurfaced and made the sting hurt a little less.

Mommy wasn't here, but... he knew how to take care of it himself. He wiped the blood that was already there off, but it kept bleeding. He knew that in a couple of days, it would probably be_ all _gone.

Oh. That was right. He didn't have a couple of days. He didn't even have the rest of this day if he was going to do this. His inner scars were much more ghastly than his physical damage, anyway. He should be trying to fix that.

_"Do it."_

He didn't. He stood and watched the red blood slowly trickle down his skin. Down his arm. Like small, red ribbons. It fascinated him. Maybe he should've taken up cutting.

It wouldn't heal for the couple of minutes he'd spend standing on the cliff, but there wasn't an injury in the world that healed instantly. If everything was going normally, he could've expected it to be gone even by the next day. There was no need to be impatient. All injuries heal eventually.

Will the cut ever get better? He won't ever find out. He won't ever find out because everything was going backwards. He can't control it. He couldn't control anything. He'd only be in control when he jumped off. He stood at the edge of the cliff.

Wait.

Wasn't he in control now?

His feet stayed anchored to the ground.

He thought about it. No one _made_ him get on the cliff. He was egged on, but no one forced him to climb up here. He did that himself. He'd done everything he did in all his Reversal days himself. No one_ made _him fall in love with Axel. No one made him do anything.

He couldn't control what happened to him, but he could control how he reacted to it. He controlled himself. He was the one telling himself he had no choice, not the world. Really, wasn't it the same as when he was alive? No one person controls the universe. What happens, happens, whether you're dead or not.

So how would _he_ know?

How would _he_ know that things won't change after this day? How could _one day _be such a big deciding factor? Not much happens when you don't stick around. His physical damage won't heal, but what about his inner damage, which he said was much more ghastly, anyway? How would he know if his heart, which was hurting him to the point that he wanted to rip it out, would never get better?

All injuries heal eventually. But he would never know if he didn't stick around.

He coudn't change Axel. He couldn't _force_ Axel to love him. But he could change himself. He could make it hurt just a_ little _less. Just a little.

A voice in his head growled.

_"You can't do it."_

Roxas ignored it amd tried to take a step back. He wasn't quite backing out of it. But he had to think it over some more. He wasn't so sure anymore. He wasn't so sure of anything anymore. His sudden revelation had only made him more lost. The last place he wanted to be was on the edge.

When he tried to take a step back, he couldn't. He tried again and again, but his feet wouldn't budge. He was pulling away agressively, but... something... something was holding him down. Something wasn't letting him move. Fear gripped at him. Something that wasn't a part of him, something that was something else, was controlling his body. The one thing he had control of, besides his mind, he couldn't even move. He stayed on the edge and was being weakly nudged forward.

_"You'll never be able to do it." _There was a voice inside of Roxas's head. A voice was controlling him. A voice wouldn't let him run away. A voice was angry at him. _"It's too hard. You think you can heal yourself? Don't make me laugh. You're weak. You'll never be able to do it. Even if you tried, it'll never happen. The chance is there to end it. Take it! Hurry!"_

Could he heal himself? He thought about it. No. He couldn't. He couldn't heal himself. It was impossible. He had _cried_. Over the littlest things.

_Axel. _

He had cried over Axel. The person responsible for making him do this. What the hell was he just thinking about? Being in control? Yeah, right! He wasn't in control of anything! He used to be, when he was alive, but that was all gone now. He didn't cry nearly as much when he was alive. When he was alive, he might've been able to heal himself, but definitely not now. It was all over for him. He was just making it official.

_"That's right. Good boy. You're thinking correctly now. Almost lost yourself there for a minute. But it's okay now. Just jump off and everything will be fine."_

Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine once he jumped off. Yes. Of course. How could he have thought otherwise? Everything will be fine. Why was he fighting it? Why was he trying to find reasons not to do it when it was obviously the only way? His mind was dangerous. His mind thought dangerous and bad things. He should shut it down. He should shut it down and let the smart, nice, obviously correct voice inside his head do everything for him.

The ocean was a long ways down, and there wasn't a mirror around anywhere. It was impossible for a person to look at their own face without anything to help them. So Roxas didn't see himself.

He didn't see himself lose the life in his eyes. He didn't see his face go blank. He didn't see his mouth set itself in a permanent grim line. He didn't see himself completely give in. He didn't see himself just hand his soul over to the Devil.

He didn't see himself give up.

He put his right foot forward and there was nothing underneath but air and, a long, long way down, water. He saw nothing but the lie of open arms and open Gates, welcoming him, where he could stay forever and ever. He felt nothing but the strong, invisible force, pushing him more and more.

He leaned forward.

"_**DON'T JUMP!**_"

_'...do it... only way... let go..._

_..._

_...Mom?'_

And Roxas--The real Roxas, not the Devil hiding in his body--heard it. It rang through his head until it reached him, through his fogged up and dead mind. It woke up his senses and urged him to move. He heard his mother cry out to him and he could, all of a sudden, move. He broke through the barriers he put on his own mind easily. It was like they were never there. It was like Roxas just woke up from a trance.

_'Wh-Where am I?'_

He became frightened. What happened? What was going on? What was he doing here? Why was he standing on top of a... where was he? He looked at his feet where the ground was supposed to be. _Cliff_? What was he doing on a _cliff_? He immediately jumped back, away from the edge. He could've fallen! Why was he here? Who put him here?

_"You put yourself here, Roxas."_

Why was there a voice that wasn't his own?

"Don't jump! Just stay up there, okay? Don't move, okay? Mommy's here, Roxas."

_'Who are you? Why are you in my head? Get out of my head!'_

_"I'm your friend, Roxas. Remember me? Don't tell me you've forgotten."_

"We're going to get you down! Don't jump! Please! Don't jump! It'll be okay. We're going to get you down from there. Calm down."

_'I don't know you. Why am I... suicide. I was going to commit suicide. I know what's going on now. Because Axel didn't love me, right?'_

_"Precisely." _

_'But... who are you?'_

Something felt... familiar. Like rough kisses and hands on zippers. Like a bedroom that wasn't really a bedroom. Like pieces of glass in skin. Like an elderly Sora. Like burning skin that looked like plastic.

_"I know you, Roxas. I can help you get rid of the pain. Trust me. I know you better than you know yourself."_

_'That's not true.'_

Roxas calmed down and got as far away from the edge as possible. He wasn't doing it. It was a mistake. He wasn't doing it. It wasn't true that no one cared. His family was here. They had somehow figured out he was here and got here. They cared. Someone cared.

_"What about Axel?"_

Roxas stood completely still. Those words. It was so familiar. The way those words brought out despair in him. The way they made him think this was the only way. It hurt so much. The loneliness. The pointlessness. The feeling that he'll never be loved again. That was what brought him here, wasn't it? And he could see why. It was strong. Too strong for him to handle. Too strong for it to just go away. Family wasn't enough for him. He needed something else.

Axel.

A yell, a scream, a cry built up inside him, born of an agony he couldn't describe, couldn't fix, couldn't heal, and escaped his mouth, an inhuman sound, a pitiful sound, reduced to nothing but a pathetic whine.

He didn't know why, but it felt like his world had truly ended. Had truly collapsed upon itself. Had truly_ jumped_. He had said he wasn't going first, and now, he wouldn't. He needed to finish the job.

He stood at the edge of the cliff.

He stood at the edge of the cliff.

He stood at the edge of the cliff.

And he couldn't jump.

He wanted to. He needed to. But he couldn't.

_'Save me.'_

He was almost there. He almost did it. The only thing keeping him on was a small portion of his feet. The only thing keeping him on was his family calling out to him. The only thing keeping him on was fear. The only thing keeping him on was something he thought he didn't have anymore.

Hope.

_'God, oh God, what am I doing here? What have I done? How could I have possibly gotten here? Why, dear God, why?'_

The voice inside him was furious.

_**"DO IT!" **_it yelled so loudly, so angrily. _**"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!"**_

_'If you knew me...'_

An invisible force was pushing him forward. Not enough to make him fall, but if he moved just a bit, he would. He could not stop his feet. And honestly, he wasn't even trying. Because maybe secretly, he really wanted this. Maybe, he really wanted to give up. Axel wasn't here. Every reason he had not to do it couldn't beat that one reason to get it over with. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. He stopped trying.

"Roxas!"

_'Axel?'_

Roxas pushed the neverending screaming of the Devil to the back of his mind for as long as he could and listened closely. It couldn't be him. How could it?

"Don't do it! Please! Please! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! I'll do whatever you want to make up for it! Just please! Please don't do this!"

It _was_ him! He'd recognize the voice anywhere. Axel! Axel was here! Axel was here! He was really here! He really cared! Axel cared! Axel cared about him! Axel was going to save him! Axel was going to make everything go away!

_'...you'd know I'd never do something like this.'_

He cried out happily, "Axel!" No more. He wouldn't do this anymore. He didn't have a reason to. Axel cared about him. That was enough for him.

"Roxas!" came the relieved reply. Axel sounded happy and worried at the same time.

_**"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!"**_

Roxas tried to move. He tried to go down and hug Axel and tell everyone that he was so so stupid and so so sorry. But he couldn't. He couldn't move at all. He couldn't climb back down. There was no way to go back down. He wouldn't accept that. He struggled and struggled and tried to break free.

No! This wasn't happening!

He felt someone's hand force his head down. The Devil. He was forcing him to look down. He couldn't pull away.

He looked down and saw Hell.

He saw every negative feeling he had magnified a thousand times. He saw an evil spirit, laughing at him, mocking him, spitting in his face. He felt the heat burn his skin off.

He screamed.

_**"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!"**_

Screaming. All he could hear was screaming. He couldn't move or think. The Devil's screaming. Axel's screaming. His family's screaming. It pounded against his eardrums and drove him nearly insane.

_**"DO IT! DO IT! **_Don't do it! _**DO IT! **_Please! _**DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! **_Don't jump! _**DO IT! **_Roxas! _**DO IT! **_I'm sorry! _**DO IT! **_Please don't do this! _**DO IT!"**_

He closed his ears.

He just wanted the noise to stop.

_'Axel...'_

He looked down and Hell became water again. He... He hadn't noticed how high up he was before. It was so high up! It was _too _high! He was scared! He was scared of falling scared of falling scared of heights scared of falling! He couldn't do it!

_'Catch me, Axel. Like you did when I was in the window.'_

And in his fear, he moved. It was only a little bit. Only a little shake. But he was _very_ close to the edge. He moved, and that was all it took to get him to fall off. He was falling.

He was going to die.

_'Catch me, catch me, catch me, catch me, catch me..!'_

He hit the water with an incredibly loud splash. The surface stung at his back, making him cry out in pain. He couldn't breathe. He was sinking underwater. His vision was blurred. Every sound was distorted. He was going to run out of air soon. Everything became dark.

Then, he heard another splash, but couldn't see what had gotten into the water. He felt warmth, but it wasn't fire. It was arms. He felt two strong arms holding him and taking him somewhere. They were being gentle with him, while at the same time, keeping a good grip on him. Soon, he could breathe again, but he still couldn't open his eyes. He didn't feel like it. He felt... sleepy.

As he lost conciousness, he didn't dream of Heaven or Sora or light or clouds. He dreamt of darkness and a voice, Axel's voice, calling out to him.

"Roxas! Roxas. You'll be okay, okay? I'll get you to a hospital. Stay in there. Please. Please! Just stay in there. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God..."

But that was okay. That was the only Heaven he wanted to go to at the moment.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"I want a real answer this time. When did you get so emotional?"

"Eighth grade." answered fifteen-year-old Axel. "That was when I first realized I loved you. But it didn't really hit me 'till..." His expression darkened.

Twelve-year-old Roxas asked, "What?"

"Nevermind. Anyway, will you?"

Roxas agreed to stay up with him until midnight, and, for the rest of the night, the two of them laid on his bed. Axel wrapped his arm around the younger boy's shoulders and sighed. Crap. He almost said it. He had almost told Roxas.

_"But it didn't really hit me 'till my father died."_

Saying that would've ruined the moment. It would've made him remember bad moments about his past. About his parents. He frowned when he thought about his mother downstairs. Ah! He shouldn't be thinking about this! Roxas. Focus on Roxas.

He couldn't believe Roxas had said he loved him. It was too good to be true.

But remembering _that moment _and thinking about _that moment _would remind him of how he fell in love with Roxas. He smiled at the flashbacks.

He first realized his feelings in the eighth grade. Roxas had recently turned ten and was at the part of his life where he began to take an intrest in girls. Axel remembered Roxas saying--It was such an unimportant and nothing special comment.--that some girl was pretty. Jealousy hit Axel hard, and that was how he knew.

At first, he wasn't too happy about it. He refused to accept that he had feelings for his _younger_, _male_ friend. He supposed he was always fond of him in a way, but come on. He needed to get his mind off of it and him. So he got himself a girlfriend. Larxene Finch. She was already friends with him, and he used to have a crush on her, so why the hell not? But he never enjoyed the dates. He never enjoyed the kisses. He never enjoyed spending time with her. Roxas kept popping up in his mind. He just didn't _like _her like that. And it was then that he finally understood how much of a bitch she really was. The slap _hurt_, dammit.

He still didn't, however, know how far his feelings for Roxas went, nor did he accept them. He didn't until his father died. It was almost a year later, and the only thing worse than the funeral was how people treated him _after_ the funeral.

People were smothering him with how "bad" they felt and how "sorry" they were for him. They wouldn't leave him alone! Did they think he wanted to hear that? Did they think he was a poor and traumatized soul, pathetic enough about it to want people's false condolences? He couldn't stand that kind of bullshit. Did they honestly think he gave a damn about his father? Honestly, did they think they_ knew _him? His feelings? His thoughts? Did they think they_ understood _him?

No one understood him. He wouldn't let them. Secretly, he hoped someone would. But they weren't trying hard enough.

This was all happening in the darkness of his punishment room. His mother let him have a few minutes with people who wanted to see him. If all that crap was all they wanted to say, then don't get his hopes up and don't waste his time.

_"Axel, Roxas is here to see you. You should let him in. You haven't spoken to him in a while."_

Axel heard his mother talk and saw her open his door. He murmured something in reply. The door opened wider and the light nearly blinded him. The young, blond boy walked in. Axel didn't know why he didn't turn him away. He didn't want to hear crap from _Roxas_, of all people.

_"Well?" _he spat out, disgusted._ "Aren't you gonna say something? Like how__** bad **__you feel about everything? Even though you had nothing to do with it? Huh? Aren't you __**sorry**__ for me? Don't you feel __**bad**__ for me? Don't you want to __**weep**__ for me?"_

He didn't want to hate Roxas. He didn't want to group Roxas in with the same people he wished would burn to death. Roxas had to be different. But if Roxas was different, he wouldn't be there. That made Axel angry.

Roxas remained quiet while Axel was sneering at him. He looked sad. He waited patiently until Axel was finished, then spoke.

_"I do feel bad, Axel."_

Axel knew it. He knew Roxas shouldn't have come. He closed his eyes and tried to forget he was even there. He almost didn't hear his next words.

_"But... to be honest... I don't think you even __**care**__."_

Axel opened his eyes and, for the first time, really opened his eyes.

What did Roxas just say?

_"I don't want to talk to you and waste your and my time with something you don't care about."_ Roxas continued. Axel didn't know what to say._ "I'd rather we talk about more important things." _

When Axel still didn't say anything, Roxas's face got sadder. He looked at the clock. _"I see. You don't want to talk right now. I'm sorry. I'll leave. My time's almost up, anyway." _He opened the door and let the light in, and, to Axel, it seemed to frame his body, making him glow. _"Things have been different since you locked yourself up. It'll be nice to have you back." _He smiled and closed the door, leaving Axel to ponder about what he had just said.

Roxas... understood him. He couldn't believe it. In those short, couple of sentences, he was able to describe exactly how he felt about the situation with his dad. He didn't sugercoat it or anything, afraid that saying such a thing would be wrong or offend him. That was exactly how he felt.

And Axel finally knew for sure. He knew he was in love with Roxas. It was a big thing to decide after just one, short encounter, but he was absolutely sure. Roxas understood him. Roxas was different. Roxas wasn't like those people who only pretended just to please him. Roxas really took the time to understand him.

Why? Axel had never made it easy for people to understand him. He'd be irritable and angry one moment, rude and sarcastic in another. None of those sides were very good, and his actual_ nice _side was one he hardly ever showed. Who would want to hang around a person like that? No one thought he was worth understanding. Certainly not his parents. Why would Roxas think he was worth it? Why did Roxas continue to hang around him, even after the older boy pissed him off? It didn't make sense.

Love wasn't supposed to make sense.

Axel remembered seeing his mother and father fighting when he was very young. Young enough to still believe that if you were married, you _had_ to be in love. After they were done, he had asked his mother why the two of them fought all the time if they were in love. He had said that it didn't make any sense.

Love wasn't supposed to make sense. That was one of the earliest lies his mother ever told him. But he found himself desperately wishing it was true.

Now, with Roxas laying next to him, he was _sure _it was true. He was absolutely sure. There was no other explanation for what he felt. He never had to tell him anything, never had to explain to him anything, but Roxas still understood. It didn't matter how much younger he was than him. In Axel's opinion, Roxas must've been the smartest person in the world.

That was how Axel fell in love with Roxas Strife, and he only loved him more each day. He figured he should've told that to Roxas, you know, while they were still confessing to each other, but he didn't. Actions spoke louder than words.

They watched the clock count down to midnight together. Axel whispered comforting words in Roxas's ear as it was getting closer and closer to midnight. Roxas shouldn't worry. Roxas should never worry about anything.

This moment would stay with Axel forever. He was sure of it. It was too special, too precious to not remember.

As midnight passed, something strange happened. He felt oddly hollow. He felt like he was missing something without really missing anything at all. Everything was there, wasn't it? Bed, pillows, the large mess on the floor of his room. He wasn't missing a single thing.

When he woke up the next morning, alone in his bed, he couldn't shake the feeling he had forgotten something very important.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_"Hey? Axel?"_

_"Yeah, Roxas?"_

_"I really messed things up, didn't I?"_

_"Yeah, you did. But it's okay. Everything will be fine. We'll be okay."_

_"...Axel? Am... Am I in Heaven?"_

A chuckle. _"Wake up and find out for yourself."_

Roxas opened his eyes and saw an endless sea of white. So he _was_ in Heaven. He had killed himself, which showed that he was ready for Death, and they let him into Heaven. He was sad about it, for some reason.

He didn't want it to end, yet. He was wrong for trying to end it early. Now he'll never know what could've happened on his other days. He could've really had a great time. He could've actually enjoyed them. Now he'll never know what it feels like to be even just a little alive. Not quite alive, but a little. He'll never be on Earth again. He'll never... A single tear rolled down his cheek.

He'll never see Axel again. Not until he died. It was probably going to be a long time until that happened. If he had known, he would've at least tried to make the day as perfect as possible.

He rolled over on his bed, and the light from the window make his tear sparkle.

Bed? Window? Wasn't Heaven supposed to have, like, Gates?

Roxas opened his eyes wider and saw that he was in a white room. It was unquestionably a hospital room. The room had two beds. He was laying on one of them. To his side, there was a window where the light of the setting sun streamed through. It wasn't night, yet? Had everything happened in that little time?

He turned his head to the side. Someone was sleeping on the other bed. When his vision cleared up a bit more, he saw it was Axel. Why was Axel here? He groaned in pain and lightly touched his head. Thinking hurt. Better not think right now.

He let the thoughts flow to him instead. He remembered now. Axel jumped in to save him. Axel dragged him back to shore. Axel risked his life for him. Again. He supposed he should feel guilty about that. Supposed he should feel as terrible as he did when Axel had died. But he was too happy. Much too happy. Axel cared. Axel saved him. Axel _jumped in water._

His lips twitched into a small, bright smile.

Axel _hated _water.

All of a sudden, he heard Axel stir and saw the older boy's eyes open. He had woken up. Axel looked around, slightly dazed at first, then noticed Roxas staring at him.

"Oh, you're awake."

Roxas didn't know if that was the start of a conversation, or if that was really all he had to say to him. He wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.

Roxas murmured, "Yeah."

"Hmm."

He hadn't noticed how quiet it was. It was such a difference from earlier. There was none of the screaming below him and none of the screaming inside his head. It wasn't an awkward silence, like the ones in sitcoms. It was actually comforting. It made him feel strangely content and calm. He could sort everything out easier.

"Why did you even_ think _of doing that?"

Axel's question broke the silence, but the content feeling wouldn't go away.

Roxas looked up at the ceiling, not wanting to see what he guessed would be Axel's furious face. He answered softly, "It just felt like something I had to do." When he looked at the ceiling, he thought about Heaven. He would have to do a_ lot _of explaining to Sora when he went back up there.

Axel shifted in his bed. "I told the nurses I didn't need a bed. I told them they should be paying more attention to _you_. I liked the towel they gave me, though. Water sucks."

Roxas laughed at that and didn't notice Axel standing up. He didn't notice until he sat on the side of the younger boy's bed. He held out his hand to the side of Roxas's face and forced him to look up at him. Roxas didn't like his expression. He looked so pained.

"I don't want you to _ever_ do something like that again." His voice was even, but he could hear something much shakier behind it. He laid down next to Roxas and threw the blanket over them both. "It hurt so much. Don't ever do it again." He sounded so sad. "I was so scared. I was in so much pain. Don't do that to me ever again."

"I thought you didn't care."

Such a stupid thing to say.

Axel made an angry noise and suddenly gripped Roxas shoulders tightly, shaking him. "I care!" He said it loud enough to get his point across. "I don't want you to_ ever _think I don't care about you! I'll _always_ care. Forever." Then, he loosened his grip, afraid that what he had done might've only hurt him further.

It didn't hurt. Not as much as his insides were hurting. Why did Axel have to say 'forever'? Forever didn't mean much to him anymore. He didn't want to get his hopes up. He wished forever really meant forever, but he didn't get his hopes up.

"If you don't believe me," Axel said, seeing the uncomfortable expression on Roxas's face. "I'll say it again. I care about you. I'll say it over and over again for the rest of my life if you promise never to try that again."

Roxas had to smile at that. The uncomfortable feelings went away for a while when Axel said that. He felt content. He felt _loved_.

"Okay. I promise."

Axel smiled and hugged him tightly. Roxas was slightly surprised, but then relaxed. Over and over again, Axel whispered softly, "_I care about you. I care about you. I care about you so much, Roxas. I don't want you to die. I care about you_."

It reminded Roxas so much of the day they confessed to each other.

"I love you."

Axel just stared at Roxas when he said that. He didn't look disgusted or afraid. He didn't run away. He stayed right there beside him, and it finally felt like forever.

"About that..." Axel said. "I've been thinking about it. And... it might not be so bad. I kind of like you too, you know? Who knows, maybe it'll work out. We could try something later. Like... go out or something."

"If they ever let us out of here." Roxas joked lightly. Nothing felt tense anymore. It was like the two days that came before this one. Everything that could go right was going right. Waiting things out really paid off.

Axel chuckled. "Tomorrow, okay? We'll try something tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Yeah." Roxas said with a smile. The thought that it was impossible didn't even cross his mind. "Tomorrow sounds great."

Axel smiled back. "Great. Well, I'd better leave and let you get some rest. You're still healing." He got up to leave, and Roxas's bed felt very lonely and cold all of a sudden.

Roxas reached up and grabbed his sleeve. Axel didn't pull away.

"Don't leave." he pleaded, putting on the best puppy-dog face he could. He pulled Axel toward him. "Stay with me, please?"

Axel blushed a bit and looked at him warily. "You sure?" he asked. "I mean the nurses might see us and... " Honestly, Axel didn't mind the idea that much.

Roxas nodded.

Smirking, Axel sat back down on the bed and said, "Gladly."

So he laid back down, threw the blanket over them both, and hugged the blond boy again, rocking back and forth ever so slightly, whispering, "_I care, I care, I care... _" until both were sound asleep.

Roxas just felt so... happy.

_'Such a long day...I should get some rest.'_

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"So... a cliff, huh? A bit dramatic, don't you think?"

Roxas woke up on a cloud. He was laying down and didn't bother getting up. He was still too tired. He swatted away at the air, as if Sora's voice was some bug he could shoo away for the moment. Sora was more persistent than that. When his overly-cheery grandfather wouldn't go away, he groaned in irritation.

"You don't seem very upset by it."

Roxas did not expect such a lack of reaction from Sora. Sora should've been upset and bombarding him with how what he did was wrong and how everything was one big lesson he needed to learn.

This cloud was _very_ comfortable. Much more comfortable than the hospital bed. It did have the unfortunate quality of Axel not being there, but complaining took up energy, and he didn't have energy to spare.

Sora smiled. His smile, which Roxas ususally thought was the brightest and happiest smile he had ever seen, seemed to pale in comparison with the smile Axel had given him. For some reason, that bothered Roxas. "I _knew_ you wouldn't go through with it." Sora said, still smiling. He sounded proud. Not of himself, but of Roxas. "You're too strong for that, Roxas. Much too strong."

Roxas could only stare at him disbelievingly when he said that. The amount of trust Sora placed in other people was extraordinary. Normal people did not trust other people that much. Sora was really something special, and Roxas had to forgive him for not being upset. He could see why Riku loved him so much.

"I don't want to talk about it right now." Roxas said, referring to what he had almost done. He shivered when he thought about it. "Let's talk about something else, please?"

"Okay! What do you want to talk about?"

Roxas chose his words carefully. "I talked to Riku."

"I know. Good job!" Sora gave him a thumbs up. "He usually doesn't talk to people."

Roxas continued, cracking only a small smile at Sora's comment. "He told me something. A story. Something about a journal. And he said... he said..."

He thought about how to say it and decided he should just say it.

"He said you said you were losing your eyesight."

Sora's face changed. It wasn't happy anymore, but it wasn't really serious, either. Roxas really couldn't tell what that face was supposed to mean. If what he was saying was a good thing or a bad thing. So he just kept on talking.

"But... you're fine right now, aren't you? Or maybe it's just a Heaven thing. But... you were fine with the Devil. But I heard blind people get really good at hearing and stuff, so it could've been just that." He was rambling now. Why had he brought it up again? "Nevermind. It's a stupid thing to a--"

"I lied."

Roxas looked up at Sora, confused.

"I lied. My eyesight's just fine. It's always been fine."

"But... why would you...?"

Sora sighed and threw his arms up in the air. "I don't_ know_! I guess... I wanted him to pity me." Roxas could tell Sora was ashamed of it. "I knew I was going down, Roxas. I knew my time was almost up. I had a couple years, at most. But I didn't tell anyone, especially Riku and Kairi, because I didn't want to worry them. But... in the last moments of my life, for _once_ in my life, I wanted someone to pity me. I wanted someone to feel bad for _me_." His voice cracked. He was probably beating himself up inside for lying and making Riku hurt, and Roxas regretted asking about it. "Isn't that terrible?"

On the contrary, Sora had never been more admirable to Roxas than he did now. He seemed like less of the hero-type figure he usually was and more... normal. Sora made mistakes, too. "No." Roxas said. "It's called being human."

Sora smiled. It wasn't quite a_ sad _smile. "A bit too late for that now, isn't it?"

Roxas frowned, thinking over those words. Then he became visibly angry. He clenched his fists and growled, "I was so _stupid_, Sora! I almost... I... I almost..."

He calmed himself down. Losing his temper would get him nowhere. "I am not sorry."

Sora waited for an explanation.

"I am _not_ sorry. I'm sorry for doing what I did and for worrying everyone. I'm sorry for climbing on top of that cliff. But I am not sorry for feeling the way I did. I am not sorry for being lost and thinking that there wasn't any point to it all. Even after everything, I _still_ don't see the point, but... I know there is one. Now, I know that. And I know that you can't just tell me what that point is, but..."

He covered his face with his hands.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm not making any sense right now. I'm sorry you have to listen to all this. But everything's just so _frustrating_!"

He stayed like that, face in hands, for a while, before he lifted his head and said with a more certain voice, "It was because I thought no one _loved_ me. It was because I thought no one thought I mattered anymore. How could I have been so stupid? How could I forget...?"

How could he forget his mother, who woke him up every morning and made him breakfast? How could he forget his father, who drove him everywhere and supervised him to make sure he was okay? How could he forget _Sora_, who was his friend when no one else was? How could he forget every random stranger who smiles at him for no real reason whenever he passed by them on the sidewalk? How could he forget to smile back? How could he possibly think that in all the world, with all its biliions of people, not one of them would care?

"It's because of Axel." Sora said, replying to his earlier question. "That's why you were being stupid."

Roxas scoffed. "He's just one person."

"Do you really expect me to believe that matters to you?"

It looked like he couldn't fool anyone. He laughed bitterly, "It's like you said. Sometimes, there's nothing you can do. He's not gonna love me anymore. He said he'd always care, but I want him to _love_ me, dammit! And I_ know _I cursed. You don't have to tell me."

"He _does_ love you, Roxas. He loves you very much. And he _will_."

"But not the way I want him to!"

Sora looked down and said nothing. Unrequited love was something he was used to dealing with in other people. "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they're not loving you with everything they have."

Roxas looked at Sora's face, and Sora didn't miss the newfound hope in his eyes. It made them shine. "Do you really think he still...?"

"Yeah. I think he does."

Roxas laughed, and it wasn't bitter anymore. It was a good laugh. "I think I smiled too much in that hospital." he said, touching his face. "Because I want to smile now, but my face isn't letting me. It's tired of smiling." He chuckled some more and looked at Sora's face to see how he felt about his grandson finally lightening up.

His face was oddly serious. Never a good sign.

"It was a joke." Roxas said, still smiling, in case Sora didn't get it. Hmm... Maybe the joke wasn't all that great.

Sora's face didn't change. "Roxas, I have to leave now."

Roxas frowned. Was it time for him to sleep already? "Okay." Roxas said, waving Sora goodbye. "I'll see you later, then."

"You don't understand I... " He bit his lip.

"I can't help you anymore, Roxas."

Roxas stopped mid-wave and gaped at him. "W-What?"

Sora looked just as upset about the situation as he was. He tried to look anywhere but Roxas's face. "I'm not your Guardian anymore." His voice was a little over a whisper.

Roxas opened his mouth in shock. Then closed it.

Then he opened it to say something. Then he closed it again.

It went on like that for a while until Roxas managed to get out, "Is it because of what I did?" He said his words slowly, trying to figure out the true extent of the damage he had done by attempting suicide. "I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, worried. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to get you into trouble!"

They couldn't be firing Sora! Not because of him! Sora had nothing to do with it!

Sora said, "It's not that. It's kinda the opposite, actually. You don't need me anymore. You've learned enough by this point. You can continue on your own now."

Roxas looked at him wide-eyed and pointed downwards. "D-Did you not see what I almost did back there? I almost jumped off a cliff! _Clearly_, I need help."

"Well, you just assured yourself _and _me _and _Heaven that you won't pull a stunt like that again. Other than that one blemish, you're prepared to rough it out alone. Though I agree the timing of this could've been a bit better."

"But you _can't _leave!" Roxas started whining. "Who am I...What am I..."

"You'll be fine. Just..."

"_**DON'T LEAVE ME!**_"

Sora jumped a bit and stared, surprised, at Roxas. Roxas looked like he was on the verge of tears. The blond grabbed on to Sora's wrist tightly, forcing him to stay. It was so strange. When Roxas was small, he had to look up to see Sora's face, but now they were the same height.

Sora couldn't go. He was the only thing in his not life that was a constant. Something that never changed. Everytime he went to sleep at the end of a day, he could always expect to find Sora up here, _always_. He could bitch to him about anything. Sora knew exactly what he was going through. No one else. No one else would be able to help him anymore.

He began to beg.

"Please. Please... you can't go, Grandpa. You can't leave me. Not again. Don't leave me, Grandpa. Stay with me, _please_?" He put on a puppy-dog face. It had worked on Axel. Maybe it'll work on Sora. Sora was a sucker for those kinds of things anyway.

Apparently not.

"You'll see me again when you get to Heaven." Sora said sheepishly. It was the only comfort he could think of.

Roxas made a sound that was kind of a scream, kind of a whine. Sora, you bastard! How dare you! First you die, and now this? The reason he did what he did was because he was scared of being alone, and he abandons him like this?

"No! No... First Namine, then Axel, and now _you_? Why is everyone leaving me behind?"

He was angry. He felt cheated. He thought everything was trying to screw him over.

And he felt sad.

He was going to miss Sora and his Sora-ness. He never fully appreciated it before. It made even the worst situation seem even a little bit better.

"They're not leaving you behind, Roxas. _You're_ leaving_ them_."

Roxas looked at Sora. His eyes were dry. Why couldn't he cry anymore?

Sora knew Roxas was just begging for an explanation with that face. "You're _dead_, Roxas." he said. "When you die, you have to leave everything behind. It's a big part of it. The biggest. You _have_ to."

Roxas figured Sora would know all about that, having died himself. And Sora lived more of a life than he did, getting to go to college and get married and stuff. Then he thought he shouldn't think like that. Sora wouldn't want him to think negatively. Sora would want him to look for the positive side. Even if Roxas couldn't find it, he might as well look.

"Lie to me, Sora. Tell me everything's gonna be okay."

Sora smiled and hugged his grandson warmly. And for a moment, Roxas thought Sora had changed, because he felt a lot older than fifteen. But he looked again, and Sora looked exactly the same as he always did.

Young and happy.

"_Everything's gonna be okay, Roxas_," Sora whispered.

"_And that's the truth_."

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes # 2: **No! Sora! D: Yes, Sora has to leave. A necessary evil, I'm afraid. Well, he's not gone from the story entirely. Just the fifteen-year-old one. The old one's still gonna be around. Whoop de doo.

I wanted to give Larxene's character a good ending. As you know, if Roxas first met a person on a particular day in regular life, then on that same day in Reverse, it'll be the last time he ever saw them. So yes, that means Larxene won't be showing up anymore. I wanted to make her seem a_ little _nicer here.

This chapter ended up being a lot cuter than I had intended. Hmmm...

Review, please! I have every review I could want for this chapter. Problem is, you haven't typed them down, yet. :P (Never thought I'd use_ that _face. Hope I typed it correctly.) I'd like to know what you think!


	17. Happy Friendiversary!

**Author's Notes #1: **Here's the update! Turned out being late after all. Sorry! The next update is _definitely _going to be late. Definitely. Sorry, sorry! Probably two weeks. More or less. As I say over and over, thanks for the reviews! I get really excited whenever I get one and, it only encourages me more to try to get updates out! Hope you like this chapter!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Seventeen: Happy Friend-iversary!**

Roxas couldn't cry.

Before Sora had left--because he had to, eventually-- he had told Roxas that his next day in Reversal was August 13, nine years ago. Roxas would be six. Axel would be eight. Roxas frowned when he realized that that would be the last bit of help Sora would give him in this. With a smile and a wave, Sora was gone, and all of a sudden, Roxas was alone.

Still slightly in shock from the news that Sora had gone and still not quite mentally prepared for his next day, he didn't go to sleep because he couldn't. So he wandered around outside the Gates a bit. He wandered around until he heard a faint guitar--no, sitar--music in the distance. He followed it until it was extremely close, and learned that, to his surprise, it was accompanied by singing.

Demyx Loreone was singing again.

But the song wasn't_ Dormant _or_ Rebellious Disposition_ or any of the songs on any of his albums. It was a song that dated much, much further back. And, frankly, it was a song Roxas had never expected to hear him sing. It always seemed too mature for him to ever sing it correctly.

And yet...

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound _

_That saved a wretch like me!_

Not wanting to disturb him--because Demyx hadn't seen him standing there, yet--Roxas quietly stood still. He listened to the entire song. Actually, he really didn't, because he wasn't focusing on the song itself, but rather, the voice. It had gotten a little rough around the edges, since Demyx hadn't sung in a while, but it still sounded good. The song was a very well-known one and almost everyone knew it, so listening to it would've been a waste. However, one particular verse caught Roxas's interest.

_When we've been there ten thousand years_

_Bright shining as the sun,_

_We've no less days to sing God's praise_

_Than when we've first begun_

Demyx strummed the last note, and Roxas quickly, but still quietly, left the area, afraid the blond musician would see him and accuse him of spying on what seemed to be a very personal moment.

That last line got him thinking. He didn't know much about singing God's praise or being there ten thousand years--wherever "there" was--but did they really have any less days? After he reached what he considered to be a far enough distance away from the lake, Roxas sat on a cloud and thought some more.

He wanted to make things right. He wanted to make up for all the mistakes he made in the day before and all the mistakes he made during the course of his life and death. Wasn't that what you had to do to get in Heaven? Make up for your mistakes?

Did he really have any less time to make things right than when he had first started Reversal? Maybe the time he had left to figure out how to make up for things was the time he was meant to have all along. Maybe he was never meant to know _exactly_ what he was supposed to be doing at the very beginning. No one was meant to. Maybe he needed all that time of not knowing just to learn a bit each day, one step at a time.

Determined, Roxas laid down on the cloud and tried to lull himself to sleep. He wanted to start his next day now. He wanted to try to find the answers.

Maybe it wasn't too late.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Roxas used to think that he knew many, many things about about his best friend, Axel. Over time, he learned that he didn't know much about him at all. He used to think his life was routine, and things wouldn't get interesting until he was eighteen and had moved out of the house. He used to think that every day followed some sort of hidden pattern and that that pattern made things a bit boring and a_ teeny _bit predictable.

But he really didn't know much at all.

When his mother woke him up, as she did every morning, Roxas opened his eyes, smiled, and gave her a tight hug. It was a silent thank you to her for just being there. It wasn't something he would've done before. Aerith shook off the temporary oddness of this action by reasoning that all six-year-olds liked to hug.

She took him downstairs to eat a breakfast that had been so lovingly prepared for him, and he had thoroughly enjoyed every bite. With a mouth full of waffles, he waved his father a goodbye when the older Strife got ready to leave for work, and that work would earn his family hard-earned money. Cloud shook off the tempoary oddness of Roxas's over enthusiastic wave by reasoning that all six-year-olds liked to say goodbye to their parents. It wasn't like Roxas was a teenager and too "cool" to wave to his dad.

To most, this would seem like a very routine morning. But after the day Roxas just had, it was actually a huge change in atmosphere. It was a very pleasant, family atmosphere, and he enjoyed it.

He carefully climbed his way up the stairs towards his bedroom, rushed to his door, then realized.

_'I'm...I'm only as tall as about half this door.'_

He had suddenly turned into a dwarf.

Worriedly, he opened the door, ran to his bathroom, and stood on his tippy-toes to peer into the mirror. Yes, he had definitely become a dwarf. A short, short, _short _dwarf. He should've expected it, being six and all, and he was never very tall, even as a teenager, but there was something indimidating about everybody else towering over you.

Apparently, six was very, very young.

"Well, at least I don't have braces anymore."

He gasped immediately after saying that, covering his mouth with his hands. Letting out a small opening, he uttered another sound, then quickly closed his mouth again. Checking a third time, he slowly said,

"Is that..._my_ voice?"

He gasped again. Why was his voice so...high-pitched! That was_ not_ his voice. His voice was deep-ish and masculine-ish. This voice was more suited for a chipmunk. Or a baby. There went his attempts to get anyone to take him seriously. He was scared to speak again. The high frequency may have attracted dolphins.

"Roxas-honey! Axel's on the phone! He wants to talk to you!"

_'My voice. My masculine voice. Gone. Why? WHY? Yeah, yeah, I hear you Mom. Axel on the phone. Can't you see I'm grieving? Wait! Axel is calling! He wants to talk to me!'_

For just a moment, he forgot about his chipmunk voice and rushed downstairs. Axel! He _had_ to speak to him again. He couldn't wait to speak to him again. He hastily took the phone from his mother's waiting hand and pressed the receiver to his ear.

"He--" he started, then winced, then attempted to make himself sound deeper. "**Hello?**"

"Roxas, are you okay?" Roxas heard Axel's voice, then relaxed a bit. Thank_ goodness_! Axel's voice was a bit higher, too! Maybe not as high, but that didn't stop Roxas's self esteem from getting raised a little. But Axel sounded concerned for some reason. "Are you sick? There's something wrong with your voice. It's like a dog vomiting."

Roxas cleared his throat, resuming to his natural high-pitched voice.

"Nothingswrongthanksforasking! So...what do you want to tell me?"

"Aw man, you forgot? I've been reminding you for weeks!" Roxas was going to ask what he was talking about when Axel continued, "Our Friend-iversary! Remember? It's been exactly one year since we first met? Like a wedding anniversary, but we're not married?"

Roxas giggled at the lame name Axel had given the occasion, and any hope of making him sound more manly was _long_ gone by then. He couldn't redeem his masculinity now. It was buried under all the dolphins and chipmunks and forest creatures his voice had attracted.

"F-Friend-iversary?"

"Why are you laughing? _You're_ the one who came up with the name."

Roxas stopped laughing immediately.

He gritted out, trying his best to hide his embarrassment, "So what did we have planned for today? _I_ know, but I just wanted to see if _you_ do." He didn't know, but he couldn't have said he'd forgotten. That would imply he didn't care.

"Well, at first, I wanted to go to the park, because that was where we first met. But then, I thought that that might be a little boring. So _then_, I thought we might go to the park, version 2.0."

"Version 2.0?"

"The amusement park! My parents said they could drive us, and we could go around and ride rides and eat food, while they just sit around and wait until we're tired! Then, we force them to buy things and drive us home!"

_Parents._ Plural. Both of Axel's parents were still alive. His father wasn't dead, yet. Roxas knew that his father's death must've affected the older boy in some way, even though he kept saying he didn't give a damn about his father. How different did that make this Axel? Now that he thought about it, both of his parents were still alive on the Reversal day before this, too. They must've not cared very much about their son's safety, since they seemed to let him do whatever he wanted, but Axel never cared for them much, either.

"...so I asked _you_! But you just said you'd think about it. So here I am now, calling you to ask you! How's _that _for remembering?"

Roxas began to register that Axel had been talking _while_ he was thinking about that parent thng. He hadn't heard anything in between.

"Huh?"

"_Geez! Fine_, I'll repeat it! I _said_ that I wasn't sure whether to go with the amusement park or the regular park, so I asked you what you thought. But then you said you had to think about it, remember? And here I am now, asking you again. So...which one?"

The Axel before his father's death was definitely...youthful. And more excitable.

Roxas thought quickly about which he should pick. "The regular park." he said. "We haven't really been there in a while."

_'Besides. we've already had a perfect day at the amusement park. There's no way it could get any better.'_

"Besides, the amusement park can get boring after some time, too."

"Okay." Axel sighed. He sounded disappointed. Maybe he really had his mind set on the amusement park and had assumed that was what Roxas would pick? Roxas almost changed his mind and said they could go wherever Axel wanted. "The park can be fun, I guess. As long as you're there..."

That made Roxas smile. "Should my parents take me there, or will yours?"

"Mine. I'll bring all the stuff we'll need, too."

"Great!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

Both hung up simultaneously, and Roxas plopped himself down on the couch. ('Plopped' was probably not an appropriate word. He had to almost climb on.) He realized that they had never specified a time, but that wouldn't be a problem if Roxas stayed home and waited. He also realized he had never asked for permission from his parents, which he needed to do since he was six, not fifteen, and clearly not old enough to go wherever he wanted anymore.

"Hey, Mom, can I--"

"Roxas, we have a surprise for you!"

Roxas blinked once at being interrupted, then looked up at his mother's excited face. He blinked again in confusion. She grabbed his hand and began to lead him to his parent's bedroom. Not thinking he should protest, he followed her obediently.

He asked, "What is it?"

"You'll see."

She turned the doorknob and opened the door. Roxas looked inside, not knowing what to expect. Had he done something good recently? Something that would deserve a reward? He was pretty sure it wasn't his birthday. Was it something for his Friend-iversary? Most likely not. He remembered that Friend-iversaries were supposed to be shared only between the two friends. Neither he nor Axel talked about it with other people.

Aerith exclaimed, "Surprise!"

There were several things on the bed. A pair of swimming trunks (judging from the size, his), a plastic bucket, a plastic shovel, a pair of sunglasses, and a couple of seashells. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what all of these items had in common, or what the whole theme was. It _might_ take someone older than six to explain why he was even looking at it.

Unsure, Roxas asked, "The...beach?"

"Yes! Your father and I decided to surprise you! We're going there today! You, me, Daddy, and even Grandpa and Grandma!"

"But...Dad's at work..."

"No, he's not. He just pretended to go to work today so it would be even more of a surprise! He took the day off. He's coming back home right now."

His dad took a day off of work? That almost never happened! That meant he _had_ to go now! Aw man, terrible planning! Not on his Friend-iversary! Not when he planned to go to the park with Axel! He could tell by the way his mother was describing it that it was supposed to be a big, family, Strife-only thing. Would they let Axel be there? Would Axel even want to go there? He had_ plans_! Yes, the little six-year-old boy with the high, squeaky voice had _plans_, Mom! Now they're all jumbled up!

"Why today? Is something special about today?"

"Actually, Grandpa is the one who planned this. We knew how much you liked the beach, so we couldn't say yes fast enough! He said it had to be today, though. Said it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance."

Great job, Sora. He not only abandoned Roxas and left him to take care of everything alone, but he also ruined a potentially fun Friend-iversary. If he wasn't an old man on this day, if Roxas wasn't a little boy, and if he didn't have so much respect for him, he would've wrung his neck.

"You don't even have anything packed."

"Grandpa said not to worry about it and that he'd take care of it. He also said not to worry about how we're going to get there. Strange."

_'Excuse me while I mentally express the unfairness of this all.'_

Aerith frowned. "Honey, is there something wrong with your eye? It's twitching."

Roxas stopped twitching and calmly said, "I'm fine, Mom. Let me just sit on the couch for a while." He slowly walked out of the bedroom and into the living room and sat down on the couch, staring blankly at the wall.

"Are you excited?" his mother asked.

Roxas didn't give an answer. Aerith figured that meant he was too happy for words.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. It was his dad. Both his parents were here, which meant they were all ready to go. Roxas said he didn't want to go, yet. He said he wanted to say goodbye to Axel. His parents offered to take him to Axel's house, but Roxas said that wouldn't be necessary. A few minutes after that, there was another knock on the door. It was followed by repetative doorbell ringing. Must be Axel.

Cloud answered the door. Roxas followed him, then gave him a look that told him he wanted to be left alone. Cloud obeyed the look and left Roxas with Axel.

"So..." Axel said, smiling. "Ready to go? My parents are waiting in the car, and..."

"I can't go."

Axel frowned. "What? Why not?"

Upon seeing the slightly hurt look on Axel's face, for a split second, Roxas almost considered on just going with him to the park and leaving his family to go to the beach by themselves. It wasn't like they were going to remember it for more than a day, so he wouldn't have any angry parents to deal with. Though, in his family's defense, it wasn't like Axel was going to remember it if he skipped out on him, either. To say he preferred hanging out with Axel more then his own family seemed pretty asshole-ish, even if it was true. Spending time with family was important, especially with the possibilty of never seeing them again until after they've died.

Trapped between a rock and a hard place, Roxas muttered, "I'm going to the beach with my family."

But he hadn't celebrated Friend-versary for years. They had long outgrown it by the time Roxas was fifteen.

"Oh." Axel said, his mood less excited. "Family _is_ important, I guess." He stood there for a couple of seconds, thinking about_ something_, then exclaimed, "Hey! Why don't I just go with you? We could celebrate it on the beach!"

"I...I don't think you could go with us."

"You don't think who could go with us?"

Both boys looked up at the owner of the new voice in their conversation. Sora was standing in the doorway behind Axel. Most likely to pick them up to go to the beach. Roxas tried to avoid his eyes. He still couldn't be completely comfortable around Sora as an old person. Even more so after fifteen-year-old Sora had stopped being his Guardian.

Axel asked Sora--er, Grandpa--, "Mr. Roxas's Grandpa? Can I go to the beach with you?"

"Sure!"

"_**What?**_"

Roxas and Cloud spoke at the same time. Apparently, Cloud thought the "I'd like to be left alone" look translated into something that gave him permission to eavesdrop on his son's conversation.

"Grandpa, you're letting Axel go with us?" "Dad, you're actually allowing that delinquent go with us?"

"Why not?" Sora said cheerfully, "The more the merrier! I don't think there's enough room in the car, though. Can you get your own ride, Axel?"

Axel nodded. "I'll go get some stuff to bring!" He ran past Sora, out the door.

Roxas was mentally kissing Sora's feet, and Cloud was mentally wringing his father's neck.

Sora continued, "Now that that's taken care of, let's all go outside and meet Riku in his Highwind."

"_**What? **_"

Roxas and Cloud again.

Riku, by Roxas's definition, was an old, calm, quiet loner. A Highwind, by every male's definition, was endless excitement and adventure, especially if the Highwind was red. Therefore, Riku's Highwind was an oxymoron.

Riku_ might've _been exciting once but _certainly_ not anymore.

"Uh, Highwind?" Cloud asked Sora. "Isn't that the most expensive luxury car out there?"

"You mean the car you always wanted but could never afford? Yes."

"Sometimes I hate that Riku's rich. "

By rich, Cloud meant that Riku had more money than he and the average man did. His house was fancy, but it wasn't a _mansion_. You'd need at least three more bathrooms for that.

"You should be thankful," Sora said. "Riku was the one paying for your beach adventure. You don't even have to pay for the gas it takes to get there. Remember that Riku's house is close to the beach? Well, if you need something, it's only a couple of feet away. Also, his money can guarantee that you won't get a crowded spot on the beach. But he rarely does these sort of things. I had to wear him down for several weeks, so it's a once in a lifetime chance."

Roxas spoke up, "_Riku_'_s_ driving us there?"

Sora said, "I know what you're thinking, Roxas, but Riku likes you. Really! His way of showing it is driving you."

Roxas repeated, "_Riku_'_s_ paying for everything? _Riku's_ driving us?"

"Yes, but you'll be driven there in style!"

Everyone walked out into driveway, where, sure enough, Riku was waiting in the front seat of his Highwind. Sora called shotgun while Roxas and his parents sat in the backseat.

Cloud commented, "Nice car."

Riku, not missing a bit of the jealousy in his voice, smirked. "Thanks."

What commenced was about an hour of Sora singing a rousing rendition of "99 Bottles of Beer." After he was finished with that, he repeated it in the ascending order, extending it to "257 Bottles." Before he could start with 258, Riku had placed a piece of tape over his mouth, and the trip after that was smooth sailing.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"Sweet paradise! That car ride took forever!"

"Cloud, it was only a little over an hour."

"_Not_ with _that_ singing."

They met up with Axel and his parents when they finally arrived at the beach. Axel's parents left seconds after arrival, dropping off their son. For all the time it took to get here, they might as well have stayed.

Roxas and Axel greeted each other while the adults looked around for a good place to sit. Riku had conveniently supplied them with a mat and a basket full of food. Then, Riku went wherever Riku goes.

"We're here!" Sora chirped, stretching a bit. "Kairi was here before us, saving our spot."

Roxas asked him if he and Axel could explore the beach by themselves. Sora agreed, and the two of them went off while Sora tried to point out to Cloud and Aerith the spot Riku had picked out for them.

Riku's money was right. It was less crowded here than usual. What did Riku do, pay them off to stay away? Not all must've been persuaded, though, since there were a couple of people scattered around.

There wasn't really much to look at on the beach besides the sand, the ocean, and a couple of seashells, Roxas soon found out. The exploring thing was just an excuse for him and Axel to get away from everyone else for a while. He supposed that adventure would just come to them.

After passing what Roxas was sure was the same lifeguard for the umpteenth time, he suddenly felt a chill. Where did that come from? There wasn't any wind. Something was urging him to move his head. He looked around the beach, and his eyes landed on the ominous image of the cliff. And they wouldn't look away. He may be looking at it from the ground now, but he remembered what it was like to look from the top. It got even chillier, causing him to rub his arms.

No. He wouldn't think of that. He was at the beach. The beach was supposed to be fun. Thinking about that wasn't fun. There was nothing fun about a cliff.

There was no voice here, not even a whisper. There was no invisible force pushing him anywhere. He could look away if he wanted to.

"Roxas, are you scared of the cliff?"

Roxas looked up at Axel, who, in turn, was looking worriedly at him.

"N-No. Not really."

There was clearly a quiver in his voice. It was obvious even to Roxas. Axel grabbed the younger boy's hand and continued walking.

Roxas, embarrassed, said, "I don't need anyone holding my hand! I told you, I'm not scared!"

"I never said you were." Axel replied, "Ever heard of the buddy system? If you just stand there, you'll get lost. I know, because my parents once forgot me at the airport."

Roxas's face burst into a wide smile, and he stared at Axel's face for a moment. Axel, getting a bit creeped out, asked, "What?"

"You're not treating me like I'm such a little kid."

The older boy raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. Why would I? You're smart for your age. I don't need to treat you any different."

Yeah. Roxas could look away from the cliff if he wanted to.

Eventually they had walked themselves in a circle, because they ended up facing Roxas's parents again. Sora and Kairi were there, too, with everything set up.

Axel asked, "Why are we setting everything up so close to the water?" Water and Axel did not go well together. They were a few feet away from the water, which was at least fifty feet too short for him.

Cloud replied, "It'll be easier to keep an eye on you while the two of you are swimming." He stared at Axel suspiciously. It was obvious that he meant keeping an eye on Axel in particular. He was bad news in Cloud's book, and he had no idea why Roxas befriended him.

Roxas asked Aerith, since Cloud was having a staring match with Axel, "Mom, can we go swimming now?"

"Okay. We'll be watching you, okay?"

Roxas moved a bit closer to the water, away from his parents, and Axel followed him. Roxas was already wearing his swimming trunks, so all he had to do was remove his shirt. "Axel, don't you want to change into your trunks?"

Roxas, realizing how that sounded, blushed a little.

"Nope. Because I didn't bring them."

"Why not?"

"I don't swim." Axel said, his voice firm. He sat down on the sand. "I don't_ plan _to swim. Bringing swimming trunks would've been pointless. I don't even _own_ swimming trunks."

"Oh."

Roxas sat down on the sand next to him, and Axel began to protest. "Hey!" he exclaimed. "That doesn't mean _you _shouldn't swim! If you want to swim, swim!"

"I'll go swim if you go swim." Roxas replied.

"I don't swim!" Axel repeated.

"Then I'll stay here!"

The older boy groaned in irritation. What was Roxas's problem? "Don't keep yourself from doing what you want to do because of me!"

"It's our _Friend_-iversary. We should do things as _friends_."

"We _will! _After you're done with swimming!"

"What will you do while I'm swimming?"

"I don't know." Axel shrugged his shoulders and pushed some sand around. "Bury myself in sand?"

Roxas pouted. "That doesn't sound fun."

"It's _very _fun and very _dry_."

"Then would you mind sharing some of this dry fun with me?"

Axel gritted his teeth. He didn't want Roxas to not enjoy his day at the beach over something like this. Why was he so concerned about him? He would be fine. Being in water was what would make him not fine. "Swim!"

"I don't want to!"

"Yes, you do!"

"No, I don't! And you said I shouldn't do things I don't want to do."

"That's not what I said!"

"I'm not swimming without you and that's _FINAL_!" Roxas yelled the last word. Hey, his voice actually sounded a bit deeper and threatening then. Axel had noticed. Realizing Roxas was being stubborn, he gave in.

"...Fine." He just wanted Roxas to be happy.

The younger boy smiled in victory. "What do you want to do, then?"

"I don't really feel like doing anything right now. Want to just...talk?"

"Okay."

Axel tried to think of something to talk about but found nothing. He still thought Roxas should've been swimming. An awkard silence filled the air. Just as with many before it, Roxas felt a need to start a conversation.

"Why are you scared of water? I thought you weren't scared of anything."

"I'm not _scared_!" Axel said loudly, insulted. "I just don't like it."

"Why not?"

"I just _don't_!"

Axel said it so harshly that Roxas backed away a little. Okay, so Axel was in a bad mood. Maybe he should've gone swimming, after all. He _never _spoke like that to him, though. Only other people.

Sensing that Roxas was about to cry, because that was what six-year-olds did when someone yelled at them, Axel immediately tried to comfort him. "I'm sorry!" he said apologetically. "I shouldn't have said it like that. Stop being sad, please?"

Roxas still looked downcast, so Axel picked up a shell from the sand and handed it to him. "Here. Don't be sad, please. You should enjoy your day."

Roxas looked up and took the shell. It was perfectly intact, which was rare for shells in this part of the beach. This was the only way Axel knew how to comfort people when he was eight. By giving them something. He never learned how to do it any other way. Roxas didn't mind. He knew when Axel was being genuinely sorry.

He smiled, and, looking at the small present, remarked, "It reminds me of the rock you gave me a year ago."

"When we first met? Yeah, I guess it does."

"We were sitting in the sand back then, too. In the sandbox."

"Hey, remember that guy in that tree?"

"Yeah. Haha!"

"Roxas?" Axel said, cocking his head to the side. "I feel like doing something now."

"Like burying yourself in sand?"

He was only being scarcastic until Axel said, "Yes. Bury me, please?"

"That's _boring_, Axel! There are lots of other fun stuff to do with sand!" Roxas searched for an example. He looked at his plastic bucket and shovel and got an idea. "Like building a sand castle."

"No way! Sandcastles need water, and I'm not going near that..._thing_." He gestured towards the ocean.

"I could get the water. They don't need very much, so it's not like you'll get really wet or anything."

"But I don't know how to make one."

"So?"

"_So_, I don't know how to make one!"

"You don't want to learn?"

"Not really."

But building sandcastles was the only thing Roxas could think of to do. There_ had _to be a way to convince Axel. "Let's make it_ more _fun! Let's make it a contest."

Axel crossed his arms. "That's not fair, Roxas. You know_ you're _gonna win."

"Don't want to be in it? Why?" Roxas smirked. "Scared you're going to get your butt kicked by a six-year-old?"

Axel immediately sat up, attentive and offended. Roxas knew that would get to him. Axel exclaimed, with a determined glint in his eyes, "Oh, you're on!"

"I'll go get the water!"

Roxas retrieved a small amount of water from a quick trip to the ocean with his bucket and placed it in the middle of the two of them. After they wet the sand a little, they began building their castles. Roxas had a bucket and shovel, useful for shaping the mounds, but Axel didn't, so he wondered how Axel was going to build anything. Who cared? At least they were spending time together. _Not_ that he was going to let Axel win.

Once he had finished constructing a base for the castle--he had even included the shell Axel had given him earlier in his design--, he heard Axel call out a confident "Done!" Roxas whipped around, shocked he had finished so quickly. Liar. He said he had never built one before.

The shock disappeared once he saw what Axel had actually "built."

"Axel, that's a lump of sand."

"It's a pretty _good_ lump of sand."

Roxas rolled his eyes and shook his head. He had thought Axel had talent there for a moment. Whoo! What a mistake_ that _was! "You're right." he said. "You _don't _know how to make one."

Axel looked at him defiantly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Roxas turned his head over to the base he had built, which, on all accounts, was much better-looking than Axel's lump. "It means you got your butt kicked by a six-year-old."

Axel looked even more offended than before. "Did not! I demand a rematch!"

"You weren't this into it _before_!"

"That was before my dignity was threatened." Axel began forming a new pile of sand. "I can't work with people looking at me, that's all. Come back in an hour, and it'll be the biggest, best sandcastle you've ever seen!"

"You want me to leave?"

"Yes! Just for a bit. Go! Get out of here!" Axel playfully shooed him away. "And don't come back until I'm finished!"

Pretending to be insulted, Roxas yelled out, "_Fine!_"

"Go!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Good, then!"

"Fine!"

Roxas stomped away, all the while, smiling in amusement. Well, that was interesting. Who knew Axel was that competitive? He looked to where his family was and decided to wait there until Axel was finished. His parents were having a conversation with Sora and Kairi, and Riku was... Riku wasn't there, actually.

"Where's Riku?" he asked to no one in particular. He reminded himself that he was interrupting, but he was a little kid. He probably wouldn't know any better.

Sora stopped talking to look at him. "Oh, hi, Roxas!" he said. "Riku's back at his house. He... He said he was feeling a little ill." Roxas could tell he was lying.

Sora knew the _real _reason Riku wasn't there, of course. He left because he didn't want to be around Kairi (Sora's wife, who happened to be someone other than Riku, who happened to be in love with Sora), Cloud (Sora and Kairi's son and a symbol of the bond they had together), and Roxas (Sora and Kairi's grandson and yet another symbol of the bond they shared). He wouldn't tell anyone that, though.

"Why are you asking? Do you need something from his house?"

Roxas answered, "No. Not really. Just curious. So... what were you all talking about?"

He wasn't prying. Really, he wasn't.

Aerith answered, "I was telling your father that he should forget about any harsh feelings he had towards Grandpa when he was younger and should realize that they had both matured over the years, and--"

"Oh!" Sora interrupted. "Is _that_ what you two were talking about? I thought you were talking about how much he resented me _now_! Oh, goodness, Cloud_ hated _me when he was younger! I could never understand why."

"It was because you were the most embarassing parent in the universe." Cloud muttered.

"Why? Because I called you Cloudy all the time?"

"Leon snickered everytime he saw me after that."

Sora sighed dramatically. "Did that boy _never_ genuinely smile? Why do we Strifes always befriend such serious people? No wonder you grew up to be so angsty."

"I don't know." Aerith said. "That Axel boy seems kind of energetic."

Cloud answered with, "If by 'energetic', you mean disobedient and destructive, then, yes, he's _very_ energetic."

"Speaking of which, where _is_ Axel, Roxas?" Sora asked the younger boy to remind him they still remembered he was there. Or that he existed, for that matter.

"He's making a sandcastle for me."

"Aw!" Sora exclaimed. "Leon never made sandcastles for you, Cloudy!"

"I told you not to call me that. I outgrew that nickname years ago."

"Cloudy. Cloooudy." Sora teased. "_Cloooouuuuudyy_."

"What do you want me to do? Overeact and explode from embarassment? I'm too mature for that now." Cloud sat up straight, attempting to look _very_ mature.

"Ooohh, I'm Cloud. Look at me. I'm all _grown-up _and _mature_. And I've got the **back hair **to prove it!" Sora laughed when he saw Cloud's embarrassed reaction.

"_Daaaaaaaaaaaad...!_" he whined. Mature, my foot. No adult ever really grows up.

"Hehe, no seriously." Sora continued. "Cloud used to be one of the most talkative, friendly, and outgoing people out there. I know, I know, shocking. But then he became a teenager, and started getting into..._darker _things."

"Cloud," Kairi piped in. "Remember when you wanted to dye your hair black?"

"_Moooooooooooom...!_" Cloud was trying to look cool here, Kairi! He spent _years_ trying to build up that image! Embarrassing him was Sora's job!

"I just thought of something." Aerith said. "I know it seems a bit off topic, but while my husband's parents are here..." Kairi gave her a visual cue to continue. "Why is he named Cloud?" It sounded like something she'd been curious about her entire life. "It's not a very common name." It wasn't a very _masculine_ name, either.

"Well, Sora's name means sky, so I wanted to name our son after something in the sky. You know, like the apple never falls far from the tree? Cloud seems to have fallen pretty far, though. He's almost nothing like Sora. But everytime he complained about his name as a kid, I kept reminding him that I could've named him Sun or Rainbow."

"Awwww!"

"Kill me." Cloud said darkly, burying his face in his hands. "Please. Someone just kill me now."

Sora spoke to Roxas, chuckling a bit at Cloud's embarrassment. Again, to remind him they still knew he was there. "Roxas, for your own good, and the good of everyone else around you, _don't _become a teenager. _Please_. They do nothing but complain and worry about the silliest things. Cloud is a good example." He said the next sentence with a little pride. "I, of course, was an exception."

Roxas thought he saw Sora wink after he said that. He had a sort of mischeiveous glint in his eyes. Something felt a little odd. A six-year-old wouldn't know what 'exception' meant. Sora was usually very careful about those kinds of things.

"You shouldn't talk, Sora." Kairi said, hearing what he told Roxas. "Remember the first time you saw a computer and wanted to be a computer programmer? You ended up having to repay everyone for all the things that were destroyed in the explosion."

Sora paled at the memory, crossed his arms, and said quietly. "At least no one was hurt..."

Roxas asked, "Grandpa was a computer programmer?" Sora never seemed to go well with modern technology. He was a quick learner, but he was never good enough to hold a _job _based on them.

"Tried to be one, at least." Kairi answered. "Grandpa was a_ lot _of things back then. He was a policeman, fireman, lifeguard. Every job you can think of. Once, he was even the officer that pulled Cloud over when he ran a red light soon after he got his license. And the reason he kept getting new ones wasn't because he was ever fired. He just liked helping people. It was a miracle he was ever home at all. How he found time to embarrass Cloud, I'll never know."

She spoke with a casual and playful tone at first but soon got very nostalgic. Then, she even got a bit sad.

"Sometiimes, it got a little...hard for him." She spoke quietly, staring at her hands. Roxas noticed a change in Cloud's mood, too. Did they have a financial problem once? Or was the stress too much for Sora at one point? "So, I told him to quit some jobs, but you can't get Grandpa to quit anything. So whenever things got bad, Riku was always there to help him out. Riku always helped him out in everything. Sometimes I wonder if Grandpa is the only one Riku cares about."

Sora began to get uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going. He attempted to lighten the mood--and steer the subject away from Riku--by changing it.

"Hey, Roxas! Go see if Axel is done with the--"

"ROXAS!"

Roxas saw an excited Axel running towards him. His hands were covered with sand. He must've finished building his sandcastle. His assumption was confirmed when he began dragging him towards the area they were in before.

Roxas could've stayed behind if he really wanted to. He could've stayed behind and heard everything there was to hear about his parents and garndparents. Their lives before he was ever born were so_ interesting_! Why had he never bothered to ask about them before? He could've stood there all day and listened to their stories of a time long gone. But he didn't. He let Axel drag him away. Because he supposed even adults had their secrets.

"Look at_ that_!" Axel pointed to his "masterpiece" once they got there.

Roxas stared at it for what felt like hours in utter disbelief. It was... It was...!

"Axel, that's just an even bigger pile of sand."

Axel looked just as offended by that as the first time and exclaimed, "You're just jealous!"

"Of the sand?" Roxas asked. "Yeah, I am. It doesn't have any ears, so it can't hear the gibberish you're saying."

Axel would've gotten mad at a comment like that. If anyone but Roxas had said that, Axel would've gotten furious. Instead, his lips twitched into a small smile. "You really _are_ smart for your age." he said affectionately.

And, if he looked at it a certain way, Roxas thought he saw something more than friendship in that smile. Something more than mere, innocent affection. He had to look again because it was something he was sure he would never see again.

When Axel smiled at him, he thought he saw something kinda like love.

**"The tide's coming in!" **

"What was that?"

The tender moment between the two boys was rudely interrupted by a shrill voice proclaiming that statement loudly and quite annoyingly. It was soon followed by several screams and the sight of people running as far away from the ocean as they could.

Then, it happened.

Out of nowhere, a huge wave, many feet high, loomed over them, letting them stare in horror at it for a split second, before crashing with brute force on the very spot where Axel and Roxas were sitting. When it pulled back, all that remained in the wreckage were Axel and Roxas, soaked to the bone. Both of their sandcastles and Roxas's shell had been washed away.

Roxas needed some time to recover from what had just happened. He almost got carried away! His heart was beating a mile a minute, and he needed to give it some time to slow down.

He was much more scared, however, for his aquaphobic friend.

"Axel, are you crying?"

"No!" Axel yelled angrily, rubbing some water from his eyes. He had his arms wrapped around himself and was shivering violently. "It was the _stupid _ocean that got _stupid_ salt in my _stupid_ eyes and made them_ stupid _tear up causing even more _stupid_ water to get on my _stupid_ body. I'm _soaking_! The waves are so..."

"Stupid?" Roxas supplied.

"Yes, and don't tell your mom I taught you that word."

"We can get some towels from the adults. You know, and then we can--"

"_**Remember kids!**_" a voice from an above announced through a screeching megaphone. Both Axel and Roxas covered their ears to keep from going deaf. "_**High tide is no joke. None.**_"

They looked up at the lifeguard, thoroughly annoyed. Seeing their faces, he said, thankfully, without the megaphone, "If you two want towels, here." He threw two towels down to them.

If you are reading this, and you are either the ocean or a lifeguard, and you are desperately seeking a way to ruin a potentially romantic moment for your own cruel amusement, look no further.

Axel muttered, wrapping the towel around himself, shivering. "I'm going to teach that _stupid_ ocean a _stupid_ lesson."

"Don't be silly, Axel." Roxas said, also shivering. "We should just move farther away from the ocean, so it doesn't happen again."

Axel kicked some sand around. "You lost the shell I got for you."

Roxas smiled softly at Axel's concern for him. "I can get a new one."

"Oh my goodness!" a female voice exclaimed. Aerith was running toward them, worry evident on her face. "I saw what happened! Are you two okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom." Roxas said, hugging the towel closer. "Umm...Can you let me and Axel wander around some more? We'll dry off sooner or later. We won't be anywhere near the ocean if we walk around the area where Riku's house is." Riku's house was up a hill. Try and get them _now_, ocean!"

After convincing her they would be safe, and if they ever got in trouble, Riku would be a short distance away, she gave them permission.

When they headed towards the hill, they were far, far away from the water, much to Axel's enjoyment. All the footprints they made in the sand together were not washed away or damaged, and Roxas wondered if they would stay that way for the rest of the day. So that anyone who passed by would know that these two sets of feet walked side-by-side to each other, _all _the way to the hill. He was only asking for the rest of the day.

Which, given his circumstances, was just as good as eternity.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

On top of the hill, in a field of small flowers and weeds, there was a railing. Beyond the railing was a great view of the sunset, the ocean, and a small portion of the beach. This was where you could find Roxas and Axel, leaning against it. If Roxas had to guess, he'd say the railing was to prevent people from accidentally tumbling down the hill. It could've just been put there for decorative purposes, though, because it _really_ added to the _beautiful _scenery.

What...the _hell_...was he saying?

Ah, whatever. The view was pretty, and that was all that mattered.

"The sun looks pretty _cool _today, doesn't it?" Axel asked him. They were still a little damp, but they had forgotten about that a while ago.

Roxas answered, "It always looks like that at sunset."

"Yeah, but it looks even better _today_."

Roxas gave him a look. What did he mean? After a moment of silence, Axel spoke up again.

"Hey, you know, I learned in school that the reason the sun looks _red _at sunset is because _red_ travels the farthest distance."

"What?"

"It's true. Light is made up of a bunch of different colors, and, out of all of them, red goes the farthest. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it_ sounds _cool. You know, that_ red _goes the farthest. Probably more than yellow..."

"You're just trying to show off, Axel!" Roxas exclaimed. He thought he was being intelligent for once!

Axel defended himself. "But it's backed by scientific fact!"

Roxas rolled his eyes and looked back to the sunset. He almost looked away.

Roxas wasn't going to lie to himself. Watching the sun set like this with Axel_ hurt_. Sunsets were beautiful. Sunsets were romantic. Had they done this when they were older, Roxas might've leaned in to kiss Axel, and the rest of the day would've taken care of itself. He couldn't do that anymore. And that hurt.

Was simply watching the sunset side by side--no touching, no looks, no anything--good enough for him?

For a moment, just a moment, Roxas wished that he had never felt for Axel in the first place.

Because then, he wouldn't start thinking of what might have been. What might've happened if he had just looked both ways before crossing the street. He would've been sitting here, watching a sunset and nothing else. He wished that his mind, not just his body, would be taken back to this age, a point in his life where he never once thought about those kinds of feelings, and was far too young to even care.

But he only wished that for a moment

"Hey, Axel." he said, looking down. "I have a question. It's kind of weird, though."

"What is it?"

Roxas swallowed.

"Do you... care about me?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

Roxas answered, "A question." He didn't say anything else.

Axel scoffed. "Of course I care about you. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Honest?"

Axel opened his mouth. He was going to say, "Obviously!" but closed it when he thought of something else. Roxas watched curiously as the older boy climbed on the railing, dripping wet, and leaned forward.

"Hey everybody! " he yelled out as loudly as he could. The sound seemed to echo throughout the entire beach. "Roxas is my best friend in the whole wide world, and I care about him!"

When he was finished, he jumped back down and laughed. He laughed and slowly leaned towards the floor until he was sitting on it. To Axel, there was just something hilarious about making a fool out of himself. Roxas was horrified.

"Axel!" he exclaimed, face flushed red from embarrassment. "What did you do _that_ for? Someone might've heard you!"

"Well, it's the truth." Axel answered once he calmed down. "I don't know why they wouldn't want to know the truth."

Roxas had something to say prepared in case Axel would answer like that. He didn't say it. Axel was absolutely correct. With some sort of blind determination, Roxas climbed on the railing himself and yelled out even louder than Axel.

"Hey, everybody! Axel is my best friend in the whole wide world, and I care about_ him_!"

Roxas climbed back down. The bravery he felt when he decided to say that was slipping away into sheer humiliation. He had expected to be greeted with laughter when he did that. It grew quiet for a long time. Axel didn't know what to say. Maybe it was too much? Too unlike Roxas?

Then, out of the blue, Axel started laughing and the sound comforted and relaxed Roxas in a way the sound of the crashing waves on the beach couldn't. Both of them had meant exactly what they said and were only slightly embarrassed about it. So Roxas started laughing, too. And they laughed and laughed until they both ran out of breath.

'_Oh, yeah_,_'_ Roxas thought. _'This is __**definitely**__ good enough for me.'_

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

Roxas and Axel had eventually dried up, and by then, everyone had decided that it was getting late, and that it was time to go home. Axel called his parents and asked them to take him home, Roxas hugged him goodbye, and they wished each other a happy Friend-iversary. Everyone else-- including Riku, because he was the one who would drive them back home--began their walk back to the parking lot.

Roxas was behind everyone else, running, trying to catch up with one particular member of his family.

"Grandpa! Wait!"

No one besides Sora seemed to hear Roxas call out. He stopped in his tracks while all the other adults continued walking without him. Roxas reached him and grabbed the front of his shirt, tugging it, forcing Sora to bend down a bit, so they would be at eye level.

"Sora, I...I think I understand some things now. I get it now."

Sora raised an eyebrow, and Roxas continued.

"I understand that...life's too short, you know? Much too short and precious and fragile. That's why you've got to make the most of each day." Roxas paused a bit there when he listened to what he was saying. What was coming out of his mouth? What was all this psychobabble? Why was he saying it to his grandfather? Whatever it was, for whatever reason he was saying it, it felt right. "That's why you can't keep holding on to grudges."

What was he saying?

_'Happy 18th birthday, Axel.'_

"That's why you have to be happy with what you have and appreciate it. That's why you have to smile."

How different would his life have been if he had known this earlier?

_'You can take the ice cream if you want. I don't mind.'_

"That's why you can't waste time. Because if you do, then...it's_ all _been a waste. ...You know?" Roxas shrugged, unsure. He hoped Sora heard him because he couldn't possibly repeat what he just said.

Sora's face looked shocked. That make Roxas a little nervous. Did he confuse him with his philosophy on life? Was that a little too soon or a little too random to say? Or worse. Had he guessed wrong? Was what he said wrong? Was his assumption about Sora's strange behavior earlier wrong?

The nervousness evaporated when Sora's face suddenly erupted into a bright smile. Roxas smiled as well, until he engulfed his grandson in a tight, bone-crushing hug.

"I _knew_ it!" he exclaimed, squeezing harder by the second. Roxas was gasping for air. "I _knew_ you could do it by yourself! Oh, I'm so proud to be your ex-Guardian! You're going to Heaven, baby! Whoo!" He pumped one of his fists into the air.

After hearing Roxas wheeze, Sora finally let him go, murmuring a quiet apology.

Once he could breathe again, Roxas smirked. "Sora, you _jerk_!" It was a relief not having to call him Grandpa anymore. He punched Sora's arm. (Or where Sora's arm would've been, were Roxas not a dwarf.) "I thought you said you couldn't help me anymore! How'd you pull this off, anyway?"

Sora explained, "First of all, I did _not_ help you. You did it all on your own. I just watched as damage control. _Just in case._" Roxas rolled his eyes at that part. "Second, as a reply to your question, there's a little thing they call, 'Begging to the Second Sphere'. Which is...?"

"The governing order of angels," Roxas said matter-of-factly. He had learned that little tidbit at the very beginning of all this, and for some reason, never forgot. He should've used the brain bower necessary for remembering that to try to figure everything out instead.

"Very good!" Sora replied. "And very, very good for your work today! But! There's still a little work left. There's still a little more you have to do. Or should I say there's _only_ a little more."

A little more work? Roxas didn't mind. He knew now that he wasn't alone. He was stupid for thinking he ever was. If he ever doubted it, he could just remember the pain from the hug Sora gave him.

Sora continued, "I'd wish you luck, but..." He chuckled. "I don't think you need it."

Roxas chuckled as well, and they both continued walking home at their own pace, not bothering to catch up with the rest of the group. They admired the view of the beach. They watched the sky go black. They didn't speak a word to each other for most of the way.

"Sora?" Roxas finally said once the parking lot was in sight. Because he_ had _to say _something_. This was _Sora_ he was walking with. It couldn't stay quiet for long.

"Yeah?"

"You really were a good grandpa back then. The best."

Sora smilied at the compliment and at Roxas's hilariously high-pitched voice.

"Thanks."

The car ride home was pleasant.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

When Roxas slept that night, and returned to outside the Gates, Sora wasn't there, as expected. So, instead, he went to look for the lake. To thank Demyx for nudging him in the right direction. To thank him for a lot of things, he guessed.

When he finally found it, however, the blond musician wasn't there. Instead, there was a note. On the note were words. The words--possibly Demyx's handwriting, possibly not--said that he had entered into Heaven and had moved on. It said he hadn't stopped caring about the person who was down there in the least bit, but he knew they would've wanted him to stop wasting time and get on with things already.

The last line read, _"Maybe you should, too."_

And maybe he should.

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author's Notes #2: **

Demyx went to Heaven! Yay!

_"It's true. Light is made up of a bunch of different colors, and, out of all of them, red goes the farthest. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it sounds cool. You know, that red goes the farthest. Probably more than yellow..."_

_"You're just trying to show off, Axel!"_

That part was based off of a scene in 358/2 Days. The one with the clock tower and the ice cream and the sunset. Y'know, that scene. Don't know what scene or what 358/2 Days is? Search it on the internet. That's where_ I _got it. Words like 'red', 'furthest', 'Axel' and 'Roxas' should bring something up.

Roxas's voice isn't as high as he makes it seem. He just _thinks_ it is. If you think Roxas was acting _so_ mature, he couldn't have _possibly _passed off as a regular six-year-old, he wasn't. I used my six-year-old cousin as reference. Okay, okay, I may have made him a _teeny_ bit more mature, but he's still fifteen inside! How young could he act and make it look natural?

Review, please! Reviews make me smile, and a smiling author is a good thing! I write much better when I'm in a good mood!


	18. Nice To Meet You

**Author's Notes #1: **Thanks again (again) for all your reviews! And for people who favorite and put this on alerts. And for just taking the time to read this story.

Happy AkuRoku day! (8/13/08) Coincidentally, the events of this chapter take place on that date. I said in the last chapter that Axel and Roxas met on August 13th. I didn't plan this. I didn't realize that I had updated the last chapter exactly two weeks away from AkuRoku day. What a coincidence!

Hope you like this chapter!

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Eighteen: Nice To Meet You**

When people are young, the complaint is that life is too long. They can't wait until they're grown-up and independent. When people are old, the complaint is that life is too short. There's not nearly enough time to do everything they want to do before old age takes them away. If these two facts have taught Roxas anything, it's this: Life takes forever to live out, but it's always too short and_ always _just enough.

Roxas was fifteen. He woke up one morning and he was five.

He was in love with Axel. Axel was in love with him. He woke up one morning and the two of them had never even met each other before.

It was a gentle voice.

"Roxas. Time to wake up."

He opened his eyes.

The very first thing he saw was the sunlight. It nearly blinded him. When had it been this bright? Something--a feeling, though not a sad one, not one like the end--told him it would be the last time he ever saw it. At least like this. Streaming through his bedroom window, shaking him from the gentle fatigue of slumber. It felt warm today. He'd certainly miss that feeling. And his bedroom. He'd miss his bedroom.

The next thing saw was his mother's smilling face. The light shone from behind her, making her glow. Like an angel from Heaven.

With childlike innocence, he asked, "What're we goin' to do today, Mommy?"

Aerith put on a thinking face before shrugging. She answered, "I don't know, Roxas. What do _you_ want to do?"

Such a hard question.

The world was so _big_ compared to him. There were so many things to do, so many things to explore, so many things to discover. So many possibilities. And only enough time in the day to do one. Why did questions like this only get harder to answer as he grew younger? He put on _his _thinking face and opened his mouth, breathing in the air. He swallowed.

The sunlight tasted a bit like fire.

Roxas answered, "Let's go to the park."

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

The breakfast that morning was delicious. The morning only got better.

Roxas tried hard to remember what he ate when he was finished with it, so he could ask his mother to cook it for him next time, but he couldn't. It probably wouldn't have mattered anyway, because next time might never come. There were a lot of things going through his head while he was eating, so it pushed some breakfast details out for space.

He remembered the food tasting good. He could remember that much. And he remembered that when he sat down at the table, his feet didn't touch the floor. They couldn't reach it.

And he remembered being _really_ hungry at the beginning. _So_ hungry his tummy growled just like a lion at the zoo! Being hungry wasn't something he ever thought he'd miss if he knew he would never be hungry again, but he'd miss it.

The growling sounds could be funny, sometimes.

"Are you all set to go to the park?"

Roxas had to look up to see his father's face. Compared to Roxas, he towered like a giant, shadow looming. Like the one in Jack and the Beanstalk! Only Daddy wasn't mean. Daddy was nice.

He may be exaggerating a bit, but his imagination really went places today, running wild like a dog out of its leash.

Roxas nodded his head excitedly. "Uh-huh!"

Cloud looked at him, slightly confused. He said he was ready, but his arms were empty.

"You're not bringing any of your toys?"

"No. He's probably gonna have some."

He raised an eyebrow. "Who's 'he'?

Roxas smilied. He knew something Daddy didn't! That made him feel smart, like those ancient philosophers he read about in the big kids' History textbooks.

"I wanna make a new friend there." he answered simply. And really, that was all he really needed to say. When he was this young, he never lied to his parents.

This news made Cloud happy. "That's great!" he exclaimed. It was great that he was finally reaching out to other kids. He knew that little wallflower phase had to wear out eventually. "Well, we better not keeping him waiting, then! Let's hop to the car!"

_'Hop how, Daddy?'_ Roxas thought.

Hop like a bunny? He could do that! Or hop from a cloud in Heaven? Because maybe if he did that, he would wake up even younger, and he could stay with his family even longer!

Or did he mean hop in Demyx's lake? Because maybe if he did _that_, he could stay with his family forever and _ever_!

_'I know something you don't know!'_

Roxas didn't hop at all, but instead ran to the car, with Mommy and Daddy close behind. He opened the door to the backseat and sat down. He made extra care to buckle himself in, in case they ever got into a car accident.

Because you never know when those types of things might happen.

The car began to move, and Roxas knew Daddy was driving. The radio began to play, filling the car with whatever songs were popular at this time. They were different than what would be popular years from now. They served only as background noise. Roxas leaned back, letting the vibrations of the car relax him, getting more relaxed on the bumpier roads. He listened to bits of petty conversation between his parents. He watched the scenes change in the windows. He let the sun's rays tickle his cheek.

It was a simple, nothing to worry about moment.

He'd miss this.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_I spy with my little eye..._

Wild red hair. Mischeivous green eyes. A cocky smile.

Roxas shouldn't've recognized the young, seven-year old boy sitting in the sandbox. He didn't the first time around. More than that, he shouldn't've have been staring at him for as long as he had. The boy wasn't _playing_. He was pushing sand around, like he didn't enjoy being in there. He didn't look friendly at all. He looked like the type of kid he and his parents would try to avoid as much as possible.

Whatever method he used the last time, the two of them had somehow ended up as friends. He must've been _crazy_ at the time. Or not so crazy.

What he saw back then was a potential friend. Another thing to explore and discover. What he saw now was the only person besides family who had told him, "I love you."

He wanted to meet him.

"Mommy?" he asked, tugging lightly on her shirt. "Can I go play in the sandbox?"

"Sure, honey." Aerith answered, not bothering to check if there were any less-than-nice looking kids there. She assumed Roxas knew enough to stay away from kids like that, being less-than-social. "Daddy and I wil be sitting over there..." She pointed to a nearby bench. "...if you need us."

Roxas squealed in delight, and bolted towards the sandbox. Actually, forget the sandbox! His new best friend was only a few feet away!

It was almost frightening to think that this Axel had never seen him before in his life. When he was thirteen, he had read a story somewhere about a person who had amnesia and kept getting lost and running away from home.She couldn't recognize anyone. The same could be said for a lot of amnesiacs, but this one was interesting because even if she regained some of her memory, she couldn't keep it for long and kept losing it.

To Roxas, it was like the whole wide world had a case of amnesia. He remembered things no one else did, and that was scary. Because he knew they'd just forget them, anyway.

The girl's family didn't stop trying to help her. They didn't give up. And after everything he'd learned, he wouldn't, either.

It was scary. He knew more about Axel than Axel did about him. He can't rebuild that many memories in one day.

He should've watched his step.

He was only a little kid. He didn't bother to watch where he was going when he was running. Honestly, he was too concentrated on Axel to pay attention to anything else. If he was older, he might've been more careful. Then again, when he was fifteen, he had made the same mistake of not being careful, and that was what led him here now.

He was only pretending to know what he was doing.

"Aah...ow!"

He tripped on a rock and fell. He landed right on the grass, and his knee got scraped from the contact. He bit his lip when small tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. How embarassing. It was only a little scrape. His fifteen year-old pride wouldn't let him cry over something so small, but that didn't stop a couple of tears from falling. He was _five_. He should be allowed to cry every once in a while. But that didn't stop the

embarrassment.

"Are you okay?"

Sniffling, Roxas looked up and saw concerned green eyes, staring at him. The next thing he saw was wild red hair, that greatly reminded Roxas of a porcupine.

What had inspired him to try to speak to Axel in the first place, anyway?

When Roxas was older--a lot, _lot_ older-- he found himself asking the very same question. He was very shy when he was five. Besides Grandpa, he really didn't have any friends. He didn't like being around people he didn't know.

So what on earth urged him to try to talk to a boy several years older than him who looked anything but friendly?

"Mmhm..." Roxas whimpered. He forced himself to stand up. The knee stung a bit, but not that much. Why was he crying? It wasn't such a big deal. Axel took a closer look at his knee.

"It's not bleeding," he observed, like a doctor on one of those doctor shows mommy and daddy liked so much. "And it doesn't look bruised. It should be fine in a couple of minutes." He pointed to the sandbox. "Until then, want to sit in the sandbox with me? I mean, if you want. I could watch you until it gets better. That box was getting boring, anyway."

What had urged him?

Maybe he was just tired of being alone all the time.

"Yeah!" Roxas exclaimed, suddenly not hurting at all. He _carefully_ ran over to the sandbox and plopped onto the sand.

So _this _was how they first met. He had forgotten all about it. He had forgotten Axel's eyes could look that kind.

"Your knee looks better already!" Axel commented, laughing a little, sitting down beside him. "Are you sure that whole tripping thing wasn't just an excuse to talk to me?"

Roxas would've teased him back, but he remembered they had only really met a few minutes ago. Teasing him back would make him seem conceited. Not a good first impression. He smiled instead. "Thanks for helping me." he said softly, like the way he would talk to a stranger.

Axel smiled back. "No problem."

"Hey, do you have any toys with you?"

Oh sure, teasing him would make him seem conceited, but demanding for toys wouldn't? He just had to blurt that out, didn't he? He could've kicked himself. Normally, he would blame his five-year-old body, but he hadn't played with toys in a long time. Unless you meant digital toys, like computers and cell phones. But a frisbee? Seeing that was as common as seeing Sora curse.

Luckily, Axel didn't look offended. In fact...

He was actually _laughing_.

"Getting straight to the point, huh?" Axel decided he liked this kid so far. He had enough nerve to try to talk to someone older than him, but was polite enough to thank him for helping him. A good combination for his wild nature. Let us see where this meeting goes.

"Sorry, but no. My parents don't buy me toys."

Ah, yes. His parents. The ones that left him in the airport, forever teaching him that the buddy system was important.

Axel noticed Roxas's disappointment and said, "You could go and play with your friends if you want. I was alone before, I could be alone now."

Roxas looked down at his shoes. "I...I don't really... _have_ any... friends."

Axel was surprised. How could such a nice kid not have any friends? That must've meant something was wrong with him, then. And he had _so _much promise. "Oh. Well... I-I don't really have any friends, either! Yeah! Friends! Who needs them!"

Roxas smiled at him. Now, he decided, was as good a time as any.

"Do _you_ wanna be my friend?"

"Getting right to the point, again, huh, kid? You haven't even told me your name, yet!"

This kid was the most unintenionally funny person Axel ever met. What could possibly be wrong with him? Bad breath? He held out his hand. "My name is--"

The rest of his sentence was blocked out by a rustling of leaves. It most likely came from the very tall tree nearby them. This was obviously something that couldn't _possibly_ be ignored. Something that Axel felt he needed to make a comment on.

"That's weird. I didn't feel a wind blow by." He shrugged it off. "Anyways..."

There was a rustling of leaves again, this time followed by a soft mumble. It definitely came from the tall tree. It couldn't be ignored this time because now they knew something was alive in there.

It couldn't be ignored this time because Roxas knew where he saw this before.

"What the--?" Axel said, his surprised expression increasing when he saw Roxas stand up and walk towards the tree. He exclaimed, reaching out to the younger boy, "Hey, wait!" . When he wouldn't listen, Axel got out of the sandbox and followed him. He didn't need some rabid squirrel attacking some little kid while he was close enough to be blamed for it.

Roxas looked up the tree. He remembered this. He and Axel even mentioned it in the beach. He looked even closer in the leaves and called out to Axel, "I think there's someone up there!"

And how could he tell, you ask?

There was a leg dangling out of the leaves, waving around violently.

Axel remarked, "Impossible. Who could possibly be up there?" Just then, a head popped out of the leaves. It looked absolutely terrified. Although, you should've seen Roxas's face when he saw what he thought was a floating, bodiless head the first time he lived through this day. _There's_ terror for you.

It screamed, "Help me! I'm stuck here!" It was a young boy. A young boy with lungs of steel, apparently, since he continued to scream for all the time Roxas and Axel were staring at him.

When he heard the rustling of leaves the first time around, he didn't know what it would lead to. He was a little scared, sure, but he didn't think it was something he wouldn't forget about for years to come. The same went for when the head popped out. The screams of the boy were just another song in the soundtrack of his life. He didn't think it would mean anything to him someday.

"What do you know, there _is_ someone up there." Axel commented, like it was just another fact of life.

Roxas found himself saying, "Someone should get him down!" Images flashed through his mind as he thought about a version of him that was much different than the version he was now.

Roxas remembered this. They were laughing about it on the beach.

A guy in a tree.

Axel quickly scanned the gound and picked up a rock. "Here," he said, handing it to Roxas. "Throw it at him. Maybe it'll get him out."

"No!" The boy screeched, moving around even more. "Don't throw anything at me! Just get me down! _Please!_" Man. If he wasn't pathetic before, he was now, and Roxas felt sorry for the poor guy. And if he could remember correctly, he knew exactly how this was supposed to go.

Axel noticed Roxas looking pleadingly at him. Uh-oh. He knew where this was leading.

"No," he said firmly, looking Roxas in the eye. "I'm _not_ doing it. We don't even know him." He was not the hero type. Especially to people he didn't know.

The look intestified. Axel tried his best to look away, but broke down after a couple of minutes of Roxas staring and the tree kid yelling his head off. He muttered a "Fine," and began to climb the tree. "But if we see _anyone_ else stuck in a tree, _you're_ helping them."

Axel used his seven-year old upper body strength to pull himself further up the tree. Roxas knew that if he attempted to do something like that, he would've fallen so many times, it would've cause brain damage. Goodness. Axel looked so brave like that. So tough. Just like one of those superheroes from one of those action movies his family took him to see. But it wasn't Axel's skillful climbing that got to Roxas.

It was that Axel could've _fallen_.

In fact, he almost did. When he was near the top, he lost his footing and scraped his arms. He managed the regain it, but he could've gotten hurt. That was when it occured to Roxas. Axel could've gotten hurt. He risked getting hurt to save a complete stranger.

Because Roxas told him to.

Axel did not save people. Roxas used to think that there wasn't a force in the world that would make him want to.

Axel climbed all the way up to the top of the tree, near where the kid was. Thinking of no other way to bring him down, he pushed and punched the kid as hard he could, repeatedly, until he fell out and landed face first on the grass. Well, he got him down. Maybe not the best way, but he got him down.

Axel leaped down from where he was, landing on his feet. He looked triumphant at what he had done, and the wind seemed to think so, too, because it was blowing his hair around, like the way those people looked in the movies. He had a wide smile on his face, and Roxas stared in wonder at him, imagining how hard it must've been to do what he did. Something like that must've been like the best thing in the world to a little kid.

And Roxas remembered this.

This was the first time he ever saw Axel as his hero.

The tree kid groaned in pain on the ground. While doing his hero pose, Axel had his foot planted on the kid's back. The tree kid pushed it off and sat up. "Thanks for saving me," he said, rubbing the back of his head. There were leaves stuck in his hair and grass stuck to his clothes. "Though you could've done it a little better..."

"You take what you get, kid." Axel said, stepping out of his hero pose. He shouldn't have called him kid, because he looked to be about the same age as him, give or take a few months. "How'd you get stuck there, anyways?"

"I was being chased by these mean bullies!" The tree kid exclaimed this using all the power of those steel lungs of his, complete with spazzy arm movement and exaggerated expressions.

Both Axel and Roxas eyed him strangely, so the tree kid sighed. "They didn't _throw_ me or anything, okay?" Didn't they know how to interpret a sentence properly? "I climbed up there to avoid them, but couldn't get back down." He threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. "Looks like I can't even avoid them _here_!"

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked.

This is the part where everyone learns that random strangers _will _talk a lot about their personal life if they feel like it, even if the people listening give him visual clues that they want him to stop. Roxas felt a lot better about being so forward with Axel after this experience.

"I'm from out of town! I'm just here with my parents on a trip! Well, they're not _really_ my parents. I'm adopted, you see. But once you think about it, they _are_ my parents! Sorry if that didn't make any sense to you. But man oh man, I'm like a bully magnet wherever I go! We don't travel a lot, so I wouldn't have known that ahead of time, but it would've been really helpful if I did! We don't travel a lot because we all like it just fine in home sweet home--uh...not to say Hollow Bastion isn't great, either--but we did this time because we're visiting my aunt! Well, she's not_ really _my aunt. I'm ado--"

"Whatever," Axel interrupted. This kid could spit out an entire book's worth of his personal life, and Axel would never be _half_ as interested in him as he was in the kid from the sandbox. He was still trying to figure out what could be wrong with him, by the way.

Maybe it was his crazy hair?

The tree kid shook his body all of a sudden and a few munny orbs fell out. Roxas was amazed. Was this kid a human piggy bank?

"So _that's_ what they were!" the tree kid exclaimed, looking down at all the munny. "They were throwing those things at me. Guess that makes them technically mine now. He-hee!" He bent down to pick them up and counted them in his hand. "Hey! There's five hundred munny here! That's enough to buy a two-scoop at Hunny's! Or do you people here say A.L.T.O.H.?"

"We say Hunny's." Axel answered, thoroughly annoyed. This kid never stopped talking!

Hunny's was the most common nickname for A Little Taste of Hunny, a small ice cream shop in Hallow Bastion. Despite its only shop being in Hollow Bastion, it was well-known in other places, too, because of it's reputation of having the best ice cream for miles and miles. Unfortunately, prices were very high, so a trip to Hunny's for an average kid like Roxas was very rare. When Roxas got older, he learned Twilight actually had the best ice cream--sea-salt ice cream--but that store would not be built for years to come.

"Y'know," the tree kid continued, and Axel groaned in irritation. "I've wanted to go to Hunny's ever since I've heard about it. Just one taste would be the _best_! Now, I can get not only one scoop, but two! Thank you, bullies! Haha!"

Right at that moment, both Axel's and Roxas's stomachs growled in unison. Great timing. The tree kid heard the sound and looked at them. Then at the munny. Then back at them. Curse his capcity for compassion!

"Here." he said, handing them the five hundred munny. You could tell by the way he scrunched his face up that this was killing him inside. "You guys helped me. Usually, it would take hours for someone to help me. There'll be other ice cream. I've caused you guys enough trouble. Treat yourself to something nice."

"Wow," was all Roxas could say. He stared at the munny. Something about this guy seemed familiar...

"Yeah." Axel agreed. "That's...that's a pretty nice thing to do." He still thought the kid talked too much, though.

The tree kid buffed out his chest and smirked. "Don't think I'm a pushover or anything!" he said, forming his hand into a fist and showing off his imaginary muscles. "I could kick your butt if I really wanted to!"

Well, that kid just went from annoying to a giant pain pretty fast. At first, Axel didn't say anything, but soon his lips formed into an evil-looking smile as he made a giant fist of his own. It looked _much_ more threatening than the tree kid's.

"What did you say, kid?"

The kid flinched when Axel brought his fist closer to his face, clearly about to beat him to death. The kid squeaked a small, pitiful sqeak as he awaited certain doom.

The punch never landed, however, not due to any self control on Axel's part, but because someone had grabbed Axel's arm.

Roxas.

"Don't." he said, looking at Axel. "You already made yourself a hero in my eyes. Don't ruin it by punching this guy."

Axel widened his eyes. He said slowly, "Y-You think I'm a hero?" The fist dropped to his side, and the evil smile turned not-so-evil. "You know what? I'm going to have to take you up on that offer to be your friend." He pointed to his chest. "The name's Axel." Then to the side of his head. "Got it memorized?" The tree kid stood in the background, forgotten for the moment.

"My name's Roxas." Roxas said, smiling both at Axel's decision to listen to him and at the old catchphrase. "And I've got your name memorized."

"While we're all getting along and introducing ourselves," Axel said, looking at the tree kid, who was starting to sneak away. The tree kid froze in his tracks in horror, caught in the act. "What's _your_ name?" He didn't think that question could sound so menacing.

His answer would be one of those things Roxas wouldn't consider memorable, so he forgot it first the time time around. This time, however, something about the kid was different. Familiar, even.

Roxas thought he knew the answer already, but the name the kid gave made him think otherwise.

"Oh! My name's Myde. Myde Fisher."

It didn't sound familiar.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"So _'Roxas'_, I have a question to ask you. What's with the no friends thing?"

Axel didn't realize how insulting that question sounded. The concept of tact was lost on him, even when he was this young. Roxas gave an equally insulting remark.

"What's with _yours_?"

Axel just chuckled. "Ooh...attitude. I like that." He answered offhandedly, "Kids stay away from me because I scare them. You?"

"I'm just shy."

Axel was genuinely shocked by this answer, though it took Roxas some time to get the 'genuine' part. He thought the surprised look was a joke at first. "_Shy_?" the older boy asked disbelievingly. He couldn't get his mind around it. "You're not _shy_! You've got enough guts to be within three feet of me! That's not shy!"

Roxas shook his head. "Well, shy or not, my only real friend is my Grandpa. I had a goldfish for all of four minutes, but it died."

"Geez! I scare kids, but I'm better than some dead fish!"

He knew the answer. But he had to ask. "Why don't your parents buy you toys?"

Axel said loudly, "They're all 'whatever' when it comes to me. But I say 'whatever' to them!" He pumped up his fist in a one-man rebellion against all authority, and Roxas smiled. He knew he didn't change much when he was eighteen.

Roxas scratched his head. There was something about the sandbox. Something that should click. A puzzling mystery, indeed, and he pictured himself as a famous detective. An invisible lightbulb appeared over his head when he figured it out.

The sand reminded Roxas of the beach, and that reminded him of something else. He pulled something out of his pocket and grasped it in his hand. It was something from the past. Something he didn't keep but wished he did. He was right. That shell _was _kinda like the first day they met.

Axel asked, "What're you holding?"

He held it up to the sun. "The rock you gave me." If he moved it around, it changed color, like a chameleon, only much better. "It looks dull when you first look at it, but when you look at it closer, it shines." And Axel had really expected him to_ hurt _someone with it. He stared at it some more, glad he didn't throw it.

Without thinking, he whispered, "_Kinda like you_."

"What did you say to me?"

Axel's rough voice snapped him out of his sentimental moment. Drat! Dratdrat! He had forgotten--or was careless enough to ignore-- that kids like Axel didn't like it when you said mushy stuff about them. It makes them seem less cool, and it makes the person saying it seem lame. They also don't like it when almost-strangers act like they've known them for years. Because that meant that person must be a time-traveller, and time travel would be too much for them to handle because then they'd have to deal with the government, scientists...

"I'm sorry!" He squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands up. It wasn't the first time he was scared Axel would hit him. "I don't usually say things like that..." In a fit of foolishness, he cracked open an eyelid and relaxed when he realized his health wasn't in danger.

Axel smiled. "You took what I was going to say." He leaned in closer. "Want to run away with me?"

_"Let's run away together." _

Did Axel remember when he said that? On Roxas's first day of high school? It was too much to be a coincidence. He had to remember. Somehow.

"What do you mean?"

Axel pointed to where his parents were. "Your parents aren't looking at you right now, and my parents wouldn't care. Let's take a bus to Hunny's and spend that munny!" He looked at the ground and saw some munny orbs. He picked them up, smirking. "Looks like that Myde kid left us a little bus fare. Good thing he didn't bother to check some more. Not every throw hits its mark."

"He would've given it to us, anyway." Roxas said. "He did something nice. Don't make it seem like he didn't."

"Sharp attitude and a heart of gold. I just keep liking you more and more, Roxas."

Roxas felt his face go red a bit. He turned away.

Axel didn't mean it that way, he reminded himself. But gosh, did he wish he did.

They managed to sneak away from their parents, unnoticed, to the nearest bus stop.

On the way there, on the sidewalk, they passed by an elderly couple. Recently, Roxas had decided he wasn't comfortable being around old people. Mostly because of Sora. And also because, well, they reminded him of the unavoidable death. The man had to lean on a cane just to keep himself up, and the woman was wearing so much makeup, that it was like she was _trying _to hide her wrinkles, but you could still see them, clear as day. It was like watching a plant slowly die of thirst, and he couldn't stand looking at that.

But then, out of nowhere, they smiled at him. Both of them. Calm, no ulterior motive behind the smiles. He was sure they were only smiling at him because he was a little kid, and they probably thought he was cute. Nevertheless, they were smiles--friendly ones--and they made _everything_ more bearable to look at.

"Why are you smiling at them?"

Roxas hadn't noticed he had smiled back at them, until Axel gave notice. But he was glad he did.

"They bothered to smile at us. It's only right we do the same."

Axel thought it over for a moment before replying, "Nah. I don't believe in any of that 'good karma, bad karma' stuff. Doing things like that is a waste of time. Like one smile is going to make a difference."

"It's not karma." Roxas said, frowning at him. Did Axel have any idea how insensitive he had sounded? What if the couple had heard him? "It's called doing something nice." When he said that, he didn't mean that Axel never did nice things, but the older boy took it like that, nonetheless. He started looking at the ground more, and if Roxas were to analyze this behavior closely, he'd say Axel was ashamed. He gave no other signs of it, though.

They didn't have to wait long for the bus. Axel called it over, paid the fare, and moved to the back of the bus with Roxas. They sat at the very last seats, near the back window. The back window was wide and surprisingly free of gum or dead flies, and Roxas liked to stare out of it.

He watched the buildings pass by and the scenery change, like he did this morning in the car. For a split second, he wondered if the world was the one moving, and he and Axel and the bus were staying still. It was a childish and curious thought, and even though his mind knew that couldn't be possible, his body and something else in him wanted to believe in the impossible.

"Axel? Have you ever ridden a car backwards?"

Axel picked up his head. He raised an eyebrow at the oddness of the question. "Is that even possible?"

Roxas sighed. "You're not _really_ riding it backwards. But it feels like you are if you look out the back window. Nothing but the back window." He turned to Axel. "It gets a little annoying at first because you can't see where you're going. But you don't really need to know where you're going. You just need to know where you've been."

_'And I've been places. I've been places I didn't even know I've been to. Life was good. Life was big.'_

"That sounds like something out of a fortune cookie or greeting card. And what was the point of that question?"

"Just something I thought about. Are we almost there?"

Axel scoffed. "You'd know if you looked forward instead of back."

Roxas didn't move. He stared out at everything they passed by until they faded out of view and he mumbled under his breath, _"I wish I could, Axel. I really wish I could." _

Minutes later, they arrived at the ice cream shop. It wasn't a long ride, really, but the silence following Roxas's greeting card question made it seem to go on and on. In Roxas eyes, that was a good thing. He didn't want it to be over, yet.

A sign on the window boasted over fifty flavors. They walked inside, and a little bell hanging over the door announced their arrival. The sign did not lie. From looking at the counter you could tell there was a wide variety of flavors to chose from. More than the average child would want anything to do with. For some reason, though, they didn't have sea-salt ice cream.

The inside of the shop was painted in nice pastel colors and had posters advertising new flavors on the walls. Roxas felt like a kid in a candy shop in here. A very rich kid in a very expensive candy shop.

"Five hundred munny should get us two single scoops." Axel said to the younger boy, looking at the munny they had left over after paying the bus fare. "Sound okay to you?"

Roxas thought about it. Sharing one double-scoop sounded much more appealing. There was something about the clumsiness that was around whenever two people tried to share one and balance it at the same time. It would make this quiet shop seem noisier. But he had his way too many times already. He had to consider what Axel would think.

Roxas nodded, and Axel hit him with another question. "What flavor do you want, Roxas?"

Roxas looked at all the choices carefully. He had never heard of some of them before and considered trying those. It was his only chance at ever trying anything else besides the usual flavors he ate. Finally, he was able to pick one.

"Paopu? Okay."

Axel ordered vanilla, and they sat down at a table and quietly ate their ice cream. What was there to talk about? They hadn't even known each other for more than a day. They were only doing this because they could.

Roxas tasted his and scrunched up his face. Ew. Paopu fruit tasted very _bitter_. Roxas would have never ordered it if it wasn't for that stupid legend.

He started talking to get the taste out of his mouth. "There's a legend about the paopu fruit." he started, catching Axel's attention. "My grandpa told me. He said that if two people share one, they'll stay together. Forever." Now that he thought about it, eating a paopu-flavored ice cream by himself was pretty pathetic and lonely.

Axel asked, skeptical, "You don't really believe in those kinds of things, do you?"

Roxas shrugged. "I don't know. But don't you think life gets a bit more interesting--a bit more magical--when you _think_ things like that might happen? Might exist?"

Axel stared at him for the longest time. It was a strange look. Roxas knew a comment about greeting cards was coming up, and Axel was just trying to find a way to say it without saying the same thing he did in the bus. "Listen, I know I just met you and stuff, and I know I barely know anything about you, but..."

_'...that sounds like something out of a Saturday morning cartoon.'_

"I really, really like you, Roxas."

Roxas almost choked on his ice cream. The bitter taste rushed into his mouth, and he wasn't sure if it was the ice cream or the pure shock running throuh him. He didn't mean it that way, he had to remind himself. He meant it in the most platonic way possible. He had to. But there was just _something_ about the way he said it. Something about the way he was looking at him.

Did...Did the imaginary amnesia wear off?

_'You're trying to kill me, Axel.'_

Axel continued, "You've got this...spark in you. It's great. It's like no matter what you do or say, you can't hide it. You say or do anything, and it's just _there_. I'm trying to figure out exactly what it is about that spark that would make me like you so much. If this sounds creepy, that's because it is. It's just...great. I really like that about you."

_What_ could be wrong about this kid? It was something that puzzled Axel to no end. _Why _would people want to avoid him? Maybe it was the spark. Maybe no one else could see it there. If that was it, then everyone was a bunch of blind, lazy idiots. Okay, maybe it wasn't enough to _completely_ like the kid, but it was enough for Axel to want to hang out with him some other time.

"I've...I've never said anything like that to anyone before. Not even my parents."

It grew awkward for a while. Roxas was somewhere between happy and really, really nostalgic. The sad kind of nostalgic. Maybe it was only sad because Roxas always thought he was too young to feel nostalgic, so he didn't know how to deal with it. Nostalgia was... It was like fishing for memories you could only smile at.

Axel was wondering what the heck was wrong with himself right now.

He looked at Roxas's paopu ice cream and thought about that legend Roxas told him. He asked, "Can...Can I have some of that?"

_'You're really killing me right now.'_

"...Sure."

Axel leaned forward and took a small lick of it. "It's sweet." he said.

Roxas tasted it again. "It is." he said, surprised.

So they sat in the pastel-colored ice cream shop, sharing Roxas's paopu ice cream. And Roxas thought that if this was how his world was going to end, then someone up there must like him.

_I'm like rubber, you're like glue..._

It wasn't quite the real paopu fruit, but it still counted to Roxas. In his five-year-old mind, it counted because everything was only a suggestion. They were stuck to each other now. According to legend. He'd like to think that even after this day, after everyone's forgotten everything, they'd still be stuck together. Whether they liked it or not. That's the way things like that go. You think whatever you want to think about them, and no one can really argue.

_...bounces off me and sticks to you!_

_'So this is love.' _ Roxas thought with a smile with no clear feelings behind it.

"We should be heading back. My parents must be worried sick by now."

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

"And just where were you, young man? We were worried sick about you!"

Aerith looked at Roxas disapprovingly with both hands on her hips. She did not appear to be happy at all.

Yep, he was right.

Roxas listened to his mother lightly scolding him and his father agreeing with everything she said. He flinched whenever she got so loud that it was practically a yell. He apologized over and over again, head hanging low. So _this_ was what it felt like to be scolded by your parents and actually care. It had been so long since he felt like that. It really hit him hard back at this age because they were so much bigger than him. That, and he hadn't developed much of an emotional cocoon, yet.

He silently cursed Axel for leaving him to deal with his parents alone. He wished they could've gone back to the way they were earlier this morning. Laughing and joking and talking with each other and smiling and joking with him and waking him up and making him breakfast and...

For some reason, that thought made him very sad.

Mommy and Daddy. Did they know their little boy was dead? It was true. They'll never be able to do those things with him ever again and he just wanted to spend time with Axel before he had to go but he didn't want his parents to be mad at him and now they were yelling at him and this isn't how he wanted to remember them and he was going to miss them and everyone if only he could stay and say I'm sorry I'm sorry for an entire day and make everyone happy again and again somehow then... then... then what?

It was a sad thought, but he knew it shouldn't be.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Roxas's Mom?"

Everyone turned around to face the voice that had called for attention. It was Axel. The sad thoughts fleeted away, replaced with a silent and triumphant, _"Thank you!" _ If one good thing came out of their lack of caring for their son, it was that arguments with them lasted as long as short.

He tried not to get too relieved. Just in case.

"Yes?" Aerith said, looking him over. "And who might you be?"

He introduced himself, trying to look as polite as he possibly could. "My name's Axel Parr. Got it memorized? I'm Roxas's new friend, and I'm the one who talked him into sneaking away. It's all my fault."

Roxas liked where this was going so far.

Aerith and Cloud had different reactions. Aerith was pleasantly surprised. "Roxas made a new friend?" she asked, smiling. Her anger had almost completely died out by now due to the news that Roxas had befriended someone that he hadn't known beforehand. She was even to the point of forgetting what she was angry about, and Axel had to marvel at how incredibly easy that was.

Cloud was still wary. "Where'd you two go?"

Axel breathed in and put on a dramatic face. "Earlier, there was this poor boy, and he was stuck up in a _tree _of all things!" Roxas could tell he was trying really hard to seem like he was concerned. Like that would keep his dad from seeing what a little delinquent he was.

"We would've gone to you immediately," he continued. "but the branch he was sitting on was about to collapse, and if we didn't act soon, he might've been seriously injured. So I risked everything, climbing up that tree and getting him down. But he was so _scarred _by everything that he insisted we go to Hunny's and have an ice cream. His treat. We couldn't leave the poor soul to eat ice cream by himself, now could we?"

He put on a sweet, innocent smile. _Very _convincing. If that story wasn't considered stretching the truth, then Axel had been an honest and reliable person his entire life.

Aerith and Cloud stared at Roxas. Cloud asked, "Roxas, is all of that true?"

Roxas smirked a bit. In all honesty, he said, "We helped save a boy from a tree."

What? That was true, wasn't it?

Aerith gasped. She tightly gripped her husband's arm. "Roxas _never _lies to us! Oh, honey, he made a new friend! And he saved a life! He_ saved _someone's life!" She squealed in delight, while shaking Cloud back and forth.

"Aerith, being stuck in a tree is not exactly a life or death situation..."

She bent down to look at Roxas's face. "Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you!" She squeezed his cheeks and gave him a hug. "You know what? You and your new friend can go play together while I go call Grandpa and tell him the news!"

Everything happened so fast.

Everything. Roxas felt like reaching up and grabbing the moments while they happened.

So this was it, was it? His entire life, summed up in a couple of days. Heaven sure picked strange days. If he had to pick the days himself, he would've picked differently. The days Heaven picked weren't half-bad, though. He had witnessed a meteor crash, learned more about Sora than he thought he'd ever want to, met a famous celebrity, called Larxene a bitch, shared a paopu fruit, and fell in love.

And if this was how his world was going to end, then it has been worth every single minute.

But he had a pretty good life, too. Great family, great girlfriend, wasn't starving or anything, content for the most part, and he made the best friend he could've asked for. He had a great life, and he wished it could've been longer, but... it was fine the way it was.

And... well... he really shouldn't be thinking this right now.

He was in a sandbox with his best friend in the whole wide world. He was going to enjoy every minute of it, whatever may come. Meteor, car accident, breakup, wave, whatever. This was a time when the world was simpler. When he never thought about certain things and was too young to even care.

The world was his to take. If only for a day.

_'If we're gonna be friends, we should set up some rules.'_

"If we're gonna be friends..." Axel started. He was standing in the sandbox, and Roxas was sitting down. Axel looked so tall like that. So...

Marble statue-esque.

"...we should set up some rules. First rule: Axel always wins. Got it memorized?"

Roxas nodded. "Fair enough." He made a lump out of the sand. Sandboxes were unbelievably fun.

"Second rule: Younger kids can never keep secrets from older kids. Older kids, however, are allowed to keep as many secrets as they want from younger kids."

"Why?"

"Because older kids can crush younger..."

"No, I mean... you have secrets to hide?"

Axel gave him a look. "Course I do. Everyone does. I bet you have a few yourself. Doesn't matter if you're young or old." He shook his head, smiling. "Speaking of which, that was probably more than I should've told you. I'm so...jeez."

Roxas stood up. "This talk about rules is boring. Can we play a game instead?"

Axel put his hand on his chin and did a mock thoughtful face. "Let's see. No toys from me. No toys from _you_. You're 'shy.' Kids avoid me like the plague. I don't see how this 'playing' thing is going to happen."

Roxas had to admit Axel was right and rummaged through his pockets. To see if he had something that could be of any entertainment. A piece of lint, maybe. This day could _not _be over already just because of boredom.

"I still have the rock. We could play a game having to do with rocks."

"Wow." Axel said sarcastically. "Hopscotch. Excitement."

"If there was a pond nearby, we could skip..." Roxas started to suggest. Axel made a disgusted sound and snatched the rock away from his hand.

"Give me that!" he said. He held it in his hand. "And give me those four other ones over there." He pointed to a small group of rocks behind Roxas.

When Roxas handed them to him, he threw them up in the air, one at a time, caught them, threw them again, caught them, threw them, and continued until Roxas realized what he was doing.

"Juggling? That's your idea of fun?"

Axel kept concentrating on what he was doing and didn't answer Roxas.

Roxas watched him for a while, and after a while, the juggling grew very interesting to look at. Axel was surprisingly good at it. Sometimes, he'd do things like balance a rock on his arm for a while before throwing it up again. He was like a master at it or something. Why didn't he keep juggling when he got older?

Roxas giggled. "You're kinda like a clown, Axel."

"Oh yeah?" he smirked. "Can a clown do _this_?"

While all of the rocks were in the air, he suddenly flipped over and stood on his hands. He hit the falling rocks with his feet, then flipped back over, caught the rocks with his hands and continued juggling normally. Roxas had to admit. That... was...

"_**AWESOME!**_" Roxas exclaimed. No wonder younger him thought Axel was so cool.

Axel said, 'Your turn."

"Huh?"

Axel threw all five rocks in Roxas's direction, and the younger boy struggled to catch them all. He did, and Axel commented, "Nice catch. It was a game. You throw five rocks into the air and see if you can catch them."

"If that's the game," Roxas said, still holding onto the rocks. "then why did you spend all that time doing those cool tricks?"

"Just wanted to show off for a while. I actually hate clowns. My parents took me to a circus once. I saw the clowns juggle, and everyone thought it was so cool. But I thought _I _could do something like that. So I practiced, and here I am, juggling. "

Axel took the rocks back from Roxas, looked at them, and frowned.

"I... I..._ hate_... juggling."

Roxas thought it was odd Axel would tell him all of that, especially after saying that stuff about having secrets to keep. But Axel didn't sound like he was talking to anyone but himself. It was like he had forgotten Roxas was there for a while. Roxas knew they weren't _nearly_ far enough in their relationship for Axel to pay attention to him all the time. Things were different than they were when they were teenagers.

Axel said, "It reminds me that my parents never take me places I want to go."

"Then why were you doing it?"

Roxas's question snapped Axel out of his slight trance. Drat! He had been talking to himself just now, wasn't he? He must've looked insane. He answered, "You looked bored. I thought you might like it."

_'You asked me before if I was happy, Sora. Well...'_

Axel placed three of the rocks in one hand and the other three in the other hand. He closed both of them. "Here's another game. Let's see if you can guess which hand your rock is in."

Roxas wasn't watching when Axel was putting the rocks in his hands, so it took him a moment to figure out which one. Finally, he pointed at Axel's right hand. "That one."

Axel opened his hand, and Roxas was right. "How'd you know?"

"The sunlight makes it shine." Roxas answered. "It's easier to notice."

Although, the sunlight was growing thin. It was nearing sunset, and the sky was growing darker. The day was almost over, and Roxas tried not to think about it.

Axel smirked, "I told you. You can't hide the spark. Whatever you do."

Roxas smiled and said, "Can I hide the rocks now? I'll bury them in the sand." Axel agreed, and it set off a long list of things for them to do. For a while, the two of them played with the rocks and the sand, always thinking of new things to do with them. In that innocent, imaginative, childish way that they had, and they didn't get bored for a long time. They really weren't doing anything once you thought about it. Besides moving a couple of rocks around and sitting in a sandbox.

It was such a simple moment. The two of them sat in the sandbox together, playing, and the sunset served not as a reminder the day was ending, but rather as a nice background to the main event. Roxas was having so much _fun_, and he really wasn't doing anything.

_'Yes. I'm happy. I'm so, so happy.'_

"Third rule:" Axel said in the middle of one of their games. Roxas didn't know if he had just thought of the new rule, or if he had been waiting for the right time to say it. "If we ever have a fight, we have to make up eventually. We can't keep fighting."

"That's a weird rule. You seem like a fighting sort of person."

Axel was aware of that fact, and thought hard for a way to explain why he made that rule. "I'm like...the worst person to say this, but it seems a little pointless. The fighting, I mean."

"Fighting's normal. Everyone fights."

_Especially _the two of them.

"I know, but... Why stay angry with each other if we're supposed to be friends? If we're still friends, like, a year from now, there must be _something _that's keeping us around each other. Who says that thing won't be there _ten _years from now? If we're still friends ten years from now, then who says it won't be there a _hundred_ years from now?"

It was a nice thought to think. They had shared that ice cream a while ago, too. Yes. What Axel was saying were very nice thoughts to think.

"I have a feeling this friendship's going to work." Axel said. "And...well...everything's going to be fine, eventually. No matter how bad or silly the argurment."

Very, very nice thoughts.

"'Cause we'll be okay. Right, Roxas?"

Everything Roxas had done had led up to this. This one moment of making up rules in the sandbox. And this was pretty okay. He couldn't think of any other response but an honest and truthful nod.

Axel thought over everything he said, and the fact that he had said them to a near stranger. Did he really give statements like that out so easily?

He asked, with only the slightest hint of doubt in his voice, "Do you really think we'll be friends for that long?"

Roxas stared out into the sunset. Any minute, their parents were going to be coming to pick them up, and Roxas accepted that fact wholeheartedly. He knew it was going to end today and soon, and he was okay with it. Really. He was okay with it now.

"I do. I have a feeling we'll be friends for a long,_ long _time."

Axel held out his little finger. "Pinky swear?"

Roxas did the same. "Pinky swear."

Roxas's mom came up to them minutes later and told Roxas it was getting late and that it was time to go home. Axel's mom told him the same. The two of them said goodbye to each other, promising to meet again some other time.

Roxas wished they could've stayed in the park a little longer, but didn't protest when his parents took him to the car. It was the same as in the morning. He let the vibrations of the car relax him, listened to conversation between his parents, watched the scenes change in the windows. Instead of the sun, he was greeted with the moon, telling him it was time to go home now.

He cried himself to sleep that night. He didn't let anyone hear him. He thought of everything, _everything _that had happened and cried himself to sleep. He touched everything in his room, knowing he would never be able to touch it again, and the tears kept coming. He told himself he'd be ready for it by the time he got to this point, but he wasn't. It felt like the last time.

But after the cry, a quiet calm washed over him. It whispered to him and told him everything was fine and that he wouldn't lose a single thing. Everything he had would still be there, not going anywhere. It was a muted happiness that made him cry even harder. It felt like the first time.

He wouldn't lose Axel. He was sure of it. Absolutely, positively, 100 percent, really, _really_ sure.

They pinky swore!

And if that wasn't sacred, then what was?

_'So very happy.'_

_(...END OF CHAPTER...)_

**Author Notes #2: **

**ATTENTION: **This is _not_ the last chapter. The next one is. Oh my goodness, this is almost over. D: I'm not entirely sure how I should feel about that. Seems like just yesterday I uploaded the first chapter.

Anyway, about the chapter! This is how Axel and Roxas met in this story! If Axel is good at handling those chakrams and not cutting himself, he _must _be good at juggling.

Review, please! I would really, really like to know your opinions of this chapter or the story in general. Please?


	19. Heaven

**Author's Notes #1: **

**READ THIS: **So we've arrived here, the last chapter. The end of a story. I do hope to write again in the future, so keep checking up on me if you feel like it. An easy way to do this would be to put me on what is called "Author Alert," which I am informed is performed by pressing a button. Besides, I may even update my profile one day. Wouldn't want to miss out on that. (If I write a new story, would any of you read it? Tell me.)

I know I said before that Namine wouldn't be in this story anymore (Read the chapter for more information.) but I had made some changes, and I think that her inclusion really adds something to it.

I recommend listening to some relaxing piano music while reading this chapter. Also, at the very end, Howie Day's _Collide_.

Happy reading!

(Added 10/13/08. **I recommend reading this if you're reading this story for the first time.** I suppose I should've added this little note _before _I published this chapter. My bad. Okay, the last part of this chapter-- the part where Roxas is a baby-- is open for interpretation. It means whatever you want it to. If you read that part and decide you don't like what you think it means, _it doesn't have to hold that meaning for you._ You can change your perception of it to fit your preference, which was what I intended in the first place. If you want to know what _my _interpretation of the ending is, PM me, and I'll happily send it to you. :D However, the meaning isn't exactly set in concrete, and I never intended it to be. I'm sorry for any confusion/discontentment I may have caused by leaving this note out.)

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are the property of Square Enix and Disney. _Elsewhere _was written by Gabrielle Zevin.

**Chapter Nineteen: Heaven**

_**or**_

**At The Beginning**

There he was again.

The red one. He always walked by this spot. He always sat down in that one spot. The orange flower growing through a crack in the road had grown used to this by now, but it still felt the need to point it out.

That was the spot where it happened. Where _he_ died. The person the red one was always muttering about. The red one would sit here for hours, in that spot in the middle of the road, right next to the orange flower. He would sit on his knees and stare at it, thinking whatever humans think about these sort of things. The flower was sure they were sad thoughts, though. Sometimes, the red one would say that it had grown here to give some sort of tribute to the other human, but it didn't know about that.

It was born before it had happened.

And it would know. It saw it happen. It knew exactly what human the red one was talking about. Sometimes, he would yell and scream, sometimes he would cry, and sometimes he would do nothing but stare and think. He repeated the person's name over and over again, but the flower never took the time to remember it.

Quite frankly, it did not understand why there was so much sadness surrounding the death of one human. It did not understand the tears, the screams, the pain. Flowers accept their demise as it happens, slowly fading away for whatever reason. Winter, especially, was a time of great death among its kind. When one flower died, another was born, so only happiness could be found whenever one wilted.

Because nobody mourned the death of a flower.

But then it remembered that flowers are stationary. They do not move. At all. In fact, the only time it could think of when flowers willingly move is to reach towards the sun. To take in as much sunlight as they can. A rather selfish reason, in its opinion. Humans move for selfish reasons, too, but they also move to help others. Not just move, but_ rush_, such as they did when the yellow one was struck by the metal horse.

It supposed the red one had a point.

Truth be told, it was rather jealous of humans and their ability to do whatever they pleased. That really wasn't saying much, though, considering it was jealous of a lot of things. For example, it was jealous of flowers that did not grow through cracks, but through soil. Those are the ones that humans like to pick. Like to _move_. Like the ones the yellow one was bringing somewhere. Not the yellow one the red one was sad over, but a different one. A girl. Those flowers she had were arranged so beautifully.

But the flower in the crack did not see a lot of beautiful things so far. The crashing of the metal horse was certainly not a beautiful thing. It did not completely understand what was going on, but it knew it was something bad. But in a mean sort of way, it was glad it had happened. Otherwise, it would have no one to keep it company. All that red, liquidy stuff wasn't very good tasting for its roots to soak up, however. And that expression on the yellow one's face when it happened. He looked so scared. But then he closed his eyes, and he didn't look like anything.

Wait.

Wait a moment.

The flower noticed something different about the red one today. Something... happier. And at that moment, it knew it wouldn't be having as much company as it had been having the past week.

It knew the red one was fine now, even by humans' standards. It saw him walk along the area, but he did not stay in his usual spot. He did not stay still. He merely walked passed, smiling the entire time. His steps were more confident when he walked, and he didn't look down. It did not know what made him smile and change so quickly, so greatly, but whoever it was deserved all its thanks.

Why shouldn't he smile?

Humans can change their faces so many different ways. They can show so many different emotions. Nobody knows what a flower feels like, nor does anyone care. Humans were gifted. They should use their gift as much as possible.

Flowers don't have any concept of the afterlife like humans do. Flowers are thoroughly logical beings. When they die, they die. But if it had to guess, if it could be even slightly human for one day, it had a strong idea of where the yellow one went after he closed his eyes. It realized the red one must've had the same idea.

He went to the place that flowers reach for.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_He had been killed._

_He had been denied access from Heaven to do some asinine "Life Review."_

_His best friend hadn't even attended his funeral._

_He had been killed twice._

_His best friend, who he had hated, kissed him when he knew he had a girlfriend._

_He had watched his best friend die because of him._

_He had been forced to break up with his girlfriend because of feelings he didn't want._

_The person he loved rejected him, driving him to attempted suicide._

_..._

_He had been killed._

_..._

_..._

_It didn't make sense._

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

It had been two weeks and two days since Roxas had died.

She opened the door to his bedroom. She instantly regretted it. She didn't want to be in here, but she knew she had to be.

Everything was as still as a photograph, the essence of its former inhabitant still hanging in the air. Untouched by time or the events that took place. Schoolbooks stacked neatly on the desk. Photographs on his bookshelf. Clothes that'll never be washed still waiting in the hamper. In the end, all of this stuff, piles of it, was all a person was and all they'll leave behind.

She sat on the bed. It was still perfectly made. She found herself folding the corner of the sheet, just to wrinkle it a little. Just to make it seem like someone had been sleeping in it the night before.

She scanned the room until she found it. What she was looking for. She walked up to the window and wiped a small smudge off with her sleeve. That was it. That was all she came here for. She just didn't want Roxas to go through the trouble of cleaning it himself.

She looked out the window and saw only one or two clouds in sky. Today would be a perfect day to do it, she decided.

She went downstairs and saw someone standing in the dining room. A woman. She knew her.

"Namine," the woman, Aerith, said, "You're leaving already?"

Namine grabbed the flowers she had bought from Aerith's flower shop off the table, where she left them.

"Yeah. I'll be heading over there, now."

"Okay. Take care."

Sometimes, Namine would hear Aerith and Cloud talking to each other, reassuring each other that it didn't hurt when that car crashed. That it was quick and painless. She didn't know if they actually believed that, but she did.

As soon as she opened the front door, Aerith asked her, "Namine, do you know how Axel is doing? I haven't seen him lately..."

Namine didn't answer her. She walked out of the house, onto the sidewalk, flowers in hand.

She was angry at Axel, because he didn't seem to care. She rarely got angry with people, but, given the circumstances, she thought she might make an exception.

He was not at the funeral. When she was giving her speech, she looked out into the crowd and didn't see him anywhere. He hadn't spoken to Roxas's parents at all. He hadn't spoken to anyone. She knew he cared about Roxas and was going through a tough time, but it wasn't like he was the only one who had a problem with it. He could've been a little less selfish.

Although, she_ was _beginning to worry about him. Perhaps she should stop by his house after this, to check up on him.

She rubbed her hands together. It was cold. Good thing she had brought her jacket.

She crossed the place where the accident happened and didn't notice the small orange flower growing out of the road.

She was angry at the driver, for causing all this. But she had met him before. Some time after the funeral. He was a man by the name of Zexion. He wouldn't give his last name for some reason. His wheelchair looked new, and he had some difficulty moving around, so he couldn't have been in one for long. She knew he had regrets, too, though not all of them were about Roxas. He had lost someone, too.

She was angry at the world, for not caring as much as she did.

Everyone had cared when it first happened. Everyone was upset and shocked. It was a topic amongst many students' conversations. But after a while, it became old news. Unimportant. It was overshadowed by the death of famous teen singing sensation, Demyx Loreone. To everyone, he mattered more than a small kid from a big city like Hollow Bastion. But soon, even that was forgotten, and the world went on.

She was angry at Roxas, for not being more careful. But she knew that feeling wouldn't last long.

She rubbed her hands together.

She soon saw her destination and walked past the gate. She scanned the names on the tombstones. She saw his name and walked towards it, flowers in hand, but was surprised to find there was something laying on the soil already.

There, on the grave, were the Algerbra notes Roxas had lent to Axel about a month ago. There wasn't a doubt in her mind about who gave it back.

That was all the evidence she needed. That was it. She didn't need to check up on him anymore. In that moment, she realized Axel would be okay. He'd be okay from now on. He'd be fine. She didn't know who had changed Axel after the funeral, but whoever it was deserved all her thanks.

In that moment, combined with how Axel had been acting ever since the accident happened, she realized how much Axel had actually felt for Roxas. How much he still does. She wasn't so sure how she felt about that.

She laid the flowers on the grave and walked her way home. This place was so cold.

On the way back, she heard a rumble from the clouds. Another one. It was getting louder each time. Oh no. She'd never make it home in time. Finally, the sky grew dark, and it started with a light drizzle. It ended with heavy rain. Letting out a small whimper, she pulled on the hood of her jacket and ran to the nearest dry shelter.

She pressed her back against the wall and looked on the scenery sadly. It was like Roxas was crying because no one remembered his death.

She didn't know what the world wanted from her. She had walked all the way there, alone, to make sure his grave wouldn't be bare, and the weather was protesting it. She spent all her time thinking about how much his death had affected her, and she couldn't even have a peaceful walk home.

She wasn't usually one to complain, but this was... she didn't know. She couldn't wait under here forever, and if she tried to get home now, she'd get wet and probably catch a cold.

She was tired already. She needed to get home. She was tired of searching for shelter whenever it rained. She was tired of always going the safe and careful path and never taking chances. She was tired of being angry at people for things that weren't their fault. She was tired of feeling so helpless.

She had enough.

She pulled off her hood and ran out into the rain.

The heavy rain pounded on her body and soaked her to the bone, but she didn't mind it. She didn't even try to run home, which was the point of this. She stood still in the middle of the sidewalk and let the rain wash her off. She tilted her head upwards and closed her eyes. Why hadn't she ever tried this before? A smile tugged at her lips. Everything was so new and different. It stayed like that for a while.

Drop by drop, the rain got lighter.

All of a sudden, it stopped. The sky was completely clear. Namine blinked once. Was it over already? He stopped. It was as if Roxas wasn't crying for himself, but rather for the well-being of her and Axel. He didn't want them to be sad anymore. Seeing as Axel had been fine already, maybe it was just her.

She shook off the water dripping from her clothes and hair. Everything was clear, and she could see her house. She wouldn't get there, yet. She leaned her head against a lamp post.

Roxas knew she was fine now. She knew it, too. She would be okay. It was the least she could do for him. Still, the thought tugged at her heart. It wouldn't keep her from standing in the rain, but it left a small imprint. She had to wonder about some things. She had to ask whatever was listening. She thought about Roxas's room and how empty it felt. She thought about how it would feel if Roxas came back.

If he _did_ have a second chance at life, what would he do? Obviously, he would gain some new appreciation for life and the fragility of it all. He'd stop wasting time doing whatever he deemed unecessary. He'd do everything he'd want to get accomplished in life and more. And then... what? What would he do after that? Would everything just become normal again? But he'd never_ really _be normal again, would he? Because he probably knew things about the other side that no living person should know. He'd never really be the same Roxas ever again, would he?

The way she saw it, after you went from one state of being to another, there was no turning back. Take getting older, for instance. Once you're an adult, you can't go back to being a kid. You could be a kid at _heart_. Roxas could stay alive on his and everyone else's _hearts_. But not really. By then, you would've learned things. Important things. Things that take time to learn. And you can't forget them. If you did... then...

You can't move.

If you look at things that way, then nothing has been a waste. Not even the death of a loved one.

If Roxas came back, living for him would be just that. Living. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe if he came back, everything would be better and everyone would be happier. Maybe. But what about the next time he died? What if she and Axel and everyone he knew didn't die by then, either? Would he get another chance, then? What about the time after that?

For the funeral, she had written a speech about he had touched all of their lives. She should start remembering what she had written. About how anyone who was loved and remembered lived forever everywhere.

She planted a kiss on the palm of her hand and blew it to the sky. She wasn't sure which way she meant it. As Roxas's girlfriend or... as a friend. As a friend who desperately missed her other friend but was happy for him, nonetheless, wherever he was. And really, she could do nothing else.

She was angry at herself for having so many questions.

What, she wondered, was the last thing Roxas ever felt on Earth? The very last thing? Was it some strong feeling or emotion, enveloping him in its grasp before he stopped feeling anything? Or what it just the road, hard and unforgiving against his body?

How, she wondered, did it happen? She didn't mean how his death happened. She'd never want to know the details of that crash, and she didn't think Roxas did, either. She meant, how did he let go of Earth? How did he go from living to not living? Did everything simply go black? Was there a light at the end of a tunnel? Was it painful? Did it hurt?

She had a feeling she'll never know the answers to those questions. At least not anytime soon. And she was happy that she wouldn't. Because she gets to imagine the answers any way she wants to, shape _anything_ the way she wants to, live the rest of her life any way she wants to, and breathe in the sweet and sometimes salty air of hope.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

_He should've been corrupted by now. It didn't make sense._

_The Devil looked at everything that had gone wrong in the boy's death. By all means, his soul should've been his by now. He had even used an elaborate disguise to try to get to him. He knew enough, however, to know that the fate of a soul could very well be determined by a simple flip of a coin. Or, as the Devil like to put it, by a game of chance. _

_He looked on in anger as the boy smiled and laughed on his last day and knew he had lost the game this time. _

_No need to worry, though. There were always other fates to ruin._

_But for now... _

_The ugly, hideous face of love had won. _

_..._

_It sickened him._

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

The clock had struck midnight.

As Roxas drifted into sleep the night he was five years old, he began to dream for the last time. The last time he'd go into a world without ever opening his eyes. The night was quiet and peaceful.

This time, however, neither Demyx nor his grandfather nor _anyone _was there with him. There were no clouds or Gates or lakes or angels. No Mom telling him it was time to wake up. No voices _anywhere._

He was alone.

Yet at the same time, he wasn't.

And he was sinking underwater.

No. Sinking wasn't the right word. He was in water, but he wasn't being pulled down. He was floating. This wasn't like that time when he saw the Devil. This was different. Lighter. He could see the light clearly and knew where he had to go. He kept swimming up until he could breathe again.

But when the first thing he saw was darkness, he knew this couldn't possibly be Heaven.

What had happened? Where were the Gates, finally open? Where was Sora, telling him what a good job he did? Where was Demyx, singing again? When he found none of that, it was then he knew he was dreaming. It didn't necessarily feel like anything went _wrong_, but he knew this wasn't where he was supposed to end up. This didn't feel like Heaven or Hell. This felt like...

It felt extremely familiar.

It felt like Earth.

He didn't feel alive, but it felt like Earth.

Another day of Reversal? Then why was it so dark? Shouldn't it be morning? Shouldn't he be in bed, waking up by now?

Why was it nighttime?

He scratched his head in confusion and almost jumped when he saw his arm. It was see-through! It was.. It was _glowing_! He tried to touch something with it, the first thing he saw, and he couldn't feel it at all. The paperweight moved when he got close to it.

But he didn't feel it touch his skin.

He managed to get a vague idea of what was happening. In this dream--or not a dream--he was on Earth, but as something very ghost-like. He probably _was_ a ghost. He could hardly see himself, and he couldn't feel anything, but he was definitely there. At least, he hoped so. He could've just been imagining himself being there.

A nagging voice in his head said, there... where? He ignored it for the moment.

The eerie way he seemed to glow. He was reminded of that experience he had right after he died. You know, the double exposure thing. Well, this was kind of like that. Except that it wasn't really a double exposure this time because there was only one of him. His body was nowhere to be found.

But he knew exactly where it was.

Memories came flooding back. That nagging voice in his head? It was telling him where. It was at the funeral. Today. _His_ funeral.

It was telling him today was the day of his funeral.

This was a week _after_ he died. He never _lived_ through this. And he saw his funeral already. It already happened. So this was before present time and after he died. What was he doing here? He couldn't think of any clear explanation. He began to think that Heaven had simply forgotten about him but quickly shook that thought out of his head.

He felt a pain in his chest. This was the funeral his best friend never attended.

Which was funny, seeing as how his best friend was right in front of him.

He was in Axel's room, looking at Axel, and he could hardly believe it. He couldn't believe it. It was Axel. _His_ Axel. Eighteen-year-old Axel. A smile forced itself upon his face, and he felt terrible about it because today was supposed to be very depressing.

But seeing Axel as Roxas last saw him was incredible. A miracle. Roxas never thought he'd see him again. He felt like running up to him, calling out to him, doing anything to catch his attention. Tell him how much he missed him, and how much of a miracle it was to see him now. He'd tell him he was sorry for everything, and kiss him, and hug him, and...

But he restrained himself.

Because he knew Axel wouldn't see him there or notice him, anyway. And Roxas thought about how cruel Heaven was to put him here and make him an invisible, untouchable, barely there ghost.

Standing there, Axel not noticing him at all, made him feel, for the first time, really **dead. **

_Detached._

All he could do was watch him.

Axel was sitting on his bed. How he even got there was a mystery to Roxas, seeing as how Axel's room was just as messy as before, if not messier. He had an open Algerbra notebook in front of him and was doodling on it. And Roxas_ knew _he was just doodling because Axel _never_ did his homework. God. Ten years after they first met. Axel seemed so mature right now.

After he was done with Algerbra, Axel moved on to History, then to English, and so on and so forth, until Axel had just about defaced every subject. Roxas didn't feel bad for spying on him like this at all, because everything was so average. Regular Axel stuff.

It's not like watching your best friend do this all night was _boring_. Oh, _no! _It was just that Roxas wondered why he was watching this in the first place. Axel didn't even have any music on or _anything._

Speaking of which, how _come _Axel didn't have any music on? He usually did. Maybe this was his way of mourning. After all, his best friend _did_ just die recently.

Mourning.

Funny. When Roxas thought of that word, he usually thought of more than this.

After Axel was done, he put all of his books back into his bookbag, which was on the other side of the room. As Axel began to walk back to his bed, Roxas noticed that he was moving very slowly and his legs were trembling slightly.

Maybe he was just tired?

Suddenly, just like that, Axel collasped. His legs gave in and he just fell until he hit the floor. He didn't even try to get up. Roxas wondered what the hell was wrong with him.

Only when he listened carefully did he realize that Axel was crying.

It was very quiet crying. From a certain distance, you couldn't even _tell_ that he was crying until you noticed that his body was shaking and that he was breathing very heavily.

It just stayed like that for a while. With Axel crying on the floor and Roxas just watching. It _hurt _him to see Axel like that. Seeing Axel this unhappy was a pain that made Roxas want to curl up on himself and cry _with_ him.

This was just like the cigarette thing, except a thousand times worse. Because this time he was crying about something Roxas couldn't help. His heart (as if he had one) was overflowing with compassion and pity, and he just wanted to _do_ something. Comfort him somehow.

_Talk_ to him.

Roxas froze when he saw Axel pull something out. A bottle.

A pill bottle.

_No. _Not this. Not like this. Don't tell him Axel tried to kill himself like this. Fear quickly made its way into Roxas's consciousness and made it difficult for him to breathe. He watched Axel open the bottle.

Axel never took any medications. There would be no other reason for him to swallow pills. He poured some pills into his hand and stared at them. More than two. More than five.

More pills than Roxas could imagine as a safe dosage.

Watching Axel die was something he would never want to experience again, under any circumstances. He couldn't imagine the horror that would come with watching Axel kill himself.

Frantic, Roxas thought back to the paperweight. Y-Yeah. That was right. If he wanted to--if he really wanted to--he could take the pills away from Axel. He could save him.

He reached out his hand and stopped, face frozen.

If he wanted to--if he_ really _wanted to...

He could leave them in.

If Axel killed himself and died, he would go to Heaven, and the two of them would be together. Forever and ever and ever and ever and... A twisted smile formed on Roxas's face. Axel was in _so_ much pain. If he did this, he wouldn't feel any pain anymore. Or ever again. And neither would Roxas. Both of them would get the happy ending they deserved.

Sure, Sora said he couldn't change anything, and Axel already decided not to do it, but that was for Reversal. This was different for a reason. Heaven made him watch this for a reason. Heaven wanted him to pick his prize for doing such a job well done.

Heaven was giving him a choice.

Either kill Axel and spend eternity together in Heaven, or save Axel and spend all those agonizingly slow years alone.

He knew which choice he wanted to pick. He just wasn't sure which was the _right _one.

This would be an easy decision for anyone else. Kill someone or let them live? Obviously Heaven would want him to pick the second one. Obviously. He was telling himself that. Obviously the right choice was the second one.

But Axel really wanted to die. He was in so much pain. He wanted to die. Roxas would be helping him get what he wanted.

Both of them _wanted_ him to die.

It would be better, right? Once he met up with Axel again in Heaven, he'd tell him how he felt, and the two of them would be together forever. Everything would run the way it was supposed to. Because of course Heaven would want him to have a happy ending. It wouldn't have given him the choice if it didn't.

All he had to do was nothing. Just let Axel swallow the pills.

What was taking him so goddamn long? Jesus, he was just staring at them!

Axel might not do it, he realized. Axel might actually decide not to go through with it, like he did the first time. Heaven might be making him watch this to torture him, to remind him that it was tearing them apart. But he had power. He could move things. All he had to do was stop whatever was stopping Axel. What were they going to do? Crash a meteor through his window? He'd die anyway!

This wasn't like when Roxas tried to kill himself. Nothing like it. He was only doing that because he felt lost and lonely. Axel was doing it for love. It was a noble cause. The best one out there. Axel wouldn't go to Hell for this. He couldn't.

Axel died for him once. He'd do it again.

Roxas thought it over some more. Choosing not to kill Axel would be too obvious. Since when had any of Heaven's tests been obvious? It was mercy killing. _Mercy_ killing.

And if he believed _that_, then it was no wonder he was gullible enough to believe the Devil. The cynical, break-out-of-the-fairytale side of him spoke up.

Besides, it said, sarcasm dripping, it wasn't like Axel had a_ life _ahead of him, right? It wasn't like he was strong enough to get through this. Of course not. Roxas looked up to him all those years for nothing. It wasn't like he would actually _want _Axel to live happily. No, he'd rather see him dead, just because he can't wait too long. His time was _that_ precious.

It was murder, it said. It would be killing his best friend. Killing. Mercy killing or not, it would be like force feeding Axel the pills himself. It would be condemning him to Hell and signing the Devil's contract with a blood-tipped pen because he thought it was _the right thing to do._

That wasn't _fair_! Giving him this choice wasn't fair! He wasn't ready for it! He couldn't make a decision like this so quickly. Axel couldn't stare at the pills forever. Any one of these minutes, he was going to swallow them. Bullshit. Roxas wasn't even completely sure if he could really change anything or not.

But that wasn't the point was it? The point was, if he _could_, would he kill Axel? Or would he let Axel live his own life from here on out?

_'You're doing it again. You're only thinking of yourself.'_

Axel brought the pills closer to his mouth.

Roxas yelled out, "Axel, _**DON'T!**_" He reached forward and knocked the pills out of the palm of his hand. They landed on the floor, and Axel didn't pick them up. Roxas stared at his hand, thinking about what he had done.

He did it.

He saved him.

The better side of him won.

Axel looked up in shock, staring at the air expectantly. The hell? _Something_ put the pills on the floor. But he was the only one in the room. He was pretty damn sure it wasn't the wind. Some invisible... thing wouldn't let him die. And Axel wanted to know why.

_'You bastard. You sick, selfish, twisted bastard.'_

Roxas had to ask. Okay, first he had to _say_. He must've been masochistic, because no one in their right mind would want to wait over fifty years to see the person they loved again, especially when they had the perfect chance to do something about it. He had to ask. Why, goddammit, _why_?

Why?

Mostly because he just couldn't do that to Axel.

He couldn't do that. He couldn't kill him. He_ loved _him. Why would he kill the person he loved? Axel said that if he was near the car accident, he would've saved Roxas. Why wouldn't Roxas do the same? He was onlyeighteen. There was so much he could accomplish. He couldn't do this to himself. Not over Roxas. Not over this.

He'd made Axel happy. He'd brought light into his life. He made him love. Just so he could end his life at eighteen? Just so he could never resolve the problems with his mother? Never graduate from high school? Never see the light again? Roxas didn't want that, and deep, deep down inside, he knew Axel didn't, either.

He noticed Axel was staring at the air, waiting for an explanation. He didn't blame him. He'd be confused, too. And pissed. He'd be really, really pissed. But what could he do?

He reached out to touch Axel's shoulder.

_'Nothing.'_

His hand passed right through.

Before he knew it, his mouth was moving.

"_Don't worry, Axel_," Roxas whispered. In the back of his mind, he wondered why he was saying anything at all. It wasn't like Axel could hear him. At least he thought not. When he yelled what he did, Axel hardly flinched. But he _had _to say something.

He needed to.

"It may seem like everything's gone wrong, and there's nobody left to care about you, but everything's going to be okay_._" He wished he paid more attention from his mother on how to comfort people. He sucked so bad at it. "I should know. I once felt like that, too."

Axel wasn't listening. Roxas bit his lip.

"I hope you _never _die."

He hoped Axel would live forever. He hoped Axel would do whatever he wanted to do and die without a single regret. Regrets that pound at his head like Roxas's were now. He wanted Axel to live as long as possible. Go to college, grow old, all that crap. He wanted Axel to know that he wasn't going anywhere.

He wanted Axel to be happy. He never wrote a will. But that was one dead man's last wish. To see the person he loved be happy. Even if that meant waiting a hundred billion gazillion years.

_'Tell you what, Axel. I'll promise to wait for you if you promise to wait for me.'_

"I'm not letting you go because I don't care about you anymore. I'm doing it _because _I love you. I want you to be happy, Axel. I want you to be so, so happy."

Axel wasn't listening. He didn't think so. He was about to give up until Axel did something _so_ unexpected, Roxas's mind went as blank as paper, and his words became a garbled mess.

Axel leaned forward and kissed him.

He kissed him. Impossible. Roxas could feel it, and he knew Axel could, too. _Physically_ feel it. Even though Roxas was dead, and his body was miles away, they were able to feel each other. It was impossible. It was magic. Axel must've thought he'd gone insane because he was kissing air, and air was kissing back. Or maybe he knew, or just felt, that his best friend was with him.

"_I'll wait for you._" Roxas whispered in-between kisses. "_I promise. I'll save a spot up there for you, okay? There's no need to rush. There's no need to throw anything away. I'll wait for you. I'll __**always**__ wait for you. But you have to promise to wait for me, okay?_" It came out a lot more sad sounding than he wanted it to. No. Why was he unhappy? He was kissing Axel. They were finally together.

Why on earth would he be unhappy?

"Even if Heaven gives up on you." he said, steadying his voice. It was hard. "Even if _you_ give up on you. I'll_ never _give up on you."

Okay. Heaven gave him a choice, and he chose to let Axel live. Who was he to complain?

They touched each other's skin and felt each other's breath. Roxas could hear Axel's heartbeat. He couldn't hear his own because he didn't have one. Axel must've known something was there. One doesn't just do this to air. He knew something was there. He didn't know if he knew it was Roxas.

If Axel could see him, because Roxas felt he had to delude himself with the idea, what did he see? Did he see an angel, glowing with light?

"We'll meet again. Someday. One of these days we're going to meet again, and it'll be just like old times, and you're going to fill me in on all the parts of your life that I wasn't there for, and then it'll be like none of us ever died." He leaned his invisble head against Axel's chest. "And then we'll get to do this all over again."

It was a miracle. Things like this don't just _happen_. People don't go making out with he ghost of their best friend who really had no business being a ghost. People don't go kissing intangible things that suddenly become tangible.

Axel waited so long for this. Now, it was Roxas's turn to wait.

They broke the kiss, and Axel looked down. He didn't say a word.

Or did Axel see a little, five-year-old boy who desperately needed to get out of the sandbox and go home?

Maybe Heaven was giving him one last chance to say goodbye.

Roxas just laughed. That was right. Axel had to breathe. Those living people and their needs! Those living people and their growth! Axel was so much taller than him. He had always been taller. He had always been rubbing it in.

"One of these days," Roxas said. "I'm gonna be taller than you. When you grow old and hunched over, I'll be taller than you."

It was like Roxas had never left.

Somewhere else, a bunch of people were mourning his death in some funeral. His girlfriend--God, he missed her.--was giving a heartfelt speech about he had touched their lives, and almost everyone he knew was there to listen. Parents, teachers, classmates. Most of them would be crying. But why? He was right here. He never left.

"But now you have to move on and _smile_, for God's sake."

He wiped his face. He hadn't noticed his tears. Or were those Axel's tears? Who cared anymore? Whether he was crying or Axel was crying or both of them, none of it mattered. It didn't make anyone better than the other. Hell, they could walk right over to his funeral, and they'd fit right in with everybody.

He thought about what Axel had told him on his last Reveral day.

_Was_ everything going to be okay? He didn't know. He was never meant to. But he _did_ know that, somehow, everything would turn out okay in the end. Somehow. So if it wasn't okay, then you just _knew_ it wasn't the end.

God, that sounded like something Sora would say.

But he didn't care. He missed the damn guy.

Axel climbed back into his bed, the pills forgotten. He wouldn't be doing that shit anymore. He didn't feel like he had to. There was better shit to do, anyway. He turned on the music and turned off the lights. Now, he had someone to live for.

And he could finally rest in peace. Both of them could.

Roxas knew now that there was such a thing in the world as a love that defied the boundaries of death. In this world, full of hatred and kindness, such a thing existed. That was enough for him. He knew he had it. If that wasn't worth waiting for, then what was?

Put _that _in the History textbook, Mr. Saix. Go ahead. He _dared _you.

"I'll see you later, Axel. Much, much later."

_Could _Axel hear him? Roxas wasn't so sure. But for a moment, just a short, tiny moment, Axel looked up, _right _where Roxas was. He was looking right at him.

_"I love you," _he whispered. He smiled when he said it, too. "_More than you'll ever know_."

Roxas smiled and whispered it back. "_I love you._" He said it with all the feeling, all the honesty, all the power he could muster. "_Got it memorized?_"

He felt a drop of liquid touch his skin. Then another one. And he knew he was falling back into the water. He felt himself being pulled away from Axel, slowly at first, then it was like a supersonic boom. Like breaking the sound barrier. Like breaking the barrier between living and dying. Axel became nothing but a pleasant blur as Roxas moved up, up and away, floating into the night sky. It was thrilling to be up there. The moon never looked so clear, so close.

Suddenly, the sky became blue. As blue as a kid's crayon drawing. Like one of Namine's drawings. He could sense the sweet scent of flowers in spring, milk and honey on his tongue, and lukewarm fire on his soul. All the world's happiness was his. They were like ants down there. Axel was one of those red ones.

And then there were Gates. Right in front of him and wide open. They never closed.

Roxas Benjamin Gainsborough Strife figured that if he wanted to--if really, really,_ really _wanted to--he could've stayed on Earth as a ghost and haunted Axel for the rest of his natural life. But really, who would want that? Whether you loved them or not, being haunted by _anyone_, being haunted by a memory, chasing you down until you can't go on in the real world, is a terrible thing.

You know, letting go and moving on sounded like pretty good advice. _So good_, in fact, that Roxas decided to take it himself. Sora and Demyx were waiting for him, after all.

Without even sparing a backwards glance, he called out to the Voice.

**"I'm ready."**

The first--and the last, _last_--thing he ever felt on Earth was happiness.

And he disappeared into a sea of sparkles.

_**LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE**_

One sunny Saturday morning, at exactly 2:35 P.M., a baby boy was born.

He had bright blond hair and wide blue eyes, just like his father, and a soft and quiet smile, just like his mother.

Unlike most of the other babies being born that day, he wasn't crying but remained silent, as if he knew that all the hardships were over now, and that this was a time for new beginnings.

The mother whispered gently,_ "Hey there, Roxas. Hello. We've been waiting for you for a very, very long time."_

Then the baby, who at the time didn't know what the future held and didn't really care, laughed.

Because they'll be okay.

_'Right, Axel?'_

_(...Fin...)_

**Author's Notes #2- READ THIS:**

And...

...it's...

...over!

Whew! Finished it! A lot of work went into this, and now I (and you) have a finished product. I really, really, _really_ hope you enjoyed this chapter and the story as a whole. I know I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story! Also, thanks for just taking the time to read it and sticking with it until the end. Your support means a lot to me. I give you guys my love! :D

Thanks to Gabrielle Zevin for writing the book that inspired this. Although, some people have told me this is better than _Elsewhere_, so I do apologize for that.

About the ending... In my mind, this_ is _a happy ending. In a way, the two of them got to stay together forever, and it's enough for both of them. Everyone ended up being okay. When I first thought of this story, before I had even gotten an account or considered making this available to public view, I had always pictured it ending this way. I find that stories are a lot nicer when they're told the way the author wants them to.

If you have this story on alert or favorites, review, please! Not only for this chapter, but all of it. I'd really like to know if you liked it (or disliked), why you liked it (or disliked), and how I could improve. Does this mean I expect every single one of you to review? Well... It would be nice. :)

If you like this story... fave, please? That is, if you haven't already. And if you like it. It's not like I can _make _you favorite it, but it would be heavily appreciated. It would raise the chance of other people reading this and telling me how I'm doing. Recommend it to others, if you feel like it!

Once again, thanks for reading! Not bad for my first try, I think.

Until next time,

RamaLlama


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